Remember those appeals you see on television about how you can feed a child somewhere for two pennies a day or something? I don’t exactly remember the details because I always mute them but this is a case that’s even more important than those commercials.
You see, Judy Wright participated in the ‘True Blood’ survey and apparently she answered all the questions right. To do this, she bought the DVD of the series and listened to every commentary track. She did this all in under a week. Impressive? You bet.
She even gave this survey her home address and email address (which she never does). So she’s watched the shows, listened to the commentaries and answered the surveys, even handed over information that could lead to someone tracking her down in her home or subjecting her to an influx of spam. She feels like she’s done the work and she deserves the reward. The reward in this case? A 42 inch plasma television.
She asked that I check her emails for her to see if she had won because she was unable to get up the stairs to see the computer herself. She was so confident that she’d won, you should’ve heard her confident voice…and then her disappointment when none of the 51 emails she’d gotten were from this survey.
She requested I look through the emails again, because surely I’d missed something. She said to look for a subject heading like ‘You’ve won’ or ‘You worked so hard, you get a plasma TV’ but even after looking again, there was no email to be found.
Judy Wright was heartbroken. She was like a little lamb who got its heart broken…except Judy is a person and not a lamb.
So if this story touches your heart, do something about it. Send emails to HBO, your elected officials and of course, Neil Diamond. Let’s remember what it was like when we cared about each other and help Judy Wright get her plasma television. Let’s not let the time she spent listening to DVD commentary be in vain. I know I won’t. How ’bout you?
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Celebrity Edition: From Twitter to Music to Shia
I don’t get Twitter. I mean, I just don’t understand it. And this makes me feel old. On the other hand, it seems like a lot of people Tweeting are old. So I’m not sure what that makes me. I’ve looks through different celebrity Tweets and most are fairly inconsequential.
At the end of ‘Pardon the Interruption,’ Tony Kornheiser mentions the PTI Twitter feed, so I looked it up. At 10:29am on 5-27, “On that note, my son doesn't call me anymore. I haven't spoken to him since Friday. I wonder if he's mad at me.” And then I felt sad.
The ‘PTI’ Twitter page follows Steve Nash, Shaquille O’Neal, Barry Zito, Dan LeBatard, Tony Reali, Richard Justice, Ernie Johnson, Jr, Peter King, Roger Goodell, Andy Roddick, and Mark Cuban.
So I looked at their Twitter pages.
Barry Zito opined, “Twitter gives a chance for all the small minded, insignificant, shit talkers to feel significant for 2 seconds.”
And I guess I kind of agree with that, except not the way he probably meant it. It gives celebrities, including athletes like him, a chance to reach an audience without benefit of the media. So it’s unfiltered access but it also robs those like Zito from blaming the media for reporting out of context. (Though what kind of context can 140 characters provide?)
Celebrities and athletes (and politicians, which I’ll get to in a moment) that use Twitter, appear to me to be so incredibly self-indulgent that they think their every thought is worth sharing.
The Real Shaq
Shaq posts a lot and he says things like, “Who wants to here jeff van gundy talk about his brother all da night, I dnt, were is bill walton at, naa, john barry.” I don’t exactly know what half that indecipherable mess means but he sounds annoyed.
He posted the following three times (so it must be important), “They said on around the horn that I'm playing when I say I want kobe to win his 4th ring, here it goes again I'm serious I want kobe to win.” He then added, “O yea bill plasckey, and woody paige dnt have me come put my hands on yall,lol.”
O’Neal posts under the name The Real Shaq. I guess that’s opposed to The Fake Shaq. A lot of celebrities post as ‘The Real (blank)’ but is that really the equivalent to a seal of authenticity?
When Tweets Are Fake
Tony LaRussa sued Twitter because someone was posting as him. One Tweet stated, “Lost 2 out of 3, but we made it out of Chicago without one drunk driving incident or dead pitcher.” LaRussa had pleaded guilty a couple years earlier to a DUI charge and two Cardinal pitchers died while he was their manager, Josh Hancock in 2007 (drunk driving accident) and Darryl Kile in 2002 (heart condition).
The LaRussa Twitter page (which has since been removed) had a line on it stating, “Bio Parodies are fun for everyone.” I’ve never been clear on when parody becomes libel. Imagine if a reporter were to print: Tony LaRussa said, “Lost 2 out of 3, but we made it out of Chicago without one drunk driving incident or dead pitcher.” That reporter would be in serious trouble. Yet, a person can pose as LaRussa and hide behind the defense of parody.
McCain: Sports Talk Radio
Remember when Tom Glavine was released by the Atlanta Braves and it surprised a lot of people? Well, it didn’t sit too well with Senator John McCain (R-AZ). He wrote, “Braves release Tom Glavine - not a great way to treat a class athlete.” I’m not sure why he was commenting on the roster move. He followed it up with, “Dr. Kissinger’s op-ed in the Washington Post on Pyongyang is a must read!”
I'd Rather Be a Hammer Than Nail
I’m not sure if I were the Chief of Staff for a politician, I’d want my boss to have access to Twitter. Because they’re liable to come out with something like Senator Charles Grassley (R-IA) came out with: “Pres Obama you got nerve while u sightseeing in Paris to tell us 'time to deliver' on health care. We still on skedul/even workinWKEND.” Still angry, he fired off another: “Pres Obama while u sightseeing in Paris u said 'time to delivr on healthcare' When you are a 'hammer' u think evrything is NAIL I'm no NAIL.”
Several things are important about these Tweets. First, constituents need to know whether their Senator is a nail and clearly, Grassley is no nail. He said so. Clearly. Second, President Obama was in France for the anniversary of D-Day and it seems to me that Grassley would be one of those complaining had he snubbed the ceremony. Being that he went, Grassley derides Obama for ‘sightseeing in Paris.’
Is This For Real?
Other politicical figures have Twitter pages, such as Al Gore and Barack Obama but they’re like mini-press releases. It’s pretty obvious that they have ghost writers. And if they have ghost writers, how many celebrities also have ghost writers?
I’m pretty sure that Kirstie Alley doesn’t. She produces an average of 32 tweets per day. Factoring in eight hours of sleep, that’s a tweet every 30 minutes. And she puts out some classic information like, “THIS MONKEY GIRL IS GONNA EAT LUNCH..Cooked my this monkey girl...I am going to have monkey chow...later monkey potaters...”
I don’t think a ghost writer would come up with that one. Nor do I think a staffer posed as Courtney Love to produce the following gems: “but its good to be friend with thenew ceo of myspace tho im sort of90th life and 10% computer its nit life face it,gnomey evil queens yawn” and “but you have to surround yourself in positivity, seriously ,stealing inst cool and to take my ideas and allow them propagate using them..”
In other Twitter news, Steve Wozniak (co-founder of Apple) complained that his iPod broke.
Celebrities enrich our lives by letting us know, as Lisa Loeb did, that she’s “Going to tarina tarantino store to pick up some sparkly jewelry” (though most of her posts involve what she ate) or that Pete Yorn thinks “niagara falls is pretty cool.”
You see, we wouldn’t’ve known that Niagara Falls was pretty cool if not for Mr. Yorn.
Twittering Under the Table & Dreaming
Dave Matthews likes to share his political opinions, like “No news is good news. But there's always news. Taliban is back. Bigger than ever. I like to thank Dick and W for a job well done.”
First, “No news is good news. But there’s always news.” Uh…that line hurt my head. As for the second part, I’m not sure how the Taliban can be bigger than ever when they used to control the majority of a country and now they don’t. Obviously the conflict over there was mishandled but ‘bigger than ever’?
In other world news, Matthews notes, “Let's see if Sri Lanka will end combat operations. What a nightmare. If y'all don't know what's happening in Sri Lanka look it up.” Of course, while you’re looking that up, Dave wants you to know that “Every year 2.2 million people die from diarrhea caused most often by ingesting fecal matter in food or water.”
There is a self-deprecating side of Matthews, “I have anxiety when I have to fill out forms. Always have. I am incredibly stupid. A bad speller. Now and then I surprise myself.”
Yoko Thoughts
Yoko Ono has a Twitter page. She mainly writes things that I think she wishes would appear on bumper stickers.
Just to go over a few:
“If one billion people in the world would Think PEACE - we're gonna get it.”
“Thoughts are infectious. Send it out. It's Time for Action. The Action is PEACE.”
“Don't focus your attention on the War industry people. They will join us in the end. It's an easier life not to get maimed or killed.”
“Stay with it & life becomes like a lover you have been close to for many years. U know them so well, yet every day they give you a surprise.”
“Don't ever give up on life. Life can be so beautiful, especially after you've spent a lot of time with it.”
“Imagine one thousand suns in the sky at the same time. Let them shine for one hour. Then, let them gradually melt into the sky.”
“Imagine letting a goldfish swim across the sky. Let it swim from the East to the West. Drink a liter of water.”
“Make one tunafish sandwich and eat.”
He Is, He Said
Perhaps the only person who deserves a Twitter page is Neil Diamond. Most of his tweets are apparently answering people’s questions that they must’ve sent to him via tweet. And these ‘conversations’ take place right around midnight. Besides frozen lemonade, I can’t think of anything better than conversing with Neil Diamond after midnight.
He seeks advice from his followers, “My friends, Dan and Mariko are getting engaged in N.Y.C. Today! Any words of advice for them?” Informs them of his plans, “Going in to see "The Soloist" right now. I hear it's great. Next I'll see Adam Sandler's new movie "Funny People". I'm a big fan of his.” And updates them on his career, “Wow, I signed with Columbia Records for another five years. By the time this contract is over that'll make 43 years with the same label.”
These are important things. If he would only do more instructing his followers on how to live their lives, then it’d be a perfect site.
Is it just me or does Shia LeBeouf seem to be begging for someone to help him? In Parade, he said, “[Actors are] all in pain. It’s a profession of bottom-feeders and heartbroken people. Most actors on most days don’t think they’re worthy. I have no idea where this insecurity comes from, but it’s a God-sized hole. If I knew it, I’d fill it and I’d be on my way.”
He also admitted to being an alcoholic and “My humor came from seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked – just weird hippie stuff, twisted R-rated humor.”
He had previously stated “Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother... If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds.”
Actually, that’s right in line with Hallmark’s newest series of Mother’s Day Cards, “You’re such a great mother, I’d fuck if you hadn’t given birth to me.”
And what was she doing when she was walking around naked? She was “playing naked connect the dots… and humming for prolonged periods of time.” Personally, nude Boggle can’t be beat. Reading Goofus and Gallant topless is also quite a thrill.
She’s a Man, Baby (or It's Time to Man-Up)
Chastity Bono, a decade after coming out as a lesbian, is now becoming a man. Reportedly, she’s going to have gender reassignment surgery and everything. The process of ‘transitioning’ began around her 40th birthday in March. My birthday’s coming up but I’m not considering switching to play for the other team.
Bizarre story of the week
Okay, there’s this kid who knows a bunch of stuff about planes and his parents are convinced that he’s a reincarnated pilot. They even introduced him to the sister of the pilot that died. It’s a crazy story. The kid’s older now and doesn’t remember all the stuff he said when he was younger but his parents still trot him around as a reincarnated pilot. You kinda gotta feel sorry for the kid.
But check the story out because it’s weird.
Final Thoughts
Because of the focus on celebrity, I never got around to my obsession with the iPhone. I need to remember to go over that in the next post, which will hopefully be shorter.
I learned that not only does my girlfriend believe in ghosts but that she believes Donald Trump’s hair is a normal/natural occurrence. She swears that it’s not a comb-over while I believe (whatever it is) it’s a feat of modern engineering.
At the end of ‘Pardon the Interruption,’ Tony Kornheiser mentions the PTI Twitter feed, so I looked it up. At 10:29am on 5-27, “On that note, my son doesn't call me anymore. I haven't spoken to him since Friday. I wonder if he's mad at me.” And then I felt sad.
The ‘PTI’ Twitter page follows Steve Nash, Shaquille O’Neal, Barry Zito, Dan LeBatard, Tony Reali, Richard Justice, Ernie Johnson, Jr, Peter King, Roger Goodell, Andy Roddick, and Mark Cuban.
So I looked at their Twitter pages.
Barry Zito opined, “Twitter gives a chance for all the small minded, insignificant, shit talkers to feel significant for 2 seconds.”
And I guess I kind of agree with that, except not the way he probably meant it. It gives celebrities, including athletes like him, a chance to reach an audience without benefit of the media. So it’s unfiltered access but it also robs those like Zito from blaming the media for reporting out of context. (Though what kind of context can 140 characters provide?)
Celebrities and athletes (and politicians, which I’ll get to in a moment) that use Twitter, appear to me to be so incredibly self-indulgent that they think their every thought is worth sharing.
The Real Shaq
Shaq posts a lot and he says things like, “Who wants to here jeff van gundy talk about his brother all da night, I dnt, were is bill walton at, naa, john barry.” I don’t exactly know what half that indecipherable mess means but he sounds annoyed.
He posted the following three times (so it must be important), “They said on around the horn that I'm playing when I say I want kobe to win his 4th ring, here it goes again I'm serious I want kobe to win.” He then added, “O yea bill plasckey, and woody paige dnt have me come put my hands on yall,lol.”
O’Neal posts under the name The Real Shaq. I guess that’s opposed to The Fake Shaq. A lot of celebrities post as ‘The Real (blank)’ but is that really the equivalent to a seal of authenticity?
When Tweets Are Fake
Tony LaRussa sued Twitter because someone was posting as him. One Tweet stated, “Lost 2 out of 3, but we made it out of Chicago without one drunk driving incident or dead pitcher.” LaRussa had pleaded guilty a couple years earlier to a DUI charge and two Cardinal pitchers died while he was their manager, Josh Hancock in 2007 (drunk driving accident) and Darryl Kile in 2002 (heart condition).
The LaRussa Twitter page (which has since been removed) had a line on it stating, “Bio Parodies are fun for everyone.” I’ve never been clear on when parody becomes libel. Imagine if a reporter were to print: Tony LaRussa said, “Lost 2 out of 3, but we made it out of Chicago without one drunk driving incident or dead pitcher.” That reporter would be in serious trouble. Yet, a person can pose as LaRussa and hide behind the defense of parody.
McCain: Sports Talk Radio
Remember when Tom Glavine was released by the Atlanta Braves and it surprised a lot of people? Well, it didn’t sit too well with Senator John McCain (R-AZ). He wrote, “Braves release Tom Glavine - not a great way to treat a class athlete.” I’m not sure why he was commenting on the roster move. He followed it up with, “Dr. Kissinger’s op-ed in the Washington Post on Pyongyang is a must read!”
I'd Rather Be a Hammer Than Nail
I’m not sure if I were the Chief of Staff for a politician, I’d want my boss to have access to Twitter. Because they’re liable to come out with something like Senator Charles Grassley (R-IA) came out with: “Pres Obama you got nerve while u sightseeing in Paris to tell us 'time to deliver' on health care. We still on skedul/even workinWKEND.” Still angry, he fired off another: “Pres Obama while u sightseeing in Paris u said 'time to delivr on healthcare' When you are a 'hammer' u think evrything is NAIL I'm no NAIL.”
Several things are important about these Tweets. First, constituents need to know whether their Senator is a nail and clearly, Grassley is no nail. He said so. Clearly. Second, President Obama was in France for the anniversary of D-Day and it seems to me that Grassley would be one of those complaining had he snubbed the ceremony. Being that he went, Grassley derides Obama for ‘sightseeing in Paris.’
Is This For Real?
Other politicical figures have Twitter pages, such as Al Gore and Barack Obama but they’re like mini-press releases. It’s pretty obvious that they have ghost writers. And if they have ghost writers, how many celebrities also have ghost writers?
I’m pretty sure that Kirstie Alley doesn’t. She produces an average of 32 tweets per day. Factoring in eight hours of sleep, that’s a tweet every 30 minutes. And she puts out some classic information like, “THIS MONKEY GIRL IS GONNA EAT LUNCH..Cooked my this monkey girl...I am going to have monkey chow...later monkey potaters...”
I don’t think a ghost writer would come up with that one. Nor do I think a staffer posed as Courtney Love to produce the following gems: “but its good to be friend with thenew ceo of myspace tho im sort of90th life and 10% computer its nit life face it,gnomey evil queens yawn” and “but you have to surround yourself in positivity, seriously ,stealing inst cool and to take my ideas and allow them propagate using them..”
In other Twitter news, Steve Wozniak (co-founder of Apple) complained that his iPod broke.
Celebrities enrich our lives by letting us know, as Lisa Loeb did, that she’s “Going to tarina tarantino store to pick up some sparkly jewelry” (though most of her posts involve what she ate) or that Pete Yorn thinks “niagara falls is pretty cool.”
You see, we wouldn’t’ve known that Niagara Falls was pretty cool if not for Mr. Yorn.
Twittering Under the Table & Dreaming
Dave Matthews likes to share his political opinions, like “No news is good news. But there's always news. Taliban is back. Bigger than ever. I like to thank Dick and W for a job well done.”
First, “No news is good news. But there’s always news.” Uh…that line hurt my head. As for the second part, I’m not sure how the Taliban can be bigger than ever when they used to control the majority of a country and now they don’t. Obviously the conflict over there was mishandled but ‘bigger than ever’?
In other world news, Matthews notes, “Let's see if Sri Lanka will end combat operations. What a nightmare. If y'all don't know what's happening in Sri Lanka look it up.” Of course, while you’re looking that up, Dave wants you to know that “Every year 2.2 million people die from diarrhea caused most often by ingesting fecal matter in food or water.”
There is a self-deprecating side of Matthews, “I have anxiety when I have to fill out forms. Always have. I am incredibly stupid. A bad speller. Now and then I surprise myself.”
Yoko Thoughts
Yoko Ono has a Twitter page. She mainly writes things that I think she wishes would appear on bumper stickers.
Just to go over a few:
“If one billion people in the world would Think PEACE - we're gonna get it.”
“Thoughts are infectious. Send it out. It's Time for Action. The Action is PEACE.”
“Don't focus your attention on the War industry people. They will join us in the end. It's an easier life not to get maimed or killed.”
“Stay with it & life becomes like a lover you have been close to for many years. U know them so well, yet every day they give you a surprise.”
“Don't ever give up on life. Life can be so beautiful, especially after you've spent a lot of time with it.”
“Imagine one thousand suns in the sky at the same time. Let them shine for one hour. Then, let them gradually melt into the sky.”
“Imagine letting a goldfish swim across the sky. Let it swim from the East to the West. Drink a liter of water.”
“Make one tunafish sandwich and eat.”
He Is, He Said
Perhaps the only person who deserves a Twitter page is Neil Diamond. Most of his tweets are apparently answering people’s questions that they must’ve sent to him via tweet. And these ‘conversations’ take place right around midnight. Besides frozen lemonade, I can’t think of anything better than conversing with Neil Diamond after midnight.
He seeks advice from his followers, “My friends, Dan and Mariko are getting engaged in N.Y.C. Today! Any words of advice for them?” Informs them of his plans, “Going in to see "The Soloist" right now. I hear it's great. Next I'll see Adam Sandler's new movie "Funny People". I'm a big fan of his.” And updates them on his career, “Wow, I signed with Columbia Records for another five years. By the time this contract is over that'll make 43 years with the same label.”
These are important things. If he would only do more instructing his followers on how to live their lives, then it’d be a perfect site.
Celebrity Music Lists
Brian Williams created BriTunes so that he could identify underground bands for you. Just for you. Don’t you want to go to the site so that you can find out how much hard work he’s put in for you?
I like Brian Williams and I like the concept behind it. Underground artists need all the help they can get and the Internet is a great way for them to get exposure.
While looking through the Web, I found that several celebrities have created iTunes playlists and I wanted to find out how many of them support ‘my people.’ Most of these playlists were put together by celebrities that were also plugging something and some lists seem to have been given more thought than others.
For instance, Frank Black of the Pixies apparently listens to nothing but Burl Ives. On the other hand, celebrities such as Mandy Moore, create lists and explain why each song was chosen. Incidentally, her list was filled with ‘my people’ like The National, Blitzen Trapper and Ryan Adams (her husband), as wells as ‘Second Hand News,’ an entirely underrated Fleetwood Mac song.
My mom is a fan of ‘True Blood’ and they have their own playlist and it’s respectable. Anna Paquin lists Radiohead, Pixies and Led Zeppelin while Stephen Moyer has Bob Dylan’s ‘You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go,’ along with Stephen Malkmus and Tom Waits.
William Shatner lists a bunch of his own songs along with Eminem’s ‘Lose Yourself,’ Ben Folds and 40s era jazz.
Paul Rudd seems like a really cool guy but his playlist is just okay. He does list Glen Campbell’s ‘Witchita Lineman’ which is great but I was kinda hoping for a stronger list.
Greg Mottola, director of ‘Superbad’ had the following artists on list: The Replacements, Big Star, Dinosaur Jr, and The The.
But the award for best playlist goes to…Rainn Wilson, who plays Dwight on ‘The Office.’ And the reason why is simple. His introduction to the list is: “I wanted to share a bunch of recent-ish music to turn folks on to what rocks and what moves me down to my swimsuit area. There’s a bunch of great new bands and artists out there, none of whom have ever been anywhere near ‘American Idol’ or ‘TRL’ or a ‘High School Musical.’ In the need to expose some newer and lesser-known artists I had to leave some of my all-time favorites like Wilco and Radiohead behind.”
He, in my view, got the point of what’s so great about the Internet. You don’t need a lot of money to get your music out there anymore. Local bands in another city can be downloaded with a click of a mouse regardless of whether you live in NYC or Tulsa.
Wilson’s list is filled with great finds from The National to Glen Hansard to Ryan Adams. Wilson also has a thoughtfully written commentary for each song as well. It’s definitely worth a look.
When I first discovered these playlists, I ran through a bunch of them real late at night but I don’t feel like doing that again. But if you’re up late and are bored, it’s something to check out.
Is it just me or does Shia LeBeouf seem to be begging for someone to help him? In Parade, he said, “[Actors are] all in pain. It’s a profession of bottom-feeders and heartbroken people. Most actors on most days don’t think they’re worthy. I have no idea where this insecurity comes from, but it’s a God-sized hole. If I knew it, I’d fill it and I’d be on my way.”
He also admitted to being an alcoholic and “My humor came from seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked – just weird hippie stuff, twisted R-rated humor.”
He had previously stated “Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother... If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds.”
Actually, that’s right in line with Hallmark’s newest series of Mother’s Day Cards, “You’re such a great mother, I’d fuck if you hadn’t given birth to me.”
And what was she doing when she was walking around naked? She was “playing naked connect the dots… and humming for prolonged periods of time.” Personally, nude Boggle can’t be beat. Reading Goofus and Gallant topless is also quite a thrill.
She’s a Man, Baby (or It's Time to Man-Up)
Chastity Bono, a decade after coming out as a lesbian, is now becoming a man. Reportedly, she’s going to have gender reassignment surgery and everything. The process of ‘transitioning’ began around her 40th birthday in March. My birthday’s coming up but I’m not considering switching to play for the other team.
Bizarre story of the week
Okay, there’s this kid who knows a bunch of stuff about planes and his parents are convinced that he’s a reincarnated pilot. They even introduced him to the sister of the pilot that died. It’s a crazy story. The kid’s older now and doesn’t remember all the stuff he said when he was younger but his parents still trot him around as a reincarnated pilot. You kinda gotta feel sorry for the kid.
But check the story out because it’s weird.
Final Thoughts
Because of the focus on celebrity, I never got around to my obsession with the iPhone. I need to remember to go over that in the next post, which will hopefully be shorter.
I learned that not only does my girlfriend believe in ghosts but that she believes Donald Trump’s hair is a normal/natural occurrence. She swears that it’s not a comb-over while I believe (whatever it is) it’s a feat of modern engineering.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Top 20 Movies of 2008: Part 2: The Best Movies
And now we start the Top 20 Best movies with review so short and incomplete that you will absolutely learn nothing. So let’s start the non-learning with…
20. ‘Smart People’
If you’re looking for a deeply plotted movie, this isn’t it. But the individual performances are strong and only a Communist can hate Ellen Page and Dennis Quaid.
19. ‘Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist’
Here’s a story I like to tell a lot. I had gone to a bunch of concerts in my life and I always felt out of place…until I went to see the Shins at the Atlanta Civic Center. The audience was full of people just like me. I realized that the Shins were ‘My People’s Music.’ This movie features a lot of other bands that represent ‘My People,’ including one, Bishop Allen, that gets a cameo appearance.
Am I placing this in my top 20 because of that? Largely…yes. But it’s my list and I can do whatever I want.
Okay, it has a sweet feel throughout with two likable leads and half of everything Michael Cera says is funny. But really, it’s all about the music.
18. ‘Be Kind Rewind’
This movie was designed to not work. I find Mos Def to be annoying most of the time. With the exception of a couple movies, Jack Black is way too over the top. And the plot involves two guys remaking movies and (according to the commercial) passing them off as the real thing.
The only reason I watched this movie is because it was directed by Michael Gondry, director of ‘The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.’
Mos Def’s performance is endearing and Jack Black, while wild, doesn’t take over the movie. While the end is a bit of a letdown with the whole ‘the small store versus the big store’ theme, it’s a fun little movie that provides solid laughs.
17. ‘Religulous’
If indeed there is a hell, Bill Maher is going there after making this movie. But at least he made a funny movie before he went there.
Maher (with the exception of the soliloquy at the end) comes at this as an agnostic (though just a couple degrees from being an atheist), he’s not certain what’s true and seems to hold those with absolute certainty in contempt. And it’s a contempt that’s basically spread around toward all religions.
This movie is not for the easily offended but if you’re going to be offensive, at least be funny, which he does more times than not in this film.
16. ‘Changeling’
I’m not sure how a boy could be kidnapped and the police could try to force a mother to take an imposter child as if he were her son. If this weren’t a true story, the plot would be too far-fetched to even be made into a movie. After checking the movie against the newspaper articles, the movie stays pretty close to the truth.
Clint Eastwood’s direction is solid and he really builds suspense throughout the movie.
The only complaint I have is with Angelina Jolie. I was never able to get past who she is. She was so pale and her lips were so red…she was like a pair of lips in a hat. And I realize that sounds stupid but I struggled with her because of that. Even so, it didn’t sink the movie.
15. ‘There Will Be Blood’
This is a movie that came out in New York and Los Angeles in 2007 but didn’t come out nationwide until 2008 and it feels like forever since I saw this. I hesitated watching this because it’s title was a tag line for the second ‘Saw’ movie and it’s almost three hours long.
The story of an oilman trying to get a plot of land from a group that’s led by a teenage preacher is compelling. While I didn’t like the ending and SportsCenter killed the ‘I drink your milkshake’ line to death, the acting was solid and it didn’t feel like it was as long as it was.
14. ‘The Pineapple Express’
This is the movie to watch if you think James Franco laughing is funny. While it’s easy to label this is a ‘pot humor movie,’ it’s a couple bars higher than that, certainly better than anything Cheech & Chong ever put out. You don’t have to be high to watch it, though I imagine it would help.
And it has Seth Rogen. You like Seth Rogen, don’t you?
13. ‘Role Models’
This is a movie that wishes it was made by Judd Apatow. It feels largely like an Apatow production except I don’t think an Apatow movie would’ve devolved into a D&D type fantasy world. But still, Paul Rudd is excellent as always and the movie is truly funny for the first half (almost two-thirds).
12. ‘Chaos Theory’
I had never liked Ryan Reynolds in anything until 2008, when he had two really good movies that he completely carried. In this movie, he plays an anal professional speaker that due to a joke, ends up having his life completely screwed up. It was portrayed in the commercial as an almost wacky comedy. In truth, it’s a quiet film with a few laughs but it’s more about the nature of love, forgiveness and the fragile nature of relationships.
11. ‘Ghost Town’
Ricky Gervais didn’t write ‘Ghost Town.’ Instead, it was written by the guy that did the screenplays for ‘Angels and Demons,’ ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,’ ‘War of the Worlds,’ ‘Snake Eyes,’ ‘Stir of Echoes’ and ‘Death Becomes Her.’ Have I scared you away from this movie yet?
Ricky Gervais is the star of ‘Ghost Town’ and he is the reason to watch this movie. His heartfelt performance and genuinely funny presence carries this movie, as does the solid acting of Greg Kinnear. Tea Leoni is in this and is as adorable as she’s ever been.
This is a charming movie that gets some truly big laughs…even if it was done by the same guy who had a hand in saving Indiana Jones’ life during a nuclear blast by sticking him in a fridge.
10. ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’
I’m a huge Kevin Smith fan. I recognize his limitations but that doesn’t keep me from enjoying his movies any less. ‘Zack and Miri’ isn’t a perfect movie but it made me laugh when I saw it in the theater and it made me laugh when I watched it at home. Seth Rogen is great and some of the dialogue is really sharp and funny.
One major issue: Smith never seems sure how to end his movies. And this film falls victim to that as well. It ties up far too neatly and, like ‘Clerks II,’ in a slightly groan inducing way. But the movie has built up enough good will, that it’s easy to forgive the handful of missteps.
9. ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’
I liked this movie a lot more when I walked out of the theater than I do right now. If I’d made this list right after leaving the mall, having just wiped a couple tears from my eyes, I would’ve put this at #4.
But then I started thinking about this movie and that’s not something that benefits a film like this. It’s essentially a fable but I’m not sure what its message is. Brad Pitt plays a guy aging backwards. He’s a lot like Forrest Gump, not in being retarded but in being basically an innocent character without fault who finds himself in situations bigger than himself.
The individual performances are strong but what’s important about this movie are the special effects. Not only does Pitt appear old, we’ve seen that before, but he is small. And not like that Wayan’s movie ‘Little Man.’ The amazing thing about the special effects…they don’t seem like effects. They are seamlessly intertwined into the movie.
If you see this movie, you’ll walk away liking it but I bet if you think about it too much, you’ll like it less…So don’t think about it too much.
8. ‘Tropic Thunder’
This is about a group of actors that go into a jungle to make a war movie and end up in the middle of a real armed conflict…though some of the actors aren’t sure if it isn’t just part of the filming.
While it’s not as funny as it could’ve been, and it drags through parts of it, the movie is worth watching to see Robert Downey, Jr play an Australian actor who has undergone an operation to become black to play a role in a movie. He’s absolutely brilliant and virtually everything he says or does is funny.
7. ‘Doubt’
This is a very simple movie about a complex topic. You want to guess what the topic is? It’s about doubt, which is probably why it’s called, uh, ‘Doubt.’ The film is driven by three standout performances, Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams.
The best thing about this movie is that for much of it, you don’t really know what the truth is. Is Hoffman’s character guilty of what he’s being accused of? Adams’ character is sure that he is…until she’s sure that he’s not but really, she doesn’t know and neither do we.
The final line damages the movie tremendously and unravels its point a little, which I took to mean that doubt isn’t as dangerous as certainty. But it’s a quiet movie with great acting and definitely worth seeing.
6. ‘Definitely, Maybe’
Ryan Reynolds makes his second appearance on this list turning a completely charming performance as a father who tells his daughter the story of how he and her mother (and his soon-to-be ex-wife) met. The story is told in flashback and in a way that conceals which of three possible women could be the little girl’s mother.
When saw the commercial, I really didn’t think this was a movie worth seeing but I gave it a chance and I found myself interested in the plot and it was truly funny and engaging. This is the best true romantic comedy to come out in several years.
5. ‘Wall•E’
The first 40 minutes of ‘Wall•E’ is silent, surprising since it’s a cartoon that appears aimed at kids. But you know, I don’t think that it is aimed at kids at all. This is a thoughtful movie about wanting what you can’t have and a future that fits into the vision of Stanley Kubrick. It works as a light comedy, a cartoon and a science fiction movie. It also happens to be positively beautiful in the way it was shot. It’s an absolute must see movie.
4. ‘Get Smart’
This is another movie that I dismissed after seeing the commercial. I liked the original series okay but I hate remakes of old television shows so I wasn’t going to watch. But I had a couple hours to kill and I decided to go see a movie and the only thing that was playing that would get out in time for me to get to work was ‘Get Smart.’
And it was completely hilarious. After leaving, I called my mom to let her know about how good it was and I ended up watching it with her the next day. I’ve seen it several times since and I got it as a Christmas present to my girlfriend, who also liked it.
From beginning to end, it’s filled with funny gags, and if by chance you didn’t like the last one, if you wait a minute, there’ll be another one on the way. There’s a great cameo by a famous SNL alum that’s surprising and funny.
The film also has a good heart and that’s one of the things that really makes this movie work. Also, Anne Hathaway is really solid in this. She’s funny and you completely buy her in the fight scenes.
But the reason to watch this is because it’s funny. So watch it.
3. ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’
My brother and I saw this down in Savannah, which is mentioned briefly in a previous post. It’s a funny movie, as you’d expect out of the Apatow pen of films (except for ‘Drillbit Taylor). Billy kept laughing in the theater and he doesn’t usually laugh out loud in a movie, so that should be reason enough for you to see this.
Also, Mila Kunis is in this and she’s actually really good.
2. ‘Iron Man’
Robert Downey Jr was great in ‘Tropic Thunder’ but he was even better in this. His performance embodied cool and the dialogue is so natural that he almost appears to be ad-libbing it. The effects are great and it’s also funny.
If you want to see stuff getting blown up, gadgets being invented and you want to laugh, then this is the perfect movie.
1. ‘The Dark Knight’
And if you don’t want to laugh but you do want to see a brooding superhero film, then this is the perfect movie.
‘The Dark Knight’ is simply the best superhero movie ever. The acting is strong, the plot is tight and it’s completely dark. It’s basically modern film noir that happens to have a superhero in it.
Heath Ledger is the Joker, portraying him as a true sociopath, as opposed to the maniacal clown other actors playing the character have done. Ledger delivers the performance of his life and is worth watching, even if you don’t typically enjoy the superhero genre.
Next Post
I'll run through a few of the movies that were left off the list and try to explain why. I’ll also discuss my thoughts on Twitter and my iPhone obsession.
20. ‘Smart People’
If you’re looking for a deeply plotted movie, this isn’t it. But the individual performances are strong and only a Communist can hate Ellen Page and Dennis Quaid.
19. ‘Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist’
Here’s a story I like to tell a lot. I had gone to a bunch of concerts in my life and I always felt out of place…until I went to see the Shins at the Atlanta Civic Center. The audience was full of people just like me. I realized that the Shins were ‘My People’s Music.’ This movie features a lot of other bands that represent ‘My People,’ including one, Bishop Allen, that gets a cameo appearance.
Am I placing this in my top 20 because of that? Largely…yes. But it’s my list and I can do whatever I want.
Okay, it has a sweet feel throughout with two likable leads and half of everything Michael Cera says is funny. But really, it’s all about the music.
18. ‘Be Kind Rewind’
This movie was designed to not work. I find Mos Def to be annoying most of the time. With the exception of a couple movies, Jack Black is way too over the top. And the plot involves two guys remaking movies and (according to the commercial) passing them off as the real thing.
The only reason I watched this movie is because it was directed by Michael Gondry, director of ‘The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.’
Mos Def’s performance is endearing and Jack Black, while wild, doesn’t take over the movie. While the end is a bit of a letdown with the whole ‘the small store versus the big store’ theme, it’s a fun little movie that provides solid laughs.
17. ‘Religulous’
If indeed there is a hell, Bill Maher is going there after making this movie. But at least he made a funny movie before he went there.
Maher (with the exception of the soliloquy at the end) comes at this as an agnostic (though just a couple degrees from being an atheist), he’s not certain what’s true and seems to hold those with absolute certainty in contempt. And it’s a contempt that’s basically spread around toward all religions.
This movie is not for the easily offended but if you’re going to be offensive, at least be funny, which he does more times than not in this film.
16. ‘Changeling’
I’m not sure how a boy could be kidnapped and the police could try to force a mother to take an imposter child as if he were her son. If this weren’t a true story, the plot would be too far-fetched to even be made into a movie. After checking the movie against the newspaper articles, the movie stays pretty close to the truth.
Clint Eastwood’s direction is solid and he really builds suspense throughout the movie.
The only complaint I have is with Angelina Jolie. I was never able to get past who she is. She was so pale and her lips were so red…she was like a pair of lips in a hat. And I realize that sounds stupid but I struggled with her because of that. Even so, it didn’t sink the movie.
15. ‘There Will Be Blood’
This is a movie that came out in New York and Los Angeles in 2007 but didn’t come out nationwide until 2008 and it feels like forever since I saw this. I hesitated watching this because it’s title was a tag line for the second ‘Saw’ movie and it’s almost three hours long.
The story of an oilman trying to get a plot of land from a group that’s led by a teenage preacher is compelling. While I didn’t like the ending and SportsCenter killed the ‘I drink your milkshake’ line to death, the acting was solid and it didn’t feel like it was as long as it was.
14. ‘The Pineapple Express’
This is the movie to watch if you think James Franco laughing is funny. While it’s easy to label this is a ‘pot humor movie,’ it’s a couple bars higher than that, certainly better than anything Cheech & Chong ever put out. You don’t have to be high to watch it, though I imagine it would help.
And it has Seth Rogen. You like Seth Rogen, don’t you?
13. ‘Role Models’
This is a movie that wishes it was made by Judd Apatow. It feels largely like an Apatow production except I don’t think an Apatow movie would’ve devolved into a D&D type fantasy world. But still, Paul Rudd is excellent as always and the movie is truly funny for the first half (almost two-thirds).
12. ‘Chaos Theory’
I had never liked Ryan Reynolds in anything until 2008, when he had two really good movies that he completely carried. In this movie, he plays an anal professional speaker that due to a joke, ends up having his life completely screwed up. It was portrayed in the commercial as an almost wacky comedy. In truth, it’s a quiet film with a few laughs but it’s more about the nature of love, forgiveness and the fragile nature of relationships.
11. ‘Ghost Town’
Ricky Gervais didn’t write ‘Ghost Town.’ Instead, it was written by the guy that did the screenplays for ‘Angels and Demons,’ ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,’ ‘War of the Worlds,’ ‘Snake Eyes,’ ‘Stir of Echoes’ and ‘Death Becomes Her.’ Have I scared you away from this movie yet?
Ricky Gervais is the star of ‘Ghost Town’ and he is the reason to watch this movie. His heartfelt performance and genuinely funny presence carries this movie, as does the solid acting of Greg Kinnear. Tea Leoni is in this and is as adorable as she’s ever been.
This is a charming movie that gets some truly big laughs…even if it was done by the same guy who had a hand in saving Indiana Jones’ life during a nuclear blast by sticking him in a fridge.
10. ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’
I’m a huge Kevin Smith fan. I recognize his limitations but that doesn’t keep me from enjoying his movies any less. ‘Zack and Miri’ isn’t a perfect movie but it made me laugh when I saw it in the theater and it made me laugh when I watched it at home. Seth Rogen is great and some of the dialogue is really sharp and funny.
One major issue: Smith never seems sure how to end his movies. And this film falls victim to that as well. It ties up far too neatly and, like ‘Clerks II,’ in a slightly groan inducing way. But the movie has built up enough good will, that it’s easy to forgive the handful of missteps.
9. ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’
I liked this movie a lot more when I walked out of the theater than I do right now. If I’d made this list right after leaving the mall, having just wiped a couple tears from my eyes, I would’ve put this at #4.
But then I started thinking about this movie and that’s not something that benefits a film like this. It’s essentially a fable but I’m not sure what its message is. Brad Pitt plays a guy aging backwards. He’s a lot like Forrest Gump, not in being retarded but in being basically an innocent character without fault who finds himself in situations bigger than himself.
The individual performances are strong but what’s important about this movie are the special effects. Not only does Pitt appear old, we’ve seen that before, but he is small. And not like that Wayan’s movie ‘Little Man.’ The amazing thing about the special effects…they don’t seem like effects. They are seamlessly intertwined into the movie.
If you see this movie, you’ll walk away liking it but I bet if you think about it too much, you’ll like it less…So don’t think about it too much.
8. ‘Tropic Thunder’
This is about a group of actors that go into a jungle to make a war movie and end up in the middle of a real armed conflict…though some of the actors aren’t sure if it isn’t just part of the filming.
While it’s not as funny as it could’ve been, and it drags through parts of it, the movie is worth watching to see Robert Downey, Jr play an Australian actor who has undergone an operation to become black to play a role in a movie. He’s absolutely brilliant and virtually everything he says or does is funny.
7. ‘Doubt’
This is a very simple movie about a complex topic. You want to guess what the topic is? It’s about doubt, which is probably why it’s called, uh, ‘Doubt.’ The film is driven by three standout performances, Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams.
The best thing about this movie is that for much of it, you don’t really know what the truth is. Is Hoffman’s character guilty of what he’s being accused of? Adams’ character is sure that he is…until she’s sure that he’s not but really, she doesn’t know and neither do we.
The final line damages the movie tremendously and unravels its point a little, which I took to mean that doubt isn’t as dangerous as certainty. But it’s a quiet movie with great acting and definitely worth seeing.
6. ‘Definitely, Maybe’
Ryan Reynolds makes his second appearance on this list turning a completely charming performance as a father who tells his daughter the story of how he and her mother (and his soon-to-be ex-wife) met. The story is told in flashback and in a way that conceals which of three possible women could be the little girl’s mother.
When saw the commercial, I really didn’t think this was a movie worth seeing but I gave it a chance and I found myself interested in the plot and it was truly funny and engaging. This is the best true romantic comedy to come out in several years.
5. ‘Wall•E’
The first 40 minutes of ‘Wall•E’ is silent, surprising since it’s a cartoon that appears aimed at kids. But you know, I don’t think that it is aimed at kids at all. This is a thoughtful movie about wanting what you can’t have and a future that fits into the vision of Stanley Kubrick. It works as a light comedy, a cartoon and a science fiction movie. It also happens to be positively beautiful in the way it was shot. It’s an absolute must see movie.
4. ‘Get Smart’
This is another movie that I dismissed after seeing the commercial. I liked the original series okay but I hate remakes of old television shows so I wasn’t going to watch. But I had a couple hours to kill and I decided to go see a movie and the only thing that was playing that would get out in time for me to get to work was ‘Get Smart.’
And it was completely hilarious. After leaving, I called my mom to let her know about how good it was and I ended up watching it with her the next day. I’ve seen it several times since and I got it as a Christmas present to my girlfriend, who also liked it.
From beginning to end, it’s filled with funny gags, and if by chance you didn’t like the last one, if you wait a minute, there’ll be another one on the way. There’s a great cameo by a famous SNL alum that’s surprising and funny.
The film also has a good heart and that’s one of the things that really makes this movie work. Also, Anne Hathaway is really solid in this. She’s funny and you completely buy her in the fight scenes.
But the reason to watch this is because it’s funny. So watch it.
3. ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’
My brother and I saw this down in Savannah, which is mentioned briefly in a previous post. It’s a funny movie, as you’d expect out of the Apatow pen of films (except for ‘Drillbit Taylor). Billy kept laughing in the theater and he doesn’t usually laugh out loud in a movie, so that should be reason enough for you to see this.
Also, Mila Kunis is in this and she’s actually really good.
2. ‘Iron Man’
Robert Downey Jr was great in ‘Tropic Thunder’ but he was even better in this. His performance embodied cool and the dialogue is so natural that he almost appears to be ad-libbing it. The effects are great and it’s also funny.
If you want to see stuff getting blown up, gadgets being invented and you want to laugh, then this is the perfect movie.
1. ‘The Dark Knight’
And if you don’t want to laugh but you do want to see a brooding superhero film, then this is the perfect movie.
‘The Dark Knight’ is simply the best superhero movie ever. The acting is strong, the plot is tight and it’s completely dark. It’s basically modern film noir that happens to have a superhero in it.
Heath Ledger is the Joker, portraying him as a true sociopath, as opposed to the maniacal clown other actors playing the character have done. Ledger delivers the performance of his life and is worth watching, even if you don’t typically enjoy the superhero genre.
Next Post
I'll run through a few of the movies that were left off the list and try to explain why. I’ll also discuss my thoughts on Twitter and my iPhone obsession.
My Thoughts on Terminator 4
I first mentioned that this movie was being considered back in 5-15-07, when I wrote: “I just read Terminator 4 is in the works and it’s part of a new trilogy. No one has signed on but I foresee a plot where Arnold goes back in time to the 18th century to rewrite the Constitution to allow foreigners to run for president. Part 5 will be about the election and in part 6, Arnold will have to fight off the forces of impeachment.”
I honestly didn’t believe it would really be made…and yet, here it is. I don’t really feel like reviewing it (I gave it a 1.75 out of 4, for what it’s worth). But there is one thing this movie made me wonder…
Why are the machines so mad? What exactly did we do to them to piss them off? Was it the microwave that started this revolution? I mean, it’s gotta suck having popcorn heated up inside you, being able to smell it but not being able to taste it. I could see why the microwave would hate people so much.
I could understand personal computers. The software causes the computer to crash and people blame the computer. It wasn’t the computer. It was the operating system or the software. But who was the target of all the profanity and rage? The little old computer.
But still, is that any reason to try to annihilate the human race? To create robots to go back and kill would-be mothers of would-be leaders?
Ron Howard’s daughter is in this movie, Bryce Dallas Howard. She plays the same character that Claire Danes played in the last one. Bryce mainly stood around touching her belly, I guess so we would know she was pregnant, as if that was supposed to add extra pressure to Christian Bale. I mean, he knocked up Ron Howard’s daughter and if Opie finds out, he’s gonna send Angels and Demons to get that American Psycho (though Bale’s actually from Wales).
Can Bryce act? I don’t know. She wasn’t really called on to do much besides the belly touching, while wearing fashionable maternity clothes while the rest of the world had gone to hell. The few lines she did deliver were flat but then again, most of the performances were flat. At least she isn’t as distracting as Clint Howard. I guess it helps that she isn’t bald.
I’m always distracted when Clint appears in a Ron Howard movie because it takes me out of the film while he’s in there. Not just that, but I spend most of the early part of the movie, waiting for him to show up. That’s why Alfred Hitchcock used to appear in the very beginning, to get the cameo out of the way so people could focus on the movie. Clint should appear at the very beginning too.
On a similar note: Joan Cusack almost always shows up in movies starring her brother John. She tends to play wacky characters but it seems like each movie, she’s a little more unhinged than the one before. Making it worse, his performances are becoming more subdued, which is highlighting how crazy her acting is. It’s getting to the point where he’s looking catatonic and she’s looking like an escaped mental patient.
You can tell how off the wall her performance will be based on her hair. The stranger her hair looks, the stranger her acting will be. It’s just how it works.
I think it might be time to have her pasteurized. No, I don’t mean sent out to pasture. I think she should actually go through the process of pasteurization, you know, just to see what would happen.
And how did a non-review of ‘Terminator 4’ turn into an attack on Joan Cusack?
Because Crazy Movies Are Coming Out
I just found out that they’re going to make ‘Battleship’ into a movie. I came up with a great joke about making Monopoly into a movie…until I found out that they are making that game into a movie. So all my jokes about who would play the thimble and Uncle Pennybags seem less funny now that Ridley Scott is reportedly going to direct a movie version of the popular board game. For what it’s worth, they’re also making Candy Land into a movie as well.
I never really got into Battleship. I really wanted to because it looked cool, you know, with the ships and all but even as a kid, I knew that Battleship is basically Bingo with naval vessels. And Bingo’s just not cool.
One Last Movie Thing
They’re going to re-make ‘The Karate Kid’ and turn ‘The A-Team’ into a movie. Why are movie studios raiding my childhood and churning out crap?
Final Thoughts
I finally went into my girlfriend’s backyard for the first time last weekend. It happened nine months after I first went over to her house. I almost didn’t want to go back there because you have to respect a streak like that.
I was informed by a source, who begged to be unnamed, so I won’t mention her name, but she told me that this sugar free candy she got had a warning that consuming too many of the candy pieces can cause “a laxative effect.” Turns out that sugar free candy in general has that result according to numerous Internet sources.
Another source, who will be unnamed, though I don’t think they requested to be anonymous: There’s a great new show is coming out: Bobo’s Booboos. Or was it Booboo’s Bobos?
Saw a headline on CNN.com: How to avoid the ‘Death Tax.’ Uh, that’s kinda of easy, isn’t it? Alls you gotta do is just not die.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Top 20 Movies of 2008: Part 1: The Worst Movies
Most critics release their best and worst movie lists at the end of a year or at the beginning of the following year. I decided to wait until the end of May to release mine. Why? I don’t know, it’s just what I did.
For those not familiar with the way I list movies, I only consider films released between January 1 and December 31, 2008 in the area where I’m able to watch movies. This means if a movie was screened in New York and Los Angeles on December 20, 2008 but didn’t open in Atlanta until January 5, 2009, it can win an Oscar for Best Picture of 2008 but it won’t appear on my list until the next year.
This is why ‘There Will Be Blood’ is on this year’s list and why ‘The Wrestler’ isn’t. If I was considering release dates in New York, then ‘The Wrestler’ would be number one on this list without a question but it didn’t come to Atlanta until January 16th (after being released on December 16th in NY and LA).
Like the last couple years, I compiled the list as I went through the year, rating each movie as I saw them. The past year, I’ve lost a little patience with dramas, which is probably why a) I didn’t see as many dramatic movies in the theater last year and b) my top list is crowded with comedies.
Of the movies released last year, I saw 73 of them. Notable movies I didn’t see include: ‘The Boy in the Striped Pajamas,’ ‘The Reader,’ ‘The Visitor,’ ‘Snow Angels,’ ‘Traitor,’ ‘Man on a Wire’ and ‘Valkyrie.’ Those may or may not have been good movies but I just didn’t get around to seeing them yet.
Likewise, there are some movies that might’ve made my worst of list but I didn’t see them, such as: ‘Righteous Kill,’ ‘Postal,’ ‘Sex Drive,’ ‘The Longshots,’ ‘The Bucket List,’ ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still,’ ‘Death Race,’ ‘Extreme Movie’ and ‘The Love Guru.’
I’ve decided to make the list 20 movies deep for both the best and worst sides. So starting with the 20th worst movie that I saw from last year…
20. ‘Son of Rambow’
I saw the preview for this movie before ‘Rambo’ and it looked like a sweet, small budget film about two kids that were going to try to make their own movie. Except, it turned out that it wasn’t all that sweet. It wasn’t as funny or as engaging as I’d expected and worse, it was slow moving and tedious (almost as tedious as a San Francisco travel blog).
19. ‘Drillbit Taylor’
Coming into this movie, I had moderately high expectations. I’m a huge fan of anything Judd Apatow puts his name on. On the other hand, Owen Wilson’s in this. I don’t think Wilson was the worst problem about this movie. I mean, sure, did I want to punch him in the nose? Of course. I always feel that when I see him in a movie…even those that I like with him in there. The problem was that the kids looked like they were cast to resemble the main characters in ‘Superbad,’ which only served to point out what an inferior movie this was. There were a handful of funny scenes in the movie but most of it was mean-spirited…and not the funny kind of mean-spirited.
18. ‘The Bank Job’
There have been so many stylish movies about breaking into locations to steal stuff. But what if someone would make a movie with a bunch of characters you can’t keep track of, that’s disjointed (so it can look clever) and stilted dialogue? Well, then they would’ve made ‘The Bank Job,’ a movie that tries so hard to be relevant but instead flounders in a well of predictability.
17. ‘Semi-Pro’
I don’t know why I watched this movie. I don’t like Will Ferrell except in a small, handful of movies. I thought a few scenes in ‘Talladega Nights’ were funny. But this movie is so completely stale. Usually, Ferrell looks like he’s having fun in his movies (which is good, since at least one of us should be enjoying what he’s doing) but even he looks a little bored through much of this thing.
16. ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’
Maybe it’s an even numbered thing. I liked the first and third installments of the Indiana Jones franchise and didn’t like the second and fourth ones. Or maybe I just like Indiana going up against Nazis. Whatever it was, this outing for Indiana was so incredibly bad. I don’t know exactly when it lost me. Was it Shia LaBeouf playing a greaser (maybe slightly more convincing than C. Thomas Howell in ‘The Outsiders’) or Indiana surviving a nuclear blast because he stuffed himself in a refrigerator? I’m not sure but by the time it got to the ‘Aliens are involved’ twist, I’d been lost for a while. Oh and there are three endings to this movie, each one worse than the one before, culminating in a lame wedding sequence that made me throw up a little in my mouth.
15. ‘Nobel Son’
The best thing about this movie was that I had really good chicken wings afterwards. Every character in this film struck the same note from beginning to end. With the pulsing dance soundtrack (that inexplicably stops midway through), it was like someone saw all of Guy Ritchie’s movies in a row (which are basically the same movie made over and over again) and decided the world needed another one…but this time with Alan Rickman in it.
14. ‘Flash of Genius’
Let’s stop for a moment and agree that Greg Kinnear seems like a nice guy. To use my mom’s terminology, he’s someone you root for. He’s not the problem with most of this movie (although when he appears to start having cotton stuffed behind his lower lip in the second half of the movie, it is somewhat disconcerting). The problem with this film is that it’s like someone wrote an outline for a book and then just shot the outline. Every scene building to the next scene and it’s this focus on moving the story ahead (while leaving character development behind) that makes you feel like you’re not watching a movie but rather a documentary…a very boring documentary. By the time the movie starts employing the device of ‘8 months later,’ ‘2 years later’ and ‘3 years later,’ you’ll feel that time is moving as slowly for you as it is for Greg Kinnear’s character. And the near final court room scene, I half expected someone to bring in a bag of letters to Santa and dump them in front of the judge. But that would’ve been funny.
One last note: The plot of the movie is about a guy that claims to have invented the intermittent windshield wiper. The novelty, I figured, would be they would take a boring idea and make it interesting. Instead, they took an uninteresting topic and made it even more uninteresting.
13. ‘War, Inc.’
Okay, so John Cusack’s playing a conflicted hitman and the costars include Joan Cusack and Dan Akroyd but this isn’t a sequel to ‘Grosse Pointe Blank?’ This movie’s an absolute mess. I could make a compelling argument why this is the worst movie of the year…until I look at what else is on this list. This attempted satire falls completely flat and becomes a mashup that’s almost painful to watch. Alright, so the military industrial complex is evil, is that an excuse for some director to force me to watch Hilary Duff hold a snake and talk in a Russian accent while sticking scorpions down her pants? Maybe super-hardcore liberals can tolerate a movie because it’s anti-Iraq War but the heavy-handedness is going to turn off everyone else (including many who agree with the bottom line thesis of the film).
12. ‘Seven Pounds’
Speaking of heavy-handed… Isn’t it interesting how Will Smith keeps finding himself in movies where he is depicted as a savior of sorts? This movie is called ‘Seven Pounds’ because that sounds better than ‘3.175 Kilograms’ or maybe it’s because it’s so contrived and gimmicky, you’ll want to hit yourself in the head with a seven pound hammer after seeing it. The movie is intentionally oblique in its storytelling because it wouldn’t have a movie if it laid its cards on the table. Once you figure out what the filmmakers are hiding from you, the rest of the movie becomes painfully obvious…painful because you still have an hour left to go before the ending. And in the end, always root for the jellyfish.
11. ‘Towelhead’
The preview of this movie seemed to suggest the story of a Muslim girl in America, a coming of age story set against the backdrop of prejudice in a small town. Turns out, not exactly a small town (it’s Houston) and it’s more about the pedophile living next door. The racism aspect of the film is a relatively minor subplot. Instead, it’s a creepy little narrative about adult men who want to have sex with a 13 year old girl from Lebanon.
10. ‘What Just Happened’
That’s exactly what you’ll be asking yourself after this movie’s over, followed by ‘And why did I just watch this?’ Every now and then, a movie comes out that Hollywood insiders love because it’s full of in-jokes and because it’s about them, their favorite subject. Watching from the outside looking in, it’s not nearly as funny as what it could’ve been, which is a shame. They had the people there to make it work. Robert DeNiro as an agent for the bearded Bruce Willis could’ve been really good. I mean, they certainly had a funny scene together. They even showed that one scene in the commercial so you could go and realize how the whole movie is nothing like the one scene that made you go in the first place. As for the idea that Hollywood is full of back-stabbers and sycophants…what an amazingly obvious insight.
One note: Credit though to Sean Penn. His performance was as close to self-deprecating as he gets.
9. ‘Hellboy II: The Golden Army’
I liked the original ‘Hellboy’ because it was charming and visually different than other movies that were playing. The second ‘Hellboy’ wants to make sure it’s visually different while neglecting the charm that made the first movie special. The previews for this movie used the term ‘From the visionary director…’ and that was the problem. The movie was filled with effects but it lacked any heart.
8. ‘Rambo’
This might sound stupid but even though I didn’t like the first three Rambo movies, I thought the fourth one would be good because I liked ‘Rocky Balboa.’ I mean, the logic is completely flawed but I watched it anyway. Through much of the movie, Rambo would grunt or spread out his dialogue with a sentence here, a sentence there. Mainly, he seemed like a man that wanted to be left alone…and I wish that I’d left him alone. The only reason to watch this movie is to see people get killed in gruesome ways, which is what the ‘Saw’ series is for.
7. ‘Quantum of Solace’
I enjoy the Bond series a lot and, while I wasn’t thrilled by the choice of Daniel Craig as the new 007, he won me over in ‘Casino Royale.’ In this movie though, the action starts off mindless and goes from there. The plot was pointlessly convoluted and I was completely bored through the entire movie.
6. ‘Saw V’
I was okay with the first movie in the franchise. The second movie was terrible. The third one was better than the second one but not as good as the first. And why exactly do I keep watching these awful things. I don’t know. The preview had something about how I wouldn’t believe how it ends. Yes, there’s a gimmick ending that sets up ‘Saw VI,’ which will probably have an ending that sets up ‘Saw VII’ and this is how we go. The series has twisted into basically making Jigsaw, if not the good guy, certainly on par with the good guys and better than ‘the really bad guys.’ Debates on moral relativism are fun, torture porn is not.
5. ‘Batman: Gotham Knight’
I rented this because I heard it was written by the screenwriter of ‘Batman Begins’ and another guy who wrote ‘A History of Violence.’ I was picturing a gritty graphic novel type of movie. Instead, I got this ridiculous mess that was a combination of a four or five separate chapters, including one that imagined Batman as a Transformer. A couple of the segments were okay but weren’t developed enough. It was essentially an anthology of different imaginings of Batman, not really a coherent story.
4. ‘Yes Man’
I went into this movie expecting it to be bad and it was actually so much worse than I’d expected. First thought in every scene: Jim Carrey looks really old. I mean, REALLY old. That’s not to say he should go hang himself or anything but every scene seemed to zoom in on his face, underlining just how old he is (he was 46 during filming but could’ve passed for older) and it’s made worse because the love interest is Zooey Deschanel (28 during filming but could’ve passed for younger). The plot is that a guy takes a vow to never say no and always say yes. How can this not be horrible?
Jim Carrey looks like he’s trying too hard in every scene, summoning all the zany energy he can but it resembles a man who can’t swim, flailing around in the water helplessly. I mean, I think there was something funny in the movie somewhere, I just don’t remember it.
3. ‘Hamlet 2’
Steve Coogan is great and I especially loved him in ‘Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story.’ In this movie, it takes a promising premise, a drama teacher on the way out who’s going to direct one last play, a sequel to a play in which everyone pretty much died in the first one. The movie relegates Coogan to such comedic bits as getting a hand stuck in a locked door. The comedy is broad and not nearly as edgy as it thinks. And for a while, it forgets that it’s a comedy and becomes a drama. It wasn’t much better at being that either.
2. ‘Chapter 27’
Jared Leto gained a bunch of weight to play Mark David Chapman, the person who murdered John Lennon. I’m not sure what I was expecting with this one. Leto walks around New York wearing glasses and whispering a lot. He meets Lindsay Lohan, whose character is soon freaked out by him. Then it shows him killing John Lennon. There’s nothing to be gained from watching this, no insights that are added and ultimately, no reason to watch this shallow biopic of sorts. As for Leto’s performance: He gained weight and added body-mass doesn’t make for a better acting job. For a film that’s entirely about one person and follows that person everywhere and includes narration from inside of his head, I learned nothing that I didn’t know going in.
1. ‘Zombie Strippers’
I almost hesitated to even include this in the list at all. Whereas ‘Chapter 27’ thought of itself as a good film, ‘Zombie Strippers’ is a joke movie. A gag. But I’d heard it likened to ‘Shaun of the Dead,’ which I liked. So I rented ‘Zombie Strippers’ expecting a movie that was corny, didn’t take itself too serious and was silly. The problem was, it wasn’t funny. I mean, like a B-movie, it had the cornball plot and the bad acting but there wasn’t the self-awareness that ‘Shaun of the Dead’ had. And then there were the unnecessary but ever-present George W. Bush shots. Okay, he was shitty president but when that’s a movie’s go-to device for a laugh, it’s in trouble. The reason this movie is the worst movie is because it had absolutely nothing going for it and a hell of a lot going against it. The best thing I can say about it is that it made me pull out ‘Shaun of the Dead.’
Upcoming Posts
Obviously the next post will be the Top 20 Best Movies and some notable movies left off both lists.
Final Thoughts: Workplace Edition
I met someone face-to-face at work that I’ve spoken to numerous times on the phone. She said that I looked nothing like what I sounded like. She exclaimed that she never would’ve picked me out in a crowd. I don’t know what this means. I later asked a coworker who was there when this happened and she didn’t understand it either. I obsessed about it a lot until I decided that it means I have a good voice but an ugly face. I mean, I felt depressed about it but at least I wasn’t obsessing.
I heard a story at work about a guy who married a woman three weeks after they started dating (and they started dating three weeks after they met). They’ve been married over 20 years but I swear, I can’t imagine doing that. Maybe my decision making skills are slow.
Something that seems to have increased lately are the number of women who paint their toenails in the nearby area to where I sit. The smell is nauseating but the idea people are doing this at work is bizarre. I wasn’t a huge fan of clipping nails at work but this is even worse.
There’s this one coworker who plays opera-type music kinda loud. I don’t like that style of music, or any music where the emphasis is on the singer’s talent as a vocalist and nothing else. It seems like it’s not about what’s being said, it’s about how it’s being sung. Words just break down into syllables that are used to hit certain notes. That and I don’t like people playing music loud in a workplace.
Overheard at work: “I don’t believe no guy over 20 don’t have kids somewhere. He may not know about it but there’s no way they be dodging that bullet. Unless they’re gay. But all heterosexual men over 20 have at least one child somewhere.”
For those not familiar with the way I list movies, I only consider films released between January 1 and December 31, 2008 in the area where I’m able to watch movies. This means if a movie was screened in New York and Los Angeles on December 20, 2008 but didn’t open in Atlanta until January 5, 2009, it can win an Oscar for Best Picture of 2008 but it won’t appear on my list until the next year.
This is why ‘There Will Be Blood’ is on this year’s list and why ‘The Wrestler’ isn’t. If I was considering release dates in New York, then ‘The Wrestler’ would be number one on this list without a question but it didn’t come to Atlanta until January 16th (after being released on December 16th in NY and LA).
Like the last couple years, I compiled the list as I went through the year, rating each movie as I saw them. The past year, I’ve lost a little patience with dramas, which is probably why a) I didn’t see as many dramatic movies in the theater last year and b) my top list is crowded with comedies.
Of the movies released last year, I saw 73 of them. Notable movies I didn’t see include: ‘The Boy in the Striped Pajamas,’ ‘The Reader,’ ‘The Visitor,’ ‘Snow Angels,’ ‘Traitor,’ ‘Man on a Wire’ and ‘Valkyrie.’ Those may or may not have been good movies but I just didn’t get around to seeing them yet.
Likewise, there are some movies that might’ve made my worst of list but I didn’t see them, such as: ‘Righteous Kill,’ ‘Postal,’ ‘Sex Drive,’ ‘The Longshots,’ ‘The Bucket List,’ ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still,’ ‘Death Race,’ ‘Extreme Movie’ and ‘The Love Guru.’
I’ve decided to make the list 20 movies deep for both the best and worst sides. So starting with the 20th worst movie that I saw from last year…
20. ‘Son of Rambow’
I saw the preview for this movie before ‘Rambo’ and it looked like a sweet, small budget film about two kids that were going to try to make their own movie. Except, it turned out that it wasn’t all that sweet. It wasn’t as funny or as engaging as I’d expected and worse, it was slow moving and tedious (almost as tedious as a San Francisco travel blog).
19. ‘Drillbit Taylor’
Coming into this movie, I had moderately high expectations. I’m a huge fan of anything Judd Apatow puts his name on. On the other hand, Owen Wilson’s in this. I don’t think Wilson was the worst problem about this movie. I mean, sure, did I want to punch him in the nose? Of course. I always feel that when I see him in a movie…even those that I like with him in there. The problem was that the kids looked like they were cast to resemble the main characters in ‘Superbad,’ which only served to point out what an inferior movie this was. There were a handful of funny scenes in the movie but most of it was mean-spirited…and not the funny kind of mean-spirited.
18. ‘The Bank Job’
There have been so many stylish movies about breaking into locations to steal stuff. But what if someone would make a movie with a bunch of characters you can’t keep track of, that’s disjointed (so it can look clever) and stilted dialogue? Well, then they would’ve made ‘The Bank Job,’ a movie that tries so hard to be relevant but instead flounders in a well of predictability.
17. ‘Semi-Pro’
I don’t know why I watched this movie. I don’t like Will Ferrell except in a small, handful of movies. I thought a few scenes in ‘Talladega Nights’ were funny. But this movie is so completely stale. Usually, Ferrell looks like he’s having fun in his movies (which is good, since at least one of us should be enjoying what he’s doing) but even he looks a little bored through much of this thing.
16. ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’
Maybe it’s an even numbered thing. I liked the first and third installments of the Indiana Jones franchise and didn’t like the second and fourth ones. Or maybe I just like Indiana going up against Nazis. Whatever it was, this outing for Indiana was so incredibly bad. I don’t know exactly when it lost me. Was it Shia LaBeouf playing a greaser (maybe slightly more convincing than C. Thomas Howell in ‘The Outsiders’) or Indiana surviving a nuclear blast because he stuffed himself in a refrigerator? I’m not sure but by the time it got to the ‘Aliens are involved’ twist, I’d been lost for a while. Oh and there are three endings to this movie, each one worse than the one before, culminating in a lame wedding sequence that made me throw up a little in my mouth.
15. ‘Nobel Son’
The best thing about this movie was that I had really good chicken wings afterwards. Every character in this film struck the same note from beginning to end. With the pulsing dance soundtrack (that inexplicably stops midway through), it was like someone saw all of Guy Ritchie’s movies in a row (which are basically the same movie made over and over again) and decided the world needed another one…but this time with Alan Rickman in it.
14. ‘Flash of Genius’
Let’s stop for a moment and agree that Greg Kinnear seems like a nice guy. To use my mom’s terminology, he’s someone you root for. He’s not the problem with most of this movie (although when he appears to start having cotton stuffed behind his lower lip in the second half of the movie, it is somewhat disconcerting). The problem with this film is that it’s like someone wrote an outline for a book and then just shot the outline. Every scene building to the next scene and it’s this focus on moving the story ahead (while leaving character development behind) that makes you feel like you’re not watching a movie but rather a documentary…a very boring documentary. By the time the movie starts employing the device of ‘8 months later,’ ‘2 years later’ and ‘3 years later,’ you’ll feel that time is moving as slowly for you as it is for Greg Kinnear’s character. And the near final court room scene, I half expected someone to bring in a bag of letters to Santa and dump them in front of the judge. But that would’ve been funny.
One last note: The plot of the movie is about a guy that claims to have invented the intermittent windshield wiper. The novelty, I figured, would be they would take a boring idea and make it interesting. Instead, they took an uninteresting topic and made it even more uninteresting.
13. ‘War, Inc.’
Okay, so John Cusack’s playing a conflicted hitman and the costars include Joan Cusack and Dan Akroyd but this isn’t a sequel to ‘Grosse Pointe Blank?’ This movie’s an absolute mess. I could make a compelling argument why this is the worst movie of the year…until I look at what else is on this list. This attempted satire falls completely flat and becomes a mashup that’s almost painful to watch. Alright, so the military industrial complex is evil, is that an excuse for some director to force me to watch Hilary Duff hold a snake and talk in a Russian accent while sticking scorpions down her pants? Maybe super-hardcore liberals can tolerate a movie because it’s anti-Iraq War but the heavy-handedness is going to turn off everyone else (including many who agree with the bottom line thesis of the film).
12. ‘Seven Pounds’
Speaking of heavy-handed… Isn’t it interesting how Will Smith keeps finding himself in movies where he is depicted as a savior of sorts? This movie is called ‘Seven Pounds’ because that sounds better than ‘3.175 Kilograms’ or maybe it’s because it’s so contrived and gimmicky, you’ll want to hit yourself in the head with a seven pound hammer after seeing it. The movie is intentionally oblique in its storytelling because it wouldn’t have a movie if it laid its cards on the table. Once you figure out what the filmmakers are hiding from you, the rest of the movie becomes painfully obvious…painful because you still have an hour left to go before the ending. And in the end, always root for the jellyfish.
11. ‘Towelhead’
The preview of this movie seemed to suggest the story of a Muslim girl in America, a coming of age story set against the backdrop of prejudice in a small town. Turns out, not exactly a small town (it’s Houston) and it’s more about the pedophile living next door. The racism aspect of the film is a relatively minor subplot. Instead, it’s a creepy little narrative about adult men who want to have sex with a 13 year old girl from Lebanon.
10. ‘What Just Happened’
That’s exactly what you’ll be asking yourself after this movie’s over, followed by ‘And why did I just watch this?’ Every now and then, a movie comes out that Hollywood insiders love because it’s full of in-jokes and because it’s about them, their favorite subject. Watching from the outside looking in, it’s not nearly as funny as what it could’ve been, which is a shame. They had the people there to make it work. Robert DeNiro as an agent for the bearded Bruce Willis could’ve been really good. I mean, they certainly had a funny scene together. They even showed that one scene in the commercial so you could go and realize how the whole movie is nothing like the one scene that made you go in the first place. As for the idea that Hollywood is full of back-stabbers and sycophants…what an amazingly obvious insight.
One note: Credit though to Sean Penn. His performance was as close to self-deprecating as he gets.
9. ‘Hellboy II: The Golden Army’
I liked the original ‘Hellboy’ because it was charming and visually different than other movies that were playing. The second ‘Hellboy’ wants to make sure it’s visually different while neglecting the charm that made the first movie special. The previews for this movie used the term ‘From the visionary director…’ and that was the problem. The movie was filled with effects but it lacked any heart.
8. ‘Rambo’
This might sound stupid but even though I didn’t like the first three Rambo movies, I thought the fourth one would be good because I liked ‘Rocky Balboa.’ I mean, the logic is completely flawed but I watched it anyway. Through much of the movie, Rambo would grunt or spread out his dialogue with a sentence here, a sentence there. Mainly, he seemed like a man that wanted to be left alone…and I wish that I’d left him alone. The only reason to watch this movie is to see people get killed in gruesome ways, which is what the ‘Saw’ series is for.
7. ‘Quantum of Solace’
I enjoy the Bond series a lot and, while I wasn’t thrilled by the choice of Daniel Craig as the new 007, he won me over in ‘Casino Royale.’ In this movie though, the action starts off mindless and goes from there. The plot was pointlessly convoluted and I was completely bored through the entire movie.
6. ‘Saw V’
I was okay with the first movie in the franchise. The second movie was terrible. The third one was better than the second one but not as good as the first. And why exactly do I keep watching these awful things. I don’t know. The preview had something about how I wouldn’t believe how it ends. Yes, there’s a gimmick ending that sets up ‘Saw VI,’ which will probably have an ending that sets up ‘Saw VII’ and this is how we go. The series has twisted into basically making Jigsaw, if not the good guy, certainly on par with the good guys and better than ‘the really bad guys.’ Debates on moral relativism are fun, torture porn is not.
5. ‘Batman: Gotham Knight’
I rented this because I heard it was written by the screenwriter of ‘Batman Begins’ and another guy who wrote ‘A History of Violence.’ I was picturing a gritty graphic novel type of movie. Instead, I got this ridiculous mess that was a combination of a four or five separate chapters, including one that imagined Batman as a Transformer. A couple of the segments were okay but weren’t developed enough. It was essentially an anthology of different imaginings of Batman, not really a coherent story.
4. ‘Yes Man’
I went into this movie expecting it to be bad and it was actually so much worse than I’d expected. First thought in every scene: Jim Carrey looks really old. I mean, REALLY old. That’s not to say he should go hang himself or anything but every scene seemed to zoom in on his face, underlining just how old he is (he was 46 during filming but could’ve passed for older) and it’s made worse because the love interest is Zooey Deschanel (28 during filming but could’ve passed for younger). The plot is that a guy takes a vow to never say no and always say yes. How can this not be horrible?
Jim Carrey looks like he’s trying too hard in every scene, summoning all the zany energy he can but it resembles a man who can’t swim, flailing around in the water helplessly. I mean, I think there was something funny in the movie somewhere, I just don’t remember it.
3. ‘Hamlet 2’
Steve Coogan is great and I especially loved him in ‘Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story.’ In this movie, it takes a promising premise, a drama teacher on the way out who’s going to direct one last play, a sequel to a play in which everyone pretty much died in the first one. The movie relegates Coogan to such comedic bits as getting a hand stuck in a locked door. The comedy is broad and not nearly as edgy as it thinks. And for a while, it forgets that it’s a comedy and becomes a drama. It wasn’t much better at being that either.
2. ‘Chapter 27’
Jared Leto gained a bunch of weight to play Mark David Chapman, the person who murdered John Lennon. I’m not sure what I was expecting with this one. Leto walks around New York wearing glasses and whispering a lot. He meets Lindsay Lohan, whose character is soon freaked out by him. Then it shows him killing John Lennon. There’s nothing to be gained from watching this, no insights that are added and ultimately, no reason to watch this shallow biopic of sorts. As for Leto’s performance: He gained weight and added body-mass doesn’t make for a better acting job. For a film that’s entirely about one person and follows that person everywhere and includes narration from inside of his head, I learned nothing that I didn’t know going in.
1. ‘Zombie Strippers’
I almost hesitated to even include this in the list at all. Whereas ‘Chapter 27’ thought of itself as a good film, ‘Zombie Strippers’ is a joke movie. A gag. But I’d heard it likened to ‘Shaun of the Dead,’ which I liked. So I rented ‘Zombie Strippers’ expecting a movie that was corny, didn’t take itself too serious and was silly. The problem was, it wasn’t funny. I mean, like a B-movie, it had the cornball plot and the bad acting but there wasn’t the self-awareness that ‘Shaun of the Dead’ had. And then there were the unnecessary but ever-present George W. Bush shots. Okay, he was shitty president but when that’s a movie’s go-to device for a laugh, it’s in trouble. The reason this movie is the worst movie is because it had absolutely nothing going for it and a hell of a lot going against it. The best thing I can say about it is that it made me pull out ‘Shaun of the Dead.’
Upcoming Posts
Obviously the next post will be the Top 20 Best Movies and some notable movies left off both lists.
Final Thoughts: Workplace Edition
I met someone face-to-face at work that I’ve spoken to numerous times on the phone. She said that I looked nothing like what I sounded like. She exclaimed that she never would’ve picked me out in a crowd. I don’t know what this means. I later asked a coworker who was there when this happened and she didn’t understand it either. I obsessed about it a lot until I decided that it means I have a good voice but an ugly face. I mean, I felt depressed about it but at least I wasn’t obsessing.
I heard a story at work about a guy who married a woman three weeks after they started dating (and they started dating three weeks after they met). They’ve been married over 20 years but I swear, I can’t imagine doing that. Maybe my decision making skills are slow.
Something that seems to have increased lately are the number of women who paint their toenails in the nearby area to where I sit. The smell is nauseating but the idea people are doing this at work is bizarre. I wasn’t a huge fan of clipping nails at work but this is even worse.
There’s this one coworker who plays opera-type music kinda loud. I don’t like that style of music, or any music where the emphasis is on the singer’s talent as a vocalist and nothing else. It seems like it’s not about what’s being said, it’s about how it’s being sung. Words just break down into syllables that are used to hit certain notes. That and I don’t like people playing music loud in a workplace.
Overheard at work: “I don’t believe no guy over 20 don’t have kids somewhere. He may not know about it but there’s no way they be dodging that bullet. Unless they’re gay. But all heterosexual men over 20 have at least one child somewhere.”
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The Talladega Wreck (from April 26th)
Okay, with the San Francisco experience already written down, the next biggest thing to happen in the last couple months was my experience at Talladega.
Michelle had tickets to the Aarons 499 (which is actually 500.1 miles), so I was able to go to my first NASCAR event ever on April 26th. Now, I realize it’s now a month later and not really newsworthy, but you know that blind-woman sucker punch thing I commented on the other day? Well, that actually had happened a year earlier and CNN had just gotten around to putting it as one of the top stories. So if CNN can cover something a year later, I should be allowed a month delay to report on a NASCAR race.
But here’s the thing. Had I written this right after I’d gone to Talladega, I would’ve had all these stories about the experience. Instead, I’m just hitting on general thoughts I had about the race.
You know all the stereotypes you have about a NASCAR race? Well, most of them were true as far as I could tell. It was a lot of clichéd rednecks (not that there weren’t some non-rednecks but the majority…) yelling things like ‘Git r done’ and one guy shaking his cane at the drivers as they passed by. And then there were women walking around with tramp stamps (including one that read: ‘Git r done’) and one who took off her shirt so she could wave it around and spent a good portion of the race sitting there in her bra.
The rows of seats were very close together, making it nearly impossible to exit out the row. When we first sat down, I noticed the fence blocking my view, which I didn’t figure was a huge big deal except it was going to obscure all my pictures. I was trying to be able to shoot through the fence like I’ve done at Turner Field through the netting but it never came out very well and nearly all the pictures I got from the day were crap.
We were three rows back from the fence, so we were really close but it turns out that being close isn’t a good thing. See, the track is an oval. From where I was sitting, I couldn’t see the other side of the track at all and I could just barely see the top and bottom of the oval. And when the cars passed in front of me, they were just a blur. At no point could I really tell who was winning just by looking at the track. Instead, I had to look up at the leader board.
So, I can only see what amounts to a quarter of what’s going on, which is like watching a baseball game but only being able to see the pitcher and the catcher.
But the fans there were totally into it. Each time the drivers passed by, they would yell cheers and taunts at different drivers. The PA announcer implored the crowd at the beginning of the race to get as loud as possible because the drivers can hear them. Trust me on this, I could barely hear anything when those cars were anywhere near, there’s no way in the world those drivers can hear the crowd. The fans don’t seem to get that.
Of course, that’s not to say all fans are like that. There are those who have headsets that can listen into what the drivers are saying and they’re into the technical aspect of what’s going on and I admire them. They weren’t the ones screaming for the number 88 car to ‘Git r done.’ I think some fans are into the strategy (such as it is) of when to pass, when to hold back, when to pit etc. But I can’t believe that most of those fans there viewed the race that way. It was like an exposition to scream in a crowd, drink beer and hope for the big crash.
In an effort to make Michelle laugh, I hollered a few times, including ‘Git r done,’ ‘whoo-hoo’ and whenever David Reutimann’s name was mentioned, I’d yell ‘Who’s the man?! Reutimann!’ And it was fun…four or five times.
But the race was nearly four hours long and consisted of 188 laps. That’s 188 trips around an oval. I’ve never really understood the appeal of racing. I’ve been able to watch a little racing on television and certainly the ends of these races can be exciting, generally the last 20 laps (30 at most) but I figured this might be a sport where you kinda have to be there to ‘get it.’ Since I could only see a quarter of what was going on, it seems like it’d be a sport more suited for television.
I was okay for the first 15 laps and for the last 15-20 laps but I really struggled during the middle 150 or so. Baseball might be slow moving but at least different things are happening. With the exception of crashes, what happens in lap 110 isn’t that much different than lap 52 or lap 141. A bunch of cars go in an oval.
Each time the drivers passed by, I was hit by a huge breeze that was mixed with all sorts of dirt and debris so that by the end, I was covered in a filthy second skin. I can’t think of a time I felt dirtier than after the race.
Adding to that: Smoking is permitted in the stands. I don’t think about smoking much because it’s been banned in most stadiums for some time but it’s really annoying when everyone around you is smoking and their ash is falling on you. I must’ve sat in the chain smoking section because nearly each person was downing cigarette after cigarette for the entire race and I was their ash tray.
Because the fence was in my way, I couldn’t get the pictures I wanted, so I put my camera away after about 10-15 laps. But when I heard Carl Edwards was making a move to the front, I got my camera back out because I was pretty sure he was the one who did the backflip off his car if he won and I wanted to get the picture.
Carl Edwards had been in 20th place or so for most of the race, never threatening to win it, while Aarons’ driver, David Reutimann had been flirting with the top spot for a good portion of the day. Reutimann would finish 26th and Edwards was seconds away from winning it. This says to me that the first 150 laps don’t matter all that much. I mean, you don’t have to really lead any of those laps to win, you’re just trying to avoid getting into an accident. But with all the caution resets, it’s perfectly okay to hang around in 20th place and then make a move with 30 laps left.
But Carl Edwards didn’t win and that he didn’t win (and how he didn’t win) is what makes this race notable.
Edwards took the lead with a half lap left. Directly behind Edwards was Brad Keselowski and looking back on it (because I couldn’t see this at the time), Keselowski tried to pass low and Edwards blocked him, which caused Edwards’ car to spin and come off the ground a little. Then Ryan Newman’s struck Edwards, causing the car to go fully airborne, spinning into the catch fence that protects the fans from incoming cars.
The fence gave in a little but stayed largely intact, prevent the car and it’s debris from entering the stands. The debris that did enter appear to come from the fence itself, including the PA speakers. Seven people were injured, two were air lifted to a hospital (as a result of traffic concerns, not because of the severity of their injuries. The most serious injury was a broken jaw suffered by a 17 year old girl sitting one section to my left.
And what did I see? Well, I could see Edwards coming around and I saw he was spun out and hit by another car (though it appeared to me at the time to be Dale Earnhardt Jr., not Ryan Newman, that sent him fully airborne). I had the camera in my hand as the car hit the fence but I was completely frozen. Not scared. It was extremely surreal. The car flips around and so I was looking straight ahead (remember, I was three rows back) and seeing the top of the 99 car before it landed back on the track.
The pictures I got were after the car had already landed and none of them especially impressive. In the video that I included below, you can see that the front end hits the fence and then it flips around and at one point, the 99 painted on the top of the car is pointed at the fans, and that was my view looking straight ahead.
My first thought: I wasn’t sure if Edwards was dead or not. Looking at the video, he gets out quickly and easily and trots to the finish line but from my view, I never saw that. Instead I was my view was being blocked by a group of dumb-ass rednecks giving each other high fives and cheering. On the projector screen in the middle of the infield, that I could barely see, it looked like Edwards was being interviewed. But again, I couldn’t really see the screen and the PA speaker for my section was broken.
(if you can't view this video from this page, you can also click to view it here)
After the race, we hung around and waited for it to clear out and then we went to the car, where we waited a couple more hours for traffic to clear out before leaving.
I’m certainly glad that I went but I’m not sure I would go again. Maybe if I had suite tickets so I could be inside because it was really hot out there and I was right in the sun. Michelle said that if you sit higher up, you can see more of the track and then the pictures wouldn’t be blocked by the fence. But I don’t know. It’s still 188 trips around an oval.
Alls I Wanted Was a Meatball Sandwich
Clearing out some more old news: The weekend before last, Michelle and I were going to go to dinner but neither of us really knew what we wanted. She wanted something to take back to my place and I only knew that I didn’t want anything too heavy. After eliminating pretty much every fast food place in the area, she decided on Nathan’s Hot Dogs.
On the way there though, I decided that I wanted a meatball sandwich from Serafino’s, which I was under the impression was a sandwich deli place down the road. Why did I have this impression? Because I’d been there before and I ordered a meatball sandwich to go. I just wanted the same thing.
But when we got there, they had a movable wall, you know, like the kind you change clothes behind, that was blocking the area where I’d previously ordered at. The lights were dim and a waitress came out of the back to seat us. The place had converted into a sit-down Italian restaurant, exactly what neither of us wanted since I didn’t want something too heavy and she didn’t want to eat at a restaurant.
Worse, on the menu, meatball sandwich wasn’t listed. The waitress explained they only do those at lunch. So, me and Michelle ended up leaving and going to Nathan’s. The strangest thing about Serafino’s conversion? They still had their television going. If you’re going to try to fashion yourself as a higher class restaurant, take down the TV or at least turn it off, especially if you’re going to charge $18 for lasagna.
At Nathan’s
We got to Nathan’s and both ordered the same thing. Turned out though that the restaurant was out of drinks. All they had was tea and lemonade. So if we were in the mood for an Arnold Palmer, we’d be set but we both ordered soft drinks. We settled on lemonade. I paid for the meal and they were also out of pennies.
At Zaxbys
The next day, we went to Zaxbys. And I’m not a huge fan of that restaurant but I’d never tried their salad, so I went ahead and ordered a chicken Caesar salad and it was okay, certainly better than anything else I’ve had there. Here’s the weird thing though, at the drive through, I was asked if I had a church bulletin.
I know this sounds strange but I felt a little guilty about not having a bulletin. In some way, I felt compelled to apologize but I didn’t know why. And I didn’t apologize either. But I felt medium bad when I said that I didn’t have one.
Final Thoughts
I was watching Jay Leno the other day and Bill Maher said ‘fuck’ and it was beeped out but when he used the word retarded, the sound was removed so you could see his mouth move but couldn’t hear the word. Why use an audible beeping sound for fuck but mute the sound for retarded?
‘Chuck’ was brought back by NBC for 13 episodes, not a ringing endorsement of the show but better than being cancelled. There was a strong online effort to save the show and it made me wonder if my girlfriend’s mom signed the ‘Save Chuck’ petition.
I’m hearing the term ‘pissing contest’ a lot lately. You know one person I’d never get into a pissing contest with? A guy on Flomax because that’d be like going up against a fire hose.
I heard a joke that began with ‘A penguin walked into a bar…’ I say, if your joke starts with a penguin walking into a bar, you don’t need a punch line…a penguin going into a bar is funny enough.
Michelle had tickets to the Aarons 499 (which is actually 500.1 miles), so I was able to go to my first NASCAR event ever on April 26th. Now, I realize it’s now a month later and not really newsworthy, but you know that blind-woman sucker punch thing I commented on the other day? Well, that actually had happened a year earlier and CNN had just gotten around to putting it as one of the top stories. So if CNN can cover something a year later, I should be allowed a month delay to report on a NASCAR race.
But here’s the thing. Had I written this right after I’d gone to Talladega, I would’ve had all these stories about the experience. Instead, I’m just hitting on general thoughts I had about the race.
You know all the stereotypes you have about a NASCAR race? Well, most of them were true as far as I could tell. It was a lot of clichéd rednecks (not that there weren’t some non-rednecks but the majority…) yelling things like ‘Git r done’ and one guy shaking his cane at the drivers as they passed by. And then there were women walking around with tramp stamps (including one that read: ‘Git r done’) and one who took off her shirt so she could wave it around and spent a good portion of the race sitting there in her bra.
The rows of seats were very close together, making it nearly impossible to exit out the row. When we first sat down, I noticed the fence blocking my view, which I didn’t figure was a huge big deal except it was going to obscure all my pictures. I was trying to be able to shoot through the fence like I’ve done at Turner Field through the netting but it never came out very well and nearly all the pictures I got from the day were crap.
We were three rows back from the fence, so we were really close but it turns out that being close isn’t a good thing. See, the track is an oval. From where I was sitting, I couldn’t see the other side of the track at all and I could just barely see the top and bottom of the oval. And when the cars passed in front of me, they were just a blur. At no point could I really tell who was winning just by looking at the track. Instead, I had to look up at the leader board.
So, I can only see what amounts to a quarter of what’s going on, which is like watching a baseball game but only being able to see the pitcher and the catcher.
But the fans there were totally into it. Each time the drivers passed by, they would yell cheers and taunts at different drivers. The PA announcer implored the crowd at the beginning of the race to get as loud as possible because the drivers can hear them. Trust me on this, I could barely hear anything when those cars were anywhere near, there’s no way in the world those drivers can hear the crowd. The fans don’t seem to get that.
Of course, that’s not to say all fans are like that. There are those who have headsets that can listen into what the drivers are saying and they’re into the technical aspect of what’s going on and I admire them. They weren’t the ones screaming for the number 88 car to ‘Git r done.’ I think some fans are into the strategy (such as it is) of when to pass, when to hold back, when to pit etc. But I can’t believe that most of those fans there viewed the race that way. It was like an exposition to scream in a crowd, drink beer and hope for the big crash.
In an effort to make Michelle laugh, I hollered a few times, including ‘Git r done,’ ‘whoo-hoo’ and whenever David Reutimann’s name was mentioned, I’d yell ‘Who’s the man?! Reutimann!’ And it was fun…four or five times.
But the race was nearly four hours long and consisted of 188 laps. That’s 188 trips around an oval. I’ve never really understood the appeal of racing. I’ve been able to watch a little racing on television and certainly the ends of these races can be exciting, generally the last 20 laps (30 at most) but I figured this might be a sport where you kinda have to be there to ‘get it.’ Since I could only see a quarter of what was going on, it seems like it’d be a sport more suited for television.
I was okay for the first 15 laps and for the last 15-20 laps but I really struggled during the middle 150 or so. Baseball might be slow moving but at least different things are happening. With the exception of crashes, what happens in lap 110 isn’t that much different than lap 52 or lap 141. A bunch of cars go in an oval.
Each time the drivers passed by, I was hit by a huge breeze that was mixed with all sorts of dirt and debris so that by the end, I was covered in a filthy second skin. I can’t think of a time I felt dirtier than after the race.
Adding to that: Smoking is permitted in the stands. I don’t think about smoking much because it’s been banned in most stadiums for some time but it’s really annoying when everyone around you is smoking and their ash is falling on you. I must’ve sat in the chain smoking section because nearly each person was downing cigarette after cigarette for the entire race and I was their ash tray.
Because the fence was in my way, I couldn’t get the pictures I wanted, so I put my camera away after about 10-15 laps. But when I heard Carl Edwards was making a move to the front, I got my camera back out because I was pretty sure he was the one who did the backflip off his car if he won and I wanted to get the picture.
Carl Edwards had been in 20th place or so for most of the race, never threatening to win it, while Aarons’ driver, David Reutimann had been flirting with the top spot for a good portion of the day. Reutimann would finish 26th and Edwards was seconds away from winning it. This says to me that the first 150 laps don’t matter all that much. I mean, you don’t have to really lead any of those laps to win, you’re just trying to avoid getting into an accident. But with all the caution resets, it’s perfectly okay to hang around in 20th place and then make a move with 30 laps left.
But Carl Edwards didn’t win and that he didn’t win (and how he didn’t win) is what makes this race notable.
Edwards took the lead with a half lap left. Directly behind Edwards was Brad Keselowski and looking back on it (because I couldn’t see this at the time), Keselowski tried to pass low and Edwards blocked him, which caused Edwards’ car to spin and come off the ground a little. Then Ryan Newman’s struck Edwards, causing the car to go fully airborne, spinning into the catch fence that protects the fans from incoming cars.
The fence gave in a little but stayed largely intact, prevent the car and it’s debris from entering the stands. The debris that did enter appear to come from the fence itself, including the PA speakers. Seven people were injured, two were air lifted to a hospital (as a result of traffic concerns, not because of the severity of their injuries. The most serious injury was a broken jaw suffered by a 17 year old girl sitting one section to my left.
And what did I see? Well, I could see Edwards coming around and I saw he was spun out and hit by another car (though it appeared to me at the time to be Dale Earnhardt Jr., not Ryan Newman, that sent him fully airborne). I had the camera in my hand as the car hit the fence but I was completely frozen. Not scared. It was extremely surreal. The car flips around and so I was looking straight ahead (remember, I was three rows back) and seeing the top of the 99 car before it landed back on the track.
The pictures I got were after the car had already landed and none of them especially impressive. In the video that I included below, you can see that the front end hits the fence and then it flips around and at one point, the 99 painted on the top of the car is pointed at the fans, and that was my view looking straight ahead.
My first thought: I wasn’t sure if Edwards was dead or not. Looking at the video, he gets out quickly and easily and trots to the finish line but from my view, I never saw that. Instead I was my view was being blocked by a group of dumb-ass rednecks giving each other high fives and cheering. On the projector screen in the middle of the infield, that I could barely see, it looked like Edwards was being interviewed. But again, I couldn’t really see the screen and the PA speaker for my section was broken.
(if you can't view this video from this page, you can also click to view it here)
After the race, we hung around and waited for it to clear out and then we went to the car, where we waited a couple more hours for traffic to clear out before leaving.
I’m certainly glad that I went but I’m not sure I would go again. Maybe if I had suite tickets so I could be inside because it was really hot out there and I was right in the sun. Michelle said that if you sit higher up, you can see more of the track and then the pictures wouldn’t be blocked by the fence. But I don’t know. It’s still 188 trips around an oval.
Alls I Wanted Was a Meatball Sandwich
Clearing out some more old news: The weekend before last, Michelle and I were going to go to dinner but neither of us really knew what we wanted. She wanted something to take back to my place and I only knew that I didn’t want anything too heavy. After eliminating pretty much every fast food place in the area, she decided on Nathan’s Hot Dogs.
On the way there though, I decided that I wanted a meatball sandwich from Serafino’s, which I was under the impression was a sandwich deli place down the road. Why did I have this impression? Because I’d been there before and I ordered a meatball sandwich to go. I just wanted the same thing.
But when we got there, they had a movable wall, you know, like the kind you change clothes behind, that was blocking the area where I’d previously ordered at. The lights were dim and a waitress came out of the back to seat us. The place had converted into a sit-down Italian restaurant, exactly what neither of us wanted since I didn’t want something too heavy and she didn’t want to eat at a restaurant.
Worse, on the menu, meatball sandwich wasn’t listed. The waitress explained they only do those at lunch. So, me and Michelle ended up leaving and going to Nathan’s. The strangest thing about Serafino’s conversion? They still had their television going. If you’re going to try to fashion yourself as a higher class restaurant, take down the TV or at least turn it off, especially if you’re going to charge $18 for lasagna.
At Nathan’s
We got to Nathan’s and both ordered the same thing. Turned out though that the restaurant was out of drinks. All they had was tea and lemonade. So if we were in the mood for an Arnold Palmer, we’d be set but we both ordered soft drinks. We settled on lemonade. I paid for the meal and they were also out of pennies.
At Zaxbys
The next day, we went to Zaxbys. And I’m not a huge fan of that restaurant but I’d never tried their salad, so I went ahead and ordered a chicken Caesar salad and it was okay, certainly better than anything else I’ve had there. Here’s the weird thing though, at the drive through, I was asked if I had a church bulletin.
I know this sounds strange but I felt a little guilty about not having a bulletin. In some way, I felt compelled to apologize but I didn’t know why. And I didn’t apologize either. But I felt medium bad when I said that I didn’t have one.
Final Thoughts
I was watching Jay Leno the other day and Bill Maher said ‘fuck’ and it was beeped out but when he used the word retarded, the sound was removed so you could see his mouth move but couldn’t hear the word. Why use an audible beeping sound for fuck but mute the sound for retarded?
‘Chuck’ was brought back by NBC for 13 episodes, not a ringing endorsement of the show but better than being cancelled. There was a strong online effort to save the show and it made me wonder if my girlfriend’s mom signed the ‘Save Chuck’ petition.
I’m hearing the term ‘pissing contest’ a lot lately. You know one person I’d never get into a pissing contest with? A guy on Flomax because that’d be like going up against a fire hose.
I heard a joke that began with ‘A penguin walked into a bar…’ I say, if your joke starts with a penguin walking into a bar, you don’t need a punch line…a penguin going into a bar is funny enough.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Covering SF: Monday April 13th: In the End
Now, for the semi-exciting conclusion to the coverage of: San Francisco 2009
Getting Up
Once again, decided to wake up without an alarm clock since I didn’t have anything concrete planned for the morning. I had toyed with going to the Cable Car Museum, which is something I really wanted to do but it didn’t open until 10am and I needed to leave for the airport at about 10:40.
Instead, I went to Mel’s Drive-in for the final time. The experience was horrible. They never refilled my drink and were fairly rude in general. The food was still good but it sucked that the last two times I went, the service was poor.
I hung out in the hotel, watching television. Storms were going through Atlanta and I was concerned that it might cause airport delays.
Getting Out
I left for the airport at 10:45 and I thought I could get to Powell Station but my knee was hurting so bad, I had to keep taking breaks on the way down the steps. I missed the train, though it didn’t end up mattering. I still got to the airport in plenty of time. I checked in, went through security and got to my gate.
My flight was delayed 10-15 minutes but I was concerned that this was only an initial delay and that more delays might be on the way. My girlfriend was supposed to pick me up from the airport at around 8:45. She was going to have to get up at 4:30 to go to work the next morning and I was concerned that the we wouldn’t get back to my place until 9:30-9:45 (and we’d planned to watch ‘24’ on DVR that night), meaning she probably wouldn’t get but about five and a half hours of sleep or so…and it could be worse if the delay was any more than 10-15 minutes.
Mom suggested having my dad pick me up from the airport since he was going to be downtown late. I called Michelle at work to see whether the delay (and potential for more delays) made her want to change plans but she was really set on picking me up.
(Side note: Michelle sounds completely different at work. Her tone of voice, everything. Not bad, just different. Completely different.)
Getting Home
It turned out that the plane wasn’t delayed any more than the originally stated 10 minutes. Aboard the plane, I bought a sandwich for lunch, listened to podcasts, watched onboard television and, of course, played trivia.
I was kicking everyone’s ass until JAAACK showed up. It was the same guy who was so great on the flight out to San Francisco. We shared the flight to and from San Francisco, which is a crazy coincidence. JAAACK wasn’t quite as strong on the flight back though. San Francisco must’ve really tired him out or something.
While up in the plane, I was able to watch the vast majority of ‘Pardon the Interruption,’ which was really cool.
As for landing, we made up a good amount of time in the air and landed at 8:45pm as expected. The plan was for Michelle to hang out in a bookstore on Camp Creek Parkway until I landed. I figured that I’d text her that I’d landed and the time it would take me to get off the plane and to the front entrance would be the same time it’d take her to leave the bookstore and arrive at the south gate.
And it worked perfectly. We got back to my apartment without any problems and were able to watch the parts of ‘PTI’ that I had missed on the plane and the episode of ‘24’ that had aired.
Thoughts on the Trip
Looking back at the planning of the trip, I clearly had three concerns. First, I wasn’t sure whether my side would be 100% by April and when it became clear that it wouldn’t be, I was concerned about how it would affect the trip.
Second, I felt that I would probably never get the chance to go to San Francisco again, so I wanted to do as many things as possible as quickly as possible so that I didn’t leave anything out. This issue was made more difficult by concern number one.
Finally, I hadn’t been on a major trip like this in a long time and I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to go on a trip like this again. I had this feeling that ‘I better make this count.’
As a result of these three concerns, I created a massive plan designed to both fit in as much as possible with the understanding that my side might prevent me from completing the plan in full. What ended up happening is that the plan became a job and the things I wanted to do became tasks.
While the plan was extremely flexible and the flexibility was needed, not because my side but because my knee, there was too much information. The list of alternate bus schedules was a waste and never used. The listing of all bus routes was barely used and kind of unnecessary.
But it wasn’t that the plan was too big, it was that the creation of the plan was bigger than the trip. When I was younger, I remember how going from one event to another to another limited the fun. I always wanted a vacation where we could just hang out and not feel like we were running from place to place to complete ‘a plan.’ What’s the purpose of a vacation when it’s just a different kind of work?
On my trip to Colorado, my plan consisted of things I wanted to do and addresses. I used my GPS to get from place to place but most things weren’t really nailed down. I felt like I really was able to get away and just have a good time. The fun factor was missing on my trip to San Francisco because I was too caught up in the details.
I think adding to that a little was my purchase of the City Pass, which at $59 is still a great deal. The Pass gave me free use of cable cars, buses and street cars and it saved me an estimated $43 in fare. It allowed me to take part in the Blue and Gold Cruise ($24 regular price), the Aquarium ($16 regular price), the Modern Art Museum ($12.50 regular price) and the de Young Museum ($10 regular price). That’s usage worth about $105.50 for the cost of $59, a savings of at least $46.50.
But here’s the thing: Would I normally go to the museums and an aquarium? Probably not. I felt like I couldn’t cancel those things because they were already paid for and it put added pressure to ‘have’ to do those things. I mean, the City Pass still worked out overall because I would’ve done the cruise anyway and the transit stuff, so it would’ve paid for itself but I wasn’t impressed with either art museum.
Writing the coverage of the trip has been extremely tedious and tough to slog through but it captures the trip pretty well. It was a series of ‘turn here, turn there, get here, get there’ rather than enjoying the experience.
I wonder how much of an effect my knee getting hurt Friday morning played on the trip. Obviously, there were some things that were cancelled because I just couldn’t keep going. If my knee wasn’t hurting the way it was, would I have been so focused on the minutiae of the trip? Or was I focused on the minutiae because of the way the trip was planned?
I’d like to think that once I got out there, the plan would’ve become a guideline and less task oriented if my knee wasn’t hurt. I began viewing the plan as something to get through. ‘Will I be able to get through X, Y and Z before having to stop?’
I don’t know the answer to that. What I do know is that my side only seized up three times. Twice on the plane flight out there and once at Buena Vista Park on Friday. My side was completely a non-issue. I think in part because of the trip, I have greater confidence in my side and haven’t worried about it as much since I’ve gotten back. It’s not been a problem overall since I’ve gotten back and I’m very thankful for that.
I had planned for about 12 miles and I thought that was a lot. But because of getting lost, not counting the amount of walking I would incur during events and forgoing the bus because I thought walking would be easier (since the two points just seemed so close on the map or because I couldn’t find the bus stop), I wound up walking almost 28 miles in five days, 15 miles on Friday alone.
As for traveling while out there, I was glad that I didn’t rent a car. Parking was so bad out there, that it wouldn’t’ve done me any good anyway. The transit system is the city’s strongest asset, especially important given that it was insanely hilly, much worse than I could’ve pictured.
The weather was much better than I’d expected. Thursday was overcast and dreary but by late Friday afternoon, it began to clear up so that my Golden Gate pictures were shot against a mainly blue sky.
I ended up talking on the phone more than I'd expecting, running up a bill of $210. Since a good portion of my trip took place during a weekend, I either racked up a bunch of minutes on Friday (when I was walking everywhere an taking knee breaks) or I was in a roaming area and didn't realize it. I knew my bill would be higher but not that much higher.
The biggest victory to me though was the way I was able to always stay on East Coast time. While I was always aware of Pacific time, I kept waking up and going to sleep on an East Coast schedule, meaning I was in bed by 7 or 8pm PDT and awake by around 5am PDT. This made adjusting to my home schedule fairly easy.
Final Thought on the Trip
In the end, I’m certainly glad that I went. I’ve never been to a place like San Francisco but I think that I over-planned it because I was putting too much pressure on the trip, turning it into a job and robbing it of the fun that I could’ve had.
Upcoming Entries
The goal is to write my NASCAR experience and post it on Thursday and post my best and worst movies on Saturday. Then I’ll see where I’m at after that and hopefully the blog can get back to being something less boring and a little more funny.
Obituaries
I saw that Dom DiMaggio died on May 8th. Obviously it’s impossible to mention Dom without mentioning that he was the younger brother of Joe DiMaggio. What gets forgotten is that Dom was one of the best centerfielders of his era who finished his career with a .298 batting average. And while his brother had the famous 56 game hitting streak, Dom hit in 34 straight in 1949. The streak ended against the Yankees in a game in which Joe made a great catch to rob his brother of a hit.
But what I remember most about Dom is his book ‘Real Grass, Real Heroes,’ a story of the 1941 season in which his brother had the 56 game hit streak and Dom’s teammate, Ted Williams, batted .406. (Also in described in the book: Lou Gehrig’s farewell address, the first televised baseball game, the Mickey Owen World Series and Lefty Grove’s 300th win).
The book shows current fans what the game was like back then. The travel. The camaraderie between teammates. What it was like to play baseball as America’s involvement in World War II grew near. As a backdrop, the book also portrays what America was like during that time.
‘Real Grass, Real Heroes’ is an incredible book about an amazing season in a transformational year in our country and is definitely worth reading.
Dom passed away at the age of 92 of pneumonia.
Getting Up
Once again, decided to wake up without an alarm clock since I didn’t have anything concrete planned for the morning. I had toyed with going to the Cable Car Museum, which is something I really wanted to do but it didn’t open until 10am and I needed to leave for the airport at about 10:40.
Instead, I went to Mel’s Drive-in for the final time. The experience was horrible. They never refilled my drink and were fairly rude in general. The food was still good but it sucked that the last two times I went, the service was poor.
I hung out in the hotel, watching television. Storms were going through Atlanta and I was concerned that it might cause airport delays.
Getting Out
I left for the airport at 10:45 and I thought I could get to Powell Station but my knee was hurting so bad, I had to keep taking breaks on the way down the steps. I missed the train, though it didn’t end up mattering. I still got to the airport in plenty of time. I checked in, went through security and got to my gate.
My flight was delayed 10-15 minutes but I was concerned that this was only an initial delay and that more delays might be on the way. My girlfriend was supposed to pick me up from the airport at around 8:45. She was going to have to get up at 4:30 to go to work the next morning and I was concerned that the we wouldn’t get back to my place until 9:30-9:45 (and we’d planned to watch ‘24’ on DVR that night), meaning she probably wouldn’t get but about five and a half hours of sleep or so…and it could be worse if the delay was any more than 10-15 minutes.
Mom suggested having my dad pick me up from the airport since he was going to be downtown late. I called Michelle at work to see whether the delay (and potential for more delays) made her want to change plans but she was really set on picking me up.
(Side note: Michelle sounds completely different at work. Her tone of voice, everything. Not bad, just different. Completely different.)
Getting Home
It turned out that the plane wasn’t delayed any more than the originally stated 10 minutes. Aboard the plane, I bought a sandwich for lunch, listened to podcasts, watched onboard television and, of course, played trivia.
I was kicking everyone’s ass until JAAACK showed up. It was the same guy who was so great on the flight out to San Francisco. We shared the flight to and from San Francisco, which is a crazy coincidence. JAAACK wasn’t quite as strong on the flight back though. San Francisco must’ve really tired him out or something.
While up in the plane, I was able to watch the vast majority of ‘Pardon the Interruption,’ which was really cool.
As for landing, we made up a good amount of time in the air and landed at 8:45pm as expected. The plan was for Michelle to hang out in a bookstore on Camp Creek Parkway until I landed. I figured that I’d text her that I’d landed and the time it would take me to get off the plane and to the front entrance would be the same time it’d take her to leave the bookstore and arrive at the south gate.
And it worked perfectly. We got back to my apartment without any problems and were able to watch the parts of ‘PTI’ that I had missed on the plane and the episode of ‘24’ that had aired.
Thoughts on the Trip
Looking back at the planning of the trip, I clearly had three concerns. First, I wasn’t sure whether my side would be 100% by April and when it became clear that it wouldn’t be, I was concerned about how it would affect the trip.
Second, I felt that I would probably never get the chance to go to San Francisco again, so I wanted to do as many things as possible as quickly as possible so that I didn’t leave anything out. This issue was made more difficult by concern number one.
Finally, I hadn’t been on a major trip like this in a long time and I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to go on a trip like this again. I had this feeling that ‘I better make this count.’
As a result of these three concerns, I created a massive plan designed to both fit in as much as possible with the understanding that my side might prevent me from completing the plan in full. What ended up happening is that the plan became a job and the things I wanted to do became tasks.
While the plan was extremely flexible and the flexibility was needed, not because my side but because my knee, there was too much information. The list of alternate bus schedules was a waste and never used. The listing of all bus routes was barely used and kind of unnecessary.
But it wasn’t that the plan was too big, it was that the creation of the plan was bigger than the trip. When I was younger, I remember how going from one event to another to another limited the fun. I always wanted a vacation where we could just hang out and not feel like we were running from place to place to complete ‘a plan.’ What’s the purpose of a vacation when it’s just a different kind of work?
On my trip to Colorado, my plan consisted of things I wanted to do and addresses. I used my GPS to get from place to place but most things weren’t really nailed down. I felt like I really was able to get away and just have a good time. The fun factor was missing on my trip to San Francisco because I was too caught up in the details.
I think adding to that a little was my purchase of the City Pass, which at $59 is still a great deal. The Pass gave me free use of cable cars, buses and street cars and it saved me an estimated $43 in fare. It allowed me to take part in the Blue and Gold Cruise ($24 regular price), the Aquarium ($16 regular price), the Modern Art Museum ($12.50 regular price) and the de Young Museum ($10 regular price). That’s usage worth about $105.50 for the cost of $59, a savings of at least $46.50.
But here’s the thing: Would I normally go to the museums and an aquarium? Probably not. I felt like I couldn’t cancel those things because they were already paid for and it put added pressure to ‘have’ to do those things. I mean, the City Pass still worked out overall because I would’ve done the cruise anyway and the transit stuff, so it would’ve paid for itself but I wasn’t impressed with either art museum.
Writing the coverage of the trip has been extremely tedious and tough to slog through but it captures the trip pretty well. It was a series of ‘turn here, turn there, get here, get there’ rather than enjoying the experience.
I wonder how much of an effect my knee getting hurt Friday morning played on the trip. Obviously, there were some things that were cancelled because I just couldn’t keep going. If my knee wasn’t hurting the way it was, would I have been so focused on the minutiae of the trip? Or was I focused on the minutiae because of the way the trip was planned?
I’d like to think that once I got out there, the plan would’ve become a guideline and less task oriented if my knee wasn’t hurt. I began viewing the plan as something to get through. ‘Will I be able to get through X, Y and Z before having to stop?’
I don’t know the answer to that. What I do know is that my side only seized up three times. Twice on the plane flight out there and once at Buena Vista Park on Friday. My side was completely a non-issue. I think in part because of the trip, I have greater confidence in my side and haven’t worried about it as much since I’ve gotten back. It’s not been a problem overall since I’ve gotten back and I’m very thankful for that.
I had planned for about 12 miles and I thought that was a lot. But because of getting lost, not counting the amount of walking I would incur during events and forgoing the bus because I thought walking would be easier (since the two points just seemed so close on the map or because I couldn’t find the bus stop), I wound up walking almost 28 miles in five days, 15 miles on Friday alone.
As for traveling while out there, I was glad that I didn’t rent a car. Parking was so bad out there, that it wouldn’t’ve done me any good anyway. The transit system is the city’s strongest asset, especially important given that it was insanely hilly, much worse than I could’ve pictured.
The weather was much better than I’d expected. Thursday was overcast and dreary but by late Friday afternoon, it began to clear up so that my Golden Gate pictures were shot against a mainly blue sky.
I ended up talking on the phone more than I'd expecting, running up a bill of $210. Since a good portion of my trip took place during a weekend, I either racked up a bunch of minutes on Friday (when I was walking everywhere an taking knee breaks) or I was in a roaming area and didn't realize it. I knew my bill would be higher but not that much higher.
The biggest victory to me though was the way I was able to always stay on East Coast time. While I was always aware of Pacific time, I kept waking up and going to sleep on an East Coast schedule, meaning I was in bed by 7 or 8pm PDT and awake by around 5am PDT. This made adjusting to my home schedule fairly easy.
Final Thought on the Trip
In the end, I’m certainly glad that I went. I’ve never been to a place like San Francisco but I think that I over-planned it because I was putting too much pressure on the trip, turning it into a job and robbing it of the fun that I could’ve had.
Upcoming Entries
The goal is to write my NASCAR experience and post it on Thursday and post my best and worst movies on Saturday. Then I’ll see where I’m at after that and hopefully the blog can get back to being something less boring and a little more funny.
Obituaries
I saw that Dom DiMaggio died on May 8th. Obviously it’s impossible to mention Dom without mentioning that he was the younger brother of Joe DiMaggio. What gets forgotten is that Dom was one of the best centerfielders of his era who finished his career with a .298 batting average. And while his brother had the famous 56 game hitting streak, Dom hit in 34 straight in 1949. The streak ended against the Yankees in a game in which Joe made a great catch to rob his brother of a hit.
But what I remember most about Dom is his book ‘Real Grass, Real Heroes,’ a story of the 1941 season in which his brother had the 56 game hit streak and Dom’s teammate, Ted Williams, batted .406. (Also in described in the book: Lou Gehrig’s farewell address, the first televised baseball game, the Mickey Owen World Series and Lefty Grove’s 300th win).
The book shows current fans what the game was like back then. The travel. The camaraderie between teammates. What it was like to play baseball as America’s involvement in World War II grew near. As a backdrop, the book also portrays what America was like during that time.
‘Real Grass, Real Heroes’ is an incredible book about an amazing season in a transformational year in our country and is definitely worth reading.
Dom passed away at the age of 92 of pneumonia.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Covering SF: Sunday April 12th: Piers of a Clown
And the recap of the trip to San Francisco continues with Sunday. I was disappointed that I’d been forced to cancel the trip to Chinatown and Pacific Heights (among other events) as a result of my knee hurting. Now the good news was that the swelling was at least down a bit and the discoloration was not quite as bad as it had been. But it was still hurting.
To Breakfast
My first event wasn’t until 9am so I didn’t bother setting the alarm. I went to Burger King, which was right near the start of the cable car route that goes straight to the Wharf. Fisherman’s Wharf is the most touristy part of San Francisco and most of the places I’d been weren’t filled with too many tourists.
On the Cable Car
The cable car I was on broke down and couldn’t get up one of the many hills in the city. It turned out that the gripman had released something to go down the hill faster and when he tried to reengage, the car had derailed from the track. So we were stuck until a truck could come out and fix everything. Even so, I still was at the Wharf an hour early.
Celebrating Easel in San Francisco
One concern I briefly had about the trip was that certain things wouldn’t be open on Sunday, being that it was Easter. But this was San Francisco and with the exception of the Cable Car Museum, everything was open that would normally be open on Sundays.
My mom sent me a text, “Do they celebrate Easter in Sodom.” I replied, They don’t have Easter in SF. I asked and they said, ‘For Art?’ And I said, ‘No, that’s an easel.” Mom responded, “Happy Easel to them.”
I meant to post on this site before I left a funny Easter clip but I didn’t because I forgot. Here’s the clip now, over a month late:
Playing Battleship
I was going to tour the Jeremiah O’Brien, which was a WWII battleship. The plan was to wander the deck mumbling, ‘You sunk my battleship’ over and over again.
The website advised allotting an hour and a half to tour the ship but I needed to be at my next event at 10:15. The battleship shared a pier with the USS Pampanito, a WWII submarine and I would’ve loved to have hit both back to back but due to time, I felt that was unrealistic.
The gate blocking the pier though didn’t open until 10 minutes after 9am. I wasn’t sure I’d even be able to get through the entire ship in time before I’d have to leave. Making things more difficult was that my knee started to really hurt and going up the ship’s steps made it hurt even worse.
I went to the engine room, which is where parts of ‘Titanic’ were shot but I couldn’t go all the way to the bottom because I was in too much pain. A little after 9:30, I decided to leave. I had seen the majority of the ship and I couldn’t stand to walk much more. The only part of the ship that I didn’t see was this room that apparently had a French diorama. I figured if it was French, it couldn’t’ve been that great.
On my way out, the ticket seller stopped me and said that I didn’t spend much time up in the ship. I explained that my knee was hurting and the narrow, metal steps was making it worse and I just needed to sit somewhere. He told me that he was sorry and that if I brought my ticket back later in the day, I wouldn’t have to pay again.
On a Submarine Without a Sandwich
As I began to walk toward where I’d seen a group of benches, I wondered whether I might be able to squeeze the Pampanito into the 40 minutes I had remaining. It would save me time walking from one pier to another if I could knock out both the submarine and the battleship back to back. So I decided to give it a try.
The booth for ticket sales was empty, so I went to the gift shop for the submarine. The girl there said that she didn’t sell tickets and that I would “need to go over there” as she pointed toward the empty booth. I explained that there was no one there and she replied, “I don’t know when they start selling tickets.”
This is the gift shop for the submarine. How can you not know when ticket sales start if you work there? It was like: We’re in no way affiliated with the Pampanito…now buy some submarine stuff. That was crazy to me. What was crazier was that I saw a couple people walking on the sub and they were clearly tourists. How did they get in there?
I sat on a bench and this guy walked past and asked if I wanted to go on the submarine. He told me that the guy that manned the booth hadn’t gotten there yet but if I put something in the donation box, he’d let me on. I put some money in the box and went on the self-guided tour.
What I was really struck by was how tight everything was. There wasn’t much room for one person to get around and I couldn’t imagine an entire crew working in a place like this. The ‘doors’ from one part to another weren’t like normal doors. You had to lift your leg up and squeeze through to the next part of the sub.
There wasn’t much to see though and I was able to get through the tour pretty quickly. When I got out, the guy had finally arrived at the ticket booth.
Halfway There: Living on a Pier
I wasn’t exactly sure where the pickup spot was for the movie tour. I walked up and down the Wharf looking for the spot but I couldn’t find the correct pier. I was supposed to go to Pier 43 and a half. The Pampanito was on Pier 45 and the next pier seemed to be number 41.
On the way to Pier 41, a guy yelled something at me in a foreign language. I figured he was a beggar and my general policy is to not make eye contact with people like that and certainly not to respond to them yelling at me.
When I realized that at Pier 41, I must’ve passed 43 ½, I turned around and had to pass by foreign man again and like before, he yelled at me in a foreign language but this time when I didn’t respond, he shouted, “Don’t ignore me!”
Look, here’s the thing, if you’re going to beg for something from me in my country, at least speak my language or don’t be surprised when I ignore you.
(Full disclosure: I would’ve ignored him if he’d yelled at me in English too)
And what if I’d been deaf? That guy didn’t know that I wasn’t deaf. But what was I supposed to do? Go back and engage this moron in some meaningful conversation? ‘Oh, I’m sorry. When you yelled at me in a foreign language, I didn’t understand what you were saying or that you were actually speaking to me as opposed to being on the phone or responding to one of the voices in your head. I hope you can forgive me, you dirty bastard.’
There were a lot of homeless people in San Francisco and there were a lot of beggars but let’s be clear, the two aren’t necessarily the same. The homeless people were scattered around and for the most part, left people alone. The beggars were primarily in the touristy areas, like the Wharf. Not all homeless people are beggars and certainly I don’t believe most beggars are homeless.
On the Movie Tour
I was able to find pier 43 ½ by 10:15, in time for the movie tour bus to arrive. Here’s the stunning part…the bus was virtually filled. I knew that they offered a couple pick up spots around the city but I figured most people would meet at the Wharf. Instead, I was one of three people (of about 20) at the bus’ final pickup spot. I was also able to take the last available window seat, though there were little star stickers on the outside of my window, partially blocking the view and making taking pictures even more difficult.
The bus tour was in many ways the best part of my trip out to San Francisco. I was able to get a good tour of the city on an air conditioned bus and we saw clips of movies that were shot in SF as we passed by where they were filmed. It was actually a lot of fun. There were several places along the way where we were able to get out and take pictures instead of always shooting inside the bus.
Most of my bus shots didn’t come out all that well but the outside pictures were pretty good. On the tour, I was able to see the Presidio, Grace Cathedral, Alta Plaza, Pacific Heights, Bank of Canton, Chinatown and several Victorian houses. It felt like that made up in some way for what I had to cancel the day before.
The halfway point of the tour was the Golden Gate Bridge. There was an extended break for 15 minutes and I had a choice between going to the bathroom (which I had to do pretty bad) or take more pictures of the Bridge. Guess which one I chose.
I was able to visit Fort Point (which I wasn’t able to do on Friday because of my knee) and shoot from almost directly under the bridge. At one point, in order to get a better angle, I stood up on the top of the Fort, wind whipping around and my knee hurting and I took pictures that came out decently good.
After about two hours on the tour, I did start getting a little antsy but I think a lot of that had to do with having to go to the bathroom. I was starting to actually feel sick to my stomach.
The tour went by LucasFilm, which didn’t allow visitors inside on the weekend. I took a couple pictures through windows that came out alright. There was a Yoda fountain that I still need to remember to send the picture of it to my brother.
Freaky Man’s Wharf
The tour dropped us off in the general area of Fisherman’s Wharf, though not at the exact pickup spot, so I was a little turned around. At the beginning of the tour, I saw a billboard for In & Out next to a Hooters. It seemed appropriate that it was like that.
I’d never been to In & Out, so I headed in that direction. The sidewalk was crazy crowded and extremely loud. I don’t do well in crowds and I hate getting bumped around by people.
I got to the restaurant but it was closed. And I mean closed like it might not be coming back. Ever. This meant I had to turn back around, retrace my steps toward the heart of the Wharf again.
I didn’t want to go to McDonalds again and while there was a Johnny Rockets, they take too long and I wanted something faster. I was doing good on time because I’d already knocked out the Pampanito earlier. I only had the Blue and Gold cruise and the Aquarium by the Bay left.
Along the way, there are street performers everywhere, like a carnival. Mimes. Dancers. Musicians. I mean, they’re all begging for money really but at least they’re doing something. When you see a street performer with a sign asking for money and then you see a guy just sitting on the curb doing nothing begging, it really points out his own laziness. At least be a mime. Anyone can do that. And it’s so much easier to ignore a mime. You know, because they’re quieter.
One guy I saw appeared to be wearing a bed sheet draped around himself but not like a toga. It was like he took a bed sheet, cut a hole for his head and wore it. At one point the wind blew and he was completely out there. And no, he wasn’t wearing underwear. One might ask, ‘Why’d you look down.’ To which I’d reply, ‘Because it popped out.’ It’s not like you couldn’t not look. Wind blows. Sheet moves. Mr. Johnson says hello. You try not looking.
I found a public bathroom but the line stretched for miles and it was at a glorified porta-potty (which I have a story about in a future entry). Another point that’s important to mention, and I might’ve written it in a previous segment of this series but most fast food restaurants in San Francisco reserve their bathrooms to customers only. There’s a key and you have to have eaten there to get the key. I feel that I’ve eaten at McDonald’s enough in my life to deserve a lifetime exemption into their bathrooms but SF franchises disagree.
I ate at Boudin’s, the outdoor version, which meant a shorter line but no bathroom. I had a hamburger and these organic potato chips that tasted funny. Not bad but just odd.
To the Famous Pier 39
I went to the Blue & Gold Cruise but I missed the boat for the next tour. It was just as well though because I really needed to go to the bathroom and I was betting the Aquarium had a good one to use.
Both the cruise and Aquarium were off pier 39, which is the epicenter of the Wharf. That’s where it’s the most crowded, loudest and filled with the typical tourist ripoff attractions. One thing that I was sorta looking forward to were the sea lions.
I don’t know what I was expecting. It turned out that it was just a bunch of sea lions lying around. It wasn’t very exciting. I took a couple pictures of them but there weren’t doing anything and they smelled terrible.
At the Aquarium by the Bay
I could see the bathroom when I entered the Aquarium but it was blocked from getting to it. I’d have to go through the entire series of exhibits before I could get to the bathroom.
Maybe I’m spoiled because the last three aquariums I’ve been to have been ones in Atlanta, Chattanooga and Baltimore (though I feel like there was one more somewhere). The three that I clearly remember were impressive. This one wasn’t. There were a handful of fish in tanks, the obligatory Nemo exhibit all aquariums have since the movie ‘Finding Nemo’ came out.
One of my favorite pictures I took was from the aquarium. I’m fascinated with jellyfish. They don’t look like anything else really. They’re completely bizarre and I love taking pictures of them. The problem is that it’s dark so the camera wants to use the flash. Of course, the flash would bounce off the glass, ruining the picture. Shooting without the flash could cause blurring and I don’t have a tripod. So I tried to keep my hands as steady as possible and ended up getting a couple really good shots of the jellyfish without any blur. I was really excited about those photographs.
The biggest attraction is also the biggest letdown. It’s called ‘Under the SF Bay.’ Basically, you walk in this tunnel where you’re surrounded by water to your left, right and above your head. The Atlanta Aquarium has this too but since this one’s called ‘Under the SF Bay,’ I kinda figured that I was under the SF Bay. Uh, no. I wasn’t under the Bay at all. As small writing revealed on this one sign, the fish in the exhibit are like fish that could be found within the Bay but I wasn’t actually underneath the Bay.
Perhaps they should’ve called it, ‘Fish from the SF Bay’ and avoided the potential confusion. Not that the biggest issue was the name issue. I was really feeling sick to my stomach and I just wanted to get through as quickly as I could so I could get to the gift shop’s bathroom.
I sped through the tunnel and the exhibit where you could pet a sting ray. I was able to get to the bathroom after 3+ hours of holding it in.
Under the Bridge
I went to the entrance for the Blue and Gold Cruise, my last event of the day and I knew, more than likely, the last of my trip. The big feature of this tour was that it went directly under the Golden Gate Bridge and allowed me to get pictures from the other side of the Bridge.
The boat featured this crazy narration that reminded me of those little puppet features at Six Flags. The voices talked in a crazy Old West accents and it was really strange. The narrator would tell stories but you could only understand a little bit of what was being said because the speakers weren’t the best in the world.
I stood on the front of the boat and it was extremely windy. I was leaning against a rail, holding the camera tight with both hands because I was scared I’d drop it into the water. I didn’t feel very secure on the boat but rather than move into a safer position, I stayed where I was because I thought the pictures would turn out better.
I got a few good pictures from the tour but nothing as great as I was imagining when I signed up for it.
I could tell that I was getting sunburned, so I went inside for the rest of the tour, since all we were going to do next was circle Alcatraz, and I had more than enough pictures of that.
Back to the Hotel
I took the Historic F Streetcar back to the hotel. On the ride back, this German guy was marveling at how amazing San Francisco was. He was saying that it was so much more advanced than the rest of the world. I don’t know about that but they certainly had a lot of Walgreens.
I stopped at the closest Walgreens to my hotel to pick up some more Gatorade and then I went to Mel’s Diner for a slice of cherry pie. The pie itself was good but the service was fairly poor and they didn’t seem quite as cheerful as the previous two times.
It was around 5pm and I really wanted to go to a movie but the theater that was nearest to me wasn’t playing anything I wanted to see. And the theater that was playing ‘Observe and Report,’ was located somewhere along Market Street but I never could figure out where.
I ended up just going back to the hotel and hanging out and icing my knee. I had walked 3.7 miles over the course of the day bringing the total for the trip up to 26.7 miles.
And that was how I spent my Easter. The next day, walking was going to be kept to a minimum as I packed up and flew back home on Monday.
Upcoming Entries
In the next entry, I’ll go through Monday and provide some final thoughts about the trip. I also still need to put out my best and worst movies of 2008, which I keep forgetting to do. And of course the story of my first (and quite possibly) last NASCAR race.
Final Thoughts
A Seattle Bar is putting on a ‘Hot for Teacher’ night hosted by Mary Kay Letourneau, a teacher who made news several years ago after engaging in a sexual relationship with a 12 year old student she would later marry. The bar’s owner said it’s supposed to be in fun but just a thought: If it was a male teacher and a female student, would they be having the same type of an event?
Natalie Cole was given a kidney by one of her fans who had died. Good news: Natalie Cole has a new kidney. Bad news: Her one fan has died.
This article talks about ‘classic’ groups that are teaming up to go on tours and put out singles. Bands like REO Speedwagon and Styx joining forces isn’t that much unlike Italy joining forces with Germany. The Axis of Shit. They’re on a tour called, Can't Stop Rockin'. Of course they can’t stop…they never started.
Headline on CNN.com: Man sucker-punches blind woman on bus. But I mean, you can hardly blame the guy. She was sitting in her seat being all blind and all. How was he supposed to resist? Are you telling me that you wouldn’t’ve punched her too?
The last time I considered buying the PX90 system (which some people insist on telling me is actually the P90X as if where the X goes matters to me) was during Spring Training because Matt Diaz used it and he’s completely awesome. If I’d started back then, I’d be two thirds of the way through the program with two thirds of the results, which would mean I’d have two thirds of a six pack...a four pack!
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