The Mr. McNabb Era Ends

It’s official: Mr. McNabb is moving out next door this weekend.

Yesterday, I was hearing a lot of loud noises from across the hall and when I was leaving, Mr. McNabb’s door was wide open and a bunch of people were in there laughing and moving stuff. There was a U-Haul out front and it turns out that Mr. McNabb is leaving the complex.

So, Mr. McNabb, this is for you:

I remember when I first saw you
Your bald head and mustache
How you couldn’t pay your rent
Because you didn’t have the cash
And oh, each court summons
That was taped upon your door
I read them every time
It was just too much to ignore
You were the umpire behind home plate
For a youth league in Mosley Field
It was all fun and games
Until a ball hit your windshield
There was that time I startled you
When I missed a step and fell
Those times you stood at the window
And kept staring at Michelle
You harassed the delivery guy
Who was dropping of my new TV
Kept me from going to work
With stories about AT&T
You walked around half naked
With your purple moon tattoo
Wind blowing those chimes
That annoyed everyone but you
I’m sad to see you go
Because of how much you meant
But at least maybe the complex
Will get someone who’ll pay the rent

Oh, the places you will go, Mr. McNabb…The places you will go.

A Quixotic Quest

I’m still going through the plans with San Francisco and I still don’t see how I can fit everything in. The places that are looking questionable right now: The Legion of Honor art museum, Alta Plaza, Fort Mason, Marina Green, the Haas-Lillenthal House, St. Mary’s Cathedral and City Hall. Of course, the zoo’s already been kicked out.

I can’t figure out how to fit in the tour of AT&T Park and Queen Wilhelmina Tulip Garden, the latter has a big Dutch Windmill. I’ve never seen a windmill like that before. But it’s not close to anything and it’s really out of the way. But I hafta to see it, right? I mean, you can’t just ignore a giant windmill. I feel a little like Don Quixote in that I just have to get to that damn windmill!

I would love to tour the city in a sea plane but that’s going to take 2-3 hours out of a day. I hafta go to a meeting place, where I’m driven up over the Golden Gate Bridge to an airport. We’d fly around for a while and I’d hafta be driven back to the meeting place. And what I’m really scared of is that the plane’s windows will be dirty and I won’t be able to get clear pictures. If they came out, I’m sure they’d be great but I don’t have a good track record on shooting from the sky like that.

The movie tour (which takes you around the city looking at where famous movies were shot) is also looking unlikely. I was under the crazy impression originally that I could fit the Wharf, Golden Gate Park, downtown into two days, leaving Sunday wide open to finish up what wasn’t done and to tour AT&T Park. That’s just not possible.

I’m going to spend some time today working on it and a lot of time on Wednesday. The goal still is to get all the plans in place by March 9th, which is next Monday, giving me just about a week to get this completed. That week, I’ll make all the necessary reservations and start putting together a guidebook to take with me, plan what to take and everything.

The Weather Outside is Weather

Supposedly it's going to snow Sunday and WSBTV is reporting that it could be up to 4 inches in the Metro Atlanta area. For those who are worried, please let me assure you...THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN.

I concede that there might be snow flurries but it will not accumulate. Period. It's 61 degrees right now. Tomorrow is expected to be in high 30s. The ground is going to be too warm for it to add up to 4 inches in the Metro Area. Maybe up in North Georgia but not down here.

Again, I promise you, it will not accumulate. If we get four inches where I live, I will chop off my right arm.

Brooking Signs with the Cowboys

Former Atlanta Falcon linebacker Keith Brooking signed with the Dallas Cowboys today, which reunites him with Wade Phillips. Phillips was a former defensive coordinator for the Falcons and briefly served as coach after Dan Reeves was fired.

Brooking released a statement to the AJC that said he was sad to be leaving. "The Atlanta area is my home. It will always be my home. Although, I will play for the Cowboys for the next few years, I will always be a Falcon at heart.”

San Fran Plans Continue & Brooking Gone

I’m still plowing ahead with the plans for San Francisco. I’m looking at the pieces and it doesn’t seem to fit together. I’ve already decided I can’t go to the zoo there. It’s too far from the heart of the city and there’s nothing else notable around it. Plus, it doesn’t look like there’s anything super special about this zoo.

I’ve completed the list of stuff that I’d like to see. Right now, it’s about putting them in order, finding out how much ground I can cover per day and then organizing each day. At least two or three things might need to be scratched from the plans. The one thing I don’t want to do is spend that time running from place to place.

Under the current plan, I can’t figure out when to see the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s out of the way and I don’t know how to fit it in right now. Obviously stuff has to be moved around to get that into the plans.

I wish I had an extra day there. Because Monday is a total travel day and Thursday is pretty close to a travel day, I have just three days to fit everything in. The Golden Gate Park area (not where the bridge is, mind you) takes up an entire day. The Wharf area is going to take up a full day and the downtown area takes up a day. I’m not sure what to move to make this work out.

A Look Back at Oscar

My Oscar picks were almost dead on from the last blog entry. ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ cleaned up and Mickey Rourke didn’t win Best Actor for his part in ‘The Wrestler.’

I predicted each award correctly except for Cinematography and Sound Mixing (I thought ‘Dark Knight’ for both but ‘Slumdog won each) and Best Foreign Film (I picked ‘Waltz with Bashir’ and ‘Departure’ won). But that’s not bad. To go 21 for 24 is pretty darn good.

Slight question though: How can ‘Dark Knight’ win Sound Editing but lose Sound Mixing? How’s that work exactly?

In the end, it was a disappointing event because the two best movies weren’t even nominated for Best Picture (‘The Dark Knight’ and ‘The Wrestler’) and a movie that is entirely overrated, swept everything (‘Slumdog’). Oh well…

Speaking of Predictions

I’m a little freaked out this morning because I just finished watching ‘Doomsday: 2012’ on the History Channel and it was all about how a bunch of predictions show 2012 to be the last year ever. The target date is 12-21-2012. My first thought…Aw…Billy won’t get to have his birthday that year. Second thought…that’s not that far away.

Then I went on to one of those web sites and it listed a group of celebrity ‘believers’ in this stuff. It listed Lil Wayne, Janeane Garofalo, Mel Gibson, Joe Rogan and former Phillies catcher Darren Daulton.

When I saw who believed in this, I calmed down a little. I mean, Darren Daulton? Dude’s nuts. Check out an old interview he gave to Sports Illustrated or his own website. He thinks he’s traveled in time.

Here’s why I know the world doesn’t end in 2012…Marty and Doc went to 2015 and if the world didn’t exist, how did Old Biff take the Sports Almanac back to Young Biff in 1955. Answer me that, Darren Daulton.

The Brooking Era Ends?

Earlier this week, we learned that Safety Lawyer Milloy would not be coming back to the Falcons next year and today, Keith Brooking has become a free agent. While it’s possible that he could resign with Atlanta, that seems to be very unlikely.

He was the last member of the 1998 Super Bowl team for the Falcons. It’s tremendously sad to see him go. In an email to the AJC, Brooking wrote, “There will always be a huge place in my heart for the Falcons and the city of Atlanta regardless of what my future holds.”

Final Thoughts

Headline: 'Slumdog Actor Beaten.' Finally, someone else who didn't like that movie.

I don’t feel comfortable around kids and I never have. Even when I was one, I still didn’t feel comfortable around them.

Planning Continues, Oscar Picks & I Dream of Culkin

I got a lot of planning done on the San Francisco trip yesterday. I’ve gone through all the web sites that I marked as favorites and moved a lot of the information over to a Word Document. I pretty much have the list of stuff I’d like to do nailed down. It’s about getting everything to fit together in a three day span.

My first day is just going to be a travel day pretty much. I bought tickets to the Giants/Brewers game. But that will be it. My fifth day is a travel day back to Atlanta. So everything else needs to fit in those three days and it looks like that’s going to be a touch fit.

I went to Barnes & Noble and bought a map and a book (after looking at every book on the subject) and I’m at least starting to see how the city fits together and how this trip needs to be planned. I’m starting to get more excited about it now. I went to bed last night and I couldn’t sleep because I kept picturing maps of the city.

Macaulay of My Dreams

I had the most bizarre dream I’ve had in a while. I was in San Francisco and I was going to a movie. They had several different Butterfinger products at the concession area and I asked if they had Butterfinger BBs, which I haven’t seen in a while. So the guy who’s behind the counter says that they only have what’s out in view. But the crazy thing is that the guy who says this is Mike Schwartz, a writer for Scrubs who has a recurring role on the show as a death metal listening, air-drumming delivery guy named Lloyd.

I ordered a Butterfinger Star (which to my knowledge isn’t real but probably should be) and the guy that completes the order is Macaulay Culkin. He takes the Butterfinger Star out of the wrapper and places it in a napkin and as he’s handing it to me, he drops it. He picks it back up and tries to make me take it. I told him I didn’t want it if it fell on the ground but he insisted that it had been less than 5 seconds and that he knew the floors were clean since he’d just cleaned them a couple hours earlier.

I asked for the manager and she ordered Macaulay to get me another one, which he did but in full view of the manager, he spit on it several times. The manager looked at me and said, “Well, you had to kind of expect that to happen, didn’t you?” She walked away and then the lights went out. I took off running toward the theater where my movie was playing and Macaulay jumped over the counter and started running after me, eventually tackling me before I could get to the theater.

And that’s when I woke up.

Slumdog Review

After sitting in Barnes & Noble for 40 minutes trying to decide on what San Francisco book to go with, I went to the movies and saw ‘Slumdog Millionaire,’ which I had nearly seen a few times…and I think I might’ve enjoyed it more if I’d seen it earlier.

When it was a small movie that was just playing in one theater in the area, I don’t think I would’ve been as nitpicky as I was. Instead, it got nominated for Best Picture and I watched it more critically. It wasn’t bad but it was a little over-hyped. Maybe more than just a little.

I found the most compelling scenes to be the game show sequences and I tend to find game shows compelling…that’s why I watched ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’ back when it first came out. The movie mainly just made me want to watch the Game Show Network.

I didn’t find any of the performances to be all that interesting (especially the adult actors in the back story who were largely caricatures) and while the story-telling device was not ordinary, it wasn’t entirely unique either. Quite honestly, the device wore thin after a while. I also think the gimmick robbed the film of the suspense that could've developed without it. That's kind of the problem with flashbacks, expecially a movie that relies on them as heavily as this one does.

There’s little complexity to the story in that you know how everyone’s going to react to everything within the first act. That means there are virtually no surprises in this film and the ending is predictable.

Oh, and what was with the song and dance ending? I was walking out of the theater after I thought it was over and there was this crazy little dancing sequence. No movie nominated for Best Picture should have a dance sequence ending like that. It was crazy.
I’d heard this movie described as exhilarating and uplifting and I left the theater neither exhilarated nor uplifted. It was okay. Certainly not the best movie of the year.

2.5 out of 4

Oscar Alert

So the Academy Awards are on Sunday and while I haven’t seen all the films, I still feel more than qualified to offer my opinion on who should win and who will win.

For Best Actor:

I saw Frank Langella in ‘Frost/Nixon,’ Sean Penn in ‘Milk,’ Brad Pitt in ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ and Mickey Rourke in ‘The Wrestler.’ I didn’t see Richard Jenkins in ‘The Vistor’

I don’t think there was a more emotionally packed performance than Mickey Rourke. It was subtle and complex and deeply affecting. No question that he should win.

However, I tend to think that Sean Penn will win for his portrayal of Harvey Milk. I wouldn’t be horribly upset if that happened. It was a very good performance and within 10 minutes, I got past that it was Sean Penn playing someone else. Largely for political reasons (with Prop 8 in California), I think Penn will win Best Actor.

For Best Supporting Actor:

I saw Josh Brolin in ‘Milk,’ Robert Downey Jr. in ‘Tropic Thunder’ Philip Seymour Hoffman in ‘Doubt’ and Heath Ledger in ‘The Dark Knight.’ I didn’t see Michael Shannon in ‘Revolutionary Road.’

I love that Robert Downey Jr. got nominated for a comedy. He was what made that movie work to the degree that it did. I’m not sure how Philip Seymour Hoffman was nominated for Supporting Actor when he seemed to be the male lead in ‘Doubt.’ It’s strange that he was in almost every scene and Viola Davis was in one scene and both were nominated as Supporting Actor/Actress. And I heard that Michael Shannon was only in one or two scenes in ‘Revolutionary Road.’

Heath Ledger embodied a new portrayal of the Joker, a character that has been played so many times, and yet Ledger made it his. I completely got past who was playing the Joker and just focused on the character as independent from the actor. I think he deserves to win and I think he will win.

For Best Actress:

I saw Anne Hathaway in ‘Rachel Getting Married’ and Meryl Streep in ‘Doubt.’ I didn’t see Angelina Jolie in ‘Changeling,’ Melissa Leo in ‘Frozen River’ and Kate Winslet in ‘The Reader.’

I don’t have much of an opinion in this category. Streep was better than Hathaway but I don’t think either will win and I’m not sure either deserves to win.

I expect to see Kate Winslet win her first Oscar in six nominations…largely because she hasn’t won one yet.

For Best Supporting Actress:

I saw Amy Adams and Viola Davis in ‘Doubt,’ Taraji P. Henson in ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ and Marissa Tomei in ‘The Wrestler.’ I didn’t see Penelope Cruz in ‘Vicky Cristina Barcelona.’

You hafta think that Amy Adams and Viola Davis cancel each other out for appearing in the same movie. I still have a problem with an actress appearing in one scene and being nominated. Jay Leno told Viola Davis when she was on his show that even though she was on screen for nine minutes, it felt like she was on screen for the whole movie. He was stunned that it was just nine minutes. No, for me, it felt like it was nine minutes...maybe eight.

The second time I saw ‘The Wrestler,’ I focused less on Mickey Rourke’s character and more on Marissa Tomei. There was so much going on with her and the movie didn’t focus too much on it. Tomei was able to convey something deeper and that’s a credit to her. Without question she should win this (though I would’ve put her in Best Actress). I don’t expect that she will win though since she won an Oscar for ‘My Cousin Vinny’ in a turn that I don’t think deserved even a nomination. There’s even a widely circulated, though apparently false, rumor that says the award was supposed to go to someone else but that Jack Palance incorrectly announced Tomei as the winner instead.

I have a weird feeling that Viola Davis might win this but I’m going to pick Penelope Cruz instead.

For Best Director:

I saw ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,’ ‘Frost/Nixon,’ ‘Milk’ and ‘Slumdog Millionaire.’ I didn’t see ‘The Reader.’

Throwing out there that ‘The Dark Knight’ and ‘The Wrestler’ should’ve been considered in this category as well as in Best Picture, I think that David Fincher should win for ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.’ It’s a technical achievement and he handles the movie greatly, never letting the special effects overwhelm the story.

I think ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will win Best Director for Danny Boyle. The first part of the movie was directed well but it just went on too much with a gimmicky device that wears thin. He had the same problem in ‘Trainspotting’ and ‘A Life Less Ordinary.’

For Best Picture:

I saw ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,’ ‘Frost/Nixon,’ ‘Milk’ and ‘Slumdog Millionaire.’ I didn’t see ‘The Reader.’

I don’t think any of these movies deserve to win. My first pick would be ‘The Wrestler.’ Second pick would be ‘The Dark Knight.’ Since those weren’t nominated, I’ll go with ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,’ a movie that I liked more when I got out of the theater and less the more I think about it.

I think ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will win because apparently a lot of other people were exhilarated and uplifted by this movie.

Quickly, the other categories:

Best Animated Film: ‘Wall-E’ should and will win.
Art Direction: ‘The Dark Knight’ should win but ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ will win
Cinematography: ‘The Dark Knight’ should win and I think it might actually win
Costume Design: ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ should win, ‘The Duchess’ will win
Documentary Feature: ‘Man on Wire’ should and will win
Documentary Short: ‘Smile Pinki’ will win
Film Editing: ‘The Dark Knight’ should win but ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will win
Foreign Language Film: ‘Waltz with Bahir’ will win
Makeup: ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ should and will win
Music (Score): ‘Wall-E’ should win and I think it actually might, though ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will probably win this one too
Music (Song): ‘Jai Ho’ in ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will win but there are only three nominees here. Why the hell isn’t ‘The Wrestler’ by Bruce Springsteen not nominated. Of all the snubs, that’s the worst one. That’s without question the best movie song of the year.
Short Film (Animated): ‘La Maison en Petits Cubes’ will win
Short Film (Live Action): ‘Spielzeugland’ will win
Sound Editing: ‘The Dark Knight’ should and will win
Sound Mixing: ‘The Dark Knight’ should and will win
Visual Effects: ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ should and will win
Writing (Adapted Screenplay): ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ should win but I think ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will win
Writing (Original Screenplay): ‘Wall-E’ should win but ‘Milk’ will win

It'll be interesting to see who wins, though not interesting enough to actually watch it on Sunday.

The Off-Season of Discontent Continues

So Ken Griffey Jr. didn’t sign with the Braves despite several media reports saying the deal was going to happen. In fact, the headline on AJC.com was, ‘Griffey signs with the Braves.’ AJC’s Dave O’Brien, in his blog, invited readers to shoot him if he wasn’t a Brave by the end of Wednesday. No word on whether a reader took him up on his offer or not.

You know, it wasn’t even like I originally wanted Griffey to sign. It isn’t the point really. It’s like this: Mike Hampton was with the Braves for six years (that’s right Brave’s fans, it was six years) and played in just 85 games. In two seasons, he didn’t through a single pitch. I didn’t want him to come back. But then we offered him a contract and he rejected it to sign with the Astros. All the sudden, I was mad. ‘How dare he reject us! We should be rejecting him!’

Jake Peavy was thought to be coming to Atlanta and I was excited and then it didn’t happen. Later he told friends that even if he’d been traded, he wasn’t sure he’d waive his no trade clause to play for the Braves.

Then AJ Burnett was expected to sign with the Braves and I really didn’t want him to sign and he went with the Yankees instead. Again, the Braves were rejected again.

And the craziest one was former Brave Rafael Furcal, who apparently had a ‘gentleman’s agreement’ that he was going to sign with the Braves before he bolted back to the Dodgers. It’s not that I really wanted him to sign but once it looked like he was coming back here, I was disappointed when he bailed.

Obviously there’s the John Smoltz situation. I expected him to be back with the team if he could pitch and he signed with Boston. I understand why he did it but I’m just frustrated about it.

Finally, there’s Ken Griffey Jr. I didn’t initially want the team to sign him but I started thinking positively about it once it appeared that it was going to happen. After all, he contacted Atlanta about wanting to be a Brave, not the other way around. Chipper Jones seemed positive it was going to happen, though he noted that he wouldn’t believe it unless is ass was in the clubhouse. Alas, his ass never arrived.

This offseason has really sucked.

Final Thoughts

I don’t know why people think babies are so cute. They’ve been sent to Earth to replace us and I think they know that on some level. That’s why I think babies are creepy.

I saw a truck for a company called Accurate Forklift. What a weird name? Is inaccuracy a major issue in the forklift industry. ‘Hey, Manny, you picked up the wrong box again with your forklift! Try to be more accurate!’

Hey, I saw an Aaron’s truck on Thursday. Just wanted to share that.

On the drive in on Wednesday, I saw an old red VW Beetle. Now’s probably the best time to apologize to Paulette for punching her in the arm and yelling, ‘Punch buggy red!’

A guy was caught going 137 miles in a ’93 Civic. That’s impressive. I couldn’t get my Accord to go faster than 110.

I saw a sign that read, ‘Keep the sugar and cream closed unless you like little critters in your coffee.’ Well, as a matter of fact, I do love critters in my coffee. It makes it crunchier.

NBA All-Star Weekend and Other Stuff

I’m really tired this morning and I’d like to go back to bed. I got up at 9am, which is better than 10:30 but then I just sat around and didn’t do anything. I don’t have a whole lot to say today but here are a few thoughts.

NBA All-Star Weekend

I don’t like basketball but I do like the events surrounding the All-Star game and I always try to make sure to watch it (except for the game itself, which is too much like real basketball).

I was really looking forward to the NBA’s HORSE game this past weekend and I was very disappointed. I thought they’d be hitting all sorts of trick shots and they really weren’t. The announcers were TERRIBLE. They kept repeating the same thing over and over again. If you say something five times in a row, it doesn’t become true, or clever for that matter.

I wonder if Skills Competition and 3 Point Contest would be better if the announcers didn’t talk during the minute the player was performing. The announcers would pronounce a competitor done after two racks in the 3 Point Contest, he’d do well on the next two and the announcers would declare him the winner. And they kept doing that all night in each event. It was really annoying.

It didn’t help that the 3 Point Contest was especially lame this year. No one broke 20 points and for a little bit, it looked like 14 points was going to be enough to win in the final round.

The dunk competition, which has experienced a mini-renaissance in the last couple years, was okay. A couple suggestions: there was a time when players had two attempts and that was it. Allowing players two minutes to miss dunk and after dunk (and then providing them two attempts if they ran out of time because they missed so many), weakens the game. I understand the goal is to get players to try riskier dunks but when they finally make the dunk on ninth try, it’s kinda anti-climactic.

Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day went really well. My girlfriend was okay with getting a medium card and liked the gift and everything. And of course in her card, she wrote something really sweet and thoughtful.

We went to an Italian restaurant not too far from where I used to live in Cobb County. I was able to finish my meal but she wasn’t, which meant I totally won at dinner.

My Lying Shampoo

I just noticed that ‘YOU’RE THE BEST’ is written on the top of a bottle of Pert Plus. How weird’s that? I suppose it’s printed on every bottle, so everybody who buys it is ‘the best.’ Not everyone can be the best. I know I’m not the worst, but I don’t appreciate my shampoo lying to me and saying I’m the best. ‘You’re decent’ or ‘You’re okay’ will be fine.

On the back of the bottle, it gets worse. ‘Wow. That’s some great looking hair you have.’ My shampoo is such a liar. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust it again.

Also, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen the word ‘wow’ as a standalone sentence that didn’t end in an exclamation mark. I think it’s because the bottle knows it’s lying and can’t even get enthusiastic about the lie it’s telling.

Final Thoughts

Hey, media, is it maybe possible to not print the stories about people who missed a flight that ended up crashing? I mean, the stories don’t add anything to the actual event and it’s like kicking sand at the families who lost someone in the crash. I always feel uncomfortable when I see those stories. Maybe they can print them (if they feel they must print the stories at all) a few days after the crash, not the next day. Maybe?

I’m getting ‘How to Lose Friends and Alienate People’ sent to me tomorrow by Netflix, which thinks I’m going to hate it. Netflix predicts a one-star rating for the movie. I have a joke about the title but instead…moving on…

I had that Hungry Man country fried steak that intrigued Chunk Squirrel so much and I got sick. I think I’m going back to Wal-mart and tell him they’re great.

I was thinking about the reason I speed when I drive and I think maybe it’s because when cars pass me, it feels like I’m losing.

Is John Smoltz really going to keep insulting the Braves all season long or will it be just through Spring Training?

I really wanted Ken Griffey Jr. to play for the Braves…about 10 years ago.

Charter Going Bankrupt and Other Stuff

Charter is declaring bankruptcy on April 1st. Wouldn’t it be kinda funny if they were in court on April 1st to declare bankruptcy and then all the sudden they said, “April Fools! We have buncha cash! Boo-yah, baby! Boo-yah, indeed!” and then they strutted out of the court room.

I like that toward the end of the article, it says, “It also had a poor customer service reputation that it has had to work hard to overcome.” I just think that’s funny. Every company, no matter how good it is, has some people who’ve had horror stories about something that happened with that company. But with Charter, it’s so bad that it IS the company’s reputation.

The Better Business Bureau actually posted this on their site about Charter:

“The Better Business Bureau has received numerous complaints regarding this cable, digital TV, and high speed internet access provider. Complainants primarily allege that the firm had improper billing practices, referred customer bills to collection agencies in error, provided poor customer service, used misleading advertising, provided defective internet or cable performance, used improper sales tactics or misrepresented the actual costs of installation and service, failed to properly install or maintain service, damaged customers' property, and failed to honor service appointments.”

I can attest to the failure to honor service appointments. They were supposed to come out and install a router (because they wouldn’t let me pick it up from their store and install it myself). I sat at home all day waiting for them to show up. I called at 3pm to see what was going on and was told they were still on their way and that they were running late. I called at 4 and was told they’d been by at 1pm and I didn’t answer my door. I was there at 1pm and my couch is right next to the door. No one knocked on my door and why exactly was I not told at 3 that they’d already been there? The rep didn’t know and said that my door had been ‘tagged.’ What, does Charter play It with doors? Is my door supposed to tag something else? ‘Tagged’ means that a note was left behind. There was no note anywhere. The rep asked me to check the doors of other apartments to see if they’d been ‘tagged.’ I checked around and there was no note anywhere.

The crazy thing was, I was told that a) they wouldn’t be out there until the next day and b) that I’d be charged $30 for ‘not being home’ when they came by. How’s that for a racket? They can not show up and then charge you $30. Comcast didn’t show up a couple of times when I had them but they didn’t charge me $30 each time. I spoke with a supervisor at Charter who waived the $30 charge and I cancelled the appointment and just bought a router, which is infinitely cheaper anyway.

I’ve had several other issues with them as well. And currently, my HD channels aren’t working right. Half of them are either not coming in at all or have no sound. I’ve stopped complaining about this anymore. Charter has never been able to fix it before and I simply waste my time calling. They never give discounts on that kinda thing and it happens once every couple of weeks. I almost get used to it.

Once when I did complain about it, the rep explained that there was nothing wrong and that it would come back on its own. Then she tried to sell me an upgraded package. I asked ‘Would these new channels be ones I could actually watch or would they be out too?’ She said she didn’t know.

She’s better than the one that started screaming at me or the one who asked me to upgrade and cancel it later so that he could at least get credit for the sale.

And are their prices high? Well, I mean, that’s relative. They’re in line with what I would expect from a cable company. No matter what you go with, you’re going to have channels you don’t watch and wouldn’t want to pay for. You’re going to have fees that don’t make a lot of sense. Most likely you’re going to have subpar service.

The most you can ask for is a company that provides consistent cable, you know, one that doesn’t keep having channels go out and one that when there is a problem, they can fix it. Charter can’t do that. And going into bankruptcy won’t change that.

Valentine’s Day Update

My girlfriend is excited about Saturday. I’m a little nervous because I’m not sure that she understands that the card I got her is medium. I mean, she knows that but I don’t think she understands my definition of medium. Hopefully she’ll still be excited after opening the card and seeing what I got her.

So I went by the florist to buy her flowers and I went to the same place I went last time. Last time, they weren’t convinced I was getting the right type of flowers, at one point asking me, ‘The flowers are for a woman, right?’ I thought the flowers I picked out last time were nice.

This time, I explained what I wanted and she suggested a lily instead. I reiterated what I was looking for and she again pointed at a flower and said, ‘Lily.’ I agreed that she was pointing at a lily but that I wanted something else and described it again. She said they didn’t have what I was describing but that women really like lilies. Uh, yes, lilies are lovely flowers but no. It wasn’t like I was requesting robot flowers, though if that was real, robot flowers would totally kick ass.

They didn’t have much to choose from, just like last time and I went with the closest thing to what I was trying to describe. At the checkout, she kept trying to get me to buy chocolate or a stuffed animal and I said that I already had everything else. She said that women like chocolates and that if I spent $35, I’d get a free balloon. I didn’t really want a balloon though. I was okay with the flowers I was getting. She said that I could pick out one of those small cards you put with flowers for free. I picked out one and she said that I needed to write something on the card because women don’t like be given a blank card. Which I guess makes sense. I’ve been giving everyone blank cards my whole life and now I understand that’s where I was going wrong.

I didn’t want to fill out the card there though but the cashier kept insisting that I needed to do it before I got to the car. It was weird. She told me that I had to make sure to put it in the envelope because that's what makes it special. Hmm, write messages on cards and place cards in envelopes...This explains so much now.

As I was leaving, she called me back and said that she was going to give me a free balloon anyway because I had a sad face and that she thought the balloon would make me happy. I thought it’d be one of those shiny balloons, which may have made me happy but it was one of those regular balloons, and those don’t make me all that happy.

Single Ladies Update

Yesterday, I had Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ stuck in my head. This song is insanely re-tupid. It’s like someone had the line, ‘If you liked it, you shoulda put a ring on it’ and nothing else. So that’s all the song is, repeating that line over and over again followed by a set of call outs and a few Oh-Ohs that remind me of the Hm-hms that the Dave Clark 5 sang 40 years ago. Does anyone remember the DC5?

‘Single Ladies’ is an incredibly catchy song, though it’s mainly repetition and a wall of noise. I finally got it out of my head, only to hear it on the radio again on the way to the florist. Now it’s back in there again.

San Francisco Update

I’ve run into a bit of a roadblock with the San Francisco trip. It’s minor and it’s still a ways out so I can get past it. I don’t feel any sense of urgency with this trip. I don’t see how the pieces fit together and I’m not altogether motivated to try to figure it out either. I collected a bunch of resources to go through and when I get the chance, I’ll go through them and narrow down the list of things I want to do. I just would like to feel a little bit more urgency about it.

Before I Forget

Next to the florist, there was a gym that said it catered to ‘unique physiques.’ What the hell does that mean? I’m picturing Greg Valentino. He’s pretty unique. Does he train there? A two-headed man is unique, can he train there? It said that you could only enter by appointment but that consultations are free. How can I get my free consultation if I can only enter by appointment? I’d hafta call them and I don’t think I’d want to do that. It sounds too much like a country club and that’s why I’ve never joined one…that and the whole money thing.

I Hung Up on a Guy With HIV

I just got a call from Magic Johnson. He wanted me to know about Jackson-Hewitt. Apparently he likes them…or he gets paid by them to say he likes them. And if I got paid by Jackson-Hewitt, I’d like them too. But Jackson-Hewitt doesn’t pay me and I feel largely indifferent toward them.

As for HIV, did you hear that story about Roberto Alomar supposedly having AIDS? Isn't that crazy? I know!

Speaking of Taxes

I did my taxes the other day and the refund from federal taxes is MUCH smaller than last year and smaller than what I expected (and I expected it to be a little less than last year). What’s worse, I actually owe state taxes. I’d expected for the tax refund to cover the trip and not only will it not cover the whole thing, it’ll cover less than a third of the trip. I’m not sure I would’ve picked San Francisco had I known what the tax results would’ve been. Or maybe I would have. I don’t know.

Last Thing

I got out of bed before 8:30 today. How sad is it that I’m actually happy I got out of bed so early. The other day, I didn’t get out of bed until 10:30, so it’s an improvement.

Today’s Friday the 13th. Did you know that next month the 13th will also fall on a Friday. November also has a Friday the 13th. I think that might mean this year is cursed. I don’t know though. I’ll have to check with my Witch Doctor and find out.

I’m going to go now and get something to eat.

New Post and an Upcoming Vacation

So I’ve decided that I’m going to try to keep up this blog for the next two months. I don’t know if I can keep it up much longer than that. But here’s the thing: I’m planning a trip to San Francisco and I’d like to chronicle the planning of it. I did this for my Denver trip a couple years ago and it was kinda interesting to read it later. I’m especially thankful to have the description of the trip so that in case I forget things, you know, it’s around somewhere that I can read it later.

Now should I be writing this right now? Probably not. I still have planning to do, taxes to prepare and Netflix movies to watch. I mean, I have important stuff to do. But I choose to waste time instead.

As for the trip, I’m going to San Francisco. I just told you that though. Well, this isn’t starting off well at all. I’m gonna go to the bathroom and maybe I’ll do better when I come back.

Don’t go anywhere.

Okay I’m back.

Why did I pick San Francisco? Well, because I’ve never been to California. I love bridges. And I can only go to places that have baseball stadiums to tour. So, San Francisco just makes sense, right?

When am I going? I’m going in April. You see, I was already scheduled to have Good Friday off and I figured I could use one or two vacation days padded around the Easter weekend to go on a trip.

I was thinking about going to Pittsburgh or someplace in New England but I’ve always wanted to go to San Francisco and I didn’t go anywhere last year, so instead of doing something smaller, I thought I should go to a place I’ve wanted to go for a long time. San Francisco.

On Sunday, I was messing around on the Internet, and I decided to see what kinda deals were available to San Francisco. They had a deal that if you picked a certain hotel and added an extra day, you could get round trip tickets and 5 days/4 nights in a hotel (taxes/fees included) for $418. So I figured…forget it. I’d have to use two vacation days and with the way money is, should I really be going anywhere?

Then I woke up Monday and thought, “Why haven’t I already done this?” I’ve never been there before. I love travelling and taking pictures and it would be a great thing to look forward to. So I booked the trip. I had exactly two months to the day to plan everything and planning is the best part of any trip.

So far, very little has been nailed down. I bought a pass that includes tickets to the Academy of the Sciences, Blue & Gold Fleet Bay Cruise, the Aquarium of the Bay and the Museum of Modern Art.

The Mint is right behind the hotel, which is across the street from Metreon. The other things that I’d like to do: visit Alcatraz, a double-decker bus tour, see the Giants’ stadium and maybe see the Giants play the Brewers. The first day will mainly be a travel day and the last day will only be a travel day, so I have three days to really play with. I’m cautiously excited right now. I’m certainly looking forward to it.

What I’m most nervous about right now is that I won’t be renting a car, instead I’ll be relying on public transportation and it seems kinda complicated. But I can’t wait to start taking pictures and I really hope to get a few great shots of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Mainly what this space will be dedicated to is the planning for the trip, as well as other little stories from the time period leading up to April 9th.

My Wal-Mart Story

I went to Wal-Mart today. Does this mean that I’ve sold my soul? In a word…probably. Although, can you really sell your soul more than once?

I went to Wal-Mart because I was going to go to Target, which is two exits down 75 South and I got cut off before I could get in that lane and rather than doing a U-turn, I just went to the Wal-Mart just past the 75 ramp. Have I mentioned that I’m lazy?

Freezer Bag Lady

I hadn’t made a list or anything. I just was going to pick up toilet paper, Bounty and a Valentine’s Day card…and maybe some cheese slices…maybe. While I was in the toilet paper aisle, this tiny, old woman was struggling to get Ziploc bags from a high shelf and, feeling kinda bad for her, I helped get the box for her. Good deed done, right? Then she asked me my opinion about whether the regular quart storage bags were as good as the freezer bags.

Now, I just was trying to help someone get a hard to reach box, this doesn’t qualify me as a Ziploc expert (though thinking back on it, I wish I’d got a box of sandwich bags…anyway). Motivated mainly by the desire to not seem like an asshole, I studied both boxes and said that the freezer bags appeared to be made a little heavier and I asked if she was planning on using these bags in the freezer. She said she wasn’t but pointed out that the freezer bags were cheaper. And in fact they were…there were also fewer bags in the box, so the regular bags were cheaper per bag. She replied that she buys them by the box and decided to go with the freezer bags.

So I took back her regular Ziploc bag, placing it back on the top shelf and gave her the ‘cheaper’ freezer bags. And then I spent the rest of the time at Wal-Mart trying to avoid freezer bag lady. I saw her two more times in aisles I needed to go down and both times, I went to another aisle instead.

Valentine's Day Cards

I got the items I needed, plus a couple I didn’t really need and went to pick out a card for my girlfriend because apparently on Valentine’s Day, you have to buy cards for people…and pets. You see, I understand getting cards for your girlfriend or boyfriend but the card selection was weird. Am I supposed to actually be getting a Valentine’s Day card for my grandmother? My uncle? I thought Valentine’s Day was a one card day and judging by the selection, I’m supposed to be getting cards for everyone. Either that or I’d stepped into a West Virginia Wal-Mart, where your grandmother just might be your sister and your wife.

The craziest thing was that they had cards for your dogs and cats. Seriously?! Do people really give their pets Valentine’s Day cards? And if so, why weren’t there any cards for fish? Are fish not evolved enough to understand why they’re being given a card? Then there were cards from your cat or your dog. Since Wal-Mart doesn’t allow pets in their store, how are the animals supposed to buy the card? I mean, seeing eye dogs are allowed in, so they could pick out a card but then the blind owner wouldn’t be able to read it, so that doesn’t seem right.

No, instead, you’d have to buy your pet a card and then a card to you from your pet and that’s just kinda sad. I’m picturing one of those cat ladies, alone in her home, having just gotten back from Wal-Mart with two cards, one for Foo-foo and one for herself supposedly from Foo-foo.

There were a lot of cards to choose from but not a lot of them were funny. I understand that some people like serious cards and that’s okay. I like funny cards. But it seemed that a disproportionate number of funny cards were based on fart jokes. Cupid farting. The guy farting. The girl farting. Not my idea of funny but that’s just me. I mean, maybe for some people love is spelled g-a-s. I don’t know.

I started thinking though that maybe instead of picking a card that I’d like, maybe I should try to pick a card that she’d like instead. But see, it seems a lot of serious cards have doilies and I have just one rule about card buying…No doilies. So I went with a card that wasn’t exactly funny but wasn’t totally serious. It was medium.

And I’m sure she’s picked out something really sweet that says something really nice and thoughtful. But me…I went with medium.

In the end, it’s about what you write in the card, right? I mean, if I write something sweet, that’s gotta count for something. And the little gift that I got along with it is cute. We’re going to a restaurant she likes. But the card itself, it’s medium.

So now I’m regretting the card I got. But here’s the thing…I bet the guy that bought the fart card for his girlfriend feels good about himself. He feels that he got a good card. “Look, honey! It’s funny because cupid farted! Remember that time when we were at that place and I farted? Me and cupid are just alike.” And in some weird way, it worked out for him. Or maybe it didn’t, I don’t know. Who cares?

The Speed of Wal-Mart

You know the strangest thing about Wal-Mart though? I nearly got hit twice in the parking lot. The cars there are driving so fast up and down the lanes that it’s like a mini-race track. Then inside, everyone moves in slow motion. It’s like a John Woo movie in there without the guns and doves. Why do they move so fast outside and so slow inside? It’s odd.

The Check-out: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Chunky Squirrel

I was checking out and I got in the lane with just one person ahead of me and she didn’t have that much stuff, so I’m almost out of the store, right? No. Because you see, my cashier acted like he was a commentator on what the customer was buying. He opened each Valentine’s Day card the woman in front of me had purchased, and she bought six cards. I can only assume she has lots of pets or is a polygamist. (Actually you don’t hear of a woman with six husbands, it’s a guy with six wives. Do the wives in those families have to get each other Valentine’s Day cards? Nevermind.)

And the cashier gave the cards rave reviews. He loved them all. Apparently, they weren’t medium. What was weird is that the woman appeared to find the cashier charming. She was laughing and everything. Maybe when you get above the age of 60, things like that are funny. Or maybe it was that he was interested and that the interest was appealing. It wasn’t because he was good looking because he looked like a chunky squirrel.

When it was my turn to be judged, he opened the card, read it and simply placed it in the bag. Chunky Squirrel guy didn’t like my medium card and I understood that. I’m not sure I like it anymore either. But I didn’t need Chunky Squirrel’s judgment, I think I needed his assistance. He probably could’ve picked out the greatest card in the world. Or maybe he would’ve just pointed me toward the fart cards.

He did however like the Hungry Man selection I picked. Those met with his approval. He was quite enthusiastic about the meatball sandwich. ‘I’ve never seen these before. These must be new.’ He asked me if I’d had them before, which I hadn’t. He encouraged me to let him know how they were.

First thought says that I wouldn’t do that but you know what? Maybe I should. Maybe we’d become great friends. Turns out he likes bar trivia. I like bar trivia. It’d be great. This time next year, he’ll be on the list of people I hafta get a Valentine’s Day card for. I think I’m gonna get him a fart card.

Where's the Hyphen?

One last thing about Wal-Mart. Everywhere in the store, I noticed the name of the place is actually Walmart. It did used to be Wal-Mart, right? Did I imagine the hyphen? Why’d they get rid of the hyphen? When did this happen? It seems that it was a hyphen and then there was a star in the middle of Wal and Mart, which I just took to be a fancy hyphen. What’s going on with this world? Coca-Cola is losing Classic and I’m still not sure what G is and where Gatorade went. It’s really frustrating.

Okay, I’m going to go now. Maybe I'll do the taxes or maybe I'll plan. Actually, I think I'll eat something now.