Old Stuff I Meant to Post Earlier

This is the start of my last few posts on this site due to lack of interest. I wanted to put something up here before going into the long weekend and since I had a few things that I had written with the intention to post but held back for one reason or another, I figure, this is the best time to go ahead and post them in no particular order.

You Can’t Spell Infomercial Without S-C-A-M

The other day, I saw two infomercials about two separate belts that promised six pack abs without requiring you to do a single sit-up. Both the Slendertone and Contour claim that their belts work the upper, lower and side abdominal muscles while you watch television, presumably an infomercial. Both say that the FDA has cleared this product, which is very different than saying it approves of the product but I thought the FTC went after the companies that sold the AbTronic, Fast Abs and AB Energizer, identical belts that made the same promises about no work fitness.

The original belts came out when I was in college and I had a friend who actually bought one and would wear it around the dorm. He tried explaining to me why it would work and while some gimmicks at least make sense, this one doesn’t even try to be logical.

According to the Contour’s website: “The Contour works a lot like the brain. The brain sends a signal to your muscles and they flex and relax depending on what you are doing. The Contour bypasses the brain and sends a signal directly to your muscles, telling them to flex and relax too. But the Contour can perform the perfect repetition each time. No getting lazy. No wondering if you are getting a great workout. No worries about hurting yourself by lifting too much weight. In fact, the technology used in Contour can do what the human brain can’t do …. It can activate up to 100% of your muscle fibers. More activation means more results.”

Convinced?

Maybe Slendertone’s website has a better explanation. “SLENDERTONE stimulates the nerves that work the body's muscles. The result is strong, deep, yet comfortable, contractions that, over time, train your muscles to be firmer and stronger.”

Still not convinced? What is it you need…proof or something? Both infomercials visit real people who attest to being able to feel something when they put on the belt. I don’t dispute that you wouldn’t feel something, I dispute that it’ll lead to something. The before and after pictures have in fine print that the results are part of an eating plan, which makes me wonder if the lost inches are more a consequence of the diet than the actual product.

According to the product description of Slendertone on Amazon.com: “Slendertone uses clinically proven, patent-pending C.S.I. (Concentrated Slendertone Innervation) technology to firm, tone and strengthen your entire midsection with patented medical-grade muscle stimulation technology. The unique construction of the Slendertone Flex features three pre-positioned, medical-grade GelPads, covering the central abdominal muscles and external obliques. Signals from the belt reach out to nerves where they are most concentrated. These nerves branch out to reach all the abdominal muscles (not just those under the pads) causing them to relax and contract naturally, exercising all the muscles at the same time. Used regularly (as little as 30 minutes a day) in conjunction with a healthy diet and some moderate exercise, you will notice results within 8 weeks. You can wear the Slendertone Flex when you just don't have time in your hectic schedule to hit the gym or go for a run, or wear it during your workout for added emphasis.”

Again, “a healthy diet and some moderate exercise” might lead to results in eight weeks without the belt. I don’t know. Anyway, I watched both infomercials but even at 2:30am, the ads were too unbelievable but were amusing, which is all that matters.

Speaking of Infomercials

I didn’t realize that Wesley Snipes was endorsing the Total Gym along with Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley. Do you think Snipes paid taxes on whatever the Total Gym paid for?

Vice Presidential Quirk

I was reading that the way the Electoral College is configured, the two candidates on a given ticket don’t have to be from different states but that if they aren’t, that state’s electors can only give their votes to one or the other, likely the presidential candidate. In 2000, Dick Cheney changed his voting registration back to Wyoming after 10 years of living in Texas. Had he not done that, the electors from Texas would’ve given their votes to George W. Bush and none of the states electors would’ve voted for Cheney. Considering how close the election was, the result would’ve been a President Bush with Joseph Lieberman as his Vice President. That’s a funny thought. Well, it’s a little funny. Isn’t it? No? Okay.

Finally

I realize I still haven’t told the AT&T story and it really is a funny story. I’ll copy over the handwritten notes I took sometime soon and maybe that will serve as my last post. It’s a good story and something worth ending with.