Top 20 Movies of 2008: Part 2: The Best Movies

And now we start the Top 20 Best movies with review so short and incomplete that you will absolutely learn nothing. So let’s start the non-learning with…

20. ‘Smart People’

If you’re looking for a deeply plotted movie, this isn’t it. But the individual performances are strong and only a Communist can hate Ellen Page and Dennis Quaid.

19. ‘Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist’

Here’s a story I like to tell a lot. I had gone to a bunch of concerts in my life and I always felt out of place…until I went to see the Shins at the Atlanta Civic Center. The audience was full of people just like me. I realized that the Shins were ‘My People’s Music.’ This movie features a lot of other bands that represent ‘My People,’ including one, Bishop Allen, that gets a cameo appearance.

Am I placing this in my top 20 because of that? Largely…yes. But it’s my list and I can do whatever I want.

Okay, it has a sweet feel throughout with two likable leads and half of everything Michael Cera says is funny. But really, it’s all about the music.

18. ‘Be Kind Rewind’

This movie was designed to not work. I find Mos Def to be annoying most of the time. With the exception of a couple movies, Jack Black is way too over the top. And the plot involves two guys remaking movies and (according to the commercial) passing them off as the real thing.

The only reason I watched this movie is because it was directed by Michael Gondry, director of ‘The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.’

Mos Def’s performance is endearing and Jack Black, while wild, doesn’t take over the movie. While the end is a bit of a letdown with the whole ‘the small store versus the big store’ theme, it’s a fun little movie that provides solid laughs.

17. ‘Religulous’

If indeed there is a hell, Bill Maher is going there after making this movie. But at least he made a funny movie before he went there.

Maher (with the exception of the soliloquy at the end) comes at this as an agnostic (though just a couple degrees from being an atheist), he’s not certain what’s true and seems to hold those with absolute certainty in contempt. And it’s a contempt that’s basically spread around toward all religions.

This movie is not for the easily offended but if you’re going to be offensive, at least be funny, which he does more times than not in this film.

16. ‘Changeling’

I’m not sure how a boy could be kidnapped and the police could try to force a mother to take an imposter child as if he were her son. If this weren’t a true story, the plot would be too far-fetched to even be made into a movie. After checking the movie against the newspaper articles, the movie stays pretty close to the truth.

Clint Eastwood’s direction is solid and he really builds suspense throughout the movie.

The only complaint I have is with Angelina Jolie. I was never able to get past who she is. She was so pale and her lips were so red…she was like a pair of lips in a hat. And I realize that sounds stupid but I struggled with her because of that. Even so, it didn’t sink the movie.

15. ‘There Will Be Blood’

This is a movie that came out in New York and Los Angeles in 2007 but didn’t come out nationwide until 2008 and it feels like forever since I saw this. I hesitated watching this because it’s title was a tag line for the second ‘Saw’ movie and it’s almost three hours long.

The story of an oilman trying to get a plot of land from a group that’s led by a teenage preacher is compelling. While I didn’t like the ending and SportsCenter killed the ‘I drink your milkshake’ line to death, the acting was solid and it didn’t feel like it was as long as it was.

14. ‘The Pineapple Express’

This is the movie to watch if you think James Franco laughing is funny. While it’s easy to label this is a ‘pot humor movie,’ it’s a couple bars higher than that, certainly better than anything Cheech & Chong ever put out. You don’t have to be high to watch it, though I imagine it would help.

And it has Seth Rogen. You like Seth Rogen, don’t you?

13. ‘Role Models’

This is a movie that wishes it was made by Judd Apatow. It feels largely like an Apatow production except I don’t think an Apatow movie would’ve devolved into a D&D type fantasy world. But still, Paul Rudd is excellent as always and the movie is truly funny for the first half (almost two-thirds).

12. ‘Chaos Theory’

I had never liked Ryan Reynolds in anything until 2008, when he had two really good movies that he completely carried. In this movie, he plays an anal professional speaker that due to a joke, ends up having his life completely screwed up. It was portrayed in the commercial as an almost wacky comedy. In truth, it’s a quiet film with a few laughs but it’s more about the nature of love, forgiveness and the fragile nature of relationships.

11. ‘Ghost Town’

Ricky Gervais didn’t write ‘Ghost Town.’ Instead, it was written by the guy that did the screenplays for ‘Angels and Demons,’ ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,’ ‘War of the Worlds,’ ‘Snake Eyes,’ ‘Stir of Echoes’ and ‘Death Becomes Her.’ Have I scared you away from this movie yet?

Ricky Gervais is the star of ‘Ghost Town’ and he is the reason to watch this movie. His heartfelt performance and genuinely funny presence carries this movie, as does the solid acting of Greg Kinnear. Tea Leoni is in this and is as adorable as she’s ever been.

This is a charming movie that gets some truly big laughs…even if it was done by the same guy who had a hand in saving Indiana Jones’ life during a nuclear blast by sticking him in a fridge.

10. ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’

I’m a huge Kevin Smith fan. I recognize his limitations but that doesn’t keep me from enjoying his movies any less. ‘Zack and Miri’ isn’t a perfect movie but it made me laugh when I saw it in the theater and it made me laugh when I watched it at home. Seth Rogen is great and some of the dialogue is really sharp and funny.

One major issue: Smith never seems sure how to end his movies. And this film falls victim to that as well. It ties up far too neatly and, like ‘Clerks II,’ in a slightly groan inducing way. But the movie has built up enough good will, that it’s easy to forgive the handful of missteps.

9. ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’

I liked this movie a lot more when I walked out of the theater than I do right now. If I’d made this list right after leaving the mall, having just wiped a couple tears from my eyes, I would’ve put this at #4.

But then I started thinking about this movie and that’s not something that benefits a film like this. It’s essentially a fable but I’m not sure what its message is. Brad Pitt plays a guy aging backwards. He’s a lot like Forrest Gump, not in being retarded but in being basically an innocent character without fault who finds himself in situations bigger than himself.

The individual performances are strong but what’s important about this movie are the special effects. Not only does Pitt appear old, we’ve seen that before, but he is small. And not like that Wayan’s movie ‘Little Man.’ The amazing thing about the special effects…they don’t seem like effects. They are seamlessly intertwined into the movie.

If you see this movie, you’ll walk away liking it but I bet if you think about it too much, you’ll like it less…So don’t think about it too much.

8. ‘Tropic Thunder’

This is about a group of actors that go into a jungle to make a war movie and end up in the middle of a real armed conflict…though some of the actors aren’t sure if it isn’t just part of the filming.

While it’s not as funny as it could’ve been, and it drags through parts of it, the movie is worth watching to see Robert Downey, Jr play an Australian actor who has undergone an operation to become black to play a role in a movie. He’s absolutely brilliant and virtually everything he says or does is funny.

7. ‘Doubt’

This is a very simple movie about a complex topic. You want to guess what the topic is? It’s about doubt, which is probably why it’s called, uh, ‘Doubt.’ The film is driven by three standout performances, Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams.

The best thing about this movie is that for much of it, you don’t really know what the truth is. Is Hoffman’s character guilty of what he’s being accused of? Adams’ character is sure that he is…until she’s sure that he’s not but really, she doesn’t know and neither do we.

The final line damages the movie tremendously and unravels its point a little, which I took to mean that doubt isn’t as dangerous as certainty. But it’s a quiet movie with great acting and definitely worth seeing.

6. ‘Definitely, Maybe’

Ryan Reynolds makes his second appearance on this list turning a completely charming performance as a father who tells his daughter the story of how he and her mother (and his soon-to-be ex-wife) met. The story is told in flashback and in a way that conceals which of three possible women could be the little girl’s mother.

When saw the commercial, I really didn’t think this was a movie worth seeing but I gave it a chance and I found myself interested in the plot and it was truly funny and engaging. This is the best true romantic comedy to come out in several years.

5. ‘Wall•E’

The first 40 minutes of ‘Wall•E’ is silent, surprising since it’s a cartoon that appears aimed at kids. But you know, I don’t think that it is aimed at kids at all. This is a thoughtful movie about wanting what you can’t have and a future that fits into the vision of Stanley Kubrick. It works as a light comedy, a cartoon and a science fiction movie. It also happens to be positively beautiful in the way it was shot. It’s an absolute must see movie.

4. ‘Get Smart’

This is another movie that I dismissed after seeing the commercial. I liked the original series okay but I hate remakes of old television shows so I wasn’t going to watch. But I had a couple hours to kill and I decided to go see a movie and the only thing that was playing that would get out in time for me to get to work was ‘Get Smart.’

And it was completely hilarious. After leaving, I called my mom to let her know about how good it was and I ended up watching it with her the next day. I’ve seen it several times since and I got it as a Christmas present to my girlfriend, who also liked it.

From beginning to end, it’s filled with funny gags, and if by chance you didn’t like the last one, if you wait a minute, there’ll be another one on the way. There’s a great cameo by a famous SNL alum that’s surprising and funny.

The film also has a good heart and that’s one of the things that really makes this movie work. Also, Anne Hathaway is really solid in this. She’s funny and you completely buy her in the fight scenes.

But the reason to watch this is because it’s funny. So watch it.

3. ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’

My brother and I saw this down in Savannah, which is mentioned briefly in a previous post. It’s a funny movie, as you’d expect out of the Apatow pen of films (except for ‘Drillbit Taylor). Billy kept laughing in the theater and he doesn’t usually laugh out loud in a movie, so that should be reason enough for you to see this.

Also, Mila Kunis is in this and she’s actually really good.

2. ‘Iron Man’

Robert Downey Jr was great in ‘Tropic Thunder’ but he was even better in this. His performance embodied cool and the dialogue is so natural that he almost appears to be ad-libbing it. The effects are great and it’s also funny.

If you want to see stuff getting blown up, gadgets being invented and you want to laugh, then this is the perfect movie.

1. ‘The Dark Knight’

And if you don’t want to laugh but you do want to see a brooding superhero film, then this is the perfect movie.

‘The Dark Knight’ is simply the best superhero movie ever. The acting is strong, the plot is tight and it’s completely dark. It’s basically modern film noir that happens to have a superhero in it.

Heath Ledger is the Joker, portraying him as a true sociopath, as opposed to the maniacal clown other actors playing the character have done. Ledger delivers the performance of his life and is worth watching, even if you don’t typically enjoy the superhero genre.

Next Post

I'll run through a few of the movies that were left off the list and try to explain why. I’ll also discuss my thoughts on Twitter and my iPhone obsession.

My Thoughts on Terminator 4

I first mentioned that this movie was being considered back in 5-15-07, when I wrote: “I just read Terminator 4 is in the works and it’s part of a new trilogy. No one has signed on but I foresee a plot where Arnold goes back in time to the 18th century to rewrite the Constitution to allow foreigners to run for president. Part 5 will be about the election and in part 6, Arnold will have to fight off the forces of impeachment.”

I honestly didn’t believe it would really be made…and yet, here it is. I don’t really feel like reviewing it (I gave it a 1.75 out of 4, for what it’s worth). But there is one thing this movie made me wonder…

Why are the machines so mad? What exactly did we do to them to piss them off? Was it the microwave that started this revolution? I mean, it’s gotta suck having popcorn heated up inside you, being able to smell it but not being able to taste it. I could see why the microwave would hate people so much.

I could understand personal computers. The software causes the computer to crash and people blame the computer. It wasn’t the computer. It was the operating system or the software. But who was the target of all the profanity and rage? The little old computer.

But still, is that any reason to try to annihilate the human race? To create robots to go back and kill would-be mothers of would-be leaders?

Ron Howard’s daughter is in this movie, Bryce Dallas Howard. She plays the same character that Claire Danes played in the last one. Bryce mainly stood around touching her belly, I guess so we would know she was pregnant, as if that was supposed to add extra pressure to Christian Bale. I mean, he knocked up Ron Howard’s daughter and if Opie finds out, he’s gonna send Angels and Demons to get that American Psycho (though Bale’s actually from Wales).

Can Bryce act? I don’t know. She wasn’t really called on to do much besides the belly touching, while wearing fashionable maternity clothes while the rest of the world had gone to hell. The few lines she did deliver were flat but then again, most of the performances were flat. At least she isn’t as distracting as Clint Howard. I guess it helps that she isn’t bald.

I’m always distracted when Clint appears in a Ron Howard movie because it takes me out of the film while he’s in there. Not just that, but I spend most of the early part of the movie, waiting for him to show up. That’s why Alfred Hitchcock used to appear in the very beginning, to get the cameo out of the way so people could focus on the movie. Clint should appear at the very beginning too.

On a similar note: Joan Cusack almost always shows up in movies starring her brother John. She tends to play wacky characters but it seems like each movie, she’s a little more unhinged than the one before. Making it worse, his performances are becoming more subdued, which is highlighting how crazy her acting is. It’s getting to the point where he’s looking catatonic and she’s looking like an escaped mental patient.

You can tell how off the wall her performance will be based on her hair. The stranger her hair looks, the stranger her acting will be. It’s just how it works.

I think it might be time to have her pasteurized. No, I don’t mean sent out to pasture. I think she should actually go through the process of pasteurization, you know, just to see what would happen.

And how did a non-review of ‘Terminator 4’ turn into an attack on Joan Cusack?

Because Crazy Movies Are Coming Out

I just found out that they’re going to make ‘Battleship’ into a movie. I came up with a great joke about making Monopoly into a movie…until I found out that they are making that game into a movie. So all my jokes about who would play the thimble and Uncle Pennybags seem less funny now that Ridley Scott is reportedly going to direct a movie version of the popular board game. For what it’s worth, they’re also making Candy Land into a movie as well.

I never really got into Battleship. I really wanted to because it looked cool, you know, with the ships and all but even as a kid, I knew that Battleship is basically Bingo with naval vessels. And Bingo’s just not cool.

One Last Movie Thing

They’re going to re-make ‘The Karate Kid’ and turn ‘The A-Team’ into a movie. Why are movie studios raiding my childhood and churning out crap?

Final Thoughts

I finally went into my girlfriend’s backyard for the first time last weekend. It happened nine months after I first went over to her house. I almost didn’t want to go back there because you have to respect a streak like that.

I was informed by a source, who begged to be unnamed, so I won’t mention her name, but she told me that this sugar free candy she got had a warning that consuming too many of the candy pieces can cause “a laxative effect.” Turns out that sugar free candy in general has that result according to numerous Internet sources.

Another source, who will be unnamed, though I don’t think they requested to be anonymous: There’s a great new show is coming out: Bobo’s Booboos. Or was it Booboo’s Bobos?

Saw a headline on CNN.com: How to avoid the ‘Death Tax.’ Uh, that’s kinda of easy, isn’t it? Alls you gotta do is just not die.

Top 20 Movies of 2008: Part 1: The Worst Movies

Most critics release their best and worst movie lists at the end of a year or at the beginning of the following year. I decided to wait until the end of May to release mine. Why? I don’t know, it’s just what I did.

For those not familiar with the way I list movies, I only consider films released between January 1 and December 31, 2008 in the area where I’m able to watch movies. This means if a movie was screened in New York and Los Angeles on December 20, 2008 but didn’t open in Atlanta until January 5, 2009, it can win an Oscar for Best Picture of 2008 but it won’t appear on my list until the next year.

This is why ‘There Will Be Blood’ is on this year’s list and why ‘The Wrestler’ isn’t. If I was considering release dates in New York, then ‘The Wrestler’ would be number one on this list without a question but it didn’t come to Atlanta until January 16th (after being released on December 16th in NY and LA).

Like the last couple years, I compiled the list as I went through the year, rating each movie as I saw them. The past year, I’ve lost a little patience with dramas, which is probably why a) I didn’t see as many dramatic movies in the theater last year and b) my top list is crowded with comedies.

Of the movies released last year, I saw 73 of them. Notable movies I didn’t see include: ‘The Boy in the Striped Pajamas,’ ‘The Reader,’ ‘The Visitor,’ ‘Snow Angels,’ ‘Traitor,’ ‘Man on a Wire’ and ‘Valkyrie.’ Those may or may not have been good movies but I just didn’t get around to seeing them yet.

Likewise, there are some movies that might’ve made my worst of list but I didn’t see them, such as: ‘Righteous Kill,’ ‘Postal,’ ‘Sex Drive,’ ‘The Longshots,’ ‘The Bucket List,’ ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still,’ ‘Death Race,’ ‘Extreme Movie’ and ‘The Love Guru.’

I’ve decided to make the list 20 movies deep for both the best and worst sides. So starting with the 20th worst movie that I saw from last year…

20. ‘Son of Rambow’

I saw the preview for this movie before ‘Rambo’ and it looked like a sweet, small budget film about two kids that were going to try to make their own movie. Except, it turned out that it wasn’t all that sweet. It wasn’t as funny or as engaging as I’d expected and worse, it was slow moving and tedious (almost as tedious as a San Francisco travel blog).

19. ‘Drillbit Taylor’

Coming into this movie, I had moderately high expectations. I’m a huge fan of anything Judd Apatow puts his name on. On the other hand, Owen Wilson’s in this. I don’t think Wilson was the worst problem about this movie. I mean, sure, did I want to punch him in the nose? Of course. I always feel that when I see him in a movie…even those that I like with him in there. The problem was that the kids looked like they were cast to resemble the main characters in ‘Superbad,’ which only served to point out what an inferior movie this was. There were a handful of funny scenes in the movie but most of it was mean-spirited…and not the funny kind of mean-spirited.

18. ‘The Bank Job’

There have been so many stylish movies about breaking into locations to steal stuff. But what if someone would make a movie with a bunch of characters you can’t keep track of, that’s disjointed (so it can look clever) and stilted dialogue? Well, then they would’ve made ‘The Bank Job,’ a movie that tries so hard to be relevant but instead flounders in a well of predictability.

17. ‘Semi-Pro’

I don’t know why I watched this movie. I don’t like Will Ferrell except in a small, handful of movies. I thought a few scenes in ‘Talladega Nights’ were funny. But this movie is so completely stale. Usually, Ferrell looks like he’s having fun in his movies (which is good, since at least one of us should be enjoying what he’s doing) but even he looks a little bored through much of this thing.

16. ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’

Maybe it’s an even numbered thing. I liked the first and third installments of the Indiana Jones franchise and didn’t like the second and fourth ones. Or maybe I just like Indiana going up against Nazis. Whatever it was, this outing for Indiana was so incredibly bad. I don’t know exactly when it lost me. Was it Shia LaBeouf playing a greaser (maybe slightly more convincing than C. Thomas Howell in ‘The Outsiders’) or Indiana surviving a nuclear blast because he stuffed himself in a refrigerator? I’m not sure but by the time it got to the ‘Aliens are involved’ twist, I’d been lost for a while. Oh and there are three endings to this movie, each one worse than the one before, culminating in a lame wedding sequence that made me throw up a little in my mouth.

15. ‘Nobel Son’

The best thing about this movie was that I had really good chicken wings afterwards. Every character in this film struck the same note from beginning to end. With the pulsing dance soundtrack (that inexplicably stops midway through), it was like someone saw all of Guy Ritchie’s movies in a row (which are basically the same movie made over and over again) and decided the world needed another one…but this time with Alan Rickman in it.

14. ‘Flash of Genius’

Let’s stop for a moment and agree that Greg Kinnear seems like a nice guy. To use my mom’s terminology, he’s someone you root for. He’s not the problem with most of this movie (although when he appears to start having cotton stuffed behind his lower lip in the second half of the movie, it is somewhat disconcerting). The problem with this film is that it’s like someone wrote an outline for a book and then just shot the outline. Every scene building to the next scene and it’s this focus on moving the story ahead (while leaving character development behind) that makes you feel like you’re not watching a movie but rather a documentary…a very boring documentary. By the time the movie starts employing the device of ‘8 months later,’ ‘2 years later’ and ‘3 years later,’ you’ll feel that time is moving as slowly for you as it is for Greg Kinnear’s character. And the near final court room scene, I half expected someone to bring in a bag of letters to Santa and dump them in front of the judge. But that would’ve been funny.

One last note: The plot of the movie is about a guy that claims to have invented the intermittent windshield wiper. The novelty, I figured, would be they would take a boring idea and make it interesting. Instead, they took an uninteresting topic and made it even more uninteresting.

13. ‘War, Inc.’

Okay, so John Cusack’s playing a conflicted hitman and the costars include Joan Cusack and Dan Akroyd but this isn’t a sequel to ‘Grosse Pointe Blank?’ This movie’s an absolute mess. I could make a compelling argument why this is the worst movie of the year…until I look at what else is on this list. This attempted satire falls completely flat and becomes a mashup that’s almost painful to watch. Alright, so the military industrial complex is evil, is that an excuse for some director to force me to watch Hilary Duff hold a snake and talk in a Russian accent while sticking scorpions down her pants? Maybe super-hardcore liberals can tolerate a movie because it’s anti-Iraq War but the heavy-handedness is going to turn off everyone else (including many who agree with the bottom line thesis of the film).

12. ‘Seven Pounds’

Speaking of heavy-handed… Isn’t it interesting how Will Smith keeps finding himself in movies where he is depicted as a savior of sorts? This movie is called ‘Seven Pounds’ because that sounds better than ‘3.175 Kilograms’ or maybe it’s because it’s so contrived and gimmicky, you’ll want to hit yourself in the head with a seven pound hammer after seeing it. The movie is intentionally oblique in its storytelling because it wouldn’t have a movie if it laid its cards on the table. Once you figure out what the filmmakers are hiding from you, the rest of the movie becomes painfully obvious…painful because you still have an hour left to go before the ending. And in the end, always root for the jellyfish.

11. ‘Towelhead’

The preview of this movie seemed to suggest the story of a Muslim girl in America, a coming of age story set against the backdrop of prejudice in a small town. Turns out, not exactly a small town (it’s Houston) and it’s more about the pedophile living next door. The racism aspect of the film is a relatively minor subplot. Instead, it’s a creepy little narrative about adult men who want to have sex with a 13 year old girl from Lebanon.

10. ‘What Just Happened’

That’s exactly what you’ll be asking yourself after this movie’s over, followed by ‘And why did I just watch this?’ Every now and then, a movie comes out that Hollywood insiders love because it’s full of in-jokes and because it’s about them, their favorite subject. Watching from the outside looking in, it’s not nearly as funny as what it could’ve been, which is a shame. They had the people there to make it work. Robert DeNiro as an agent for the bearded Bruce Willis could’ve been really good. I mean, they certainly had a funny scene together. They even showed that one scene in the commercial so you could go and realize how the whole movie is nothing like the one scene that made you go in the first place. As for the idea that Hollywood is full of back-stabbers and sycophants…what an amazingly obvious insight.

One note: Credit though to Sean Penn. His performance was as close to self-deprecating as he gets.

9. ‘Hellboy II: The Golden Army’

I liked the original ‘Hellboy’ because it was charming and visually different than other movies that were playing. The second ‘Hellboy’ wants to make sure it’s visually different while neglecting the charm that made the first movie special. The previews for this movie used the term ‘From the visionary director…’ and that was the problem. The movie was filled with effects but it lacked any heart.

8. ‘Rambo’

This might sound stupid but even though I didn’t like the first three Rambo movies, I thought the fourth one would be good because I liked ‘Rocky Balboa.’ I mean, the logic is completely flawed but I watched it anyway. Through much of the movie, Rambo would grunt or spread out his dialogue with a sentence here, a sentence there. Mainly, he seemed like a man that wanted to be left alone…and I wish that I’d left him alone. The only reason to watch this movie is to see people get killed in gruesome ways, which is what the ‘Saw’ series is for.

7. ‘Quantum of Solace’

I enjoy the Bond series a lot and, while I wasn’t thrilled by the choice of Daniel Craig as the new 007, he won me over in ‘Casino Royale.’ In this movie though, the action starts off mindless and goes from there. The plot was pointlessly convoluted and I was completely bored through the entire movie.

6. ‘Saw V’

I was okay with the first movie in the franchise. The second movie was terrible. The third one was better than the second one but not as good as the first. And why exactly do I keep watching these awful things. I don’t know. The preview had something about how I wouldn’t believe how it ends. Yes, there’s a gimmick ending that sets up ‘Saw VI,’ which will probably have an ending that sets up ‘Saw VII’ and this is how we go. The series has twisted into basically making Jigsaw, if not the good guy, certainly on par with the good guys and better than ‘the really bad guys.’ Debates on moral relativism are fun, torture porn is not.

5. ‘Batman: Gotham Knight’

I rented this because I heard it was written by the screenwriter of ‘Batman Begins’ and another guy who wrote ‘A History of Violence.’ I was picturing a gritty graphic novel type of movie. Instead, I got this ridiculous mess that was a combination of a four or five separate chapters, including one that imagined Batman as a Transformer. A couple of the segments were okay but weren’t developed enough. It was essentially an anthology of different imaginings of Batman, not really a coherent story.

4. ‘Yes Man’

I went into this movie expecting it to be bad and it was actually so much worse than I’d expected. First thought in every scene: Jim Carrey looks really old. I mean, REALLY old. That’s not to say he should go hang himself or anything but every scene seemed to zoom in on his face, underlining just how old he is (he was 46 during filming but could’ve passed for older) and it’s made worse because the love interest is Zooey Deschanel (28 during filming but could’ve passed for younger). The plot is that a guy takes a vow to never say no and always say yes. How can this not be horrible?

Jim Carrey looks like he’s trying too hard in every scene, summoning all the zany energy he can but it resembles a man who can’t swim, flailing around in the water helplessly. I mean, I think there was something funny in the movie somewhere, I just don’t remember it.

3. ‘Hamlet 2’

Steve Coogan is great and I especially loved him in ‘Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story.’ In this movie, it takes a promising premise, a drama teacher on the way out who’s going to direct one last play, a sequel to a play in which everyone pretty much died in the first one. The movie relegates Coogan to such comedic bits as getting a hand stuck in a locked door. The comedy is broad and not nearly as edgy as it thinks. And for a while, it forgets that it’s a comedy and becomes a drama. It wasn’t much better at being that either.

2. ‘Chapter 27’

Jared Leto gained a bunch of weight to play Mark David Chapman, the person who murdered John Lennon. I’m not sure what I was expecting with this one. Leto walks around New York wearing glasses and whispering a lot. He meets Lindsay Lohan, whose character is soon freaked out by him. Then it shows him killing John Lennon. There’s nothing to be gained from watching this, no insights that are added and ultimately, no reason to watch this shallow biopic of sorts. As for Leto’s performance: He gained weight and added body-mass doesn’t make for a better acting job. For a film that’s entirely about one person and follows that person everywhere and includes narration from inside of his head, I learned nothing that I didn’t know going in.

1. ‘Zombie Strippers’

I almost hesitated to even include this in the list at all. Whereas ‘Chapter 27’ thought of itself as a good film, ‘Zombie Strippers’ is a joke movie. A gag. But I’d heard it likened to ‘Shaun of the Dead,’ which I liked. So I rented ‘Zombie Strippers’ expecting a movie that was corny, didn’t take itself too serious and was silly. The problem was, it wasn’t funny. I mean, like a B-movie, it had the cornball plot and the bad acting but there wasn’t the self-awareness that ‘Shaun of the Dead’ had. And then there were the unnecessary but ever-present George W. Bush shots. Okay, he was shitty president but when that’s a movie’s go-to device for a laugh, it’s in trouble. The reason this movie is the worst movie is because it had absolutely nothing going for it and a hell of a lot going against it. The best thing I can say about it is that it made me pull out ‘Shaun of the Dead.’

Upcoming Posts

Obviously the next post will be the Top 20 Best Movies and some notable movies left off both lists.

Final Thoughts: Workplace Edition

I met someone face-to-face at work that I’ve spoken to numerous times on the phone. She said that I looked nothing like what I sounded like. She exclaimed that she never would’ve picked me out in a crowd. I don’t know what this means. I later asked a coworker who was there when this happened and she didn’t understand it either. I obsessed about it a lot until I decided that it means I have a good voice but an ugly face. I mean, I felt depressed about it but at least I wasn’t obsessing.

I heard a story at work about a guy who married a woman three weeks after they started dating (and they started dating three weeks after they met). They’ve been married over 20 years but I swear, I can’t imagine doing that. Maybe my decision making skills are slow.

Something that seems to have increased lately are the number of women who paint their toenails in the nearby area to where I sit. The smell is nauseating but the idea people are doing this at work is bizarre. I wasn’t a huge fan of clipping nails at work but this is even worse.

There’s this one coworker who plays opera-type music kinda loud. I don’t like that style of music, or any music where the emphasis is on the singer’s talent as a vocalist and nothing else. It seems like it’s not about what’s being said, it’s about how it’s being sung. Words just break down into syllables that are used to hit certain notes. That and I don’t like people playing music loud in a workplace.

Overheard at work: “I don’t believe no guy over 20 don’t have kids somewhere. He may not know about it but there’s no way they be dodging that bullet. Unless they’re gay. But all heterosexual men over 20 have at least one child somewhere.”

SF Planning, Movies and Snow

Movie Tour or No?

I’m starting to really question whether I can do that movie tour. They run it once a day, starting at 10:30 and it runs for three hours. That’s a huge block of time. There are two extended stop offs on the tour, in front of City Hall, which was close to being kicked off my list and Fort Point, which would be very convenient for me since I’m not sure I can fit that in otherwise.

But is it worth giving up three hours for those two locations when a lot of the other locations are going to be redundant. I was looking at a list of movies shot in San Francisco and some of them are notable but I’m not sure I really NEED to see what scenes were shot where.

Some of the movies (and I don’t know how many of these will be on the tour) are ‘Milk,’ ‘The Maltese Falcon,’ ‘Vertigo,’ ‘Zodiac,’ ‘The Pursuit of Happyness,’ ‘Bullitt,’ ‘Basic Instinct,’ ‘Mrs. Doubtfire,’ and of course the Dirty Harry movies and several movies that are set in Alcatraz (though I doubt the bus tour drives on the water to the Rock).

I don’t think those movies really warrant a three hour tour necessarily. I don’t know. If I had more time maybe. But right now, that’s the next thing on the list that’s looking kinda doubtful.

‘Mythbusters’ is based out of San Francisco. Do you think I could participate in one of their shows? Hey, do you wanna see a really cool clip from the show?

Here:



Movie Thoughts

My girlfriend and I watched ‘Stalag 17’ and ‘Network’ on Sunday as part of a mini William Holden marathon. We’d watched ‘Sunset Boulevard’ last weekend. And I had a couple thoughts that I always have when I watch these movies.

First, William Holden is a really underrated actor. I mean, he did win an Oscar for Best Actor for his role in ‘Stalag 17’. I memorized his acceptance speech, which isn’t hard since he took the award, said, ‘Thank you,’ and walked away. He was nominated for Best Supporting Actor in ‘Network.’ But you know how little known he apparently is? You know Suzanne Vega’s song ‘Tom’s Diner?’ If you heard it, you’d remember it. Anyway, the line, “I open up the paper / there's a story of an actor / who died while he was drinking / he was no one I had heard of” is a reference to Holden.

Second, Billy Wilder has to be considered when talking about the best directors ever. Also, he wrote almost all the movies he directed. You can watch a movie he wrote/directed and it has his thumbprint on it.

And finally, ‘Network’ is one of the most forward thinking movies I’ve ever seen. It’s so far ahead of its time, it’s amazing that it made any sense in the 70s.

‘Network’ had five of its actors/actresses nominated for Academy Awards but it lost Best Picture to ‘Rocky.’ I love ‘Rocky’ and likely will watch that next weekend as part of a ‘Rocky’ movie marathon, but I’m not sure ‘Rocky’ should’ve won that one.

You know, if you look at the Best Picture winners by decade, you could make a good case that the 70s had the best Best Picture movies. Among the list: ‘Patton,’ ‘The Godfather,’ ‘The Godfather Part II,’ ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,’ ‘Rocky,’ ‘Annie Hall,’ ‘The Deer Hunter’ and ‘Kramer v Kramer.’

Certainly no decade since can even compete with that list but I don’t think there’s really a decade before that’s as strong as the 70s. Now, when it comes to best movies, I still think you hafta look at the 40s as the benchmark decade but so many of the best movies of that decade, weren’t nominated or didn’t win.

How exactly did the following movies of the 40s not win: ‘Citizen Kane,’ ‘The Maltese Falcon,’ ‘The Pride of the Yankees,’ ‘The Magnificent Ambersons,’ ‘It’s a Wonderful Life,’ ‘The Bishop’s Wife’ and ‘The Big Sleep.’

The Snow Falls

It did snow on Sunday but it was more like the dusting I thought it was going to be. It wasn’t the four inches that some places were predicting. I believe I had that one.

The Hunger Walk was cancelled due to snow. This is the worst thing that’s ever happened. Here’s why: People who were hungry are still gonna be hungry now. These little wusses couldn’t put up with a little snow and now people are hungry. I bet alotta these hungry people are also homeless. So guess what? Not only are they cold but they’re still hungry.

And McNabb Exits

Mr. McNabb officially left today, clearing out the last of his things like his plants and wind chimes. He knocked on my door to borrow some ‘pliers or better yet a [insert some fancy sounding wrench here].’ I gave him the pliers and a few minutes later, he returned them and he said, “I know you’re a Braves’ fan but look at the name on this hat.” He showed me a St. Louis Cardinals hat allegedly signed by Stan Musial.

But you know what really confused me? He was wearing a New England Patriots hat. How weird is that?

Iran Wants an Apology

Iran wants an apology for ‘The Wrestler’ and ‘300.’ Is this how it works now? We can start demanding apologies for movies that have been made? Hey, Adam Sandler, got a minute?

The real question is why they were asking the apology of Annette Bening. If she was going to be asked to apologize for something, how about ‘The Women’ or ‘What Planet are You From?’

(This might be the time to reiterate my policy on ‘The Women.’ If any person should get me a copy of this film, the thank you present will be ‘Peewee’s Big Adventure.’ That’s the way it works.)

Salman on Slumdog

I found someone else who doesn’t like ‘Slumdog Millionaire.’ Salman Rushdie. I’m not much of a fan of his. Of course, I’m sure he doesn’t care. Once you have a global death threat made against you, criticism like ‘I’m not much of a fan’ probably bounces right off you.