Celebrity Edition: From Twitter to Music to Shia

I don’t get Twitter. I mean, I just don’t understand it. And this makes me feel old. On the other hand, it seems like a lot of people Tweeting are old. So I’m not sure what that makes me. I’ve looks through different celebrity Tweets and most are fairly inconsequential.

At the end of ‘Pardon the Interruption,’ Tony Kornheiser mentions the PTI Twitter feed, so I looked it up. At 10:29am on 5-27, “On that note, my son doesn't call me anymore. I haven't spoken to him since Friday. I wonder if he's mad at me.” And then I felt sad.

The ‘PTI’ Twitter page follows Steve Nash, Shaquille O’Neal, Barry Zito, Dan LeBatard, Tony Reali, Richard Justice, Ernie Johnson, Jr, Peter King, Roger Goodell, Andy Roddick, and Mark Cuban.

So I looked at their Twitter pages.

Barry Zito opined, “Twitter gives a chance for all the small minded, insignificant, shit talkers to feel significant for 2 seconds.”

And I guess I kind of agree with that, except not the way he probably meant it. It gives celebrities, including athletes like him, a chance to reach an audience without benefit of the media. So it’s unfiltered access but it also robs those like Zito from blaming the media for reporting out of context. (Though what kind of context can 140 characters provide?)

Celebrities and athletes (and politicians, which I’ll get to in a moment) that use Twitter, appear to me to be so incredibly self-indulgent that they think their every thought is worth sharing.

The Real Shaq

Shaq posts a lot and he says things like, “Who wants to here jeff van gundy talk about his brother all da night, I dnt, were is bill walton at, naa, john barry.” I don’t exactly know what half that indecipherable mess means but he sounds annoyed.

He posted the following three times (so it must be important), “They said on around the horn that I'm playing when I say I want kobe to win his 4th ring, here it goes again I'm serious I want kobe to win.” He then added, “O yea bill plasckey, and woody paige dnt have me come put my hands on yall,lol.”

O’Neal posts under the name The Real Shaq. I guess that’s opposed to The Fake Shaq. A lot of celebrities post as ‘The Real (blank)’ but is that really the equivalent to a seal of authenticity?

When Tweets Are Fake

Tony LaRussa sued Twitter because someone was posting as him. One Tweet stated, “Lost 2 out of 3, but we made it out of Chicago without one drunk driving incident or dead pitcher.” LaRussa had pleaded guilty a couple years earlier to a DUI charge and two Cardinal pitchers died while he was their manager, Josh Hancock in 2007 (drunk driving accident) and Darryl Kile in 2002 (heart condition).

The LaRussa Twitter page (which has since been removed) had a line on it stating, “Bio Parodies are fun for everyone.” I’ve never been clear on when parody becomes libel. Imagine if a reporter were to print: Tony LaRussa said, “Lost 2 out of 3, but we made it out of Chicago without one drunk driving incident or dead pitcher.” That reporter would be in serious trouble. Yet, a person can pose as LaRussa and hide behind the defense of parody.

McCain: Sports Talk Radio

Remember when Tom Glavine was released by the Atlanta Braves and it surprised a lot of people? Well, it didn’t sit too well with Senator John McCain (R-AZ). He wrote, “Braves release Tom Glavine - not a great way to treat a class athlete.” I’m not sure why he was commenting on the roster move. He followed it up with, “Dr. Kissinger’s op-ed in the Washington Post on Pyongyang is a must read!”

I'd Rather Be a Hammer Than Nail

I’m not sure if I were the Chief of Staff for a politician, I’d want my boss to have access to Twitter. Because they’re liable to come out with something like Senator Charles Grassley (R-IA) came out with: “Pres Obama you got nerve while u sightseeing in Paris to tell us 'time to deliver' on health care. We still on skedul/even workinWKEND.” Still angry, he fired off another: “Pres Obama while u sightseeing in Paris u said 'time to delivr on healthcare' When you are a 'hammer' u think evrything is NAIL I'm no NAIL.”

Several things are important about these Tweets. First, constituents need to know whether their Senator is a nail and clearly, Grassley is no nail. He said so. Clearly. Second, President Obama was in France for the anniversary of D-Day and it seems to me that Grassley would be one of those complaining had he snubbed the ceremony. Being that he went, Grassley derides Obama for ‘sightseeing in Paris.’

Is This For Real?

Other politicical figures have Twitter pages, such as Al Gore and Barack Obama but they’re like mini-press releases. It’s pretty obvious that they have ghost writers. And if they have ghost writers, how many celebrities also have ghost writers?

I’m pretty sure that Kirstie Alley doesn’t. She produces an average of 32 tweets per day. Factoring in eight hours of sleep, that’s a tweet every 30 minutes. And she puts out some classic information like, “THIS MONKEY GIRL IS GONNA EAT LUNCH..Cooked my this monkey girl...I am going to have monkey chow...later monkey potaters...”

I don’t think a ghost writer would come up with that one. Nor do I think a staffer posed as Courtney Love to produce the following gems: “but its good to be friend with thenew ceo of myspace tho im sort of90th life and 10% computer its nit life face it,gnomey evil queens yawn” and “but you have to surround yourself in positivity, seriously ,stealing inst cool and to take my ideas and allow them propagate using them..”

In other Twitter news, Steve Wozniak (co-founder of Apple) complained that his iPod broke.

Celebrities enrich our lives by letting us know, as Lisa Loeb did, that she’s “Going to tarina tarantino store to pick up some sparkly jewelry” (though most of her posts involve what she ate) or that Pete Yorn thinks “niagara falls is pretty cool.”

You see, we wouldn’t’ve known that Niagara Falls was pretty cool if not for Mr. Yorn.

Twittering Under the Table & Dreaming

Dave Matthews likes to share his political opinions, like “No news is good news. But there's always news. Taliban is back. Bigger than ever. I like to thank Dick and W for a job well done.”

First, “No news is good news. But there’s always news.” Uh…that line hurt my head. As for the second part, I’m not sure how the Taliban can be bigger than ever when they used to control the majority of a country and now they don’t. Obviously the conflict over there was mishandled but ‘bigger than ever’?

In other world news, Matthews notes, “Let's see if Sri Lanka will end combat operations. What a nightmare. If y'all don't know what's happening in Sri Lanka look it up.” Of course, while you’re looking that up, Dave wants you to know that “Every year 2.2 million people die from diarrhea caused most often by ingesting fecal matter in food or water.”

There is a self-deprecating side of Matthews, “I have anxiety when I have to fill out forms. Always have. I am incredibly stupid. A bad speller. Now and then I surprise myself.”

Yoko Thoughts

Yoko Ono has a Twitter page. She mainly writes things that I think she wishes would appear on bumper stickers.

Just to go over a few:

“If one billion people in the world would Think PEACE - we're gonna get it.”

“Thoughts are infectious. Send it out. It's Time for Action. The Action is PEACE.”

“Don't focus your attention on the War industry people. They will join us in the end. It's an easier life not to get maimed or killed.”

“Stay with it & life becomes like a lover you have been close to for many years. U know them so well, yet every day they give you a surprise.”

“Don't ever give up on life. Life can be so beautiful, especially after you've spent a lot of time with it.”

“Imagine one thousand suns in the sky at the same time. Let them shine for one hour. Then, let them gradually melt into the sky.”

“Imagine letting a goldfish swim across the sky. Let it swim from the East to the West. Drink a liter of water.”

“Make one tunafish sandwich and eat.”

He Is, He Said

Perhaps the only person who deserves a Twitter page is Neil Diamond. Most of his tweets are apparently answering people’s questions that they must’ve sent to him via tweet. And these ‘conversations’ take place right around midnight. Besides frozen lemonade, I can’t think of anything better than conversing with Neil Diamond after midnight.

He seeks advice from his followers, “My friends, Dan and Mariko are getting engaged in N.Y.C. Today! Any words of advice for them?” Informs them of his plans, “Going in to see "The Soloist" right now. I hear it's great. Next I'll see Adam Sandler's new movie "Funny People". I'm a big fan of his.” And updates them on his career, “Wow, I signed with Columbia Records for another five years. By the time this contract is over that'll make 43 years with the same label.”

These are important things. If he would only do more instructing his followers on how to live their lives, then it’d be a perfect site.

Celebrity Music Lists

Brian Williams created BriTunes so that he could identify underground bands for you. Just for you. Don’t you want to go to the site so that you can find out how much hard work he’s put in for you?

I like Brian Williams and I like the concept behind it. Underground artists need all the help they can get and the Internet is a great way for them to get exposure.

While looking through the Web, I found that several celebrities have created iTunes playlists and I wanted to find out how many of them support ‘my people.’ Most of these playlists were put together by celebrities that were also plugging something and some lists seem to have been given more thought than others.

For instance, Frank Black of the Pixies apparently listens to nothing but Burl Ives. On the other hand, celebrities such as Mandy Moore, create lists and explain why each song was chosen. Incidentally, her list was filled with ‘my people’ like The National, Blitzen Trapper and Ryan Adams (her husband), as wells as ‘Second Hand News,’ an entirely underrated Fleetwood Mac song.

My mom is a fan of ‘True Blood’ and they have their own playlist and it’s respectable. Anna Paquin lists Radiohead, Pixies and Led Zeppelin while Stephen Moyer has Bob Dylan’s ‘You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go,’ along with Stephen Malkmus and Tom Waits.

William Shatner lists a bunch of his own songs along with Eminem’s ‘Lose Yourself,’ Ben Folds and 40s era jazz.

Paul Rudd seems like a really cool guy but his playlist is just okay. He does list Glen Campbell’s ‘Witchita Lineman’ which is great but I was kinda hoping for a stronger list.

Greg Mottola, director of ‘Superbad’ had the following artists on list: The Replacements, Big Star, Dinosaur Jr, and The The.

But the award for best playlist goes to…Rainn Wilson, who plays Dwight on ‘The Office.’ And the reason why is simple. His introduction to the list is: “I wanted to share a bunch of recent-ish music to turn folks on to what rocks and what moves me down to my swimsuit area. There’s a bunch of great new bands and artists out there, none of whom have ever been anywhere near ‘American Idol’ or ‘TRL’ or a ‘High School Musical.’ In the need to expose some newer and lesser-known artists I had to leave some of my all-time favorites like Wilco and Radiohead behind.”

He, in my view, got the point of what’s so great about the Internet. You don’t need a lot of money to get your music out there anymore. Local bands in another city can be downloaded with a click of a mouse regardless of whether you live in NYC or Tulsa.

Wilson’s list is filled with great finds from The National to Glen Hansard to Ryan Adams. Wilson also has a thoughtfully written commentary for each song as well. It’s definitely worth a look.

When I first discovered these playlists, I ran through a bunch of them real late at night but I don’t feel like doing that again. But if you’re up late and are bored, it’s something to check out.

Shia Update

Is it just me or does Shia LeBeouf seem to be begging for someone to help him? In Parade, he said, “[Actors are] all in pain. It’s a profession of bottom-feeders and heartbroken people. Most actors on most days don’t think they’re worthy. I have no idea where this insecurity comes from, but it’s a God-sized hole. If I knew it, I’d fill it and I’d be on my way.”

He also admitted to being an alcoholic and “My humor came from seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked – just weird hippie stuff, twisted R-rated humor.”

He had previously stated “Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother... If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds.”

Actually, that’s right in line with Hallmark’s newest series of Mother’s Day Cards, “You’re such a great mother, I’d fuck if you hadn’t given birth to me.”

And what was she doing when she was walking around naked? She was “playing naked connect the dots… and humming for prolonged periods of time.” Personally, nude Boggle can’t be beat. Reading Goofus and Gallant topless is also quite a thrill.

She’s a Man, Baby (or It's Time to Man-Up)

Chastity Bono, a decade after coming out as a lesbian, is now becoming a man. Reportedly, she’s going to have gender reassignment surgery and everything. The process of ‘transitioning’ began around her 40th birthday in March. My birthday’s coming up but I’m not considering switching to play for the other team.

Bizarre story of the week

Okay, there’s this kid who knows a bunch of stuff about planes and his parents are convinced that he’s a reincarnated pilot. They even introduced him to the sister of the pilot that died. It’s a crazy story. The kid’s older now and doesn’t remember all the stuff he said when he was younger but his parents still trot him around as a reincarnated pilot. You kinda gotta feel sorry for the kid.

But check the story out because it’s weird.

Final Thoughts

Because of the focus on celebrity, I never got around to my obsession with the iPhone. I need to remember to go over that in the next post, which will hopefully be shorter.

I learned that not only does my girlfriend believe in ghosts but that she believes Donald Trump’s hair is a normal/natural occurrence. She swears that it’s not a comb-over while I believe (whatever it is) it’s a feat of modern engineering.