New Post and an Upcoming Vacation

So I’ve decided that I’m going to try to keep up this blog for the next two months. I don’t know if I can keep it up much longer than that. But here’s the thing: I’m planning a trip to San Francisco and I’d like to chronicle the planning of it. I did this for my Denver trip a couple years ago and it was kinda interesting to read it later. I’m especially thankful to have the description of the trip so that in case I forget things, you know, it’s around somewhere that I can read it later.

Now should I be writing this right now? Probably not. I still have planning to do, taxes to prepare and Netflix movies to watch. I mean, I have important stuff to do. But I choose to waste time instead.

As for the trip, I’m going to San Francisco. I just told you that though. Well, this isn’t starting off well at all. I’m gonna go to the bathroom and maybe I’ll do better when I come back.

Don’t go anywhere.

Okay I’m back.

Why did I pick San Francisco? Well, because I’ve never been to California. I love bridges. And I can only go to places that have baseball stadiums to tour. So, San Francisco just makes sense, right?

When am I going? I’m going in April. You see, I was already scheduled to have Good Friday off and I figured I could use one or two vacation days padded around the Easter weekend to go on a trip.

I was thinking about going to Pittsburgh or someplace in New England but I’ve always wanted to go to San Francisco and I didn’t go anywhere last year, so instead of doing something smaller, I thought I should go to a place I’ve wanted to go for a long time. San Francisco.

On Sunday, I was messing around on the Internet, and I decided to see what kinda deals were available to San Francisco. They had a deal that if you picked a certain hotel and added an extra day, you could get round trip tickets and 5 days/4 nights in a hotel (taxes/fees included) for $418. So I figured…forget it. I’d have to use two vacation days and with the way money is, should I really be going anywhere?

Then I woke up Monday and thought, “Why haven’t I already done this?” I’ve never been there before. I love travelling and taking pictures and it would be a great thing to look forward to. So I booked the trip. I had exactly two months to the day to plan everything and planning is the best part of any trip.

So far, very little has been nailed down. I bought a pass that includes tickets to the Academy of the Sciences, Blue & Gold Fleet Bay Cruise, the Aquarium of the Bay and the Museum of Modern Art.

The Mint is right behind the hotel, which is across the street from Metreon. The other things that I’d like to do: visit Alcatraz, a double-decker bus tour, see the Giants’ stadium and maybe see the Giants play the Brewers. The first day will mainly be a travel day and the last day will only be a travel day, so I have three days to really play with. I’m cautiously excited right now. I’m certainly looking forward to it.

What I’m most nervous about right now is that I won’t be renting a car, instead I’ll be relying on public transportation and it seems kinda complicated. But I can’t wait to start taking pictures and I really hope to get a few great shots of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Mainly what this space will be dedicated to is the planning for the trip, as well as other little stories from the time period leading up to April 9th.

My Wal-Mart Story

I went to Wal-Mart today. Does this mean that I’ve sold my soul? In a word…probably. Although, can you really sell your soul more than once?

I went to Wal-Mart because I was going to go to Target, which is two exits down 75 South and I got cut off before I could get in that lane and rather than doing a U-turn, I just went to the Wal-Mart just past the 75 ramp. Have I mentioned that I’m lazy?

Freezer Bag Lady

I hadn’t made a list or anything. I just was going to pick up toilet paper, Bounty and a Valentine’s Day card…and maybe some cheese slices…maybe. While I was in the toilet paper aisle, this tiny, old woman was struggling to get Ziploc bags from a high shelf and, feeling kinda bad for her, I helped get the box for her. Good deed done, right? Then she asked me my opinion about whether the regular quart storage bags were as good as the freezer bags.

Now, I just was trying to help someone get a hard to reach box, this doesn’t qualify me as a Ziploc expert (though thinking back on it, I wish I’d got a box of sandwich bags…anyway). Motivated mainly by the desire to not seem like an asshole, I studied both boxes and said that the freezer bags appeared to be made a little heavier and I asked if she was planning on using these bags in the freezer. She said she wasn’t but pointed out that the freezer bags were cheaper. And in fact they were…there were also fewer bags in the box, so the regular bags were cheaper per bag. She replied that she buys them by the box and decided to go with the freezer bags.

So I took back her regular Ziploc bag, placing it back on the top shelf and gave her the ‘cheaper’ freezer bags. And then I spent the rest of the time at Wal-Mart trying to avoid freezer bag lady. I saw her two more times in aisles I needed to go down and both times, I went to another aisle instead.

Valentine's Day Cards

I got the items I needed, plus a couple I didn’t really need and went to pick out a card for my girlfriend because apparently on Valentine’s Day, you have to buy cards for people…and pets. You see, I understand getting cards for your girlfriend or boyfriend but the card selection was weird. Am I supposed to actually be getting a Valentine’s Day card for my grandmother? My uncle? I thought Valentine’s Day was a one card day and judging by the selection, I’m supposed to be getting cards for everyone. Either that or I’d stepped into a West Virginia Wal-Mart, where your grandmother just might be your sister and your wife.

The craziest thing was that they had cards for your dogs and cats. Seriously?! Do people really give their pets Valentine’s Day cards? And if so, why weren’t there any cards for fish? Are fish not evolved enough to understand why they’re being given a card? Then there were cards from your cat or your dog. Since Wal-Mart doesn’t allow pets in their store, how are the animals supposed to buy the card? I mean, seeing eye dogs are allowed in, so they could pick out a card but then the blind owner wouldn’t be able to read it, so that doesn’t seem right.

No, instead, you’d have to buy your pet a card and then a card to you from your pet and that’s just kinda sad. I’m picturing one of those cat ladies, alone in her home, having just gotten back from Wal-Mart with two cards, one for Foo-foo and one for herself supposedly from Foo-foo.

There were a lot of cards to choose from but not a lot of them were funny. I understand that some people like serious cards and that’s okay. I like funny cards. But it seemed that a disproportionate number of funny cards were based on fart jokes. Cupid farting. The guy farting. The girl farting. Not my idea of funny but that’s just me. I mean, maybe for some people love is spelled g-a-s. I don’t know.

I started thinking though that maybe instead of picking a card that I’d like, maybe I should try to pick a card that she’d like instead. But see, it seems a lot of serious cards have doilies and I have just one rule about card buying…No doilies. So I went with a card that wasn’t exactly funny but wasn’t totally serious. It was medium.

And I’m sure she’s picked out something really sweet that says something really nice and thoughtful. But me…I went with medium.

In the end, it’s about what you write in the card, right? I mean, if I write something sweet, that’s gotta count for something. And the little gift that I got along with it is cute. We’re going to a restaurant she likes. But the card itself, it’s medium.

So now I’m regretting the card I got. But here’s the thing…I bet the guy that bought the fart card for his girlfriend feels good about himself. He feels that he got a good card. “Look, honey! It’s funny because cupid farted! Remember that time when we were at that place and I farted? Me and cupid are just alike.” And in some weird way, it worked out for him. Or maybe it didn’t, I don’t know. Who cares?

The Speed of Wal-Mart

You know the strangest thing about Wal-Mart though? I nearly got hit twice in the parking lot. The cars there are driving so fast up and down the lanes that it’s like a mini-race track. Then inside, everyone moves in slow motion. It’s like a John Woo movie in there without the guns and doves. Why do they move so fast outside and so slow inside? It’s odd.

The Check-out: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Chunky Squirrel

I was checking out and I got in the lane with just one person ahead of me and she didn’t have that much stuff, so I’m almost out of the store, right? No. Because you see, my cashier acted like he was a commentator on what the customer was buying. He opened each Valentine’s Day card the woman in front of me had purchased, and she bought six cards. I can only assume she has lots of pets or is a polygamist. (Actually you don’t hear of a woman with six husbands, it’s a guy with six wives. Do the wives in those families have to get each other Valentine’s Day cards? Nevermind.)

And the cashier gave the cards rave reviews. He loved them all. Apparently, they weren’t medium. What was weird is that the woman appeared to find the cashier charming. She was laughing and everything. Maybe when you get above the age of 60, things like that are funny. Or maybe it was that he was interested and that the interest was appealing. It wasn’t because he was good looking because he looked like a chunky squirrel.

When it was my turn to be judged, he opened the card, read it and simply placed it in the bag. Chunky Squirrel guy didn’t like my medium card and I understood that. I’m not sure I like it anymore either. But I didn’t need Chunky Squirrel’s judgment, I think I needed his assistance. He probably could’ve picked out the greatest card in the world. Or maybe he would’ve just pointed me toward the fart cards.

He did however like the Hungry Man selection I picked. Those met with his approval. He was quite enthusiastic about the meatball sandwich. ‘I’ve never seen these before. These must be new.’ He asked me if I’d had them before, which I hadn’t. He encouraged me to let him know how they were.

First thought says that I wouldn’t do that but you know what? Maybe I should. Maybe we’d become great friends. Turns out he likes bar trivia. I like bar trivia. It’d be great. This time next year, he’ll be on the list of people I hafta get a Valentine’s Day card for. I think I’m gonna get him a fart card.

Where's the Hyphen?

One last thing about Wal-Mart. Everywhere in the store, I noticed the name of the place is actually Walmart. It did used to be Wal-Mart, right? Did I imagine the hyphen? Why’d they get rid of the hyphen? When did this happen? It seems that it was a hyphen and then there was a star in the middle of Wal and Mart, which I just took to be a fancy hyphen. What’s going on with this world? Coca-Cola is losing Classic and I’m still not sure what G is and where Gatorade went. It’s really frustrating.

Okay, I’m going to go now. Maybe I'll do the taxes or maybe I'll plan. Actually, I think I'll eat something now.