My Last Entry

And so it’s here…my last entry before it all ends. I’m kind of in a hurry because I’ve been really busy getting a bunch of stuff ready and everything so I almost hesitate to write this now but if not now…

Again, this will be a politics free zone for the last entry.

Actual MSNBC Headline: Clay Aiken reportedly expecting a baby

The article’s almost as freaky as the headline. You see, doctors…you know, I’m not going to rephrase this story. It increases a creepy guy’s creepiness factor by at least eight points.

My AT&T Story

As previously promised, I’m finally going to tell the AT&T story from a couple weeks ago. I was transferring my utility accounts and insurance and everything and one of the things I had to do was cancel my home phone.

See, in an effort to save money, I had decided to either rely solely on my cell phone or bundle phone service with Charter (which is what I ended up doing). Either way, I wasn’t going through AT&T anymore. So the goal was VERY simple…I was going to call and cancel my home service effective 5-19.

Oh…and when I was looking through my bill, I noticed that Gwinnett was getting a 911 service tax. Well, that’s a problem because I haven’t lived in that county in over three years. I’d been in Cobb for that time and I was in the process to moving again so I wanted to make sure my 911 service was going through the right county.

So that meant I had two goals: 1) Cancel my home phone effective 5-19 and 2) make sure that if I were ever to call 911, the call would be routed to the right place. I was expecting the call to last about five minutes, maybe ten at the most.

I called and spoke first to Terri Chambers and she told me that in order to process my two requests, I’d have to go to three departments, none of which were associated with her job description. First, because I had combined billing, I’d have to go to that department so they could uncombine my bill, then I’d be transferred to a department that could cancel my home phone service and finally I could be sent to the wireless department to check on my 911 service question.

The idea that I had to go to three departments to ask a simple question about 911 service and cancel my home phone service was ridiculous…and also something that I thought might make a good story, so I made sure I took very complete notes of the call.

I spoke to Ms. Brown in order to stop the combined billing. I was told that in order to set up draft payments again, I’d have to contact a different department or go online.

The next person I spoke with was Rachel Smith and she explained that the 911 service tax is based on where the cell phone was first registered and that the call is routed based on your current location. I had to be put on hold for a short while for her to confirm this and then she transferred me to the department that would cancel my home phone service.

I instead was transferred to an automated person where I went through a series of prompts until I reached Akeelah. I said that I was trying to cancel my home phone and she told me that there’s no record of my phone number in the AT&T system. I explained that I had just ended combined billing and maybe that was the reason she wasn’t able to pull it up. After trying a couple different search methods, she finally asked me what state I was calling from. I answered that I was calling from Georgia and it turned out that Akeelah was in Arkansas, outside my region.

I was now getting frustrated. I’d been on the phone with this company for 20 minutes up to this point. She said that she’d transfer me the Georgia region and she waited on hold with me to make sure I got a hold of the right person.

Ramon was the next rep I spoke with. Akeelah briefly explained what I was looking to do and dropped off the line. Ramon asked for my phone number and asked me to confirm the last four of my social security number. When I did, he told me that I was incorrect. He asked for my address and again, my answer was incorrect. He asked me for my pin number and I had no idea what my pin number was (or that I even had a pin number). Turned out that Ramon entered in the wrong phone number. He tried again and we went through the verification questions and everything.

He then went into a whole spiel about why I shouldn’t cancel the service. “Bad guys have cell phone scanners and will steal your information,” he warned as he retold a couple horror stories that allegedly happened to people he allegedly knew…allegedly. He offered to give me a lower price for service, transfer service without a fee and give my number “a vacation” so that I wouldn’t be paying for it but when I started up service again, I could keep my same number.

But here’s the thing…my old phone number hadn’t done anything to deserve a vacation. I’m not likely going anywhere this year and I’m sure as hell not giving my phone number a chance to travel somewhere exciting. Second, as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve had a problem with collection agencies calling that number looking for someone who isn’t me. They were calling between four and six times a day, so I was looking forward to getting rid of the number. (Though my new number also is associate with some deadbeat cocksucker, so I’m still getting calls that have nothing to do with me…I’d like to make a really nasty statement here about a topic better left alone, instead, I’ll just keep my mouth shut)

Ramon finally relented and allowed me to end my home phone service but not before ten minutes or so worth of a call. He gave me a confirmation number and transferred me to the department where I could restart my draft payments. I’d been on the phone for 34 minutes at this point.

I went to an automated message again and after going through the prompts, I reached Ms. Lee (no relation to Bruce…I don’t think). She told me that she couldn’t help me restart the draft payments because she only handled commercial accounts but that she could transfer me to the person who could help me…and she transferred me right back into the automated system that had led me to her.

I then reached Ms. Burgess and I explained that I wanted to restart my draft payments but she said that she only handles residential accounts and that I needed to talk to the department that handles wireless issues, the department that answered my 911 question from earlier in the call. She stayed on the line with me to make sure I got a hold of the right person.

We reached Sierra Shelton and Ms. Burgess said I was looking to establish my draft payment system and then dropped off the line. Ms. Shelton asked me to go through all the verifying information again. Then she explained that actually draft payment is something that the residential department handles and that I really should go back to them to set up the payment system. I said that I’d already been to that department and that I just wanted to get this done because I wanted to have my account automatically pay the bill without having to write a check or wait for the bill to be mailed to me. “I love [draft pay] because it’s convenient. You guys love it because you get your money on time. We all love it and I don’t want to lose it. Is there some way we can get this done without me being transferred through the entire AT&T system?” I asked.

She reluctantly said that she could set it up for me but said that my previous account’s information couldn’t be carried over, so I had to re-provide the credit card information and everything, even though I’d already had it on file with them previously.

She asked me to verify the mailing address that I was moving to and it turned out that while I had told a previous rep what the new address was, it wasn’t entered into the system correctly. They had my service address at my new place and my mailing address at my old one. Ms. Shelton corrected that and said that everything was set up to start the draft payment system but that it may or may not take up to a month…and I may or may not get a bill at me new apartment and regardless of either situation, I’m still responsible for paying the bill and will be charged late fees for missing the bill due date, even if a bill isn’t sent to me. I asked what the due date would be and she said that she couldn’t tell and that I’d have to call back closer to the due date for that information.

And that was it. I wanted to find out about my 911 call coverage and cancel my home phone service and it took 56 minutes to do this, the vast majority of which wasn’t spent on hold. It was due to the strange bureaucratic processes in place and the delegation of services that make one stop service virtually impossible. The two requests had to be split in several ways and then I was mis-transferred a few times and wound up in the wrong spot through the automated system a couple more times and it just was awful. The people, for the most part, were nice but the system in place is awful.

Surprise Story!!

If you’re like me, you like reading gross stories about freak things and then reciting them to other people to gross them out. Well, here’s the perfect story for you. This nine year old girl in Greece was complaining of stomach pains. So her parents took her to the doctor, where a growth was discovered inside of her…and it was a fetus with a head, hair and eyes. Was she pregnant? No…she had absorbed her own twin while in her mother’s womb, something that happens once every 500,000 live births.

What’s on TV Right Now

I’ve been studying non-stop for the past six hours or so and I have it on one of those digital music channels where they just play music but no actual videos. Right now, Hall and Oates’ “You Make My Dreams Come True” and I’ve never liked that song but it reminds me of a line in a story I wrote called ‘Toys: The Drew Walker Story.’

One character is talking about how great the 80s were and how that era is just as relevant today as they were then. He starts with Huey Lewis and then brings up Hall and Oates and says, “It’s like the greatest songwriting pair in history—Hall & Oates. Their songs are just as relevant today as they were when they came out. Sara is still smiling, that other girl is still a maneater and neither Hall nor Oates can go for that. No can do.”

My Hero

I don’t have a hero exactly but if I did, it would be Albert Einstein because he told us what E equaled. Before him, everyone would say, “E does not equal MC Squared” but Einstein changed everything. He made it happen. Late in life, Einstein hung out at bars and guys would ask him, “Hey, Al! What’s E equal?” And he’d tell them. It was great. So, he’d be my hero.

Mr. McNabb Update

I was studying earlier tonight (or last night, depending on your view) and I heard the sound of something like a dustbuster outside my door. I looked out my peephole and it was Mr. McNabb (who may or may not have a first name) and he was shirtless. Have you ever seen a senior citizen with a hairy, stretched out tattoo? I have and I think I’ll be seeing it every time I shut my eyes. If I’d understood that’s what happens to tattoos when you get older, I never would’ve…for fuck’s sake, I’m gonna hafta wash out my eyes again. Will this nightmare image never go away?

And Finally…

You know, I don’t really know how to end this. So, I’ll show you a funny clip and maybe you’ll laugh and if you’d laugh, well, that’d be good. This site was never as funny as I wanted it to be. Maybe if this last clip makes you laugh, you’ll think the site was funnier than it really was. And if that’s what you’re left with and that's how you remember me, well, that’d be good.

This clip was a Super Bowl commercial from several years ago and I searched for it every now and then but the only line I could remember was: “Blowed Up…Oh my!” Turns out ‘blowed’ is actually spelled ‘blow’d’ When I figured that out, I found the clip and here it is.

Gay Marriage, Child Porn & George W. Bush

Okay, this is my second to last entry. Tomorrow we’ll have my AT&T story and a funny video clip and that will be it. I don’t think I’ll have anything on politics or news, unless something really big happens.

Arnold on the Termination of the Ban on Gay Marriage

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) says he supports the recent California Supreme Court ruling that supports gay marriage. And it’s fine and whatever for Schwarzenegger to have this position but I’m just a little confused on his stance on this issue. He says now that he personally opposes gay marriage but doesn’t want to force his views on everyone else.

That’s fine but it does seem like it’s kinda hard to be a governor and not be forcing your views on other people. I mean, isn’t that what signing legislation is all about…forcing your views on other people?

And I know, this issue can be viewed as a moral discussion leading to the ‘well my personal opinion is but…’ sorta answer. But Schwarzenegger had vetoed same sex legislation before. So he was legislating his own personal views then.

He now says that he did that because he didn’t think the legislature should override the will of the people and the people had defined marriage between a man and a woman in Proposition 22. He thinks it’s okay for a court to override the will of the people because they’re experts and voters are not. But isn’t it kinda strange that the legislators, who are elected BY the people don’t have the right to nullify the will of the voters but justices who aren’t elected have that right?

Don’t get me wrong, I personally support each state making their own decision on gay marriage and don’t support a federal ban. Marriage is essentially a state issued contract and any religious connotation is derived on an individual view basis and should not bind the state one way or the other. A state has every right to set the parameters of the contracts they issue and each state should be able to decide whether they honor the contracts set up by another state within reason and with understanding given to the full faith and credit clause. Personally, I would support the state granting marriage licenses to gay couples. My complaint with Schwarzenegger has nothing to do with the stance itself…just the idiocy and contradiction of his argument.

Running Mates in the Running

CNN had a really great feature about possible running mates for both tickets that go over the potential pros and cons of each candidate. It’s very helpful and a must read. My picks for each ticket: For the Republicans, Governor Tim Pawlenty (R-MN) and Governor Ted Strickland (D-OH) for the Democrats. Both choices shore up the ticket, though neither is especially impressive outside of the context of this race and the unique issues of the primary season.

Child Porn Ruling

The Supreme Court decided by a count of 7-2 that child porn is not protected by the First Amendment as free speech. Is it somewhat concerning that two justices (Souter and Ginsburg) sided the other way on that one? I’m all for free speech and I believe that it even covers expression that isn’t fully speech (burning the flag as an example) but how someone could even put forward the argument that child porn is protected speech is truly absurd.

Another Bush Book

Former White House Spokesman Scott McClellan became the latest former aide to President George W. Bush to publish a book critical of the administration. And the White House responded in their usual manner…to attack the character of the individual. They did that to Richard Clarke, Paul O’Neill and George Tenet and now they’re doing it to McClellan, labeling him as “disgruntled” and Karl Rove said he sounded "like a left wing blogger.”

First, without “disgruntled” individuals, history couldn’t be written. If only the ‘gruntled’ wrote, half the story would remain untold. So, dismissing him as disgruntled, isn’t getting at the point.

Here’s the thing about McClellan. It’s not easy to be given a script of stuff to say that’s total shit. You know it’s shit but you hafta say it because that’s your job. And I know, ‘Why didn’t he leave?’ but that’s much easier to say from this side of the screen than it is to do when you’re actually in the job. Because if you leave, you have to start over somewhere else, in a new place and maybe things aren’t so bad or maybe they’ll get better.

In the end, McClellan likely left because there’s only so much shit you can recite before you lose your soul. There’s only so many lies you can repeat before you just feel like you’re a liar and there’s a cost to that. There’s a cost to how you view the people you work for, the way you view the people you work with and ultimately, the way you view yourself.

If McClellan finally got tired of shoveling the President’s shit to the public, I understand. And if he wrote this book because he wanted to clear his own conscience, maybe to find a sense of redemption on some level, I understand that too. And if he’s able to find that lost respect he once had for himself…well, I’d be somewhat surprised.

Sydney Pollack Passes Away

Sydney Pollack, director of ‘Tootsie’ and ‘Out of Africa’ died of cancer at the age of 73. Pollack was an understated director that never got the credit that bigger name directors got but he just kept making great, solid movies. He didn’t have a ‘style’ to speak of other than his movies were smart and always worth watching.

He also appeared as an actor in many movies, and he was a quiet yet forceful presence on screen. It never felt like was just a cameo or something. He always added to the film he was appearing in.

I find myself feeling very sad about this and over the last couple days I’ll think about him. And maybe that makes me sound stupid. I don’t know.

Top 1000 Movies

Okay, I’m not a huge fan of this list but it’s the top 1000 movies according to They Shoot Pictures, Don’t They…and I’m a huge fan of meaningless lists of meaningless data. It’s slanted too much toward foreign movies and while I certainly like some foreign films, I don’t give them bonus points for having subtitles the way some snooty critics do.

Cable Corner

Remember how I mentioned earlier that my old apartment complex is getting rid of Comcast and switching to Shentel? Well, I finally looked them up on the Internet and it’s a funny little site. It’s very plain and all their services are called ‘solutions.’ So instead of saying they offer cable television service, they say they offer ‘video solutions’ and instead of telephone service, they offer ‘voice solutions.’ I’m wary of anything that offers solutions before there’s a problem. It’s like a warning.

Nowhere on their website do they offer pricing plans or what channels they carry. They do assure readers that they do have stuff…they just don’t worry about being specific. Which is great because I think that saying you carry ESPN is just giving too much away. You should play it coy when you’re a business. Don’t let the consumer know what they’re getting. If we think we know what we’re getting, then we might be disappointed when we don’t get it. But if we don’t know what’s coming, we can’t ever be let down.

Now, I haven’t exactly enjoyed my Charter service so far. My Internet only works during certain hours and the HD signals are constantly being interrupted, making HD programs virtually unwatchable. I’m having a problem with a payment I gave them in person that they’re now showing they haven’t received. During a call yesterday, the customer representative claimed I didn’t really go into the office like I claimed and began screaming at me (as in screaming so loud her words were more like sirens, unable to be fully distinguished).

However, the phone service has actually worked okay.

I Won the Lottery

I got a great email the other day. I won the National Lottery. It was the National Lottery in England. Now, I never actually bought a ticket and I’m not sure how I got in the running for this but I’m quite thrilled. I looked up the National Lottery page and it says, “As a general rule, if you have not purchased a ticket for the UK National Lottery, you won’t have won a prize, and you should treat the email with absolute caution.” I respect their opinion but when you’ve just won millions of dollars, caution is the last thing you should be thinking about. Did Ken Jennings exercise caution when he was winning all those games of ‘Jeopardy?’ Did Two Scoops Berry exercise caution when he was on American Gladiators back in the 90s? No, they were all about kicking ass and winning stuff. And me too. I was so dominant in my lottery outing, that I won without buying a ticket. Yeah, I did good.

Poor Sean…Sean Has No Job

NC Sean lives in northern Virginia but he’s still called NC Sean anyway. You see NC Sean lived in North Carolina for a year and that was enough to become NC Sean. NC Sean doesn’t like being called NC Sean (I do it anyway). But his nickname issue isn’t his biggest problem.

You see, NC Sean recently lost his job. NC Sean has a wife and a child (the child was born before his wife was his wife but that’s neither here nor there). NC Sean is on the search for a new job but he’s finding the job market to be somewhat difficult. Now some people say this is a bad situation but it isn’t all bad. He’s gotten the chance to watch a lot of television and is now an expert on soap operas.

He also had a great exchange with a telemarketer who called him to ask for a charitable donation and NC Sean told them that he had lost his job and had no money to give them and that he had a wife and a child (the child was born before his wife was his wife but that’s neither here nor there). The telemarketer reportedly replied, “I’m sorry” and NC Sean added that the caller could give HIM money but the telemarketer repeated that he was sorry and told NC Sean to have a good day. But NC Sean has no job.

NC Sean does have several prospects though. He learned about the Dalai Lama threatening to resign because of the violence in China and stuff and Joe thinks he might like to run for that position. He’s reading Wikipedia and Sports Illustrated’s Olympic coverage to determine what he needs to do.

I told NC Sean that he’d be better off not becoming the next Dalai Lama because he’d have to deal with Richard Gere and no one needs that in their life. When Mr. Gere heard that Mr. Lama talked about resigning, he reportedly said, “Don't take your Dalai and go home!”

NC Sean had a promising interview with McDonald’s though. He was told that in six weeks, with good performance, he could become a manager and get a different shirt. He’d be NC Sean and the Amazing McDonald’s Shirt of Many Colors. NC Sean isn’t as enthusiastic about this prospect as I am for him.

NC Sean tried growing a beard, which he thought looked okay but his wife told him he looked like a homeless person. Which I suppose explains why NC Sean told me that he was able to walk through DC without being bothered by panhandlers last week.

A lot of people have told NC Sean that ‘When life throws you lemons, you should make lemonade,’ but I say that if you want lemonade, you should just go to the grocery store and buy yourself some lemonade. NC Sean has asked me to stop bringing up lemonade.

I say NC Sean should stop sitting on towels but that’s just my opinion.

Final Thoughts

Scientists say that smiling can hurt your health. See? This is what I’ve been trying to tell you!

I wish I could jump high. Maybe like 20 feet just straight up in the air. I’d be talking to someone and then just jump high and they’d be surprised. It'd be great.

I’m glad my name’s not Kevin.

The Price is Right Clips

I saw a clip the other day of a bizarre Price is Right strategy. You know how the last contestant to bid will often go one dollar higher than another contestant, making it virtually impossible for that other contestant to win? Yeah, I hate that strategy but this one woman went a different track. She guessed one dollar lower than another contestant’s bid. The other contestant was right…and moron who guessed one dollar lower thought she’d won, and she started celebrating. It’s worth seeing. The best part is that later in the show, he told this woman she won and she started jumping around again, but he was wrong…someone else had won.



So, that got me to thinking about other Price is Right moments that I thought were funny. I decided to just do an entry dedicated to Price is Right clips. Is it lazy? Yes but the alternative is just telling the AT&T story, finding a nice place and calling it quits. Instead, you get clips. See how this works?

This is the famous clip of the guy who kept bidding 420 over and over again.



This is a funny girl that doesn’t know how to play the game and it’s a long clip but the last two minutes make it worth watching. Bob Barker is clearly getting frustrated and wants to strangle her and his reaction at the end is great.



This is a crazy woman who actually makes Bob Barker run and hide like he was Thumbkin.

This is the famous Tidy Cats blooper.



Emma goes nuts…or maybe she just came that way.



Bob Barker calls the wrong person up on stage.

This one isn’t funny, it just makes me mad. Contestant doesn’t know how to play the game, makes a mistake and gets the prize anyway. He may have won this time but he’s still a loser.



And for our last one, we’ll end with my favorite game. I love Plinko but not as much as this woman does. She also has to pee and that’s funny too. In the book I wrote (that I hope to one day read), Plinko is used to explain free will and coincidence or something like that. It mentioned Plinko and likened Bob Barker to God. Now that I think about it, my book sounds kinda stupid and I don’t think I want to read it anymore. But this clip’s still funny.

Up Next

In the last two posts before everything ends, we’ll cover me winning the lottery, gay marriage, cable companies and of course my AT&T story. I promise not to have a post of just a bunch of clips from daytime game shows again.

My Last Week, RFK Comments & Indiana Jones

This is my last week and I will try to get a new post per day until Friday. I’ve gone back and forth on this a bit but the bottom line is that I don’t feel like going on so…It’ll probably be about four more entries until the end.

Tossing Endorsements Overboard

Senator John McCain (R-AZ) has rejected the endorsements of two preachers (John Hagee and Rod Parsley) he sought to shore up conservative support during the primaries. Both pastors are those apocalyptical preachers that view everything through the prism of a single book of the Bible (Revelation) and end up saying outlandish things like how God caused the Holocaust to happen so the Jews would end up in Israel again…because it’s part of Biblical prophecy and the apocalypse can’t take place without the Jews in Israel.

Honestly, McCain probably never believed anything that Hagee or Parsley preach about and simply sought out their endorsements as part of political maneuvering, which while creepy on one level, sure beats the idea that he wanted their support because they share his views. It’s not the same as spending 20 years in a church with a pastor who served as your personal spiritual advisor…unless Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) wants to come out and say that he used Jeremiah Wright to gain street cred in Chicago while he was an up and coming local politician.

Other Primary Notes

While the long primary season might’ve hurt Obama in some ways, this article points out that it also gave him a shot at running in almost all 50 states and developing an especially sharp ground game.

This is an article about what McCain should be looking for in a running mate. Slow dancing skills were not one of the things mentioned.

The RFK Remark

You can’t mention the presidential primary without looking at the Robert Kennedy comments Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) recently made. In an interview discussing her chance at clinching the nomination and how primaries often aren’t decided until June, she said, “My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California.”

I saw the interview and the context the statement was made in and the interviewer skipped right by the assassination reference and stayed with the ‘primaries-don’t-end-before-June’ line of questioning. Her campaign defended the remark, which she had previously made in March, saying that she was merely talking about the history of primaries. Which I agree with…sorta.

You know how you can say something that means one thing on one level and has another meaning on another? That’s clearly what this is. It’s like when Obama during a debate talked about admiring Clinton for withstanding media attacks of the mid-90s and then started restating those attacks she withstood. It sounded like he was complimenting her but what he was actually doing was bringing up those old attacks. If Clinton attacked him for doing that, he could’ve responded by saying, ‘I agree those were unfair attacks and I was praising you for withstanding them.’ She would’ve looked silly and so she kept her mouth shut and he got free shots at her.

The difference with this is that there are people who remember where they were when Robert Kennedy was killed and his death brings back memories and because it had an effect on their lives, they’re going to have a strong, negative reaction to Clinton’s comments…regardless of their ‘intent.’

But for the Clinton campaign to act like people who took those comments in a negative way are somehow irrational, ignorant or irresponsible…I don’t know, it kind of explains why Clinton’s in the mess that she’s in after being a clear frontrunner for so long.

Oh, and one last thing about the comments. She keeps bringing up about her husband winning the nomination in June. The Iowa caucus happened six weeks later then than it did in 2008, so mid June in that cycle is the equivalent to late April in this one. Also, he clinched the nomination because he went over the pledged delegate count, he was virtually mathematically assured of winning the contest win he nearly swept Super Tuesday and his main competition, Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA) didn’t win a state after March 24th (which would’ve been the equivalent to the second week of February in this year’s cycle).

Her husband won 52% of the popular vote in what started out as a crowded field. He lost just nine states. So while he didn’t become the presumptive nominee until June, it wasn’t like this was a competitive race until June. And even if it was, the primary season started six weeks later than it did this year. Her comparison is just inaccurate.

As for the 1968 primary, it’s a totally different discussion. There was an incumbent president within the party who announced he wouldn’t run late into the game (the last day of March 1968). This through the nomination into a tailspin that guaranteed it couldn’t be resolved quickly. Second, the primary system is vastly different now than it was then. It was much less dependent on individual primaries back then. In fact, only a few states even held primaries. Third, the party was undergoing a realignment and therefore was deeply fractured. This caused votes to be split and final tallies to be very narrow. It wasn’t like the presidential nominee was going to be chosen by June. It was going to go to convention just like it always had in the past. Clinton’s statement ignores these realities.

If these two examples are her arguments for staying in…her argument isn’t very strong since neither bear even the slightest resemblance to the situation she finds herself in.

Clinton Has the Most Votes…Sorta

Clinton is also going around claiming to have the lead in the popular vote. But looking at this collection of information, she’s trailing in the popular vote any way you look at it unless you include Michigan, a state where Obama’s name didn’t appear on the ballot. By the most favorable count for Clinton (including Florida and Michigan), she leads by 164,654. It’s worth noting that Uncommitted finished second in Michigan with 238,168.

Random Lieberman Update

Senator Joe Lieberman (I-CT) continued his person War on Terror by demanding YouTube take down various Islamist videos that are deemed to encourage terrorism. YouTube took down some of the videos that contained violence or hate speech, which they said violated their community standards but did not take down all the videos in question.

New Bin Laden Tape

Osama bin Laden released a tape that called on Muslims to liberate Palestine. It was a short message, lasting just under 10 minutes and he didn’t give his review of the new Indiana Jones movie.

The Ruskies Are Seeing Red

Russia’s Communist party was upset with the new Indiana Jones movie. It’s unclear whether it was the overreliance on CGI effects or how every time Indy was doing a stunt, it was dark and shadowy and you couldn’t see Harrison Ford’s face.

I saw this movie over the weekend and it was a dreadful piece of shit. It should’ve been called ‘Indiana Jones and the Quest for a Heart’ because this movie was in desperate need of heart. It was a collection of stunts that didn’t have to make sense and a plot that seemed to borrow liberally from 'Alien v. Predator,' 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' and a bad 'X-Files' episode. Aside from being predictable and hokey, it was also boring. The action scenes were dull, the acting was soulless and the ending wouldn’t actually end…something that Steven Spielberg has struggled with for the last 10 years or so.

Oh…and Shia LeFluff as an motorcycle riding greaser? I buy it just less than I bought C. Thomas Howell in ‘The Outsiders.’

However, I had a blast making sarcastic comments throughout the film. So, I at least had a fun time, even if the movie sucked alien ass.

Karen Allen Hides Her Role

Karen Allen reprises her role that she played in the first movie. She claims that Spielberg originally wanted to keep her role in this picture a secret. She said, “Even after the film was announced, people would call me. 'Oh, it's too bad you're not going to be in the film.' I had to go along with it and say, 'Yeah, it's a shame.' When it was finally announced I was in it, it was a huge relief. I was having to make up stories for why I wasn't in it, and I was finding it excruciating to have to do that.”

Why was she having to make up stories for why she wouldn’t be in this Indiana Jones movie? I mean, she wasn’t in the second or third one? You think Short Round (the little Goonies kid from the Temple of Doom) is explaining to friends and family why he isn’t in this one? No, he’s still explaining why he hasn’t done a real movie since 'Encino Man' and telling stories about what Howard Hessman’s REALLY like.

At the Dwarf House

I ate at the Chick-fil-a Dwarf House with my mom and brother over the weekend. She had salad with a side of salad. That’s not a joke. This wasn’t her choice though. She ordered a salad and the waitress brought out a side salad and then a little bit later, she came by and gave my mom the main salad. It was weird.

I had a steak, which I knew was a mistake. I mean, Chick-fil-a uses cows as their spokesmen and here the company is serving chopped up cows for lunch. I should’ve ordered something else and when I got sick, I knew I had it coming.

I did get to walk through the tiny dwarf door though, so it was at least kinda worth it.

Hey, do dwarves get offended by the Dwarf House? Do any dwarves go there or do they avoid it? Would they use the dwarf door or the door for real sized people? It’d be hard to laugh if I saw a dwarf or a midget at a Dwarf House.

The Great DJ

There's this band called the Ting Tings and when I first heard this song, I didn't know the name of it and I thought it was annoying. Then I heard it again. Still annoying. Then I heard the name of it, 'The Great DJ' and I felt like I was supposed to like it, so I listened again. And I don't know if it's the dancing, the strings (ee ee ee ee ee ee ee) or if it's the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums...but damn it, I started liking this song. I'm sure it's probably not going to translate for anyone else but just in case, take a listen.

Old Stuff I Meant to Post Earlier

This is the start of my last few posts on this site due to lack of interest. I wanted to put something up here before going into the long weekend and since I had a few things that I had written with the intention to post but held back for one reason or another, I figure, this is the best time to go ahead and post them in no particular order.

You Can’t Spell Infomercial Without S-C-A-M

The other day, I saw two infomercials about two separate belts that promised six pack abs without requiring you to do a single sit-up. Both the Slendertone and Contour claim that their belts work the upper, lower and side abdominal muscles while you watch television, presumably an infomercial. Both say that the FDA has cleared this product, which is very different than saying it approves of the product but I thought the FTC went after the companies that sold the AbTronic, Fast Abs and AB Energizer, identical belts that made the same promises about no work fitness.

The original belts came out when I was in college and I had a friend who actually bought one and would wear it around the dorm. He tried explaining to me why it would work and while some gimmicks at least make sense, this one doesn’t even try to be logical.

According to the Contour’s website: “The Contour works a lot like the brain. The brain sends a signal to your muscles and they flex and relax depending on what you are doing. The Contour bypasses the brain and sends a signal directly to your muscles, telling them to flex and relax too. But the Contour can perform the perfect repetition each time. No getting lazy. No wondering if you are getting a great workout. No worries about hurting yourself by lifting too much weight. In fact, the technology used in Contour can do what the human brain can’t do …. It can activate up to 100% of your muscle fibers. More activation means more results.”

Convinced?

Maybe Slendertone’s website has a better explanation. “SLENDERTONE stimulates the nerves that work the body's muscles. The result is strong, deep, yet comfortable, contractions that, over time, train your muscles to be firmer and stronger.”

Still not convinced? What is it you need…proof or something? Both infomercials visit real people who attest to being able to feel something when they put on the belt. I don’t dispute that you wouldn’t feel something, I dispute that it’ll lead to something. The before and after pictures have in fine print that the results are part of an eating plan, which makes me wonder if the lost inches are more a consequence of the diet than the actual product.

According to the product description of Slendertone on Amazon.com: “Slendertone uses clinically proven, patent-pending C.S.I. (Concentrated Slendertone Innervation) technology to firm, tone and strengthen your entire midsection with patented medical-grade muscle stimulation technology. The unique construction of the Slendertone Flex features three pre-positioned, medical-grade GelPads, covering the central abdominal muscles and external obliques. Signals from the belt reach out to nerves where they are most concentrated. These nerves branch out to reach all the abdominal muscles (not just those under the pads) causing them to relax and contract naturally, exercising all the muscles at the same time. Used regularly (as little as 30 minutes a day) in conjunction with a healthy diet and some moderate exercise, you will notice results within 8 weeks. You can wear the Slendertone Flex when you just don't have time in your hectic schedule to hit the gym or go for a run, or wear it during your workout for added emphasis.”

Again, “a healthy diet and some moderate exercise” might lead to results in eight weeks without the belt. I don’t know. Anyway, I watched both infomercials but even at 2:30am, the ads were too unbelievable but were amusing, which is all that matters.

Speaking of Infomercials

I didn’t realize that Wesley Snipes was endorsing the Total Gym along with Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley. Do you think Snipes paid taxes on whatever the Total Gym paid for?

Vice Presidential Quirk

I was reading that the way the Electoral College is configured, the two candidates on a given ticket don’t have to be from different states but that if they aren’t, that state’s electors can only give their votes to one or the other, likely the presidential candidate. In 2000, Dick Cheney changed his voting registration back to Wyoming after 10 years of living in Texas. Had he not done that, the electors from Texas would’ve given their votes to George W. Bush and none of the states electors would’ve voted for Cheney. Considering how close the election was, the result would’ve been a President Bush with Joseph Lieberman as his Vice President. That’s a funny thought. Well, it’s a little funny. Isn’t it? No? Okay.

Finally

I realize I still haven’t told the AT&T story and it really is a funny story. I’ll copy over the handwritten notes I took sometime soon and maybe that will serve as my last post. It’s a good story and something worth ending with.

Kennedy's Cancer, McCain's "Like Jesus" & Vatican Okays Aliens

Okay, I really don’t have much I feel like I writing but I don’t want to go too long without at least putting some post out there. So, here’s this one, which mainly will be a reprint of something I wrote quite a while ago. I still have that story about AT&T I want to tell but that’ll take too long to convert my notes into anything that resembles something readable. Anyway, until then, this will have to do.

Kennedy’s Brain Cancer

It’s impossible not to start off with the news surrounding Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA). He had a seizure over the weekend that it turns out was triggered by a malignant brain tumor. He is reportedly alert and moving around.

His prognosis is yet to be fully determined. The most common type of brain tumors are glioblastomas, making up 52% of all primary brain tumor cases. Survival rates for such cases are very low, typically only 3% of patients survive five years after being diagnosed with the tumor. Patients with slower growing tumors have a higher rate of survival over a five year span, though it’s still only around a 25% rate. Kennedy’s situation depends largely on determining what type of tumor it is.

All three presidential candidates issued statements on the news but I found it notable that the phrase both Senators John McCain (R-AZ) and Hillary Clinton (D-NY) chose to use to describe Kennedy was “effective.” When you look at the list of major bills Kennedy has pushed into law, it’s simply staggering. If you look back at the top legislative battles over the last 40 years, Kennedy had a significant role in many of them. While some senators are content to do nothing but collect a paycheck (Daniel Akaka (D-HI) and Wayne Allard (R-CO), I’m looking at you two), Kennedy is a hard working senator who continues to have a hand in the legislative activities on the Hill. He’s been a remarkably consistent figure, who, whether you agree or disagree with him, you always know where he stands. And despite being clearly liberal, he has a history of working across party lines and has earned the respect of Democrats and Republicans alike.

Just to note, neither senator from Georgia put out a statement on the news on their website (though one might well have gone out to the media, or those deemed ‘important’).

The Pledge of Allegiance

Three middle-schoolers were suspended for a day because they didn’t stand during the Pledge of Allegiance. One of the students (surprise) didn’t approve of the punishment because, “I didn't do anything wrong. It should be the people's choice.”

These are really two separate issues. First, a rule’s a rule. If there’s a rule and you want to break that rule to ‘prove a point’ then you have the right to do that but be prepared to take the consequences. In school, I can think of several times I made a decision to not do what I was told because, for one reason or another, I thought it was wrong or whatever. And I faced the consequences accordingly. It didn’t make me regret what I’d done though.

Apparently the one student quoted above had been doing this all year and wasn’t asked to explain himself or anything, which I find hard to believe. Now, what I think would be a more appropriate ‘punishment’ is to have the student write an essay about why he is refusing to stand. In fifth grade, I declined to take part in a classroom activity and the teacher agreed to let me opt out if I wrote a one page essay on why I wouldn’t participate. So I went to the library for an hour and wrote several pages on my opposition to the project in question. I greatly respected my teacher’s willingness to avoid the activity and her ability to assign something that forced me to articulate my objections.

I think a creative way of dealing with these three students would be to have them explain their position. It’s great to go around screaming about free speech but what good’s free speech if you can’t back it up with arguments supporting your position?

The rule in the student handbook requires students to stand but does NOT require them to recite the Pledge. In school, I stood but I wouldn’t say the Pledge and to this day, I refuse to say the Pledge (more on that in a minute).

The second issue is whether the school has a constitutional right to punish the students for not participating and it’s been pretty well decided that it’s the right of the students to opt out. In court, there’s no way the suspensions can hold up legally. What the school is in a sense arguing is that they’re not punishing them for not reciting the Pledge, they’re suspending them for not standing when being told to stand and simply standing is not part of participating in the Pledge.

As for the Pledge itself, I found something I had written a while ago in response to a question I received. Reading it now, there are things I would change but I’m including it in its entirety. So if it sounds stupid, remember that it was written by the Me of Back Then not the Me of Right Now.

First, most countries don’t have a Pledge. Nationalist regimes, such as the ones in Italy and Germany in the 30s as well as the Soviet Union had one in order to require allegiance to their nation. Most free nations don’t require such a thing. I’m concerned that it’s mainly children that are forced to pledge allegiance. They’re being asked to pledge to something they can’t possibly understand or fully grasp. Adults, who are better able to comprehend such a commitment are not usually asked to recite it. Why is that? Is it a form of Nationalistic brainwashing, teaching mindless obedience to the nation-state? Is it a coincidence that the original Pledge salute, now placing the hand over the heart, was almost identical to the Nazi salute? It was changed in WWII because of the similarity.

As for the ‘One Nation Under God’ line, it’s notable that the sentence didn’t enter the Pledge until the 50s, over six decades after it was originally written. That’s a very complex sentence and deserves a great deal of theological and political thought. What does that REALLY mean? It’s something to examine and consider, but instead it’s rattled off like it’s meaningless. There’s a lot of consequence behind that sentence. Is it establishing the residue of a monotheistic theocracy?

While it doesn’t refer to the Christian God, the inference and historical context is clear. Just as Georgia claimed that changing their state flag in the 50s to include the Stars and Bars had nothing to do with racism, the context of the switch being made right after the Brown v. Board of Education decision is not a coincidence. Neither is referencing God during the heart of the Cold War against the Soviets who didn’t believe in God. We were basically establishing our superiority over them because our faith was in a higher power and everyone knew what higher power was being referenced.

And while several religions can refer to God, of the major religions, only Islam, Christianity and Judaism maintain a monotheistic tradition that would (a) refer to a singular God and (b) refer to a God at all (Note: Those three religions are all considered Abrahamic). Religions such as Hinduism (depending on the sect) worship multiple gods and those like Buddhism worship ideas and not gods, though they follow the guidance of Buddha and his incarnations. It’s pretty clear that the Pledge is not referring to Allah since it’s implicitly saying that our country was founded under a God and I doubt any of the Founders worshipped Allah. (Though Jefferson maintained a copy of the Koran, then again, so do I).

Further, the Knights of Columbus were the group that had been fighting for the addition of the sentence (or some recognition of God) and finally succeeded in 1952. They were the largest Catholic Fraternal service in the country. Considering that, it’s very clear what God they were referring to.

Another interesting thing is that in 1940, the Supreme Court ruled that students could be forced to say it even if their personal religious beliefs opposed such a practice (i.e. Jehovah’s Witnesses). The decision was overruled three years later.

As for the Separation of Church and State, while the Constitution doesn’t state it, the Supreme Court has derived that from the Constitution and under numerous decisions, the Separation of Church and State is the current precedent of our country. And under the Constitution, the Court’s ruling on that is as good as law. So…

And the Freedom of Religion doesn’t just extend to what religion you can practice but it also extends the right to not practice a religion at all. But forcing a person to acknowledge the existence of a God at all goes against the right to hold the belief that there isn’t in fact a God. In that way, it is opposed to religion and since it was Congress that allowed the addition of the phrase, Congress was making a law pertaining to the practice of religion.

Beyond that, it’s valuable to examine where the Pledge came from originally. It was written by a Socialist as part of an advertisement to sell flags. It was then used as a way to ‘reunite’ the country after the Civil War, which is why it says ‘one nation indivisible.’ It’s a direct reference to the Civil War, and the guy who wrote it, Francis Bellamy said so. In a way, one could read that as pledging allegiance to the North. It was used as yet another for the North to rub the South’s face in the War. This is also why it has the term Republic in there, because the South was set up as a Confederacy, which is what America was originally founded on under the Articles of Confederation. The Pledge is anti-South and kids are being forced to denounce the South everyday in school.

That’s another valid question, what does ‘indivisible’ mean? Does that mean it can’t be divided because it’s so strong or that it’s impermissible to be divided? It’s an important distinction since the North was fighting in large measure because they did not acknowledge the South’s right leave the Union. The South recognized the right of succession. In a way, the Pledge is using the North’s victory as evidence that succession is invalid. Again, that’s exactly what the writer of the Pledge said he believed.

Moreover, this nationalism steps on the foundation of State’s Rights. One could argue that citizens are loyal to the State first and then the Nation. Jefferson believed that power trickled up from the local branches, not the other way around. But to establish loyalty to the Federal government over the state could be considered a violation of the spirit of the 10th amendment.

On the other hand, this is a Democratic-Republic. When the Pledge was recently challenged, the attorney general in each of the 50 states filed a brief with the Supreme Court supporting the phrase. In a Senate vote, ‘Under God’ was supported unanimously and in the House, it was three votes away from being unanimous (11 people didn’t vote one way or the other). Also, 90% of Americans, according to a poll at that time, supported the Pledge in its current form.

So, you know, whatever all that means, there it is. I’m not a fan of the Pledge. Not really much of a fan of the flag either but at least it looks nice so I don’t complain about it too often.

Hagee’s Letter

Reverend John Hagee, a McCain supporter, has made several repulsive anti-Catholic statements and has recently apologized, “Out of a desire to advance a greater unity among Catholics and evangelicals in promoting the common good, I want to express my deep regret for any comments that Catholics have found hurtful.”

Does everyone feel better now? William Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Civil and Religious Rights (and recipient of Hagee’s letter) said, “I got what I wanted. He's seen the light, as they like to say. So for me it's over.”

See, I don’t get this. Hagee says he’s sorry and that’s it? The issue goes away? I don’t get it. I support a death match between Hagee and Donohue. Steel cage, each guy can bring in one outside weapon like a chair or a wrench. That’d be great. It beats the shit out of a letter of apology.

McCain is “Like Jesus”

I’ve never been a big fan of Georgia’s Republican Chairwoman, Sue Everhart for many reasons. For one thing, she wears so much perfume that when she leaves a room, you can still smell her for an hour. Literally, I’ve been in a room that I didn’t know beforehand that she was in and I’ve turned to someone and said, “Sue Everhart’s been here, hasn’t she?” And it turned out, she had been.

When not stinking up rooms, Sue Everhart says things like, “John McCain is kind of like Jesus Christ on the cross. He never denounced God, either.” She was referring to McCain’s time spent in a POW camp in North Vietnam. She attempted to clarify her statement by adding, “I'm not trying to compare John McCain to Jesus Christ, I'm looking at the pain that was there.”

Maybe what Stinky Sue is missing is that the word ‘like’ is a comparison word. When you use it, you ARE in fact comparing two things. This isn’t about trying or not trying or anything…It just is. Regardless of your feelings on Jesus (or John McCain for that matter), the comparison is more than a little odd.

Gimme My Gun

Governor Sonny Perdue (R-GA) signed legislation to allow gun owners with a license to carry to take their gun on MARTA, in restaurants and public parks. You know, that’s great because I’ve always felt the need to carry a gun while eating a barbeque sandwich. The gun control debate seems to have legislatively broken down into two sides: Those who support legislation like this and those who support banning all guns. Both sides are ridiculous and I can’t believe most Americans aren’t somewhere in between. It’s possible to have reasonable gun control laws while still respecting the Second Amendment.

But allowing guns in places that serve alcohol, I don’t know, it just seems unreasonable. And in the greater context of Perdue’s unwillingness to support allowing the sale of alcohol on Sundays at grocery and liquor stores, while at the same time supporting alcohol sales at Gwinnett’s new stadium on Sundays…It just seems a little strange to me. Maybe it’s not. Maybe contradictions are life’s new logic.

No New TV on ABC

ABC will have only two new shows this fall. ‘Life on Mars’ and ‘Opportunity Knocks.’ That’s it. That’s the list. They’ll be adding ‘Scrubs’ during midseason, which used to be on NBC. I thought this past season would be the last for ‘Scrubs’ but apparently not. I loved the first six episodes of Scrubs and liked the first two seasons but it really went off track after that. Season 3 was dreadful and Season 4 started with promise (I thought Heather Graham was great) but the quality of the show over the second half of that year fell off. It’s had flashes of being a good show as in a moment there or whatever. The last episode was one of the most dreadful 30 minutes I’ve ever sat through. If I hadn’t already packed my knife, I would’ve stabbed myself in the eye. That said, I’ll still watch it on ABC because I’m a complete moron.

Vatican Okays Aliens

The Vatican announced that it’s okay to believe in aliens. They didn’t comment on whether it was okay to watch X-Files reruns. When the Vatican makes announcements like this, is it supposed to affect me? Am I supposed to do something now? Maybe issue my own statements what it’s okay to believe in? ‘I now proclaim it is okay to believe in French toast.’

Random Thoughts

Okay, I got a weird call today. It was from 866-849-3243 and when I answered it, it was a recording saying, “I’m sorry to disturb you. This call was intended for an answering machine.” And the call ended. How weird is that?

I’d really like to go to Six Flags and I found a deal where I could get a significant amount off for multiple tickets but I don’t know anyone who would actually want to go to Six Flags. Also, I now live three light years away instead of the 10 minutes it used to be when I lived in Cobb.

My Charter Internet works okay except at night. It runs really slow until the early morning hours and it’s okay in the afternoon. But it sucks donkey ass at night.

Oh, and have I mentioned how much I hate Vista lately?


To read my thoughts on sports, please visit http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/djwright

The Relativity of God, Apartments & Indiana's Fake

I’m kinda tired and probably shouldn’t write anything right now. I thought I’d have my apartment all ready by now and the pictures hung but no…However, the television’s working and on its new stand. I think it's happy there. Of course, had I had this stand three years ago, I would've gotten a bigger TV. Now my current TV's feeling sad. I say it should get over it.

The biggest news from the weekend is that I finally gave in and signed up for NetFlix and while I haven’t gotten any movies yet, I’ve rated over 1,300 films and that was a lot of fun. I added 218 movies to my movie queue, which is stupid because I have several DVDs that I’ve bought that I haven’t watched and there are a bunch of movies that my mom gave me to watch. So, why am I now paying a monthly fee to watch DVDs when I still have about 30 movies laying around unwatched? I don’t know…don’t bother me.

I have a couple funny stories about the move but they’ll have to wait until I’m less tired than I am right now. I’ve had trouble sleeping here but then again, I wasn’t sleeping great before either. I think if I were to lie down right now, I might be able to go to sleep but lying there unable to sleep is the sixth worst thing in the world…ever.

Old Apartment News

I went back to my old apartment Sunday afternoon to return my entrance card and keys but I was told that I could only move out on weekdays. Again…the complex wouldn’t let me return my keys at first because it was the weekend.

This weekend, my old apartment’s management put out flyers to let the residents know that there’ve been several cars that have been broken into and Cobb County will be increasing their patrols of the neighborhood.

I also learned that Comcast is no longer going to be the cable provider for my old apartment complex as of June 15th. Obviously, it doesn’t matter because I’ve already switched to Charter (not by choice). Still though…

And finally…The self-described ‘Annual Pool Party’ was May 17th at the complex’ pool. Not that it mattered but at the bottom of the announcement, the following was written: “DJ, food and beverages will be provided.” Okay, were they saying that a disc jockey will be provided along with food and beverages OR were they assuring DJ (me) that food and beverages would be there? I was confused. I mean, why would a tiny pool need a disc jockey? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Primary News

In a video released by Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) before the West Virginia primary, she said, “it’s on to West Virginia and Kentucky and Oregon, and we'll stay in touch.” She didn’t mention Puerto Rico, Montana and South Dakota, the final three primaries. Could that be a clue that she’s going to drop out? Personally, I don’t think it means anything. Especially since in an interview with Wolf Blitzer, she mentioned those last three primaries.

She said that her supporters who are threatening to vote for Senator John McCain (R-AZ) in November if Obama’s the nominee would be making “a grave error.”

(Quick side note: McCain was on SNL, both doing a fake campaign message and a Weekend Update and was funny in both of them. He said that he should be elected because he has a certain 'oldness' to him and in the Update portion, he encouraged the Democrats to wait on settling on a nominee, possibly giving John Edwards another look and he offered to allow both Clinton and Obama to appear on November's ballot.)

Back to Clinton, in her Blitzer interview, she got emotional again, which can’t help but remind any viewer of New Hampshire and she’s throwing out gender comments like this gem, “A woman is like a tea bag: You never know how strong she is until she is in hot water.” A tea bag, huh? Okay then.

God’s Relative

In a recently uncovered letter, Albert Einstein wrote, “The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this.”

The letter was written in 1954 to philosopher Eric Gutkind, who had just sent the funny haired physicist a copy of his book ‘Choose Life: The Biblical Call to Revolt.’

Einstein had said he viewed his scientific work through a “cosmic religious feeling” and “Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.” Both these comments have been used by Christians to support their positions on religion and science. This letter calls into question Einstein’s view of religion as a whole.

Einstein, himself Jewish, also wrote in the same letter, “For me the Jewish religion like all others is an incarnation of the most childish superstitions. And the Jewish people to whom I gladly belong and with whose mentality I have a deep affinity have no different quality for me than all other people. As far as my experience goes, they are no better than other human groups, although they are protected from the worst cancers by a lack of power. Otherwise I cannot see anything 'chosen' about them.”

Indiana Jones? Not Real?

According to CNN, Indiana Jones is just fiction. I didn’t know if you were struggling with this fact but CNN has gone to all the trouble of explaining it, so hopefully they’ll be no confusion now.

Mark Rose, some guy, doesn’t appreciate the way Indiana Jones treats ancient artifacts and says, “There are codes of ethics in archaeology, and I don't think he would be a member. Not in good standing, anyway.” Could there be a movement in the archaeology establishment to disbar this fictional character from their club? I don’t know.

Paul Zimansky, another guy, complained about the lack of note-taking by Indiana Jones. “What's his publication record?” Zimansky asked. I don’t know but that sounds like the throwing down of a gauntlet to me. Zimansky says that he wishes Indy would’ve been more realistic so he could’ve been a role model. I say he was a role model though. When I was little, I wanted to grow up to kill Nazis. Turned out though, between Indiana Jones and the Allied Forces, the Nazis were destroyed. All that are left now are neo-Nazis and they have bald heads, jump and down and frankly, they scare me. So, I’ve decided I’ll leave Nazi killing to someone else.

Headlines

This is an article about some examples of racism Senator Barack Obama’s (D-IL) campaign workers are running into while working for him. While I don’t believe most of the country is like this, it’s ugly anywhere you find it.

Michael Moore is coming out with a sequel to his documentary ‘Fahrenheit 9/11.’ I’m betting it’s going to be called ‘Fahrenheit 9/12: The Next Day.’ It’ll cover the Bush administration in Iraq and probably Katrina and other stuff about Bush.

A woman who was born with her feet on backwards claims that she’s not disabled. Feet on backwards? Makes you wonder if God was asleep at the assembly line when she was being created. I mean, I’ve put stuff together backwards before. But then again, I don’t go around saying I created the world and threatening to smite whole groups of people.

CNN Headline: “China's earthquake victims 'eat bitterness'.” So what? I eat bitterness every day. I don’t see any headlines about it.

What I Watched on Television Today

I watched the Braves beat the Oakland A’s today and the season finale of Simpsons. Like most of the episodes this year, I didn’t like it. Maybe one day, I’ll actually just stop watching it. But that’d be too hard

What I’m Listening to on My Mp3 Player

I got two albums today and I’ve been listening to both of them today. ‘Boxer’ by The National (favorite song so far: Mistaken for Strangers’) and Editors’ ‘The Back Room’ (favorite song so far: ‘Munich’). One problem with ‘The Back Room’ is the song ‘Bullets,’ which just keeps repeating the line “You don’t need this disease” over and over again. I nearly died from repetition, one of the four worst ways to die.

Random Thoughts

My new apartment doesn’t have any handicapped parking which is great because I’m tired of them getting all the breaks.

I drive a Honda and the thing that shifts the car from park to reverse and from reverse to drive is between the seats but on Fords, it’s off the steering wheel. Fords are hard to drive for me because I keep reaching down to between the seats like an amputee scratching at a leg he lost years earlier.

To read my thoughts on sports, please visit http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/djwright

Morrison Revisits Her ‘First Black President’ Comment

Toni Morrison once famously referred to Bill Clinton as America’s ‘First Black President’ and it’s since been repeated many times. Well now that she’s endorsed Senator Barack Obama (D-IL), she’s been asked whether she regrets coining the phrase. Her answer: “People misunderstood that phrase. I was deploring the way in which President Clinton was being treated, vis-à-vis the sex scandal that was surrounding him. I said he was being treated like a black on the street, already guilty, already a perp. I have no idea what his real instincts are, in terms of race.” Which got me to thinking. What was the original context of the quote? I thought it had to do with his upbringing, coming from a single parent home and such. I don’t recall it having anything to do with the sex scandal and in fact thought it was said before his second term in office. So I went looking for the original quote and I found it. It was part of an essay she wrote for The New Yorker and the full text can be found here. It turns out that I was wrong. The essay was written in October 1998, after the Lewinsky story broke. The piece is all about the scandal itself and basically says that while adultery is wrong, it’s not an impeachable offense and that the situation was being blown out of proportion. She then (somewhat inexplicably) says that black men knew this was the case before anyone else because they’d been through the same thing Clinton had been through in terms of treatment and guilt versus innocence. And then the paragraph that gave birth to the phrase in question: “African-American men seemed to understand it right away. Years ago, in the middle of the Whitewater investigation, one heard the first murmurs: white skin notwithstanding, this is our first black President. Blacker than any actual black person who could ever be elected in our children's lifetime. After all, Clinton displays almost every trope of blackness: single-parent household, born poor, working-class, saxophone-playing, McDonald's-and-junk-food-loving boy from Arkansas. And when virtually all the African-American Clinton appointees began, one by one, to disappear, when the President's body, his privacy, his unpoliced sexuality became the focus of the persecution, when he was metaphorically seized and bodysearched, who could gainsay these black men who knew whereof they spoke? The message was clear "No matter how smart you are, how hard you work, how much coin you earn for us, we will put you in your place or put you out of the place you have somehow, albeit with our permission, achieved. You will be fired from your job, sent away in disgrace, and--who knows?--maybe sentenced and jailed to boot. In short, unless you do as we say (i.e., assimilate at once), your expletives belong to us." For a large segment of the population who are not African-Americans or members of other minorities, the elusive story left visible tracks: from target sighted to attack, to criminalization, to lynching, and now, in some quarters, to crucifixion. The always and already guilty "perp" is being hunted down not by a prosecutor's obsessive application of law but by a different kind of pursuer, one who makes new laws out of the shards of those he breaks.” So, I guess I see her point to some degree. On the other hand, she’s making an argument about blackness being a set of character traits and socioeconomic circumstances. In her Time interview, she dismisses too easily her original statement and while she apparently only used it once, I couldn’t find any article where she clarifies her position on the matter until she endorsed Obama over Bill Clinton’s wife. Off To Prison What do you get when you cross a liberal talk show host with a former Catholic priest? You get Bernie Ward pleading guilty to distribution of child pornography in a deal that will see him sent to prison for at least five years. He admitted to sending between 15 and 150 child porn pictures by email. Which begs the question, the difference between 15 and 150 pictures is pretty large. Can he (or the investigators) not narrow it down a little more than that? Guy Claims OJ Confessed Some jerk by the name of Mike Gilbert is coming out with a book called, “How I Helped O.J. Get Away With Murder: The Shocking Inside Story of Violence, Loyalty, Regret and Remorse.” He claims credit for helping OJ Simpson bloat his hands so the glove wouldn’t fit, leading to the unfortunate Johnny Cochran rhyme: “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.” If anyone thinks this book is a little sleazy sounding, raise your hands. Okay, hands down now. Seriously, I can understand if you helped someone get away with murder, you’d feel guilty but to have guilt so long delayed and come at a time where he’s fallen out with OJ and is currently in a tough time monetarily, including being pursued by the IRS for a tax issue, makes one doubt Gilbert’s sincerity. ‘Allow me to release my guilt by buying my book and giving me money.’ Cruise’s New Movie Stalls Tom Cruise’s newest movie has been put on the shelf until 2009. I’m betting that he broke all the couches and they’re waiting for a new shipment to come in. I Forgot The Header For This One This story freaks me out and I don’t know why exactly. This guy is one of three people who remember every detail of their life. He can recall every detail from age 11 on and most days between ages 7 and 11. He’s an ace at trivia and has won a bunch of restaurant gift certificates. You know, I think it’s people like him that are keeping me from winning at trivia, not that I’ll ever play again but… Something to Note Today, I don’t think I’ve pissed off any candidates for Governor in North Carolina or in any of the other 48 contiguous states in this country. I did have a Chick-fil-a sandwich though. Best 'Best Of' List This is a ‘best of’ list of the best ‘best of’ compilation albums. You know, greatest hits and stuff. A lot of my opinion of this list is colored by my individual preference of the band in question. I mean, if I don’t like, say, Prince, so I wouldn’t’ve put his compilation on my list. Anyway, it’s a fun list to look at. For REAL groups, like the Beatles (or solo artists like Bob Dylan), their greatest hits is a flyby that misses their best stuff because it only focuses on chart hits but for others, like, uh, Chuck Berry, his greatest hits album is the only thing you need. Which reminds me, I have Chubby Checker’s greatest hits, which didn’t make this list. Would you be surprised if I told you 'The Twist' is on there? Because it is, you know. What I Watched on Television Today I didn’t watch much today because I was busy finishing up packing. I did watch the start of a couple movies. I watched the beginning of ‘Evan Almighty’ before the urge to vomit overcame me. I watched another horrible movie that I couldn’t finish called ‘Next’ that starred Nicholas Cage and Julianne Moore. Cage could see two minutes into the future and blah, blah, blah. As for the packing, I probably should go to bed since the move starts before 8 in the morning. I’ll come back over the weekend to clean the apartment one last time in hopes of maybe getting the security deposit back (stop laughing). After that, I don’t think I’ll visit the Atlanta area ever again. Maybe to see a Braves game. I don’t know. What I’m Listening to on My Mp3 Player ‘See a Little Light’ by Bob Mould. Over at my sport’s site, every time I reference newly acquired Braves’ pinch hitter Greg Norton, I always mention Husker Du, because their bassist has the same name. Well, Husker Du broke up in 1988 and over the following year, Bob Mould, the group’s lead guitarist, hung out in a farmhouse, gave up drinking and drugs and put together the songs that comprised his first solo release, ‘Workbook,’ which featured ‘See a Little Light’ as the album’s fourth track. Mould had a couple other releases, formed another band called Sugar that had very limited success but did release the song ‘If I Can’t Change Your Mind.’ Sugar’s first live show was a secret event at the 40 Watt Club in Athens and they rehearsed for that show where REM practiced. Mould then joined the WCW (yes, as in wrestling) as a scriptwriter before going back in the studio again. I haven’t heard anything from him recently but his song ‘Dog on Fire’ (recorded by They Might Me Giants) is the theme song for ‘The Daily Show.’ Random Thoughts I didn’t turn the channel after Conan O’Brien went off and Carson Daly’s show came on and his guests sit to his left, which is the opposite of what most late night talk shows do. It’s making me feel sick. But it could be seeing Carson Daly. I don’t know. I’m tired of paragraph indentions. If I wanted indentions, I would’ve bought them with the binder clips. But I didn’t, so leave me alone about it. What would happen if Sir Mix-a-Lot joined Rage Against the Machine? To read my thoughts on sports, please visit http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/djwright

Dwight as VP, Barr and Munger and Drunk Writing

Okay, so I’m still in the process of moving and I had my official ‘I’m moving out of here’ party and I bought beer and everything but nobody came, so that was disappointing (and it doesn’t bode well for my official ‘I’m moving in here’ party scheduled for this weekend). And because I’m moving in a few days, I want to have as little stuff to take with me as possible. So I’ve made it my mission to finish all the alcohol I have in the apartment, which has left me somewhat, uh, not totally sober. Usually, I don’t edit these posts for spelling, grammar or logic and I still won’t but if it seems there are more mistakes than usually, writing under the influence is probably the reason.

So, onto the topics:

A McCain/Schrute Ticket

Senator John McCain (R-AZ) has announced his choice for running mate. It’s Dwight Schrute (?-PA). The announcement was made on the ‘Daily Show’ but I think it’s real. And it makes sense in a way. Given the currency situation, the dollar is close to being surpassed by the Schrute-buck.

An Obama/Clinton Ticket?

Remember how I wrote about the possibility of Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) being named Senator Barack Obama’s (D-IL) vice president? Remember how I said I didn’t see that happening? Remember? Maybe? No? Anyway, well, Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) agrees with me. Carl Bernstein (the other half of Woodward and Bernstein) wrote an article for CNN about this subject that I deem worth reading.

Robert Novak had an article claiming that Michelle Obama, wife of one of the two candidates (guess which one) has shot down the idea of Clinton being the pick for her husband’s running-mate. Obama dismissed the story saying, “My wife does not talk to Bob Novak on a regular basis.” His communications director, Robert Gibbs added that the article should be set aside “in case of a toilet paper emergency.”

Novak also threw out the name of Governor Ted Strickland (D-OH), which is a name I hadn’t really thought about but he’d be a really good pick. He has strong crossover appeal, especially with some Christian voters, but he’s a Hillary Clinton supporter and campaigned heavily for her when she won Ohio.

Oh and one more thing on that topic, VoteBoth, one of the leading groups calling on an Obama/Clinton ticket, has been traced back to Clinton supporters and actually, of the leadership of the group, none are Obama people. Just something of note…or not. I don’t know.

Hillary: Guardian of the White Vote

In what might be one of the most shocking political statements I’ve heard from a major candidate, Hillary Clinton pointed to her white support as the reason superdelegates should subvert the will of the voters and select her as the party’s nominee. She actually used the term ‘white Americans.’ How many politicians would have made that statement, using those terms. I’m kinda surprised. Dividing the electorate even further along racial lines will only serve to damage the party.

This is an election that the Republicans have handed to the Democrats and the Democrats are almost saying, ‘No thanks.’ It’s completely crazy.

Obama Leads in Superdelegates

Obama has taken over the superdelegate lead for the first time, a category that early on, Clinton dominated. This development takes away one of the arguments from Clinton, since now Obama is leading in superdelegates, pledged delegates, popular vote and total states won. Clinton can now only argue that nebulous ‘I can beat McCain in the general election,’ as well as that she has been attacked enough times nothing will surprise voters and that she’s won the big states.

Mountain Man: 'Ain't He Be Muslim Folk?'

The polls are predicting large wins for Clinton in both West Virginia and Kentucky. And then I read this article about the way some West Virginians view Obama. “I heard that Obama is a Muslim and his wife’s an atheist,” said one of their people.

You know, it’s fair to question Obama’s positions on issues, specifically the statement he made at one debate where he said that the human rights of Pakistani citizens was more important than the national security of America. But when you peddle in rumors and carefully worded innuendo, democracy is done no favors and our country suffers. None of these three candidates are great choices for America and ultimately, most citizens, regardless of who they end up supporting, will vote for the lesser of evils. The least we can do is make sure we’re clear about the evils in question.

Hey, More Debates!

Obama says that if he’s the nominee, he’d be willing to debate McCain in a series of town hall gatherings. Which is great because the one thing this campaign needs is more debates. But damn it, if they actually air these things, I’ll watch every last one of them.

Three To Read

Obama accused McCain of “losing his bearings.” Of course, in fairness, McCain kept opening the closet during an interview while claiming he was hearing a doorbell. So, you know…

Here’s an article about Obama’s political arc and is something worth taking a look at.

Here’s a well-written article from Time about the seven ways McCain can beat Obama.

Barr Ready to Run

Former Representative Bob Barr has announced his intention to run to be the Libertarian Party’s nominee for president, joining former Senator Mike Gravel (who failed to be the Democratic nominee earlier this year). Barr left the Republican Party in 2006 and writes occasional opinion pieces for the Atlanta Journal Constitution. He’s hired Ross Perot’s former campaign manager, so this shows that Barr means business.

Now, in order for Barr to be his new party’s nominee to lose in November, he has to win the nomination process at the national convention next week. He’s considered a favorite by party leaders.

I went on the Libertarian website and found that a disproportionate number of candidates for the party have goatees. I don’t know what this means. Most disturbing though was this guy.



He’s Michael Munger and he would just love to be the next governor of North Carolina. The question is: Are the wonderful people of North Carolina ready for a governor that looks like he’s wearing a Bruce Vilanch wig? I mean, he looks like a little girl’s dolly.

My favorite part of Mr. Munger’s biography is this line: “[His family has] two large dogs of indecipherable pedigree.” Or in other words, a mutt. Is mutt a bad term now? Can we not say that anymore? Robert Lamutt used the word ‘mutt’ in a political campaign when he was running for Congress. Of course, he lost. Is that why? I’ll have to think on that.

As for Mr. Munger, he’s polling around 4% in the NC gubernatorial race.

Robert Kennedy Article

Speaking of politicians and hair…

I spent Mothers’ Day in Loganville with my mom and brother. I got to play (original) Nintendo and defeat my brother in several sports games in variously embarrassing ways. We all watched the first two Indiana Jones movies (I watched the third one earlier that day on USA). And I read an article about Robert Kennedy in a Vanity Fair my mom had bought earlier.

It was a fly-by of the start of his 1968 presidential campaign and while it carefully failed to tread new ground on the subject, it did have a lot of pictures I’d never seen and the one thing I was really struck by was how great Bobby’s hair was. And strangely, the more messed up it was, the better it looked. I’m not saying I would ever vote for someone because of their hair BUT if I were to do that, I think Bobby would’ve been the guy. However, his love of conversations, specifically his love to listen to other people’s private conversations might’ve been enough to make me think twice about supporting him. Of course, how much of that was really known in ’68, I don’t know.

Back to Bob Barr

Did I ever actually finish the thing on Bob Barr or did I get distracted by Munger’s mane?

Ron's Revolt

Supporters of Representative Ron Paul (R-TX) are plotting to do something at the Republican Convention that will embarrass the party, themselves and probably Dr. Paul himself. They call it a revolt. You know, I find his supporters to be frightening. Conspiracy theories are fun but they’re like ghost stories. You shouldn’t base an ideology on either one.

Are Evangelicals Evolving to Think On Their Own?

This article talks about a new group of young evangelical Christians that are abandoning the GOP. One student talks about the importance of not following James Dobson and instead looking at the individual issues. Really? You mean, think for yourself? Why would you want to do that for? It’s amazing that a group can say that might actually examine the issues and come up with a decision on their own and that’s newsworthy.

The last line of the article was kinda funny though: “I just keep thinking, if Jesus were alive now, he wouldn't necessarily be voting Republican.” Number one, this was a seminary student and there’s something oddly off about the theology of this statement that seems to undermine his apparent career choice. And second, of course Jesus wouldn’t vote Republican. He’d be over in Israel and would be voting in the Knesset elections.

Major Al Qaida Arrest?

Iraq has reported the capture of Abu Ayyub al-Masri, leader of Al Qaida in Iraq. Exciting news? Ah, not so much. Iraq has reported his death three separate times and his capture twice. The US is denying that the dude’s been captured this time just like they’ve denied the previous reports. Can Iraq do anything right? They’re kind of an embarrassment. I mean, even if we withdraw, Iraq’s success or failure will reflect on the US. If they can’t get capture/death reports right, how can they maintain a stable government? They can’t. You know, it makes me wonder what their weather reports are like. How accurate are those? “Abdul, you must stop forecasting snow every Thursday! It’s not going to snow!” “But I like Thursday and I want to make a snow angel.”

Burma News

Reportedly, the death toll in Burma following the recent cyclone could hit a half a million people, which to me, is hard to fathom (and is also probably inaccurate since most other estimates have the number much lower, though still staggering). Part of the problem is that the government is getting in the way of incoming aid from other countries, making it less likely that the people who need it will actually get it. There have been discussions about the United States bypassing the government and conducting air lifts directly to the people in need. Of course, it’s hard not to think of Somalia when thinking about a government preventing aid getting to their citizens.

Sharpton's Savings

Al Sharpton doesn’t think he should have to pay taxes. And I agree. I shouldn’t have to pay taxes either. Think Sharpton will come to my defense when I get hauled off to jail? Probably not. So I’m not going to defend him on his right not to pay taxes.

NOTE TO THE IRS: I paid my taxes. What I just wrote was simply a joke. It was not meant to be taken seriously. Fuck, man…I probably shouldn’t do any more jokes.

We Found Jane Doe!

I’ve never known anyone named Jane Doe but according to official Department of Defense records, there apparently is one and Rear Admiral John Stufflebeem fucked her…in the White House…after telling her that his wife had died of cancer. First, his name sounds like a joke, both his last name and his job title. Anyway, he’s been demoted and could be facing charges of lying to investigators. Stufflebeem, when not having his beam stuffled, was one of the main spokesmen during the initial days of the conflict in Afghanistan. If you saw his picture, you’d probably remember him

Get Farina

Actor Dennis Farina (who, if you don’t recognize the name, you’d recognize the face) was arrested at Los Angeles Airport after TSA found a gun in his carry-on baggage. He said he forgot it was there. It seems Mr. Farina was on his way to check the contents of a certain locker so he could get the money that funny looking guy owed him. I wonder if right before he was arrested, he turned around and became Harvey Keitel.

At Least They Can See

Burglars broke into a Buckhead Pearle Vision the other day and stole $150,000 worth of stuff. I think they’re pretty clever because I wouldn’t’ve thought to break into a place like that. I got new glasses a few weeks ago and given how expensive frames are, it’s surprising those places aren’t more of a target. Police are investigating to decide whether this group of burglars are the same ones who broke into a nearby Fatburger and stole a flat screen television. I had lunch at that Fatburger with my brother several months ago. I don’t know if he remembers that or not.

The Dumb One Died

A man committed suicide by jumping from his 11th floor balcony in a midtown apartment. He was upset after failing the GED and because he believed that he wasn’t as smart as his boyfriend, who also lived in the apartment. Not to be nasty but I’m going to go ahead and agree with the newly deceased guy, if for no other reason than the boyfriend didn’t jump after failing a test. But I don’t know. I never met either one.

Not Again!

A Sherpa is going to climb Mount Everest for the 18th time. ‘Hey, Sherpa-dude, maybe you think about climbing another mountain. Maybe you think about climbing Kilimanjaro or Mt. McKinley or Stone Mountain.’

What I Watched on Television Today

In addition to watching both games of the Braves’ doubleheader, I watched a documentary on the National Geographic called ‘Inside a Cult.’ As the title suggests, it’s about the inside of a cult. The amount of access the documentary crew had was absolutely incredible, though it shed little light on why people join to begin with. This cult, like many others, are splinter groups from another organized religion and it takes pieces of the Bible but interprets them in a way that is mainly beneficial to the leader himself.

Also, the other day, I watched Jay Leno and Harrison Ford was on there and I don’t know if he was drunk or on painkillers or what but he didn’t seem to be all there. Also on the show: Carly Simon. And she looked like she was lip synching some song that's destined for airplay at a dentist office in the near future. The worst part was that her head seems to have shrunk but her mouth is as large as ever. Two thirds of her face is mouth. It’s fuckin’ scary.

What I’m Listening to on My Mp3 Player

I’m listening to…Actually, I’m a little embarrassed to say what’s playing right now. I’ll say that it’s a Georgia band. I’ll say that they’re out of Stockbridge and the song is the seventh track off their fourth album. I like the song but am ashamed to admit it. Please forgive me.

Random Thoughts

I don’t usually watch commercials because I have a DVR and I’m a spoiled brat but I was watching a ‘live’ Seinfeld episode and a Chevy Malibu commercial came on and it featured ‘Lazy Eye’ by the Silversun Pickups. And maybe I’m overreacting a bit but I died a little on the inside.

I got my $600 rebate check direct deposited to my account the other day. I guess I should be thrilled but basically, once you do all the math on this thing, it’s a prepayment on next year’s tax refund.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Mockery is the sincerest form of mockery.


To read my thoughts on sports, please visit http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/djwright