Uh, were you expecting a title here?

A Matchmaker, A Stuffed Animal and the Electric Orange Girl

2011-01-02T20:50:00.022-05:00

I haven’t written a posting in forever (well, not literally forever) and I don’t intend to try starting this thing up again. But I had an odd day on Thursday, December 30th and wanted to write it down.

I had been sick since Friday December 24th. I originally thought it was allergies but by Monday, it was pretty clear that I had a cold or something. Thankfully, I was able to work from home from Tuesday to Thursday so I didn’t have to call in sick. It also meant that I hadn’t left the apartment since Monday.

My girlfriend Michelle and I had the day off on Friday, so she was coming over on Thursday. Having been stuck inside for so long, I was getting a little stir crazy and restless. I thought about ordering a pizza from Papa John’s and having Michelle pick it up on her way here. At the same time, I needed groceries so I figured I would just wait for her to arrive, order the pizza, get the groceries, pick up the pizza and go home. Simple.

The Great Matchmaker of Publix

We left for Publix after ordering the pizza at 7:15. The pizza would likely be ready by about 7:35. I figured we would be able to pick up the pizza at 7:45. I hadn’t really made a list of groceries and I had no idea what we were going to eat for the weekend. I was hoping the three medium pizzas would at least get us to New Year’s without having to make anything.

In the checkout line, I picked out a Pepsi because I needed a cold drink since I was out of Cokes. I then realized that I had forgotten to pick up a bag of peppermints. See, I was still sick and I wanted the mints to help my throat. Michelle tried to get me to buy actual cough drops. I explained that when I was in church back in 1986, an old woman in the pew in front of me heard me coughing and turned around to give me a cough drop. I don’t know what brand they were but they were terrible and I vowed then as a six year old that I would never have another cough drop. For some reason, Michelle thought that was silly.

I decided to go ahead and stop by CVS on the way home to pick up the bag of peppermints. We had already spent more time at Publix than I had wanted to. The girl at the checkout looked very disinterested as she scanned the items, which isn’t unique or anything. Then this bagger came in from outside and he looked excited. He started bagging my groceries and he said while smiling, “I am a great matchmaker!”

I didn’t know if he was talking to me or the cashier. Truthfully, I think he was looking between us. “I really know people. I’m a great matchmaker!” he said, at this point clearly talking to me. “Tell them, Misty.”

“Whatever you say,” Misty, the cashier replied, still disinterested. Meanwhile, I thought about how un-Misty-like she looked. Michelle later thought she looked more like a Melissa. I was leaning toward Heather.

“I am just a great matchmaker!” the bagger said again. He then offered to take the groceries out for us and I declined.

While walking out, I turned to look at Michelle to see if she recognized how odd the whole ‘matchmaker’ thing was and while looking over my left shoulder, I pushed the cart right into the door. You know how those sliding doors open? They were fully open but I plowed into the side activating the emergency exit function causing the right side of the door to fully push open. Michelle began laughing wildly and I just kept pushing the cart like nothing happened. She laughed all the way to Papa John’s.

Hello Kitty Sighting

We arrived to pick up the pizza at 8pm, which was 15 minutes later than I had expected and 25 minutes after the pizza was done. I had paid with a credit card online and expected the pick up to be a quick in and out thing. I didn’t really expect there to be a line backing up against the door. Michelle stayed in the car.

The couple at the front of the line hadn’t placed an order to be picked up and they had no idea what they wanted. “What’s on a Hawaiian pizza?” they asked. “What about a barbeque pizza?”

Here’s the thing about pizza places, especially ones that you can’t eat at like Papa John’s or Domino’s. Those places are designed to take phone calls or web orders. They have one register and can only serve one person at a time. After about five or six minutes, they settled on their order.

There were a lot of employees behind the counter and there were four that didn’t appear to be doing anything. I could see a group of three pizzas that I thought were mine (and it turned out that they were). I had the confirmation print out in my hand. I finally got the attention of one of them. I said that I was just picking up an order and had already paid. The employee said that she (meaning the cashier) would be able to help. Or in other words, ‘I’m not going to help.’

The person in front of me finally got to the register and she was picking up an order. She must’ve been tempted by the pictures of the chicken wings and asked how long it would take for them to be added to the order. The cashier said 15-20 minutes, which seemed to be the standard answer whenever someone asked her how long it was going to take to have an order ready. The customer asked if the chicken wings were good and the cashier assured her that they were.

You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a waiter/waitress tell a customer something the restaurant served wasn’t good. I’ve heard that certain items were good, great, alright but I’ve never heard a server say that something was bad. Of course, you know what kind of restaurant you’re at based on the answer though. The bigger the adjective, the fancier the place. A top shelf place will say that the item you’ve asked about is ‘exquisite.’ Which is funny because I’m not sure I’ve ever eaten anything that I would describe as exquisite.

Anyway, the customer passed on the chicken wings and then paid for the order with a Hello Kitty Visa card. I’m not great with guessing ages but this woman was likely in her 40s. Going with the Hello Kitty card seems to be an odd choice. I don’t know.

It was my turn to pick up my order and it took a matter of seconds since I’d already paid. It was a bit frustrating since I had spent almost 15 minutes in line and I was able to stare at the pizzas the whole time as they slowly grew colder.

I had locked the car with the key fob and so when Michelle tried to unlock the door from inside the car, the alarm went off which made me laugh. The back seat of the car was filled with groceries so Michelle held the pizzas on her lap.

“Are you in a hurry?”

I thought about not going to CVS but I really needed the peppermints because my throat was hurting and I was coughing a lot. Michelle again stayed in the car.

A woman entered in just before me and got a cart. I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten a cart at CVS, Walgreens or Rite Aid/Eckerd before. Maybe I have. I don’t remember.

I got the 99 cent peppermints (why isn’t there a cents symbol on the keyboard. I’d use it more than I use that crazy ^ symbol that shares the six key). I didn’t want to pay in cash because I’d give up two dollars and get 98 cents back that I would just add to my collection of coins that will never be used. On the other hand, it seems silly to place it on the debit card. I’m not sure I want there to be a record of this transaction. I’d have to enter it into the checkbook, on Quicken, in my Excel budget document and in my iPhone budget app. It seems like a lot of work to put it on my debit card.

I had pulled out the card to pay and changed my mind. I gave the cashier the two dollars and she asked if I had my CVS card. I pulled it out of my wallet and handed it to her. I put the debit card where the CVS card had been. She then asked, “Are you in a hurry?” I told her that I was, which was partly true. I’m always kind of in a hurry but especially with Michelle in the car accompanying three pizzas that weren’t getting warmer.

She gave me the 98 cents and I pulled out the debit card so the CVS card could be placed back where it belonged and I left without putting the debit card back in the wallet. I threw the peppermints, my wallet and the card in the backseat.

Agent Orange Face v. The Power Bill

We got back to the apartment at about 8:30 or so and took the groceries in. The best thing about getting groceries with Michelle is having an extra person carry groceries upstairs. While we’re walking upstairs, the next door neighbor jumps out of her apartment and asks, “What is your power bill?”

This is the time to mention that I don’t know this person. I’ve never seen her before. I know she moved in a couple months earlier but I’d never met her. “What?” I asked, more surprised that she had popped out of her apartment in her pajamas than anything else.

“How much is your power bill?” I told her that it was about $100 on average (I think it’s averaged about $96 over the last 12 months). “Don’t you think that’s a little high?”

I told her that I didn’t think it was and that it was about average all things considered. I didn’t add that a) without electricity, everything else that she pays for is worthless (cable, internet, phone etc.) and b) she’s going to really hate it when the rates go up next billing cycle. She went on to tell me what the power bill was for everybody else in the building. One person has a bill of $80, one a bill of $200 and most fall somewhere in between. I mainly was thinking about how orange her face looked. I mean, she looked completely orange. If she was in the produce section, there would be some fruit calling her ‘mommy.’

After learning about the electric usage history for my neighbors, Michelle and I went into the apartment to eat a very late dinner. We both laughed at how random the night had been.

And then the moment of panic. I couldn’t find my debit card. I had my wallet and the bag of peppermints but the card must’ve fallen into the backseat somewhere. I told Michelle that I didn’t want to go back outside because I was scared that the orange girl would ask how much my power bill was again.

It’s important to note that I didn’t really think she was going to come out again. I was just trying to be funny. I went back to the car and the card was on the backseat, just like I figured that it was.

On the way back upstairs, the neighbor opened the door again and waited for me to come to the top of the stairs. Still wearing pajamas. Still as orange as she had been three minutes earlier.

“I don’t even use my heat,” she said to me as if the original conversation had never ended. Now, we have had some pretty cold temperatures over the last month in Atlanta. It’s hard to believe that she never turned on the heat even once as the temperatures dipped into the teens several days in December (28 of 31 days in December had lows below 34 degrees).

I explained a couple of other factors that come into play with electric usage. I noted about how cold it had been and she acknowledged that maybe she had used the heat a little bit but “not for most of the month.” I then thought again about how amazingly orange she was and told her that hopefully the temperatures warm up and her power bill goes down. But I didn’t really hope that at all. I was just lying to her.

The really interesting thing that she said though was that the apartment complex has gone into foreclosure. I’m not really sure what that means and how that’s going to affect me. I know that the letterhead on a recent letter was different and that the property manager’s name was different. I also noticed that the complex had finally started having weekend hours after a year of being off weekends. And as Orange Julius noted, they had been doing more landscaping work than usual.

Pepsi Max & My Blister

I told Michelle what happened and she said that she could hear some of it. We laughed about it and started eating. I realized after drinking half my Pepsi that it was actually a Pepsi Max. It’s their version of Coke Zero. Put it this way, it tastes closer to Pepsi than Coke Zero tastes to Coke. Pepsi is sweet and Pepsi Max takes away that sweetness. It’s a bland version of Pepsi and I certainly didn’t mean to pick up that drink. Pepsi Max looks too similar to Pepsi.

I spent a disproportionate amount of time that night (and much of the weekend) staring at my blister.

Oh, I probably should’ve mentioned this before writing that last sentence: Over at Michelle’s place on Sunday December 26th, I was cleaning the frying pan after cooking bacon and it was still hot. I clean that way all the time without a problem. Well, this time, I burned my pinkie. And I don’t mean a quick touch and ‘oh that hurt’ kind of thing. It fucking hurt. I had pressed my finger hard right up against the pan. My finger began to discolor and you could see the start of a burn blister.

Michelle called her mother who advised, ‘Run the finger under cool water and cry a lot.’ So I did. Both parts of the advice.

Anyway, by Thursday, it wasn’t hurting anymore but the blister had started to raise off the skin. I don’t know how long this is going to last but I can’t stop looking at it. I drove Michelle insane this weekend because I kept talking about it and showing it to her.

A Monopoly on New Year’s Eve

Friday was New Year’s Eve. I was still pretty sick and I had wanted to go to Dairy Queen but just didn’t feel well enough to leave the house so we ate pizza all day.

At night, we played Monopoly and I learned a lot about Michelle. She’s much more competitive than I had realized. I mean, I knew she was kind of competitive but she surprised me a little. My main Monopoly strategy is to control the railroads and at least one side of the board and build houses (and hotels if I can).

Michelle was able to get three of the railroads and a monopoly on Boardwalk/Park Place. She spent most of the game with more money but I had more property and eventually she started landing on the properties with hotels and houses and went bankrupt.

Something else happened during the game but Michelle would be annoyed if I told it so I won’t. The game lasted 3 hours or so and then we watched Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve show.

Dick Clark had a stroke on December 8, 2004. He missed the 2004 show but he’s been a part of the show from 2005 on and it’s a little hard to watch. He’s 81 years old and he looks amazing but his speech is still impaired and last year he muffed the countdown a bit. But still, it just feels sad.

And yet instead, I laugh. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s a nervous laughter. I feel bad about it. It really bothers Michelle. I feel bad about that too. But I can’t help it.

This year, the countdown felt very anti-climactic. We had stayed up to watch this and the countdown came and went and that was it. I don’t know. It feels like it should feel like something but it doesn’t. I’m not sure why.

Entering a Contest & My New Friend

It was an overcast day on New Years. I felt well enough to go to Dairy Queen for lunch. Michelle had to drop off a bill and we were going to stop by Walmart and Publix. We had to go to Publix so she could get groceries for her place and also to have food for Saturday and Sunday.

At Dairy Queen, we ordered a couple combos and we were going to have Blizzards after we ate. The cashier said he would bring out the food but I didn’t trust him, so I stood at the booth that Michelle was sitting at, which drives her nuts because she doesn’t like me standing if she’s sitting. I don’t really understand it but…

The manager, a man who appeared to be from India or Pakistan, asked if we ordered two combos. I misunderstood though because he was hard to understand. I thought he asked if we ordered a number two combo. He said that because we had ordered a combo, we could fill out a ticket to be entered into a contest. I didn’t really follow what he was saying but he seemed to want us to fill out the ticket so we did. And he stood there the entire time, which seemed a little odd. He told us that the drawing would be a four, which was three hours away and I think he said we could come back up to attend the drawing. He later said that he would call us if we won.

After finished, I ordered two mini Blizzards. She had an Oreo and I had a Butterfinger Blizzard. Two things. First, it wasn’t that long ago that a small was $1.99. I’m pretty sure the small is smaller than the old small was and yet it’s 50% more expensive. I don’t like complaining about it because it makes me feel old. Nothing’s more pointless than complaining about how much something used to cost.

Second, I would’ve rather have a Reese’s Pieces Blizzard but I haven’t seen that for sale in years. I don’t understand why. Reese’s is a big deal. It’s not like those Nerds Blizzards that have been defunct for over a decade. Those probably didn’t sell all that well but you can’t convince me that people don’t like Reese’s Pieces Blizzards.

It really began to rain. I had brought an umbrella with me but I had left it in the car. Michelle’s jacket had a hood but mine did not.

After leaving Dairy Queen, we mailed the bill, went to Walmart and Publix and went back home. We were watching stuff I had on the DVR. There had been a marathon of The Larry Sanders Show, Mr. Show and Baggage. We were going back and forth between those recordings. At 3pm, my phone started ringing and it was the manager from Dairy Queen.

I went into the bedroom so that I could hear him better because I was really struggling to understand him. He said that I had won the drawing and I had won a Pillow Pet. You know, those things you see on television that look like a rolled up pillow until you pull a Velcro strap and then it ‘becomes’ a pillow.

I don’t usually win things and it seemed strange that when I finally do win something, it was a contest that I was sort of forced into entering to win a prize that’s a child’s toy. He said I could pick it up that day or the next day.

I was ambivalent about going down there at first but the more I thought about it, I really wanted to go down there on that day. Michelle wasn’t as excited about leaving at first but grew more willing the more she thought about how I’d just won a Pillow Pet. She also needed to go to Target and I wanted to go to Best Buy.

We went back to Dairy Queen and the manager seemed really happy. He went into his office to retrieve a panda Pillow pet. The cashier who had taken my order about three hours earlier pointed at me and said, “You were in here earlier!”

The manager gave the Pillow Pet but told me that he needed to keep the bag. He explained why but I couldn’t really understand him. Honestly, even when he had called me, I was only 80% sure that he was telling me that I had actually won.

The panda was EXTREMELY soft. I was thinking about letting Michelle have him but the more I held him, I decided against it. It’s a good thing I didn’t offer it to her because I would’ve had to renege. I had to tuck the panda under my jacket since it was still raining.

On the way into Target, I pressed the button the closed the umbrella but I didn’t point it down or anything, so it closed above our heads, causing all the rain on the umbrella to fall on our heads. It was pretty dumb on my part but we laughed.

We got the mail on the way back into the complex (I know mail isn’t delivered on New Years but I hadn’t gotten my mail in a couple days). My power bill arrived. I thought about making a copy of it and giving it to the Orange Jack in the Box neighbor of mine.

In Summary

So, that was my weekend. That’s how I met the greatest matchmaker in the world, won a Pillow Pet and why I’m now scared to leave me apartment because I have a neighbor obsessed with my power bill

And that’s all I have to post until a year and a half from now or whatever.

True Blood and the Plasma TV

2009-06-18T09:11:00.001-04:00

Remember those appeals you see on television about how you can feed a child somewhere for two pennies a day or something? I don’t exactly remember the details because I always mute them but this is a case that’s even more important than those commercials.

You see, Judy Wright participated in the ‘True Blood’ survey and apparently she answered all the questions right. To do this, she bought the DVD of the series and listened to every commentary track. She did this all in under a week. Impressive? You bet.

She even gave this survey her home address and email address (which she never does). So she’s watched the shows, listened to the commentaries and answered the surveys, even handed over information that could lead to someone tracking her down in her home or subjecting her to an influx of spam. She feels like she’s done the work and she deserves the reward. The reward in this case? A 42 inch plasma television.

She asked that I check her emails for her to see if she had won because she was unable to get up the stairs to see the computer herself. She was so confident that she’d won, you should’ve heard her confident voice…and then her disappointment when none of the 51 emails she’d gotten were from this survey.

She requested I look through the emails again, because surely I’d missed something. She said to look for a subject heading like ‘You’ve won’ or ‘You worked so hard, you get a plasma TV’ but even after looking again, there was no email to be found.

Judy Wright was heartbroken. She was like a little lamb who got its heart broken…except Judy is a person and not a lamb.

So if this story touches your heart, do something about it. Send emails to HBO, your elected officials and of course, Neil Diamond. Let’s remember what it was like when we cared about each other and help Judy Wright get her plasma television. Let’s not let the time she spent listening to DVD commentary be in vain. I know I won’t. How ’bout you?

Celebrity Edition: From Twitter to Music to Shia

2009-06-17T02:07:00.000-04:00

I don’t get Twitter. I mean, I just don’t understand it. And this makes me feel old. On the other hand, it seems like a lot of people Tweeting are old. So I’m not sure what that makes me. I’ve looks through different celebrity Tweets and most are fairly inconsequential.

At the end of ‘Pardon the Interruption,’ Tony Kornheiser mentions the PTI Twitter feed, so I looked it up. At 10:29am on 5-27, “On that note, my son doesn't call me anymore. I haven't spoken to him since Friday. I wonder if he's mad at me.” And then I felt sad.

The ‘PTI’ Twitter page follows Steve Nash, Shaquille O’Neal, Barry Zito, Dan LeBatard, Tony Reali, Richard Justice, Ernie Johnson, Jr, Peter King, Roger Goodell, Andy Roddick, and Mark Cuban.

So I looked at their Twitter pages.

Barry Zito opined, “Twitter gives a chance for all the small minded, insignificant, shit talkers to feel significant for 2 seconds.”

And I guess I kind of agree with that, except not the way he probably meant it. It gives celebrities, including athletes like him, a chance to reach an audience without benefit of the media. So it’s unfiltered access but it also robs those like Zito from blaming the media for reporting out of context. (Though what kind of context can 140 characters provide?)

Celebrities and athletes (and politicians, which I’ll get to in a moment) that use Twitter, appear to me to be so incredibly self-indulgent that they think their every thought is worth sharing.

The Real Shaq

Shaq posts a lot and he says things like, “Who wants to here jeff van gundy talk about his brother all da night, I dnt, were is bill walton at, naa, john barry.” I don’t exactly know what half that indecipherable mess means but he sounds annoyed.

He posted the following three times (so it must be important), “They said on around the horn that I'm playing when I say I want kobe to win his 4th ring, here it goes again I'm serious I want kobe to win.” He then added, “O yea bill plasckey, and woody paige dnt have me come put my hands on yall,lol.”

O’Neal posts under the name The Real Shaq. I guess that’s opposed to The Fake Shaq. A lot of celebrities post as ‘The Real (blank)’ but is that really the equivalent to a seal of authenticity?

When Tweets Are Fake

Tony LaRussa sued Twitter because someone was posting as him. One Tweet stated, “Lost 2 out of 3, but we made it out of Chicago without one drunk driving incident or dead pitcher.” LaRussa had pleaded guilty a couple years earlier to a DUI charge and two Cardinal pitchers died while he was their manager, Josh Hancock in 2007 (drunk driving accident) and Darryl Kile in 2002 (heart condition).

The LaRussa Twitter page (which has since been removed) had a line on it stating, “Bio Parodies are fun for everyone.” I’ve never been clear on when parody becomes libel. Imagine if a reporter were to print: Tony LaRussa said, “Lost 2 out of 3, but we made it out of Chicago without one drunk driving incident or dead pitcher.” That reporter would be in serious trouble. Yet, a person can pose as LaRussa and hide behind the defense of parody.

McCain: Sports Talk Radio

Remember when Tom Glavine was released by the Atlanta Braves and it surprised a lot of people? Well, it didn’t sit too well with Senator John McCain (R-AZ). He wrote, “Braves release Tom Glavine - not a great way to treat a class athlete.” I’m not sure why he was commenting on the roster move. He followed it up with, “Dr. Kissinger’s op-ed in the Washington Post on Pyongyang is a must read!”

I'd Rather Be a Hammer Than Nail

I’m not sure if I were the Chief of Staff for a politician, I’d want my boss to have access to Twitter. Because they’re liable to come out with something like Senator Charles Grassley (R-IA) came out with: “Pres Obama you got nerve while u sightseeing in Paris to tell us 'time to deliver' on health care. We still on skedul/even workinWKEND.” Still angry, he fired off another: “Pres Obama while u sightseeing in Paris u said 'time to delivr on healthcare' When you are a 'hammer' u think evrything is NAIL I'm no NAIL.”

Several things are important about these Tweets. First, constituents need to know whether their Senator is a nail and clearly, Grassley is no nail. He said so. Clearly. Second, President Obama was in France for the anniversary of D-Day and it seems to me that Grassley would be one of those complaining had he snubbed the ceremony. Being that he went, Grassley derides Obama for ‘sightseeing in Paris.’

Is This For Real?

Other politicical figures have Twitter pages, such as Al Gore and Barack Obama but they’re like mini-press releases. It’s pretty obvious that they have ghost writers. And if they have ghost writers, how many celebrities also have ghost writers?

I’m pretty sure that Kirstie Alley doesn’t. She produces an average of 32 tweets per day. Factoring in eight hours of sleep, that’s a tweet every 30 minutes. And she puts out some classic information like, “THIS MONKEY GIRL IS GONNA EAT LUNCH..Cooked my this monkey girl...I am going to have monkey chow...later monkey potaters...”

I don’t think a ghost writer would come up with that one. Nor do I think a staffer posed as Courtney Love to produce the following gems: “but its good to be friend with thenew ceo of myspace tho im sort of90th life and 10% computer its nit life face it,gnomey evil queens yawn” and “but you have to surround yourself in positivity, seriously ,stealing inst cool and to take my ideas and allow them propagate using them..”

In other Twitter news, Steve Wozniak (co-founder of Apple) complained that his iPod broke.

Celebrities enrich our lives by letting us know, as Lisa Loeb did, that she’s “Going to tarina tarantino store to pick up some sparkly jewelry” (though most of her posts involve what she ate) or that Pete Yorn thinks “niagara falls is pretty cool.”

You see, we wouldn’t’ve known that Niagara Falls was pretty cool if not for Mr. Yorn.

Twittering Under the Table & Dreaming

Dave Matthews likes to share his political opinions, like “No news is good news. But there's always news. Taliban is back. Bigger than ever. I like to thank Dick and W for a job well done.”

First, “No news is good news. But there’s always news.” Uh…that line hurt my head. As for the second part, I’m not sure how the Taliban can be bigger than ever when they used to control the majority of a country and now they don’t. Obviously the conflict over there was mishandled but ‘bigger than ever’?

In other world news, Matthews notes, “Let's see if Sri Lanka will end combat operations. What a nightmare. If y'all don't know what's happening in Sri Lanka look it up.” Of course, while you’re looking that up, Dave wants you to know that “Every year 2.2 million people die from diarrhea caused most often by ingesting fecal matter in food or water.”

There is a self-deprecating side of Matthews, “I have anxiety when I have to fill out forms. Always have. I am incredibly stupid. A bad speller. Now and then I surprise myself.”

Yoko Thoughts

Yoko Ono has a Twitter page. She mainly writes things that I think she wishes would appear on bumper stickers.

Just to go over a few:

“If one billion people in the world would Think PEACE - we're gonna get it.”

“Thoughts are infectious. Send it out. It's Time for Action. The Action is PEACE.”

“Don't focus your attention on the War industry people. They will join us in the end. It's an easier life not to get maimed or killed.”

“Stay with it & life becomes like a lover you have been close to for many years. U know them so well, yet every day they give you a surprise.”

“Don't ever give up on life. Life can be so beautiful, especially after you've spent a lot of time with it.”

“Imagine one thousand suns in the sky at the same time. Let them shine for one hour. Then, let them gradually melt into the sky.”

“Imagine letting a goldfish swim across the sky. Let it swim from the East to the West. Drink a liter of water.”

“Make one tunafish sandwich and eat.”

He Is, He Said

Perhaps the only person who deserves a Twitter page is Neil Diamond. Most of his tweets are apparently answering people’s questions that they must’ve sent to him via tweet. And these ‘conversations’ take place right around midnight. Besides frozen lemonade, I can’t think of anything better than conversing with Neil Diamond after midnight.

He seeks advice from his followers, “My friends, Dan and Mariko are getting engaged in N.Y.C. Today! Any words of advice for them?” Informs them of his plans, “Going in to see "The Soloist" right now. I hear it's great. Next I'll see Adam Sandler's new movie "Funny People". I'm a big fan of his.” And updates them on his career, “Wow, I signed with Columbia Records for another five years. By the time this contract is over that'll make 43 years with the same label.”

These are important things. If he would only do more instructing his followers on how to live their lives, then it’d be a perfect site.

Celebrity Music Lists

Brian Williams created BriTunes so that he could identify underground bands for you. Just for you. Don’t you want to go to the site so that you can find out how much hard work he’s put in for you?

I like Brian Williams and I like the concept behind it. Underground artists need all the help they can get and the Internet is a great way for them to get exposure.

While looking through the Web, I found that several celebrities have created iTunes playlists and I wanted to find out how many of them support ‘my people.’ Most of these playlists were put together by celebrities that were also plugging something and some lists seem to have been given more thought than others.

For instance, Frank Black of the Pixies apparently listens to nothing but Burl Ives. On the other hand, celebrities such as Mandy Moore, create lists and explain why each song was chosen. Incidentally, her list was filled with ‘my people’ like The National, Blitzen Trapper and Ryan Adams (her husband), as wells as ‘Second Hand News,’ an entirely underrated Fleetwood Mac song.

My mom is a fan of ‘True Blood’ and they have their own playlist and it’s respectable. Anna Paquin lists Radiohead, Pixies and Led Zeppelin while Stephen Moyer has Bob Dylan’s ‘You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go,’ along with Stephen Malkmus and Tom Waits.

William Shatner lists a bunch of his own songs along with Eminem’s ‘Lose Yourself,’ Ben Folds and 40s era jazz.

Paul Rudd seems like a really cool guy but his playlist is just okay. He does list Glen Campbell’s ‘Witchita Lineman’ which is great but I was kinda hoping for a stronger list.

Greg Mottola, director of ‘Superbad’ had the following artists on list: The Replacements, Big Star, Dinosaur Jr, and The The.

But the award for best playlist goes to…Rainn Wilson, who plays Dwight on ‘The Office.’ And the reason why is simple. His introduction to the list is: “I wanted to share a bunch of recent-ish music to turn folks on to what rocks and what moves me down to my swimsuit area. There’s a bunch of great new bands and artists out there, none of whom have ever been anywhere near ‘American Idol’ or ‘TRL’ or a ‘High School Musical.’ In the need to expose some newer and lesser-known artists I had to leave some of my all-time favorites like Wilco and Radiohead behind.”

He, in my view, got the point of what’s so great about the Internet. You don’t need a lot of money to get your music out there anymore. Local bands in another city can be downloaded with a click of a mouse regardless of whether you live in NYC or Tulsa.

Wilson’s list is filled with great finds from The National to Glen Hansard to Ryan Adams. Wilson also has a thoughtfully written commentary for each song as well. It’s definitely worth a look.

When I first discovered these playlists, I ran through a bunch of them real late at night but I don’t feel like doing that again. But if you’re up late and are bored, it’s something to check out.

Shia Update

Is it just me or does Shia LeBeouf seem to be begging for someone to help him? In Parade, he said, “[Actors are] all in pain. It’s a profession of bottom-feeders and heartbroken people. Most actors on most days don’t think they’re worthy. I have no idea where this insecurity comes from, but it’s a God-sized hole. If I knew it, I’d fill it and I’d be on my way.”

He also admitted to being an alcoholic and “My humor came from seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked – just weird hippie stuff, twisted R-rated humor.”

He had previously stated “Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother... If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds.”

Actually, that’s right in line with Hallmark’s newest series of Mother’s Day Cards, “You’re such a great mother, I’d fuck if you hadn’t given birth to me.”

And what was she doing when she was walking around naked? She was “playing naked connect the dots… and humming for prolonged periods of time.” Personally, nude Boggle can’t be beat. Reading Goofus and Gallant topless is also quite a thrill.

She’s a Man, Baby (or It's Time to Man-Up)

Chastity Bono, a decade after coming out as a lesbian, is now becoming a man. Reportedly, she’s going to have gender reassignment surgery and everything. The process of ‘transitioning’ began around her 40th birthday in March. My birthday’s coming up but I’m not considering switching to play for the other team.

Bizarre story of the week

Okay, there’s this kid who knows a bunch of stuff about planes and his parents are convinced that he’s a reincarnated pilot. They even introduced him to the sister of the pilot that died. It’s a crazy story. The kid’s older now and doesn’t remember all the stuff he said when he was younger but his parents still trot him around as a reincarnated pilot. You kinda gotta feel sorry for the kid.

But check the story out because it’s weird.

Final Thoughts

Because of the focus on celebrity, I never got around to my obsession with the iPhone. I need to remember to go over that in the next post, which will hopefully be shorter.

I learned that not only does my girlfriend believe in ghosts but that she believes Donald Trump’s hair is a normal/natural occurrence. She swears that it’s not a comb-over while I believe (whatever it is) it’s a feat of modern engineering.

Top 20 Movies of 2008: Part 2: The Best Movies

2009-06-03T04:47:00.005-04:00

And now we start the Top 20 Best movies with review so short and incomplete that you will absolutely learn nothing. So let’s start the non-learning with…

20. ‘Smart People’

If you’re looking for a deeply plotted movie, this isn’t it. But the individual performances are strong and only a Communist can hate Ellen Page and Dennis Quaid.

19. ‘Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist’

Here’s a story I like to tell a lot. I had gone to a bunch of concerts in my life and I always felt out of place…until I went to see the Shins at the Atlanta Civic Center. The audience was full of people just like me. I realized that the Shins were ‘My People’s Music.’ This movie features a lot of other bands that represent ‘My People,’ including one, Bishop Allen, that gets a cameo appearance.

Am I placing this in my top 20 because of that? Largely…yes. But it’s my list and I can do whatever I want.

Okay, it has a sweet feel throughout with two likable leads and half of everything Michael Cera says is funny. But really, it’s all about the music.

18. ‘Be Kind Rewind’

This movie was designed to not work. I find Mos Def to be annoying most of the time. With the exception of a couple movies, Jack Black is way too over the top. And the plot involves two guys remaking movies and (according to the commercial) passing them off as the real thing.

The only reason I watched this movie is because it was directed by Michael Gondry, director of ‘The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.’

Mos Def’s performance is endearing and Jack Black, while wild, doesn’t take over the movie. While the end is a bit of a letdown with the whole ‘the small store versus the big store’ theme, it’s a fun little movie that provides solid laughs.

17. ‘Religulous’

If indeed there is a hell, Bill Maher is going there after making this movie. But at least he made a funny movie before he went there.

Maher (with the exception of the soliloquy at the end) comes at this as an agnostic (though just a couple degrees from being an atheist), he’s not certain what’s true and seems to hold those with absolute certainty in contempt. And it’s a contempt that’s basically spread around toward all religions.

This movie is not for the easily offended but if you’re going to be offensive, at least be funny, which he does more times than not in this film.

16. ‘Changeling’

I’m not sure how a boy could be kidnapped and the police could try to force a mother to take an imposter child as if he were her son. If this weren’t a true story, the plot would be too far-fetched to even be made into a movie. After checking the movie against the newspaper articles, the movie stays pretty close to the truth.

Clint Eastwood’s direction is solid and he really builds suspense throughout the movie.

The only complaint I have is with Angelina Jolie. I was never able to get past who she is. She was so pale and her lips were so red…she was like a pair of lips in a hat. And I realize that sounds stupid but I struggled with her because of that. Even so, it didn’t sink the movie.

15. ‘There Will Be Blood’

This is a movie that came out in New York and Los Angeles in 2007 but didn’t come out nationwide until 2008 and it feels like forever since I saw this. I hesitated watching this because it’s title was a tag line for the second ‘Saw’ movie and it’s almost three hours long.

The story of an oilman trying to get a plot of land from a group that’s led by a teenage preacher is compelling. While I didn’t like the ending and SportsCenter killed the ‘I drink your milkshake’ line to death, the acting was solid and it didn’t feel like it was as long as it was.

14. ‘The Pineapple Express’

This is the movie to watch if you think James Franco laughing is funny. While it’s easy to label this is a ‘pot humor movie,’ it’s a couple bars higher than that, certainly better than anything Cheech & Chong ever put out. You don’t have to be high to watch it, though I imagine it would help.

And it has Seth Rogen. You like Seth Rogen, don’t you?

13. ‘Role Models’

This is a movie that wishes it was made by Judd Apatow. It feels largely like an Apatow production except I don’t think an Apatow movie would’ve devolved into a D&D type fantasy world. But still, Paul Rudd is excellent as always and the movie is truly funny for the first half (almost two-thirds).

12. ‘Chaos Theory’

I had never liked Ryan Reynolds in anything until 2008, when he had two really good movies that he completely carried. In this movie, he plays an anal professional speaker that due to a joke, ends up having his life completely screwed up. It was portrayed in the commercial as an almost wacky comedy. In truth, it’s a quiet film with a few laughs but it’s more about the nature of love, forgiveness and the fragile nature of relationships.

11. ‘Ghost Town’

Ricky Gervais didn’t write ‘Ghost Town.’ Instead, it was written by the guy that did the screenplays for ‘Angels and Demons,’ ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,’ ‘War of the Worlds,’ ‘Snake Eyes,’ ‘Stir of Echoes’ and ‘Death Becomes Her.’ Have I scared you away from this movie yet?

Ricky Gervais is the star of ‘Ghost Town’ and he is the reason to watch this movie. His heartfelt performance and genuinely funny presence carries this movie, as does the solid acting of Greg Kinnear. Tea Leoni is in this and is as adorable as she’s ever been.

This is a charming movie that gets some truly big laughs…even if it was done by the same guy who had a hand in saving Indiana Jones’ life during a nuclear blast by sticking him in a fridge.

10. ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’

I’m a huge Kevin Smith fan. I recognize his limitations but that doesn’t keep me from enjoying his movies any less. ‘Zack and Miri’ isn’t a perfect movie but it made me laugh when I saw it in the theater and it made me laugh when I watched it at home. Seth Rogen is great and some of the dialogue is really sharp and funny.

One major issue: Smith never seems sure how to end his movies. And this film falls victim to that as well. It ties up far too neatly and, like ‘Clerks II,’ in a slightly groan inducing way. But the movie has built up enough good will, that it’s easy to forgive the handful of missteps.

9. ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’

I liked this movie a lot more when I walked out of the theater than I do right now. If I’d made this list right after leaving the mall, having just wiped a couple tears from my eyes, I would’ve put this at #4.

But then I started thinking about this movie and that’s not something that benefits a film like this. It’s essentially a fable but I’m not sure what its message is. Brad Pitt plays a guy aging backwards. He’s a lot like Forrest Gump, not in being retarded but in being basically an innocent character without fault who finds himself in situations bigger than himself.

The individual performances are strong but what’s important about this movie are the special effects. Not only does Pitt appear old, we’ve seen that before, but he is small. And not like that Wayan’s movie ‘Little Man.’ The amazing thing about the special effects…they don’t seem like effects. They are seamlessly intertwined into the movie.

If you see this movie, you’ll walk away liking it but I bet if you think about it too much, you’ll like it less…So don’t think about it too much.

8. ‘Tropic Thunder’

This is about a group of actors that go into a jungle to make a war movie and end up in the middle of a real armed conflict…though some of the actors aren’t sure if it isn’t just part of the filming.

While it’s not as funny as it could’ve been, and it drags through parts of it, the movie is worth watching to see Robert Downey, Jr play an Australian actor who has undergone an operation to become black to play a role in a movie. He’s absolutely brilliant and virtually everything he says or does is funny.

7. ‘Doubt’

This is a very simple movie about a complex topic. You want to guess what the topic is? It’s about doubt, which is probably why it’s called, uh, ‘Doubt.’ The film is driven by three standout performances, Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams.

The best thing about this movie is that for much of it, you don’t really know what the truth is. Is Hoffman’s character guilty of what he’s being accused of? Adams’ character is sure that he is…until she’s sure that he’s not but really, she doesn’t know and neither do we.

The final line damages the movie tremendously and unravels its point a little, which I took to mean that doubt isn’t as dangerous as certainty. But it’s a quiet movie with great acting and definitely worth seeing.

6. ‘Definitely, Maybe’

Ryan Reynolds makes his second appearance on this list turning a completely charming performance as a father who tells his daughter the story of how he and her mother (and his soon-to-be ex-wife) met. The story is told in flashback and in a way that conceals which of three possible women could be the little girl’s mother.

When saw the commercial, I really didn’t think this was a movie worth seeing but I gave it a chance and I found myself interested in the plot and it was truly funny and engaging. This is the best true romantic comedy to come out in several years.

5. ‘Wall•E’

The first 40 minutes of ‘Wall•E’ is silent, surprising since it’s a cartoon that appears aimed at kids. But you know, I don’t think that it is aimed at kids at all. This is a thoughtful movie about wanting what you can’t have and a future that fits into the vision of Stanley Kubrick. It works as a light comedy, a cartoon and a science fiction movie. It also happens to be positively beautiful in the way it was shot. It’s an absolute must see movie.

4. ‘Get Smart’

This is another movie that I dismissed after seeing the commercial. I liked the original series okay but I hate remakes of old television shows so I wasn’t going to watch. But I had a couple hours to kill and I decided to go see a movie and the only thing that was playing that would get out in time for me to get to work was ‘Get Smart.’

And it was completely hilarious. After leaving, I called my mom to let her know about how good it was and I ended up watching it with her the next day. I’ve seen it several times since and I got it as a Christmas present to my girlfriend, who also liked it.

From beginning to end, it’s filled with funny gags, and if by chance you didn’t like the last one, if you wait a minute, there’ll be another one on the way. There’s a great cameo by a famous SNL alum that’s surprising and funny.

The film also has a good heart and that’s one of the things that really makes this movie work. Also, Anne Hathaway is really solid in this. She’s funny and you completely buy her in the fight scenes.

But the reason to watch this is because it’s funny. So watch it.

3. ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’

My brother and I saw this down in Savannah, which is mentioned briefly in a previous post. It’s a funny movie, as you’d expect out of the Apatow pen of films (except for ‘Drillbit Taylor). Billy kept laughing in the theater and he doesn’t usually laugh out loud in a movie, so that should be reason enough for you to see this.

Also, Mila Kunis is in this and she’s actually really good.

2. ‘Iron Man’

Robert Downey Jr was great in ‘Tropic Thunder’ but he was even better in this. His performance embodied cool and the dialogue is so natural that he almost appears to be ad-libbing it. The effects are great and it’s also funny.

If you want to see stuff getting blown up, gadgets being invented and you want to laugh, then this is the perfect movie.

1. ‘The Dark Knight’

And if you don’t want to laugh but you do want to see a brooding superhero film, then this is the perfect movie.

‘The Dark Knight’ is simply the best superhero movie ever. The acting is strong, the plot is tight and it’s completely dark. It’s basically modern film noir that happens to have a superhero in it.

Heath Ledger is the Joker, portraying him as a true sociopath, as opposed to the maniacal clown other actors playing the character have done. Ledger delivers the performance of his life and is worth watching, even if you don’t typically enjoy the superhero genre.

Next Post

I'll run through a few of the movies that were left off the list and try to explain why. I’ll also discuss my thoughts on Twitter and my iPhone obsession.

My Thoughts on Terminator 4

I first mentioned that this movie was being considered back in 5-15-07, when I wrote: “I just read Terminator 4 is in the works and it’s part of a new trilogy. No one has signed on but I foresee a plot where Arnold goes back in time to the 18th century to rewrite the Constitution to allow foreigners to run for president. Part 5 will be about the election and in part 6, Arnold will have to fight off the forces of impeachment.”

I honestly didn’t believe it would really be made…and yet, here it is. I don’t really feel like reviewing it (I gave it a 1.75 out of 4, for what it’s worth). But there is one thing this movie made me wonder…

Why are the machines so mad? What exactly did we do to them to piss them off? Was it the microwave that started this revolution? I mean, it’s gotta suck having popcorn heated up inside you, being able to smell it but not being able to taste it. I could see why the microwave would hate people so much.

I could understand personal computers. The software causes the computer to crash and people blame the computer. It wasn’t the computer. It was the operating system or the software. But who was the target of all the profanity and rage? The little old computer.

But still, is that any reason to try to annihilate the human race? To create robots to go back and kill would-be mothers of would-be leaders?

Ron Howard’s daughter is in this movie, Bryce Dallas Howard. She plays the same character that Claire Danes played in the last one. Bryce mainly stood around touching her belly, I guess so we would know she was pregnant, as if that was supposed to add extra pressure to Christian Bale. I mean, he knocked up Ron Howard’s daughter and if Opie finds out, he’s gonna send Angels and Demons to get that American Psycho (though Bale’s actually from Wales).

Can Bryce act? I don’t know. She wasn’t really called on to do much besides the belly touching, while wearing fashionable maternity clothes while the rest of the world had gone to hell. The few lines she did deliver were flat but then again, most of the performances were flat. At least she isn’t as distracting as Clint Howard. I guess it helps that she isn’t bald.

I’m always distracted when Clint appears in a Ron Howard movie because it takes me out of the film while he’s in there. Not just that, but I spend most of the early part of the movie, waiting for him to show up. That’s why Alfred Hitchcock used to appear in the very beginning, to get the cameo out of the way so people could focus on the movie. Clint should appear at the very beginning too.

On a similar note: Joan Cusack almost always shows up in movies starring her brother John. She tends to play wacky characters but it seems like each movie, she’s a little more unhinged than the one before. Making it worse, his performances are becoming more subdued, which is highlighting how crazy her acting is. It’s getting to the point where he’s looking catatonic and she’s looking like an escaped mental patient.

You can tell how off the wall her performance will be based on her hair. The stranger her hair looks, the stranger her acting will be. It’s just how it works.

I think it might be time to have her pasteurized. No, I don’t mean sent out to pasture. I think she should actually go through the process of pasteurization, you know, just to see what would happen.

And how did a non-review of ‘Terminator 4’ turn into an attack on Joan Cusack?

Because Crazy Movies Are Coming Out

I just found out that they’re going to make ‘Battleship’ into a movie. I came up with a great joke about making Monopoly into a movie…until I found out that they are making that game into a movie. So all my jokes about who would play the thimble and Uncle Pennybags seem less funny now that Ridley Scott is reportedly going to direct a movie version of the popular board game. For what it’s worth, they’re also making Candy Land into a movie as well.

I never really got into Battleship. I really wanted to because it looked cool, you know, with the ships and all but even as a kid, I knew that Battleship is basically Bingo with naval vessels. And Bingo’s just not cool.

One Last Movie Thing

They’re going to re-make ‘The Karate Kid’ and turn ‘The A-Team’ into a movie. Why are movie studios raiding my childhood and churning out crap?

Final Thoughts

I finally went into my girlfriend’s backyard for the first time last weekend. It happened nine months after I first went over to her house. I almost didn’t want to go back there because you have to respect a streak like that.

I was informed by a source, who begged to be unnamed, so I won’t mention her name, but she told me that this sugar free candy she got had a warning that consuming too many of the candy pieces can cause “a laxative effect.” Turns out that sugar free candy in general has that result according to numerous Internet sources.

Another source, who will be unnamed, though I don’t think they requested to be anonymous: There’s a great new show is coming out: Bobo’s Booboos. Or was it Booboo’s Bobos?

Saw a headline on CNN.com: How to avoid the ‘Death Tax.’ Uh, that’s kinda of easy, isn’t it? Alls you gotta do is just not die.

Top 20 Movies of 2008: Part 1: The Worst Movies

2009-05-31T03:23:00.006-04:00

Most critics release their best and worst movie lists at the end of a year or at the beginning of the following year. I decided to wait until the end of May to release mine. Why? I don’t know, it’s just what I did.

For those not familiar with the way I list movies, I only consider films released between January 1 and December 31, 2008 in the area where I’m able to watch movies. This means if a movie was screened in New York and Los Angeles on December 20, 2008 but didn’t open in Atlanta until January 5, 2009, it can win an Oscar for Best Picture of 2008 but it won’t appear on my list until the next year.

This is why ‘There Will Be Blood’ is on this year’s list and why ‘The Wrestler’ isn’t. If I was considering release dates in New York, then ‘The Wrestler’ would be number one on this list without a question but it didn’t come to Atlanta until January 16th (after being released on December 16th in NY and LA).

Like the last couple years, I compiled the list as I went through the year, rating each movie as I saw them. The past year, I’ve lost a little patience with dramas, which is probably why a) I didn’t see as many dramatic movies in the theater last year and b) my top list is crowded with comedies.

Of the movies released last year, I saw 73 of them. Notable movies I didn’t see include: ‘The Boy in the Striped Pajamas,’ ‘The Reader,’ ‘The Visitor,’ ‘Snow Angels,’ ‘Traitor,’ ‘Man on a Wire’ and ‘Valkyrie.’ Those may or may not have been good movies but I just didn’t get around to seeing them yet.

Likewise, there are some movies that might’ve made my worst of list but I didn’t see them, such as: ‘Righteous Kill,’ ‘Postal,’ ‘Sex Drive,’ ‘The Longshots,’ ‘The Bucket List,’ ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still,’ ‘Death Race,’ ‘Extreme Movie’ and ‘The Love Guru.’

I’ve decided to make the list 20 movies deep for both the best and worst sides. So starting with the 20th worst movie that I saw from last year…

20. ‘Son of Rambow’

I saw the preview for this movie before ‘Rambo’ and it looked like a sweet, small budget film about two kids that were going to try to make their own movie. Except, it turned out that it wasn’t all that sweet. It wasn’t as funny or as engaging as I’d expected and worse, it was slow moving and tedious (almost as tedious as a San Francisco travel blog).

19. ‘Drillbit Taylor’

Coming into this movie, I had moderately high expectations. I’m a huge fan of anything Judd Apatow puts his name on. On the other hand, Owen Wilson’s in this. I don’t think Wilson was the worst problem about this movie. I mean, sure, did I want to punch him in the nose? Of course. I always feel that when I see him in a movie…even those that I like with him in there. The problem was that the kids looked like they were cast to resemble the main characters in ‘Superbad,’ which only served to point out what an inferior movie this was. There were a handful of funny scenes in the movie but most of it was mean-spirited…and not the funny kind of mean-spirited.

18. ‘The Bank Job’

There have been so many stylish movies about breaking into locations to steal stuff. But what if someone would make a movie with a bunch of characters you can’t keep track of, that’s disjointed (so it can look clever) and stilted dialogue? Well, then they would’ve made ‘The Bank Job,’ a movie that tries so hard to be relevant but instead flounders in a well of predictability.

17. ‘Semi-Pro’

I don’t know why I watched this movie. I don’t like Will Ferrell except in a small, handful of movies. I thought a few scenes in ‘Talladega Nights’ were funny. But this movie is so completely stale. Usually, Ferrell looks like he’s having fun in his movies (which is good, since at least one of us should be enjoying what he’s doing) but even he looks a little bored through much of this thing.

16. ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’

Maybe it’s an even numbered thing. I liked the first and third installments of the Indiana Jones franchise and didn’t like the second and fourth ones. Or maybe I just like Indiana going up against Nazis. Whatever it was, this outing for Indiana was so incredibly bad. I don’t know exactly when it lost me. Was it Shia LaBeouf playing a greaser (maybe slightly more convincing than C. Thomas Howell in ‘The Outsiders’) or Indiana surviving a nuclear blast because he stuffed himself in a refrigerator? I’m not sure but by the time it got to the ‘Aliens are involved’ twist, I’d been lost for a while. Oh and there are three endings to this movie, each one worse than the one before, culminating in a lame wedding sequence that made me throw up a little in my mouth.

15. ‘Nobel Son’

The best thing about this movie was that I had really good chicken wings afterwards. Every character in this film struck the same note from beginning to end. With the pulsing dance soundtrack (that inexplicably stops midway through), it was like someone saw all of Guy Ritchie’s movies in a row (which are basically the same movie made over and over again) and decided the world needed another one…but this time with Alan Rickman in it.

14. ‘Flash of Genius’

Let’s stop for a moment and agree that Greg Kinnear seems like a nice guy. To use my mom’s terminology, he’s someone you root for. He’s not the problem with most of this movie (although when he appears to start having cotton stuffed behind his lower lip in the second half of the movie, it is somewhat disconcerting). The problem with this film is that it’s like someone wrote an outline for a book and then just shot the outline. Every scene building to the next scene and it’s this focus on moving the story ahead (while leaving character development behind) that makes you feel like you’re not watching a movie but rather a documentary…a very boring documentary. By the time the movie starts employing the device of ‘8 months later,’ ‘2 years later’ and ‘3 years later,’ you’ll feel that time is moving as slowly for you as it is for Greg Kinnear’s character. And the near final court room scene, I half expected someone to bring in a bag of letters to Santa and dump them in front of the judge. But that would’ve been funny.

One last note: The plot of the movie is about a guy that claims to have invented the intermittent windshield wiper. The novelty, I figured, would be they would take a boring idea and make it interesting. Instead, they took an uninteresting topic and made it even more uninteresting.

13. ‘War, Inc.’

Okay, so John Cusack’s playing a conflicted hitman and the costars include Joan Cusack and Dan Akroyd but this isn’t a sequel to ‘Grosse Pointe Blank?’ This movie’s an absolute mess. I could make a compelling argument why this is the worst movie of the year…until I look at what else is on this list. This attempted satire falls completely flat and becomes a mashup that’s almost painful to watch. Alright, so the military industrial complex is evil, is that an excuse for some director to force me to watch Hilary Duff hold a snake and talk in a Russian accent while sticking scorpions down her pants? Maybe super-hardcore liberals can tolerate a movie because it’s anti-Iraq War but the heavy-handedness is going to turn off everyone else (including many who agree with the bottom line thesis of the film).

12. ‘Seven Pounds’

Speaking of heavy-handed… Isn’t it interesting how Will Smith keeps finding himself in movies where he is depicted as a savior of sorts? This movie is called ‘Seven Pounds’ because that sounds better than ‘3.175 Kilograms’ or maybe it’s because it’s so contrived and gimmicky, you’ll want to hit yourself in the head with a seven pound hammer after seeing it. The movie is intentionally oblique in its storytelling because it wouldn’t have a movie if it laid its cards on the table. Once you figure out what the filmmakers are hiding from you, the rest of the movie becomes painfully obvious…painful because you still have an hour left to go before the ending. And in the end, always root for the jellyfish.

11. ‘Towelhead’

The preview of this movie seemed to suggest the story of a Muslim girl in America, a coming of age story set against the backdrop of prejudice in a small town. Turns out, not exactly a small town (it’s Houston) and it’s more about the pedophile living next door. The racism aspect of the film is a relatively minor subplot. Instead, it’s a creepy little narrative about adult men who want to have sex with a 13 year old girl from Lebanon.

10. ‘What Just Happened’

That’s exactly what you’ll be asking yourself after this movie’s over, followed by ‘And why did I just watch this?’ Every now and then, a movie comes out that Hollywood insiders love because it’s full of in-jokes and because it’s about them, their favorite subject. Watching from the outside looking in, it’s not nearly as funny as what it could’ve been, which is a shame. They had the people there to make it work. Robert DeNiro as an agent for the bearded Bruce Willis could’ve been really good. I mean, they certainly had a funny scene together. They even showed that one scene in the commercial so you could go and realize how the whole movie is nothing like the one scene that made you go in the first place. As for the idea that Hollywood is full of back-stabbers and sycophants…what an amazingly obvious insight.

One note: Credit though to Sean Penn. His performance was as close to self-deprecating as he gets.

9. ‘Hellboy II: The Golden Army’

I liked the original ‘Hellboy’ because it was charming and visually different than other movies that were playing. The second ‘Hellboy’ wants to make sure it’s visually different while neglecting the charm that made the first movie special. The previews for this movie used the term ‘From the visionary director…’ and that was the problem. The movie was filled with effects but it lacked any heart.

8. ‘Rambo’

This might sound stupid but even though I didn’t like the first three Rambo movies, I thought the fourth one would be good because I liked ‘Rocky Balboa.’ I mean, the logic is completely flawed but I watched it anyway. Through much of the movie, Rambo would grunt or spread out his dialogue with a sentence here, a sentence there. Mainly, he seemed like a man that wanted to be left alone…and I wish that I’d left him alone. The only reason to watch this movie is to see people get killed in gruesome ways, which is what the ‘Saw’ series is for.

7. ‘Quantum of Solace’

I enjoy the Bond series a lot and, while I wasn’t thrilled by the choice of Daniel Craig as the new 007, he won me over in ‘Casino Royale.’ In this movie though, the action starts off mindless and goes from there. The plot was pointlessly convoluted and I was completely bored through the entire movie.

6. ‘Saw V’

I was okay with the first movie in the franchise. The second movie was terrible. The third one was better than the second one but not as good as the first. And why exactly do I keep watching these awful things. I don’t know. The preview had something about how I wouldn’t believe how it ends. Yes, there’s a gimmick ending that sets up ‘Saw VI,’ which will probably have an ending that sets up ‘Saw VII’ and this is how we go. The series has twisted into basically making Jigsaw, if not the good guy, certainly on par with the good guys and better than ‘the really bad guys.’ Debates on moral relativism are fun, torture porn is not.

5. ‘Batman: Gotham Knight’

I rented this because I heard it was written by the screenwriter of ‘Batman Begins’ and another guy who wrote ‘A History of Violence.’ I was picturing a gritty graphic novel type of movie. Instead, I got this ridiculous mess that was a combination of a four or five separate chapters, including one that imagined Batman as a Transformer. A couple of the segments were okay but weren’t developed enough. It was essentially an anthology of different imaginings of Batman, not really a coherent story.

4. ‘Yes Man’

I went into this movie expecting it to be bad and it was actually so much worse than I’d expected. First thought in every scene: Jim Carrey looks really old. I mean, REALLY old. That’s not to say he should go hang himself or anything but every scene seemed to zoom in on his face, underlining just how old he is (he was 46 during filming but could’ve passed for older) and it’s made worse because the love interest is Zooey Deschanel (28 during filming but could’ve passed for younger). The plot is that a guy takes a vow to never say no and always say yes. How can this not be horrible?

Jim Carrey looks like he’s trying too hard in every scene, summoning all the zany energy he can but it resembles a man who can’t swim, flailing around in the water helplessly. I mean, I think there was something funny in the movie somewhere, I just don’t remember it.

3. ‘Hamlet 2’

Steve Coogan is great and I especially loved him in ‘Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story.’ In this movie, it takes a promising premise, a drama teacher on the way out who’s going to direct one last play, a sequel to a play in which everyone pretty much died in the first one. The movie relegates Coogan to such comedic bits as getting a hand stuck in a locked door. The comedy is broad and not nearly as edgy as it thinks. And for a while, it forgets that it’s a comedy and becomes a drama. It wasn’t much better at being that either.

2. ‘Chapter 27’

Jared Leto gained a bunch of weight to play Mark David Chapman, the person who murdered John Lennon. I’m not sure what I was expecting with this one. Leto walks around New York wearing glasses and whispering a lot. He meets Lindsay Lohan, whose character is soon freaked out by him. Then it shows him killing John Lennon. There’s nothing to be gained from watching this, no insights that are added and ultimately, no reason to watch this shallow biopic of sorts. As for Leto’s performance: He gained weight and added body-mass doesn’t make for a better acting job. For a film that’s entirely about one person and follows that person everywhere and includes narration from inside of his head, I learned nothing that I didn’t know going in.

1. ‘Zombie Strippers’

I almost hesitated to even include this in the list at all. Whereas ‘Chapter 27’ thought of itself as a good film, ‘Zombie Strippers’ is a joke movie. A gag. But I’d heard it likened to ‘Shaun of the Dead,’ which I liked. So I rented ‘Zombie Strippers’ expecting a movie that was corny, didn’t take itself too serious and was silly. The problem was, it wasn’t funny. I mean, like a B-movie, it had the cornball plot and the bad acting but there wasn’t the self-awareness that ‘Shaun of the Dead’ had. And then there were the unnecessary but ever-present George W. Bush shots. Okay, he was shitty president but when that’s a movie’s go-to device for a laugh, it’s in trouble. The reason this movie is the worst movie is because it had absolutely nothing going for it and a hell of a lot going against it. The best thing I can say about it is that it made me pull out ‘Shaun of the Dead.’

Upcoming Posts

Obviously the next post will be the Top 20 Best Movies and some notable movies left off both lists.

Final Thoughts: Workplace Edition

I met someone face-to-face at work that I’ve spoken to numerous times on the phone. She said that I looked nothing like what I sounded like. She exclaimed that she never would’ve picked me out in a crowd. I don’t know what this means. I later asked a coworker who was there when this happened and she didn’t understand it either. I obsessed about it a lot until I decided that it means I have a good voice but an ugly face. I mean, I felt depressed about it but at least I wasn’t obsessing.

I heard a story at work about a guy who married a woman three weeks after they started dating (and they started dating three weeks after they met). They’ve been married over 20 years but I swear, I can’t imagine doing that. Maybe my decision making skills are slow.

Something that seems to have increased lately are the number of women who paint their toenails in the nearby area to where I sit. The smell is nauseating but the idea people are doing this at work is bizarre. I wasn’t a huge fan of clipping nails at work but this is even worse.

There’s this one coworker who plays opera-type music kinda loud. I don’t like that style of music, or any music where the emphasis is on the singer’s talent as a vocalist and nothing else. It seems like it’s not about what’s being said, it’s about how it’s being sung. Words just break down into syllables that are used to hit certain notes. That and I don’t like people playing music loud in a workplace.

Overheard at work: “I don’t believe no guy over 20 don’t have kids somewhere. He may not know about it but there’s no way they be dodging that bullet. Unless they’re gay. But all heterosexual men over 20 have at least one child somewhere.”

The Talladega Wreck (from April 26th)

2009-05-28T17:57:00.003-04:00

Okay, with the San Francisco experience already written down, the next biggest thing to happen in the last couple months was my experience at Talladega.

Michelle had tickets to the Aarons 499 (which is actually 500.1 miles), so I was able to go to my first NASCAR event ever on April 26th. Now, I realize it’s now a month later and not really newsworthy, but you know that blind-woman sucker punch thing I commented on the other day? Well, that actually had happened a year earlier and CNN had just gotten around to putting it as one of the top stories. So if CNN can cover something a year later, I should be allowed a month delay to report on a NASCAR race.

But here’s the thing. Had I written this right after I’d gone to Talladega, I would’ve had all these stories about the experience. Instead, I’m just hitting on general thoughts I had about the race.

You know all the stereotypes you have about a NASCAR race? Well, most of them were true as far as I could tell. It was a lot of clichéd rednecks (not that there weren’t some non-rednecks but the majority…) yelling things like ‘Git r done’ and one guy shaking his cane at the drivers as they passed by. And then there were women walking around with tramp stamps (including one that read: ‘Git r done’) and one who took off her shirt so she could wave it around and spent a good portion of the race sitting there in her bra.

The rows of seats were very close together, making it nearly impossible to exit out the row. When we first sat down, I noticed the fence blocking my view, which I didn’t figure was a huge big deal except it was going to obscure all my pictures. I was trying to be able to shoot through the fence like I’ve done at Turner Field through the netting but it never came out very well and nearly all the pictures I got from the day were crap.

We were three rows back from the fence, so we were really close but it turns out that being close isn’t a good thing. See, the track is an oval. From where I was sitting, I couldn’t see the other side of the track at all and I could just barely see the top and bottom of the oval. And when the cars passed in front of me, they were just a blur. At no point could I really tell who was winning just by looking at the track. Instead, I had to look up at the leader board.

So, I can only see what amounts to a quarter of what’s going on, which is like watching a baseball game but only being able to see the pitcher and the catcher.

But the fans there were totally into it. Each time the drivers passed by, they would yell cheers and taunts at different drivers. The PA announcer implored the crowd at the beginning of the race to get as loud as possible because the drivers can hear them. Trust me on this, I could barely hear anything when those cars were anywhere near, there’s no way in the world those drivers can hear the crowd. The fans don’t seem to get that.

Of course, that’s not to say all fans are like that. There are those who have headsets that can listen into what the drivers are saying and they’re into the technical aspect of what’s going on and I admire them. They weren’t the ones screaming for the number 88 car to ‘Git r done.’ I think some fans are into the strategy (such as it is) of when to pass, when to hold back, when to pit etc. But I can’t believe that most of those fans there viewed the race that way. It was like an exposition to scream in a crowd, drink beer and hope for the big crash.

In an effort to make Michelle laugh, I hollered a few times, including ‘Git r done,’ ‘whoo-hoo’ and whenever David Reutimann’s name was mentioned, I’d yell ‘Who’s the man?! Reutimann!’ And it was fun…four or five times.

But the race was nearly four hours long and consisted of 188 laps. That’s 188 trips around an oval. I’ve never really understood the appeal of racing. I’ve been able to watch a little racing on television and certainly the ends of these races can be exciting, generally the last 20 laps (30 at most) but I figured this might be a sport where you kinda have to be there to ‘get it.’ Since I could only see a quarter of what was going on, it seems like it’d be a sport more suited for television.

I was okay for the first 15 laps and for the last 15-20 laps but I really struggled during the middle 150 or so. Baseball might be slow moving but at least different things are happening. With the exception of crashes, what happens in lap 110 isn’t that much different than lap 52 or lap 141. A bunch of cars go in an oval.

Each time the drivers passed by, I was hit by a huge breeze that was mixed with all sorts of dirt and debris so that by the end, I was covered in a filthy second skin. I can’t think of a time I felt dirtier than after the race.

Adding to that: Smoking is permitted in the stands. I don’t think about smoking much because it’s been banned in most stadiums for some time but it’s really annoying when everyone around you is smoking and their ash is falling on you. I must’ve sat in the chain smoking section because nearly each person was downing cigarette after cigarette for the entire race and I was their ash tray.

Because the fence was in my way, I couldn’t get the pictures I wanted, so I put my camera away after about 10-15 laps. But when I heard Carl Edwards was making a move to the front, I got my camera back out because I was pretty sure he was the one who did the backflip off his car if he won and I wanted to get the picture.

Carl Edwards had been in 20th place or so for most of the race, never threatening to win it, while Aarons’ driver, David Reutimann had been flirting with the top spot for a good portion of the day. Reutimann would finish 26th and Edwards was seconds away from winning it. This says to me that the first 150 laps don’t matter all that much. I mean, you don’t have to really lead any of those laps to win, you’re just trying to avoid getting into an accident. But with all the caution resets, it’s perfectly okay to hang around in 20th place and then make a move with 30 laps left.

But Carl Edwards didn’t win and that he didn’t win (and how he didn’t win) is what makes this race notable.

Edwards took the lead with a half lap left. Directly behind Edwards was Brad Keselowski and looking back on it (because I couldn’t see this at the time), Keselowski tried to pass low and Edwards blocked him, which caused Edwards’ car to spin and come off the ground a little. Then Ryan Newman’s struck Edwards, causing the car to go fully airborne, spinning into the catch fence that protects the fans from incoming cars.

The fence gave in a little but stayed largely intact, prevent the car and it’s debris from entering the stands. The debris that did enter appear to come from the fence itself, including the PA speakers. Seven people were injured, two were air lifted to a hospital (as a result of traffic concerns, not because of the severity of their injuries. The most serious injury was a broken jaw suffered by a 17 year old girl sitting one section to my left.

And what did I see? Well, I could see Edwards coming around and I saw he was spun out and hit by another car (though it appeared to me at the time to be Dale Earnhardt Jr., not Ryan Newman, that sent him fully airborne). I had the camera in my hand as the car hit the fence but I was completely frozen. Not scared. It was extremely surreal. The car flips around and so I was looking straight ahead (remember, I was three rows back) and seeing the top of the 99 car before it landed back on the track.

The pictures I got were after the car had already landed and none of them especially impressive. In the video that I included below, you can see that the front end hits the fence and then it flips around and at one point, the 99 painted on the top of the car is pointed at the fans, and that was my view looking straight ahead.

My first thought: I wasn’t sure if Edwards was dead or not. Looking at the video, he gets out quickly and easily and trots to the finish line but from my view, I never saw that. Instead I was my view was being blocked by a group of dumb-ass rednecks giving each other high fives and cheering. On the projector screen in the middle of the infield, that I could barely see, it looked like Edwards was being interviewed. But again, I couldn’t really see the screen and the PA speaker for my section was broken.

(if you can't view this video from this page, you can also click to view it here)

After the race, we hung around and waited for it to clear out and then we went to the car, where we waited a couple more hours for traffic to clear out before leaving.

I’m certainly glad that I went but I’m not sure I would go again. Maybe if I had suite tickets so I could be inside because it was really hot out there and I was right in the sun. Michelle said that if you sit higher up, you can see more of the track and then the pictures wouldn’t be blocked by the fence. But I don’t know. It’s still 188 trips around an oval.

Alls I Wanted Was a Meatball Sandwich

Clearing out some more old news: The weekend before last, Michelle and I were going to go to dinner but neither of us really knew what we wanted. She wanted something to take back to my place and I only knew that I didn’t want anything too heavy. After eliminating pretty much every fast food place in the area, she decided on Nathan’s Hot Dogs.

On the way there though, I decided that I wanted a meatball sandwich from Serafino’s, which I was under the impression was a sandwich deli place down the road. Why did I have this impression? Because I’d been there before and I ordered a meatball sandwich to go. I just wanted the same thing.

But when we got there, they had a movable wall, you know, like the kind you change clothes behind, that was blocking the area where I’d previously ordered at. The lights were dim and a waitress came out of the back to seat us. The place had converted into a sit-down Italian restaurant, exactly what neither of us wanted since I didn’t want something too heavy and she didn’t want to eat at a restaurant.

Worse, on the menu, meatball sandwich wasn’t listed. The waitress explained they only do those at lunch. So, me and Michelle ended up leaving and going to Nathan’s. The strangest thing about Serafino’s conversion? They still had their television going. If you’re going to try to fashion yourself as a higher class restaurant, take down the TV or at least turn it off, especially if you’re going to charge $18 for lasagna.

At Nathan’s

We got to Nathan’s and both ordered the same thing. Turned out though that the restaurant was out of drinks. All they had was tea and lemonade. So if we were in the mood for an Arnold Palmer, we’d be set but we both ordered soft drinks. We settled on lemonade. I paid for the meal and they were also out of pennies.

At Zaxbys

The next day, we went to Zaxbys. And I’m not a huge fan of that restaurant but I’d never tried their salad, so I went ahead and ordered a chicken Caesar salad and it was okay, certainly better than anything else I’ve had there. Here’s the weird thing though, at the drive through, I was asked if I had a church bulletin.

I know this sounds strange but I felt a little guilty about not having a bulletin. In some way, I felt compelled to apologize but I didn’t know why. And I didn’t apologize either. But I felt medium bad when I said that I didn’t have one.

Final Thoughts

I was watching Jay Leno the other day and Bill Maher said ‘fuck’ and it was beeped out but when he used the word retarded, the sound was removed so you could see his mouth move but couldn’t hear the word. Why use an audible beeping sound for fuck but mute the sound for retarded?

‘Chuck’ was brought back by NBC for 13 episodes, not a ringing endorsement of the show but better than being cancelled. There was a strong online effort to save the show and it made me wonder if my girlfriend’s mom signed the ‘Save Chuck’ petition.

I’m hearing the term ‘pissing contest’ a lot lately. You know one person I’d never get into a pissing contest with? A guy on Flomax because that’d be like going up against a fire hose.

I heard a joke that began with ‘A penguin walked into a bar…’ I say, if your joke starts with a penguin walking into a bar, you don’t need a punch line…a penguin going into a bar is funny enough.

Covering SF: Monday April 13th: In the End

2009-05-26T15:32:00.003-04:00

Now, for the semi-exciting conclusion to the coverage of: San Francisco 2009

Getting Up

Once again, decided to wake up without an alarm clock since I didn’t have anything concrete planned for the morning. I had toyed with going to the Cable Car Museum, which is something I really wanted to do but it didn’t open until 10am and I needed to leave for the airport at about 10:40.

Instead, I went to Mel’s Drive-in for the final time. The experience was horrible. They never refilled my drink and were fairly rude in general. The food was still good but it sucked that the last two times I went, the service was poor.

I hung out in the hotel, watching television. Storms were going through Atlanta and I was concerned that it might cause airport delays.

Getting Out

I left for the airport at 10:45 and I thought I could get to Powell Station but my knee was hurting so bad, I had to keep taking breaks on the way down the steps. I missed the train, though it didn’t end up mattering. I still got to the airport in plenty of time. I checked in, went through security and got to my gate.

My flight was delayed 10-15 minutes but I was concerned that this was only an initial delay and that more delays might be on the way. My girlfriend was supposed to pick me up from the airport at around 8:45. She was going to have to get up at 4:30 to go to work the next morning and I was concerned that the we wouldn’t get back to my place until 9:30-9:45 (and we’d planned to watch ‘24’ on DVR that night), meaning she probably wouldn’t get but about five and a half hours of sleep or so…and it could be worse if the delay was any more than 10-15 minutes.

Mom suggested having my dad pick me up from the airport since he was going to be downtown late. I called Michelle at work to see whether the delay (and potential for more delays) made her want to change plans but she was really set on picking me up.

(Side note: Michelle sounds completely different at work. Her tone of voice, everything. Not bad, just different. Completely different.)

Getting Home

It turned out that the plane wasn’t delayed any more than the originally stated 10 minutes. Aboard the plane, I bought a sandwich for lunch, listened to podcasts, watched onboard television and, of course, played trivia.

I was kicking everyone’s ass until JAAACK showed up. It was the same guy who was so great on the flight out to San Francisco. We shared the flight to and from San Francisco, which is a crazy coincidence. JAAACK wasn’t quite as strong on the flight back though. San Francisco must’ve really tired him out or something.

While up in the plane, I was able to watch the vast majority of ‘Pardon the Interruption,’ which was really cool.

As for landing, we made up a good amount of time in the air and landed at 8:45pm as expected. The plan was for Michelle to hang out in a bookstore on Camp Creek Parkway until I landed. I figured that I’d text her that I’d landed and the time it would take me to get off the plane and to the front entrance would be the same time it’d take her to leave the bookstore and arrive at the south gate.

And it worked perfectly. We got back to my apartment without any problems and were able to watch the parts of ‘PTI’ that I had missed on the plane and the episode of ‘24’ that had aired.

Thoughts on the Trip

Looking back at the planning of the trip, I clearly had three concerns. First, I wasn’t sure whether my side would be 100% by April and when it became clear that it wouldn’t be, I was concerned about how it would affect the trip.

Second, I felt that I would probably never get the chance to go to San Francisco again, so I wanted to do as many things as possible as quickly as possible so that I didn’t leave anything out. This issue was made more difficult by concern number one.

Finally, I hadn’t been on a major trip like this in a long time and I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to go on a trip like this again. I had this feeling that ‘I better make this count.’

As a result of these three concerns, I created a massive plan designed to both fit in as much as possible with the understanding that my side might prevent me from completing the plan in full. What ended up happening is that the plan became a job and the things I wanted to do became tasks.

While the plan was extremely flexible and the flexibility was needed, not because my side but because my knee, there was too much information. The list of alternate bus schedules was a waste and never used. The listing of all bus routes was barely used and kind of unnecessary.

But it wasn’t that the plan was too big, it was that the creation of the plan was bigger than the trip. When I was younger, I remember how going from one event to another to another limited the fun. I always wanted a vacation where we could just hang out and not feel like we were running from place to place to complete ‘a plan.’ What’s the purpose of a vacation when it’s just a different kind of work?

On my trip to Colorado, my plan consisted of things I wanted to do and addresses. I used my GPS to get from place to place but most things weren’t really nailed down. I felt like I really was able to get away and just have a good time. The fun factor was missing on my trip to San Francisco because I was too caught up in the details.

I think adding to that a little was my purchase of the City Pass, which at $59 is still a great deal. The Pass gave me free use of cable cars, buses and street cars and it saved me an estimated $43 in fare. It allowed me to take part in the Blue and Gold Cruise ($24 regular price), the Aquarium ($16 regular price), the Modern Art Museum ($12.50 regular price) and the de Young Museum ($10 regular price). That’s usage worth about $105.50 for the cost of $59, a savings of at least $46.50.

But here’s the thing: Would I normally go to the museums and an aquarium? Probably not. I felt like I couldn’t cancel those things because they were already paid for and it put added pressure to ‘have’ to do those things. I mean, the City Pass still worked out overall because I would’ve done the cruise anyway and the transit stuff, so it would’ve paid for itself but I wasn’t impressed with either art museum.

Writing the coverage of the trip has been extremely tedious and tough to slog through but it captures the trip pretty well. It was a series of ‘turn here, turn there, get here, get there’ rather than enjoying the experience.

I wonder how much of an effect my knee getting hurt Friday morning played on the trip. Obviously, there were some things that were cancelled because I just couldn’t keep going. If my knee wasn’t hurting the way it was, would I have been so focused on the minutiae of the trip? Or was I focused on the minutiae because of the way the trip was planned?

I’d like to think that once I got out there, the plan would’ve become a guideline and less task oriented if my knee wasn’t hurt. I began viewing the plan as something to get through. ‘Will I be able to get through X, Y and Z before having to stop?’

I don’t know the answer to that. What I do know is that my side only seized up three times. Twice on the plane flight out there and once at Buena Vista Park on Friday. My side was completely a non-issue. I think in part because of the trip, I have greater confidence in my side and haven’t worried about it as much since I’ve gotten back. It’s not been a problem overall since I’ve gotten back and I’m very thankful for that.

I had planned for about 12 miles and I thought that was a lot. But because of getting lost, not counting the amount of walking I would incur during events and forgoing the bus because I thought walking would be easier (since the two points just seemed so close on the map or because I couldn’t find the bus stop), I wound up walking almost 28 miles in five days, 15 miles on Friday alone.

As for traveling while out there, I was glad that I didn’t rent a car. Parking was so bad out there, that it wouldn’t’ve done me any good anyway. The transit system is the city’s strongest asset, especially important given that it was insanely hilly, much worse than I could’ve pictured.

The weather was much better than I’d expected. Thursday was overcast and dreary but by late Friday afternoon, it began to clear up so that my Golden Gate pictures were shot against a mainly blue sky.

I ended up talking on the phone more than I'd expecting, running up a bill of $210. Since a good portion of my trip took place during a weekend, I either racked up a bunch of minutes on Friday (when I was walking everywhere an taking knee breaks) or I was in a roaming area and didn't realize it. I knew my bill would be higher but not that much higher.

The biggest victory to me though was the way I was able to always stay on East Coast time. While I was always aware of Pacific time, I kept waking up and going to sleep on an East Coast schedule, meaning I was in bed by 7 or 8pm PDT and awake by around 5am PDT. This made adjusting to my home schedule fairly easy.

Final Thought on the Trip

In the end, I’m certainly glad that I went. I’ve never been to a place like San Francisco but I think that I over-planned it because I was putting too much pressure on the trip, turning it into a job and robbing it of the fun that I could’ve had.

Upcoming Entries

The goal is to write my NASCAR experience and post it on Thursday and post my best and worst movies on Saturday. Then I’ll see where I’m at after that and hopefully the blog can get back to being something less boring and a little more funny.

Obituaries

I saw that Dom DiMaggio died on May 8th. Obviously it’s impossible to mention Dom without mentioning that he was the younger brother of Joe DiMaggio. What gets forgotten is that Dom was one of the best centerfielders of his era who finished his career with a .298 batting average. And while his brother had the famous 56 game hitting streak, Dom hit in 34 straight in 1949. The streak ended against the Yankees in a game in which Joe made a great catch to rob his brother of a hit.

But what I remember most about Dom is his book ‘Real Grass, Real Heroes,’ a story of the 1941 season in which his brother had the 56 game hit streak and Dom’s teammate, Ted Williams, batted .406. (Also in described in the book: Lou Gehrig’s farewell address, the first televised baseball game, the Mickey Owen World Series and Lefty Grove’s 300th win).

The book shows current fans what the game was like back then. The travel. The camaraderie between teammates. What it was like to play baseball as America’s involvement in World War II grew near. As a backdrop, the book also portrays what America was like during that time.

‘Real Grass, Real Heroes’ is an incredible book about an amazing season in a transformational year in our country and is definitely worth reading.

Dom passed away at the age of 92 of pneumonia.

Covering SF: Sunday April 12th: Piers of a Clown

2009-05-24T00:26:00.005-04:00

And the recap of the trip to San Francisco continues with Sunday. I was disappointed that I’d been forced to cancel the trip to Chinatown and Pacific Heights (among other events) as a result of my knee hurting. Now the good news was that the swelling was at least down a bit and the discoloration was not quite as bad as it had been. But it was still hurting.

To Breakfast

My first event wasn’t until 9am so I didn’t bother setting the alarm. I went to Burger King, which was right near the start of the cable car route that goes straight to the Wharf. Fisherman’s Wharf is the most touristy part of San Francisco and most of the places I’d been weren’t filled with too many tourists.

On the Cable Car

The cable car I was on broke down and couldn’t get up one of the many hills in the city. It turned out that the gripman had released something to go down the hill faster and when he tried to reengage, the car had derailed from the track. So we were stuck until a truck could come out and fix everything. Even so, I still was at the Wharf an hour early.

Celebrating Easel in San Francisco

One concern I briefly had about the trip was that certain things wouldn’t be open on Sunday, being that it was Easter. But this was San Francisco and with the exception of the Cable Car Museum, everything was open that would normally be open on Sundays.

My mom sent me a text, “Do they celebrate Easter in Sodom.” I replied, They don’t have Easter in SF. I asked and they said, ‘For Art?’ And I said, ‘No, that’s an easel.” Mom responded, “Happy Easel to them.”

I meant to post on this site before I left a funny Easter clip but I didn’t because I forgot. Here’s the clip now, over a month late:

Playing Battleship

I was going to tour the Jeremiah O’Brien, which was a WWII battleship. The plan was to wander the deck mumbling, ‘You sunk my battleship’ over and over again.

The website advised allotting an hour and a half to tour the ship but I needed to be at my next event at 10:15. The battleship shared a pier with the USS Pampanito, a WWII submarine and I would’ve loved to have hit both back to back but due to time, I felt that was unrealistic.

The gate blocking the pier though didn’t open until 10 minutes after 9am. I wasn’t sure I’d even be able to get through the entire ship in time before I’d have to leave. Making things more difficult was that my knee started to really hurt and going up the ship’s steps made it hurt even worse.

I went to the engine room, which is where parts of ‘Titanic’ were shot but I couldn’t go all the way to the bottom because I was in too much pain. A little after 9:30, I decided to leave. I had seen the majority of the ship and I couldn’t stand to walk much more. The only part of the ship that I didn’t see was this room that apparently had a French diorama. I figured if it was French, it couldn’t’ve been that great.

On my way out, the ticket seller stopped me and said that I didn’t spend much time up in the ship. I explained that my knee was hurting and the narrow, metal steps was making it worse and I just needed to sit somewhere. He told me that he was sorry and that if I brought my ticket back later in the day, I wouldn’t have to pay again.

On a Submarine Without a Sandwich

As I began to walk toward where I’d seen a group of benches, I wondered whether I might be able to squeeze the Pampanito into the 40 minutes I had remaining. It would save me time walking from one pier to another if I could knock out both the submarine and the battleship back to back. So I decided to give it a try.

The booth for ticket sales was empty, so I went to the gift shop for the submarine. The girl there said that she didn’t sell tickets and that I would “need to go over there” as she pointed toward the empty booth. I explained that there was no one there and she replied, “I don’t know when they start selling tickets.”

This is the gift shop for the submarine. How can you not know when ticket sales start if you work there? It was like: We’re in no way affiliated with the Pampanito…now buy some submarine stuff. That was crazy to me. What was crazier was that I saw a couple people walking on the sub and they were clearly tourists. How did they get in there?

I sat on a bench and this guy walked past and asked if I wanted to go on the submarine. He told me that the guy that manned the booth hadn’t gotten there yet but if I put something in the donation box, he’d let me on. I put some money in the box and went on the self-guided tour.

What I was really struck by was how tight everything was. There wasn’t much room for one person to get around and I couldn’t imagine an entire crew working in a place like this. The ‘doors’ from one part to another weren’t like normal doors. You had to lift your leg up and squeeze through to the next part of the sub.

There wasn’t much to see though and I was able to get through the tour pretty quickly. When I got out, the guy had finally arrived at the ticket booth.

Halfway There: Living on a Pier

I wasn’t exactly sure where the pickup spot was for the movie tour. I walked up and down the Wharf looking for the spot but I couldn’t find the correct pier. I was supposed to go to Pier 43 and a half. The Pampanito was on Pier 45 and the next pier seemed to be number 41.

On the way to Pier 41, a guy yelled something at me in a foreign language. I figured he was a beggar and my general policy is to not make eye contact with people like that and certainly not to respond to them yelling at me.

When I realized that at Pier 41, I must’ve passed 43 ½, I turned around and had to pass by foreign man again and like before, he yelled at me in a foreign language but this time when I didn’t respond, he shouted, “Don’t ignore me!”

Look, here’s the thing, if you’re going to beg for something from me in my country, at least speak my language or don’t be surprised when I ignore you.

(Full disclosure: I would’ve ignored him if he’d yelled at me in English too)

And what if I’d been deaf? That guy didn’t know that I wasn’t deaf. But what was I supposed to do? Go back and engage this moron in some meaningful conversation? ‘Oh, I’m sorry. When you yelled at me in a foreign language, I didn’t understand what you were saying or that you were actually speaking to me as opposed to being on the phone or responding to one of the voices in your head. I hope you can forgive me, you dirty bastard.’

There were a lot of homeless people in San Francisco and there were a lot of beggars but let’s be clear, the two aren’t necessarily the same. The homeless people were scattered around and for the most part, left people alone. The beggars were primarily in the touristy areas, like the Wharf. Not all homeless people are beggars and certainly I don’t believe most beggars are homeless.

On the Movie Tour

I was able to find pier 43 ½ by 10:15, in time for the movie tour bus to arrive. Here’s the stunning part…the bus was virtually filled. I knew that they offered a couple pick up spots around the city but I figured most people would meet at the Wharf. Instead, I was one of three people (of about 20) at the bus’ final pickup spot. I was also able to take the last available window seat, though there were little star stickers on the outside of my window, partially blocking the view and making taking pictures even more difficult.

The bus tour was in many ways the best part of my trip out to San Francisco. I was able to get a good tour of the city on an air conditioned bus and we saw clips of movies that were shot in SF as we passed by where they were filmed. It was actually a lot of fun. There were several places along the way where we were able to get out and take pictures instead of always shooting inside the bus.

Most of my bus shots didn’t come out all that well but the outside pictures were pretty good. On the tour, I was able to see the Presidio, Grace Cathedral, Alta Plaza, Pacific Heights, Bank of Canton, Chinatown and several Victorian houses. It felt like that made up in some way for what I had to cancel the day before.

The halfway point of the tour was the Golden Gate Bridge. There was an extended break for 15 minutes and I had a choice between going to the bathroom (which I had to do pretty bad) or take more pictures of the Bridge. Guess which one I chose.

I was able to visit Fort Point (which I wasn’t able to do on Friday because of my knee) and shoot from almost directly under the bridge. At one point, in order to get a better angle, I stood up on the top of the Fort, wind whipping around and my knee hurting and I took pictures that came out decently good.

After about two hours on the tour, I did start getting a little antsy but I think a lot of that had to do with having to go to the bathroom. I was starting to actually feel sick to my stomach.

The tour went by LucasFilm, which didn’t allow visitors inside on the weekend. I took a couple pictures through windows that came out alright. There was a Yoda fountain that I still need to remember to send the picture of it to my brother.

Freaky Man’s Wharf

The tour dropped us off in the general area of Fisherman’s Wharf, though not at the exact pickup spot, so I was a little turned around. At the beginning of the tour, I saw a billboard for In & Out next to a Hooters. It seemed appropriate that it was like that.

I’d never been to In & Out, so I headed in that direction. The sidewalk was crazy crowded and extremely loud. I don’t do well in crowds and I hate getting bumped around by people.

I got to the restaurant but it was closed. And I mean closed like it might not be coming back. Ever. This meant I had to turn back around, retrace my steps toward the heart of the Wharf again.

I didn’t want to go to McDonalds again and while there was a Johnny Rockets, they take too long and I wanted something faster. I was doing good on time because I’d already knocked out the Pampanito earlier. I only had the Blue and Gold cruise and the Aquarium by the Bay left.

Along the way, there are street performers everywhere, like a carnival. Mimes. Dancers. Musicians. I mean, they’re all begging for money really but at least they’re doing something. When you see a street performer with a sign asking for money and then you see a guy just sitting on the curb doing nothing begging, it really points out his own laziness. At least be a mime. Anyone can do that. And it’s so much easier to ignore a mime. You know, because they’re quieter.

One guy I saw appeared to be wearing a bed sheet draped around himself but not like a toga. It was like he took a bed sheet, cut a hole for his head and wore it. At one point the wind blew and he was completely out there. And no, he wasn’t wearing underwear. One might ask, ‘Why’d you look down.’ To which I’d reply, ‘Because it popped out.’ It’s not like you couldn’t not look. Wind blows. Sheet moves. Mr. Johnson says hello. You try not looking.

I found a public bathroom but the line stretched for miles and it was at a glorified porta-potty (which I have a story about in a future entry). Another point that’s important to mention, and I might’ve written it in a previous segment of this series but most fast food restaurants in San Francisco reserve their bathrooms to customers only. There’s a key and you have to have eaten there to get the key. I feel that I’ve eaten at McDonald’s enough in my life to deserve a lifetime exemption into their bathrooms but SF franchises disagree.

I ate at Boudin’s, the outdoor version, which meant a shorter line but no bathroom. I had a hamburger and these organic potato chips that tasted funny. Not bad but just odd.

To the Famous Pier 39

I went to the Blue & Gold Cruise but I missed the boat for the next tour. It was just as well though because I really needed to go to the bathroom and I was betting the Aquarium had a good one to use.

Both the cruise and Aquarium were off pier 39, which is the epicenter of the Wharf. That’s where it’s the most crowded, loudest and filled with the typical tourist ripoff attractions. One thing that I was sorta looking forward to were the sea lions.

I don’t know what I was expecting. It turned out that it was just a bunch of sea lions lying around. It wasn’t very exciting. I took a couple pictures of them but there weren’t doing anything and they smelled terrible.

At the Aquarium by the Bay

I could see the bathroom when I entered the Aquarium but it was blocked from getting to it. I’d have to go through the entire series of exhibits before I could get to the bathroom.

Maybe I’m spoiled because the last three aquariums I’ve been to have been ones in Atlanta, Chattanooga and Baltimore (though I feel like there was one more somewhere). The three that I clearly remember were impressive. This one wasn’t. There were a handful of fish in tanks, the obligatory Nemo exhibit all aquariums have since the movie ‘Finding Nemo’ came out.

One of my favorite pictures I took was from the aquarium. I’m fascinated with jellyfish. They don’t look like anything else really. They’re completely bizarre and I love taking pictures of them. The problem is that it’s dark so the camera wants to use the flash. Of course, the flash would bounce off the glass, ruining the picture. Shooting without the flash could cause blurring and I don’t have a tripod. So I tried to keep my hands as steady as possible and ended up getting a couple really good shots of the jellyfish without any blur. I was really excited about those photographs.

The biggest attraction is also the biggest letdown. It’s called ‘Under the SF Bay.’ Basically, you walk in this tunnel where you’re surrounded by water to your left, right and above your head. The Atlanta Aquarium has this too but since this one’s called ‘Under the SF Bay,’ I kinda figured that I was under the SF Bay. Uh, no. I wasn’t under the Bay at all. As small writing revealed on this one sign, the fish in the exhibit are like fish that could be found within the Bay but I wasn’t actually underneath the Bay.

Perhaps they should’ve called it, ‘Fish from the SF Bay’ and avoided the potential confusion. Not that the biggest issue was the name issue. I was really feeling sick to my stomach and I just wanted to get through as quickly as I could so I could get to the gift shop’s bathroom.

I sped through the tunnel and the exhibit where you could pet a sting ray. I was able to get to the bathroom after 3+ hours of holding it in.

Under the Bridge

I went to the entrance for the Blue and Gold Cruise, my last event of the day and I knew, more than likely, the last of my trip. The big feature of this tour was that it went directly under the Golden Gate Bridge and allowed me to get pictures from the other side of the Bridge.

The boat featured this crazy narration that reminded me of those little puppet features at Six Flags. The voices talked in a crazy Old West accents and it was really strange. The narrator would tell stories but you could only understand a little bit of what was being said because the speakers weren’t the best in the world.

I stood on the front of the boat and it was extremely windy. I was leaning against a rail, holding the camera tight with both hands because I was scared I’d drop it into the water. I didn’t feel very secure on the boat but rather than move into a safer position, I stayed where I was because I thought the pictures would turn out better.

I got a few good pictures from the tour but nothing as great as I was imagining when I signed up for it.

I could tell that I was getting sunburned, so I went inside for the rest of the tour, since all we were going to do next was circle Alcatraz, and I had more than enough pictures of that.

Back to the Hotel

I took the Historic F Streetcar back to the hotel. On the ride back, this German guy was marveling at how amazing San Francisco was. He was saying that it was so much more advanced than the rest of the world. I don’t know about that but they certainly had a lot of Walgreens.

I stopped at the closest Walgreens to my hotel to pick up some more Gatorade and then I went to Mel’s Diner for a slice of cherry pie. The pie itself was good but the service was fairly poor and they didn’t seem quite as cheerful as the previous two times.

It was around 5pm and I really wanted to go to a movie but the theater that was nearest to me wasn’t playing anything I wanted to see. And the theater that was playing ‘Observe and Report,’ was located somewhere along Market Street but I never could figure out where.

I ended up just going back to the hotel and hanging out and icing my knee. I had walked 3.7 miles over the course of the day bringing the total for the trip up to 26.7 miles.

And that was how I spent my Easter. The next day, walking was going to be kept to a minimum as I packed up and flew back home on Monday.

Upcoming Entries

In the next entry, I’ll go through Monday and provide some final thoughts about the trip. I also still need to put out my best and worst movies of 2008, which I keep forgetting to do. And of course the story of my first (and quite possibly) last NASCAR race.

Final Thoughts

A Seattle Bar is putting on a ‘Hot for Teacher’ night hosted by Mary Kay Letourneau, a teacher who made news several years ago after engaging in a sexual relationship with a 12 year old student she would later marry. The bar’s owner said it’s supposed to be in fun but just a thought: If it was a male teacher and a female student, would they be having the same type of an event?

Natalie Cole was given a kidney by one of her fans who had died. Good news: Natalie Cole has a new kidney. Bad news: Her one fan has died.

This article talks about ‘classic’ groups that are teaming up to go on tours and put out singles. Bands like REO Speedwagon and Styx joining forces isn’t that much unlike Italy joining forces with Germany. The Axis of Shit. They’re on a tour called, Can't Stop Rockin'. Of course they can’t stop…they never started.

Headline on CNN.com: Man sucker-punches blind woman on bus. But I mean, you can hardly blame the guy. She was sitting in her seat being all blind and all. How was he supposed to resist? Are you telling me that you wouldn’t’ve punched her too?

The last time I considered buying the PX90 system (which some people insist on telling me is actually the P90X as if where the X goes matters to me) was during Spring Training because Matt Diaz used it and he’s completely awesome. If I’d started back then, I’d be two thirds of the way through the program with two thirds of the results, which would mean I’d have two thirds of a six pack...a four pack!

Covering SF: Saturday April 11th: In Jail

2009-05-15T10:40:00.005-04:00

I’ll be honest, I’ve really lost interest in continuing to write this blog, especially the San Francisco recap. It is unbearably boring and I hate getting halfway through and quitting, so I’ll try to wrap this up. I’d like to think I can make it more interesting but…

Waking Up

Saturday morning, I didn’t need to get up until 5:30am, so I knew I wouldn’t have to set up my alarm. I went to Mel’s Drive-In, and once again, the service was extremely good. Everyone seemed happy and the food was very good.

On the Cable Car

I went to the spot where the cable car begins its route and the car was parked a half block ahead of the stop. I didn’t know whether that’s where we got on, so I went up and asked the two workers how and where do I board. The one guy pointed toward the other worker, who said that I needed to go wait behind the rope. I asked when it would leave the stop and they said they didn’t know but probably in five to ten minutes. I’d expected the cable car people to be friendly and during my time out there, they really weren’t.

About five minutes later, it moved in reverse toward me and a couple other waiting passengers. I got on and at some point, one of the workers yelled something and I thought he was telling us to get off, so I got off. I don’t know what he actually yelled but I realized that while some passengers got off, most stayed on and the car continued its route.

I was heading toward the part of Lombard Street that’s known as ‘The World’s Crookedest Street.’ I thought about walking but my knee was really hurting and while I’d read that San Francisco was hilly, it was nothing like I’d pictured. The degree of the hills were much, much steeper than I’d imagined. It was really something else.

The walk would be nearly a mile from where I was to Lombard Street, so I instead walked to the nearest cable car stop, and caught the next one that came by. Walking up hill wasn’t too bad on my knee (though it still hurt), nothing was as bad as walking downhill.

While on the car, a worker asked to see my pass, and then asked the passengers next to me to show them their pass. While both passengers and the worker were Asian, they were having trouble understanding each other. Turns out they didn’t have passes and had to buy one from the worker. I wound up having to ‘translate’ between the two.

The Crookedest Street

I hopped off at Lombard Street. The street was so steep that several switchbacks were put in place to make it safer for cars, which makes it a very crooked street. When I was little, I remember seeing a picture of the street in the Guinness Book of World Records and I really wanted to take the same picture I’d seen.

I wasn’t able to get that picture for several reasons. First, the flowers weren’t in bloom and second, I couldn’t get the angle right. The pictures I took were a bit of a disappointment. Off to the right of all the crookedness was a pedestrian walkway straight downhill and I was in a great deal of pain walking down that stretch. I’d taken the pain pills but I was still hurting a lot.

Getting to Alcatraz

I had a bit of trouble finding the bus stop to take me to the Fisherman’s Wharf. By the time I’d gotten there, I’d missed the bus. It wasn’t the biggest deal in the world since another bus was about 20 minutes away but my next event was Alcatraz and I needed to be at the gate by 8:30am to make sure I was able to board at 9am so I could get back in time to get to AT&T Park by 12:30pm for the ballpark tour.

I arrived just before the Alcatraz tour closed off allowing passengers for the 9am tour. If I’d been just a little bit later, I would’ve had to wait for 9:30, which doesn’t sound like a huge difference but this was only time in the entire time I was in San Francisco where I had reservations for back-to-back events.

I sat out on the deck on the ferry to Alcatraz and took pictures of the island, the Bay Bridge and the Golden Gate Bridge. The best pictures though were of the downtown skyline. I had really wanted to get good shots of the buildings, which is why I tried to go to Twin Peaks and why I went to Buena Vista Park but the best pictures were from the boat to Alcatraz.

It was extremely sunny and while it wasn’t hot, I was concerned about getting a sunburn. I probably should’ve put on sunscreen but I don’t like doing that, so I didn’t.

In Alcatraz

Alcatraz is extremely hilly and I was concerned about the amount of walking I’d have to do. They offered a tram to get you to the top but it was designed for handicapped people and I felt funny about asking to be given a lift so I walked.

I sent a text message to my mom, brother and girlfriend saying that I was in jail. I thought that was funny since I was in Alcatraz. My girlfriend sent back two texts: “What??” followed shortly by “You better be messing with me”

Alcatraz itself was fairly dingy and not all that fascinating on the inside. I liked the story about how Native Americans claimed it as theirs as it was declared surplus property by the government but seeing individual cells and empty mess halls isn’t that interesting.

I wandered around the outside of Alcatraz looking at the birds and the Bridge until I was stopped by a worker tending to the plants. She asked me if I was a “S-P-I-E,” attempting to spell out the word spy. I didn’t know what she was talking about and she pointed to my bag and asked what was written on there. It was a bag that I’d been given that had the word tour written on it. She looked disappointed and said, “Nevermind.”

No More Pictures

While taking pictures of birds, I ran out of room on my memory card. See, when I was in Colorado, I was shooting some of my pictures on medium quality and others in high quality but when I got back and loaded the pictures on the computer, I’d forgotten which ones were which. In an effort to eliminate that, I decided to shoot all of them in the highest quality: Large, Superfine. (Though for some reason, all my first pictures of the Golden Gate Bridge were taken in medium)

Because each picture took up more room, I had less pictures I could take, which is why I brought a cable to convert my pictures to my mp3 player for storage. I thought about doing the conversion that morning but thought I could get through the day okay. I was wrong.

I started deleting some of the pictures that were clearly duplicates and started shooting on medium quality. Doing this picture dump to clear up memory gave me a chance to rest my knee but then I realized that there was about to be a departure ferry back to the city. This would allow me to leave 30 minutes earlier than I’d planned, giving me time to possibly go back to the hotel and dump the remaining pictures onto my mp3 player. It also would give me a chance to go to the bathroom, since I hate using public restrooms.

Escape from Alcatraz

The problem was that I didn’t have much time before the ferry left and I’d have to hurry. With my knee hurting like it was, I debated whether I should even try. What if I hurt it worse? And still didn’t make it in time?

I decided it was better to hurry because the alternative meant taking more shots in medium, so I took off moving as quick as I could (which still wasn’t all that quick).

The guy who was letting people onto the ramp that led to the boat hollered toward me asking if I was wanting to get on the boat. I replied that I did and he told me I could slow down that he’d let me on. I was the last person onto the boat and it left just after I boarded. My knee was absolutely raging. Instead of hanging out on the deck, I spent the ride back inside, continuing to delete pictures and just trying to rest. I’d walked around two miles so far that day.

To the Hotel

I caught the ‘Historic F Streetcar’ to go back to the hotel. I’m not sure what’s so historic about it. Every time I boarded that streetcar, it always said it was bought in the 90s. Not all the historic.

In front of the Federal Reserve, there were several protestors walking in a circle carrying signs. Mostly they appeared to be homeless people who were given coffee by the organizers. One had a sign that read ‘Tim Geitner, You’re a funny guy, now get out.’ Another had a sign, “Socialism is the only cure for War, Poverty and Racism.”

You know, I’m not sure Socialism is the horrible evil some portray it as but it certainly isn’t the cure for war, poverty or racism. There are enough Socialist governments to be able to verify that.

I got back to the hotel and I searched through my bag and while I found two of the wires needed to convert pictures to my mp3 player, I was lacking the third piece, which meant I’d hurried down Alcatraz for nothing and I was going to have to shoot most of the rest of my pictures in medium. If I’d known that was going to happen, I would’ve short more in medium earlier and maybe only shot the Bridge shots in the highest quality or something.

I still had some time before I needed to leave for the ballpark tour, so I iced my knee to try to help with the swelling a little. Thankfully, it wasn’t quite as ugly as it was the day before but it was still pretty bad.

AT&T Park Tour

I took the bus to the ballpark and hung around waiting for the tour to start. I asked one of the workers where the tour started and she said she didn’t know. I asked another worker and they said, “It’s over there somewhere,” as they pointed toward one section of the Giants Team Store.

I was able to figure out where the tour began and we were led into the dining area for the ‘special’ ticket holders. I’ve actually gone to a game twice with ‘special’ tickets but I still feel a certain level of derision toward those ‘special’ ticket holders. They get to have ‘special’ food and get to have the ‘special’ seats with ‘special’ parking and they get ‘special’ service. And it seems like every ballpark tour starts with showing us common people what the ‘special’ people enjoy.

The one consolation is that ‘special’ tickets (at least the two stadiums I went to with them and no tour has indicated otherwise) don’t allow holders access to frozen lemonade. So at least we common people have that to hold over those bastards.

Back to the tour…

AT&T Park, despite the frequent name changes (previously PacBell and SBC Park) in its short history, is actually a wonderful ballpark. The food was good, the sight lines were good and the transit to the park was great. The tour was awful. It’s the single worst tour I’ve ever been on for a stadium.

The tour guide knew little about baseball. She knew Willie Mays’ name and number but when asked whose numbers had been retired and were on display in one section of the ballpark, she knew Mays and that one of them was Juan Marichal. One of the people in the group pointed out Willie McCovey’s number. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen a tour guide not know the names of the retired numbers.

When the tour started, she gave us a 5-10 minute bathroom break. And almost everybody actually went. That’s crazy to me, both that there was a break and that people went. Here’s the thing, it’s advertised as a 90 minute tour. Don’t most people go beforehand? Do they really expect a bathroom break will be offered?

Once everyone was out of the bathroom, she asked what we expected to see on the tour. The standard answers were shouted out: The field, the clubhouse, the dugout, the press box…hold on…She said that the press box wasn’t something we’d visit on this tour because there wasn’t enough time. Of course, maybe if we hadn’t just taken a 5-10 minute bathroom break, there would’ve been time…

After looking at the ‘special’ people’s dining area, we went into the room where player’s do their press conferences and we watched a 10-15 minute video about the stadium. I’ve never been on a stadium tour that’s done that. We then had to wait so people could have their picture taken in the press conference room. Almost 30 minutes into the tour and we hadn’t hardly seen anything.

We saw the visitor’s clubhouse, which was standard stuff and the field, where we were given the obligatory ‘keep off the grass’ line and the home dugout. Other than that, it was almost entirely general admission stuff. We walked around in the cheap seats and saw various views of the park, all of which I’d seen a couple days earlier. It was a complete ripoff.

Oh, and we saw the suites and got the standard sales speech on how to rent one, something every tour has.

In all, it was an extremely lousy tour, especially for how great the park is.

Stopping for Lunch

After the tour, I went to McDonald’s to eat lunch. The cost of the meals were a lot more expensive in San Francisco than they are in Atlanta. I think I might’ve mentioned that before but these blogs are so boring, I don’t really want to force myself to look through what I’ve already written and find out if I’m repeating myself.

While at McDonald’s, this father and son that had been on the tour came up to me and we started talking about baseball. They were from Cincinnati and they were nice at first until I asked them what other stadiums they’ve toured and they named some stadiums they saw games in and then acted like I was pestering them. They were weird.

Getting to Coit Tower

My next stop was Coit Tower. I was going to take the bus to the Filbert Steps, which was supposed to be a bit of a hike but worth it because how pretty the walk is. I had a little trouble finding the bus stop for the bus number I needed. I kept walking north toward Coit Tower so that I was at least moving in the right direction.

I walked almost a mile before getting to a bus stop that (I thought) was clearly marked for the bus I was waiting for. And then when I saw the bus, it passed by, and as it did, I could see the bus driver waving at me. I was infuriated. I walked a couple blocks north to another bus stop and caught the next bus that came by.

I later learned that I was standing at a dropoff spot for the bus, not a pick up spot and that’s why the bus didn’t stop. Still sucked.

While on the bus, the driver yelled, “Did you see that!” at the passengers. We looked out the window and some police had their guns drawn at this guy who had his hands up. Honestly, I was hoping for gun shots but nothing like that happened. The driver said that the city was on edge because of the recent killings of some officers in the Bay Area and that police are probably going to be quicker to draw guns and perhaps fire on criminals than they normally would be.

Up the Filbert Steps

I got off a stop earlier than I should have in retrospect. I was going to walk up the Filbert Steps, and looking back on it, I was simply insane. My knee was hurting so bad and walking up a few steps was difficult. Going up these steps amounts to about a quarter of a mile total and according to some sources on the Internet, include around 400 steps, though I didn’t bother to count them.

There were times when I thought about quitting on the way up but (a) I didn’t want to have to go back down and (b) I kept thinking I was almost to the top. The reason I thought this is because when you go up a set of steps, you then have to go right or left to the next set and so you can’t really see the ending. People say how beautiful those steps are with the gardening and the supposed parrots that live there but I say the steps hurt.

The steps are in between the homes of people so you’re just a few feet from someone’s window or door, which means even when you see a bench, it likely belongs to someone and I didn’t feel like I could sit at it and rest.

When I finally did get to the top, I saw a bus pulling up. The map with bus routes that I had didn’t show any bus going to the top of Telegraph Hill. I kicked myself for not having taken the bus, especially since there was a page in The Plan that showed that Coit Tower bus.

My knee was killing me and it took me a lot longer to get up those steps than I thought it would. On the map, it looks like three blocks. I figured somewhere between 7 and 12 minutes. I didn’t time how long it took me but it was a lot longer than that. (Based on phone records, my estimate is about 35 minutes)

At Coit Tower

I read one report that I had discounted at the time, that advised allowing two hours to visit Coit Tower. I thought there was no way it could take that long. But if it did, I wouldn’t be getting to my next event until almost 6pm and by that time, the places would be closed and because I wanted to be back at the hotel by 7pm each day (10pm EDT), Coit Tower would be my last thing.

The line wasn’t going out the door. Because Coit Tower is circular, the line can wrap around the inside base. I figured that I’d have to wait 30 minutes or an hour at worst. The line was barely moving though. The elevator could only take about 11 people at a time. The elevator was slow. It seemed to take forever.

And when I finally got to the top, there was a substantial line of people waiting to go back down. That really hadn’t occurred to me, that there’d be a line to get down. In fact, of all the people up at the top, only a handful were looking around, the rest were waiting in line.

When you get off the elevator, you have to walk up these thin, narrow steps and each step was extremely painful with my knee hurting the way it was. All I could think of was getting back in line so I could get down. I took some pictures but my heart really wasn’t in it.

I quickly got back in line to go down. I’m not sure if I already wrote this but the iPhone was everywhere. In line, two of the four people in front of me had one. So I kept staring at it, coveting it. I wanted it so bad. On Monday, a person left their iPhone on the MUNI and another passenger picked it up and yelled out to the person who left it behind. You know why they didn’t steal it? Because virtually everyone in SF has an iPhone and so there’s no need to steal them.

(Actually, for everything negative I can say about San Francisco, they appear to be really good about returning things that someone lost. They’re just not very good with directions or knowing where exits and entrances are)

As for the pictures I got while up in the Tower, they were decent. I got a good one of the TransAmerican Building. The view wasn’t as disappointing as the St. Louis Arch, which had two directions you can look out of: east and west but I wound up spending nearly 3 hours (including travel time) on Coit Tower.

Additionally, I’d walked almost four and a half miles when I’d planned to walk less than three miles. According to plans, I was still set to walk just over a mile and a half.

To Stop or To Keep Going

After I finally got to the bottom, I waited for the bus to arrive and I ended up getting out at Little Italy. I needed to transfer to another bus but I was a little confused about where I was and I ended up walking in the wrong direction and had to double back.

By the time I caught another bus, it was too late to go to the cable car museum and Grace Cathedral (though I could’ve stopped by outside and looked at it). And because my knee was hurting as bad as it was, I really didn’t feel like walking through Chinatown. So I decided to just go back to the hotel.

This meant that I wouldn’t visit the Bank of Canton, Chinatown Gate, Pacific Heights, the Haas-Lilienthal House and Alta Vista Park. I was disappointed but I was just in too much pain to keep going.

What I really wanted to do was just lie down for a bit and maybe go to Mel’s Drive-in for strawberry shortcake or cherry pie. Of course I also really wanted some Gatorade. I truly wanted some Gatorade. Gatorade.

To the Hotel...And Gatorade

On the bus, I sat behind a couple that kept arguing and then would start making out, go back to arguing and then would continue making out. It was very bizarre.

Behind me, I heard one of the funniest random lines of the trip. A girl was talking to her friends and explained to them, “I’m a ho but I’m a good ho.”

When I got off the bus, I went to Walgreens for bottled water and two Gatorades and I got back to the hotel. And while I had every intention of going to Mel’s, I was too tired and just fell asleep. I’d walked almost five and a half miles during the day and 23 miles for the trip

I woke up a few hours later because next door there was this arguing couple that kept screaming at each other. It was extremely loud and I wondered whether they were making out in between the angry exchanges.

And that brings Saturday to a close…blessedly. I just have Sunday and Monday to get through and this awful blog slog will end. I also have a story about the first NASCAR race that I went to that I’d like to include in this but I don’t feel like writing any more right now.

Final Thoughts

A CNN Poll asked: Do you trust the US banking system? And who sponsored the poll? Bank of America

Manny busted for using female fertility drug. He said it was for personal medical issue. What? Was he trying to get pregnant? Have a bunch of little baby Mannys running around?

Covering SF: Friday April 10th: Lots of Walking

2009-04-24T22:51:00.002-04:00

When I last left you, I was telling you about my first day in San Francisco. After the baseball game, I went back to the hotel and because I went out the wrong exit, I got a little turned around and ended up having to walk a lot further than I expected to walk. I caught a bus and went back toward the hotel.

At Walgreens

I did stop off at Walgreens to pick up some travel size toiletries because I didn’t bring any with me. I don’t like having to pack my liquid/gel items in Ziploc bag to present separately to the TSA agent. I’d rather buy the travel items out there and then throw them away when I’m ready to leave.

The Walgreens was dominated by Asians and they were all very small. The biggest thing that surprised me initially about San Francisco was that there were a lot more Asians than I’d expected. I assumed there’d be a large gay population (though I didn’t really see anything that yelled ‘We’re here, we’re queer’ in most of the city) but I was a little surprised about the strong Asian population.

While walking through Walgreens, I was wearing my red jacket and my side-bag, and an employee told another one to ‘watch the one in the red jacket for shoplifting.’

I couldn’t find travel sized items. I couldn’t find a separate section for travel items nor any travel items alongside larger/normal sized things. I asked an employee (not the one following me around) and he pointed toward one of the store’s four corners. I went to that corner, went up and down the aisle until I finally saw a small grouping of travel size items. The selection was horribly poor but I picked out a couple things and checked out.

Watching TV

I was going to watch ‘The Office,’ which was airing at 8 and 9pm, with ‘Parks and Recreation’ in between. I watched the first episode of ‘The Office’ but I cut off the second show half-way through because I was too tired to stay up. Looking back, I’d walked just over two and a half miles Thursday, a mile longer than I’d estimated I’d walk.

I thought I’d set my DVR to tape the debut of ‘Parks and Recreation’ but I didn’t. Thankfully it re-aired on Bravo the following Thursday and I was able to see the rest of it.

Sleeping

One thing that was weird about the hotel room is that I could hear everything outside. Horns were constantly honking, even at night. There was a lot more horn honking than I’d expected. I viewed California to be all laid back and I wouldn’t’ve expected to have so many horns honking.

The other difficulty with sleeping is that the bed faced the door directly. This might not sound strange but if you think about it, most hotels have a little hallway where the closet is on one side and the bathroom’s on the other and then the bed/beds are on the other side of the bathroom. This means that for the most part, you can’t see the door from the bed. I guess all hotels have the hallway lights on but I’ve never thought about it much because it doesn’t bother me.

Well, the light was coming through the door and it bothered me a little bit, not so much on the first night but later nights. And it wasn’t just from beneath the door but it was all around it. It was really annoying.

Friday Begins

I woke up at 4:30am, which was fortunate because my cell phone alarm never went off. I got ready to go and went to Denny’s, where I’d planned to have breakfast at least two times while I was out there.

On the way to the restaurant, I was walking and I didn’t realize that the sidewalk came to a curb, so I missed the step kinda and sorta twisted my knee. I didn’t think it was too bad and kept walking.

A guy behind me was also walking and suddenly began running. I panicked a little because I didn’t know why he’d started running and it was dark still. I kept walking and the guy just ran past me and nothing happened. But I did feel a bit of panic for a moment, wondering if I was about to be attacked.

Denny’s

I entered Denny’s at about 5:30am and there were no customers there. There were probably about eight employees milling around, none of them cleaning or anything, just wandering about.

One waiter led me to the table, another took my drink order, still another took the food order and the original waiter brought out the drink and a different waiter brought out the food. This led me not to really know who my waiter was.

I ordered a Coke but I was told they didn’t have Coke and that I’d have to choose between orange juice and coffee. I chose orange juice.

My food was very rubbery and no waiter came by to refill the drink. The service really sucked overall.

When the check was brought over, it was a lot more expensive than I expected. That’s one thing I saw over and over again: Things cost more out there than they do in Atlanta.

My experience at Denny’s was bad enough that I decided I wouldn’t try to eat breakfast there again while in town.

On the Subway

After breakfast, I went to Powell Station to use my MUNI pass for the subway for the first time. I couldn’t picture how exactly to use it. When I first got there, I swear I saw a police officer around the entrance. No one was in the MUNI booth, so I didn’t know who to show my pass to.

I walked around the station, which isn’t all that large but I couldn’t find anyone. There was someone in the BART booth. The BART shares the station with the MUNI but that’s it. I needed a MUNI employee.

This strange looking guy was staring at me as I searched for a MUNI representative. He yelled out to me, ‘Hey!’ as he began moving toward me. It freaked me out a little and I couldn’t see that police officer I thought I’d seen earlier. I left the station and waited for a little bit before going back in and at that point, a woman was in the booth and I simply showed her my pass and she let me in.

Twin Peaks

The first place I was visiting was Twin Peaks. It supposedly has one of the best views of the city but I knew there’d be a good amount of walking. I was estimating that I’d have to walk just over 5.5 miles during the day.

When I got off the subway, I was turned around and started walking in the direction I thought I was supposed to go. It was hard to tell directions because it was cloudy and I couldn’t see the sun. I walked for almost a half mile, uphill, before realizing that I was headed in the opposite direction. I turned around, retracing my steps downhill, before heading uphill in the correct direction.

I could tell my knee was bothering me but I still felt it was relatively manageable. My side, the big concern for the trip was feeling fine.

I couldn’t find the trail that was a shortcut to the top and instead had to rely on the street way, which is longer. I could see a bit of an overlook toward the city and it wasn’t tremendously impressive. I came up to a sign that warned of a curvy road ahead for the next mile and a half.

So at this point, I’d seen a preview of the shot that I’d get, I was going to have to walk an additional mile and a half, and I still might have to walk more to get to the top. With so much walking still left in the day, I was concerned that I’d do serious damage to get a pointless picture and be unable to finish out the day, which I was hoping would end with a visit to the Golden Gate Bridge.

I decided to pack it in and head back to the MUNI station after having walked just over 2 miles (I found a bus stop and took the bus back to the station). This was the first planned event that I didn’t go to and I felt a bit free from the schedule in a way.

Looking back at it, I would’ve gotten to the top if I’d walked an additional .7 miles (as well as the .7 miles on the way back. Whether the shots I’d’ve gotten would’ve been any good is unclear.

To Castro Street

I took the subway to Castro Street and it’s stereotypical but when I passed the subway exit for that stop going toward Twin Peaks, I assumed that everyone who got off at the stop was gay. Is that wrong? Probably but anyway…

When I got off at the stop, my bag apparently was a little open and one of the two bottles of pain pills I had on me fell out and I didn’t realize it. A guy behind me on the escalator yelled out to me that I’d dropped something and he, thankfully, picked it up and brought it to me. I thanked him several times.

The first impression of Castro Street: There were gay pride flags on every light pole and a massive rainbow flag on this one building. When I’d gotten out of the Powell Street station, there were homeless people and beggars everywhere and here, it was much nicer and less packed.

I saw the famous Castro Theater, which had a sign announcing the end of the ‘Mamma Mia’ sing along. There were several sex shops on the street and on one post, there was a flyer for ‘Cock Wars.’ It featured two men and they both were facing away from the camera, but their faces were turned around so you could see them both. You could see the one guy’s ass and you could tell what he was doing to the other guy’s ass and from the smiles on their faces, they were both loving every minute of it. It freaked me out a lot and I wish that I’d taken a picture of it.

I basically just walked up and down the street, taking pictures of the Castro Theater. I saw a couple record stores but one didn’t open until 10 and the other 11. It wasn’t worth hanging around so I tried to find a bus stop. I couldn’t find the stop that I was looking for, so instead I just took the only bus I could find to Haight street.

Buena Vista Park

My knee wasn’t feeling great at this point and so when I came to Buena Vista Park, my next stop, I wasn’t sure I could walk the trails, which were uphill all the way, to get to the top of the peak. I really didn’t want to cancel two of my first three planned events, so I went ahead and started up the trails.

The trail was only about .3 miles but it was steep and it was mostly steps, which made it more difficult. I got to the top, took a handful of shots, one or two worth taking and after resting for a bit, I started back down the trails.

On the way down, my knee REALLY started hurting. I couldn’t really bend my knee and every time I put any weight on it, it really hurt. As I was walking, I could hear these people screaming and howling and it freaked me out a little bit. I tried to speed up but it just made my knee hurt worse.

I looked through the trees and I could see the Golden Gate Bridge, the first time on the trip I could see it. I took two pictures of it and kept walking until I got to the bottom. I rested on a bench, one of three that were around. This woman came up and sat next to me and immediately lit up a cigarette.

While in San Francisco, I noticed a lot more smoking than I’m used to seeing here. I didn’t expect that. Throughout the city, there are warnings that state: It is known to the State of California that cigarettes cause cancer. Call me crazy but I thought the warnings were funny. It’s as if California has some inside information and they’re sharing it with us.

This was the first time I started using the pain pills but they were for my knee, not my side, which is why I had them on me. I got up off the bench and began walking, my next stop being Haight-Ashbury.

A Picture of a Sign Post

Generally, I don’t like taking pictures of signs but I couldn’t visit San Francisco and not take a picture of the Haight-Ashbury sign.

On the way to the sign, I noticed that all the stores opened late. One record store only opened on the weekends, another didn’t open until 12pm. I was really expecting to see some great record stores and it was clear that I wouldn’t get that chance.

I did see a store called ‘Cannabis Company.’ I would’ve gone in to see what they sold but they wasn’t open either. There was one store front that had a giant pair of female legs (I assume but it could’ve been a guy wearing stockings and a skirt) sticking out of a window.

While taking the picture of the Haight-Ashbury intersection, a girl walked by and I took a few steps toward the intersection (for the angle on the picture, not because she walked by). She said that I didn’t have to move and that “this is Haight-Ashbury and we should share everything.” She then asked what I was doing later in the day. She was very strange.

Lost Around Kezar Stadium

I knew I could take Haight to Golden Gate Park but I didn’t bother pulling out a map. Instead, I just walked west on Haight, figuring I’d run into the park and there’d be a sign pointing me to the Conservatory of Flowers.

It was a good plan…except I should’ve taken a right on Stanyan instead of a left.

While on Stanyan, I passed by this store and a three guys came out and before the door was even closed, they asked if I had any money to give them. As always, I avoided eye contact and kept walking. They yelled at me again and I just kept walking, trying very hard not limp.

I thought about what it must be like to be them. When I exit a store, I don’t think about asking the first person I see for money. He didn’t know anyone would be outside when he came out the door. His first instinct when he saw someone pass by was to ask for money. I can’t really imagine asking strangers for money. There’s a certain hurdle you have to cross to beg random people for money.

I realized at some point that I wasn’t heading in the right direction. I saw a McDonald’s and I thought about stopping to eat but there were five or six guys blocking the exit with signs begging for money, so I just kept walking.

I came to Kezar Stadium, which I didn’t think anything of. It was like a high school field, you know, with a lot of space in the middle and a track around the outside. I later found out that it was at Kezar Stadium where that scene was shot in ‘Dirty Harry,’ the one where Callahan shoots Scorpio in the leg and starts rubbing his foot in the wound. Had I known that, I would’ve taken a picture.

The stadium also marked 5.7 miles of walking during the day (not that I knew that at the time, I just knew I’d been walking a lot). That was more than I’d expected for the entire day and it wasn’t even half over yet. In addition to getting lost multiple times, I also was walking from stop to stop without getting on a bus. I had used the bus less than expected up to that point.

I consulted my map and finally got going in the right direction.

Conservatory of Flowers (or Plants)

I felt like I was going to fall over, so I stopped at this bench in front of a large patch of grass dedicated to ‘lawn bowling.’ I have no idea what lawn bowling is but I thought it sounded funny.

I must’ve sat at that bench for 30-40 minutes. I was hungry, thirsty and I just didn’t feel like walking anymore. I got up after the long period of sitting and my knee still wasn’t feeling any better. In fact, it felt a little worse.

I got to the Conservatory of Flowers, and the building was pretty cool looking. In front of the building, there were three sets of flowers and it looked nice. I took several pictures, purchased a ticket and went in. The first few exhibits contained virtually nothing but plants. There’d be a flower here or there but that was it.

Not just that but the humidity was so high that the lens kept fogging up and I couldn’t get any pictures.

Overall, it was a disappointment. I’d planned to spend an hour and a half there but I spent just about 30 minutes, most of which were in the final exhibit, which also had nothing to do with flowers. They built a mini-version of San Francisco with trains and trolleys running around famous city landmarks.

Skipping Academy of Sciences

There were some places that were scheduled because City Pass had coupons to get in free and Academy of Sciences was one of them. I was okay with going but I wasn’t really excited. And when I saw the line, which was just short of forever long (like it was Space Mountain), I didn’t feel too bad about passing on this one.

Instead, I went to a bench across from the Academy and in front of the De Young museum, which I was about to visit. While I sat, I could feel my knee tightening up. I took another pain pill and tried walking but it was hurting unbelievably painful and I kept feeling like I was going to fall over. I sat back down on a different bench before going into the De Young.

Inside the De Young

I still wasn’t used to how I was supposed to present my City Pass to gain admission into places. The Modern Art Museum had me go to the ticket window and exchange the coupon for a ticket. The line to the ticket window was really long and I was concerned that what if I stood in line, got to the front and it turned out that I just needed to get the coupon ripped by the admissions person?

I asked an employee walking around but he told me he didn’t handle those issues. I asked another person and they said that I needed to stand in line. She told me that there was another ticket line downstairs that didn’t usually have a line.

I walked down the stairs and it hurt really bad. I couldn’t walk normally down the stairs, instead I had to put my right foot on a step and then my left foot on that same step. Pause. Then do the same thing for the next step, so I was always standing on each step.

Sure enough, there was no line downstairs. There were also no exhibits and so when I got my actual ticket, I had to turn right back around and walk upstairs.

And literally, there was nothing interesting in the museum. They were going to have King Tut there in a few weeks. But I’m not sure that’s all that interesting either.

Skipping Another Thing

Despite getting lost, walking slow and resting on benches a lot more than planned, I was still making great time, primarily because I skipped Twin Peaks and the Academy of Sciences and spent far less time than expected at the Conservatory of Flowers and the De Young Museum. This is important because if I had enough time, I wanted to be able to go by the Golden Gate Bridge.

Physically, my knee was hurting and it obviously wasn’t something I’d planned on but my side was feeling good. It had seized up on the plane twice and once at Buena Vista Park but that was it. The pain pills I’d taken were for the knee. During the rest of my time out there, my side would never seize up again and was never an issue despite that being my number one concern.

I passed by the Japanese Tea Garden but because I didn’t want to pay $5, I didn’t go in. First of all, I hadn’t seen anywhere that the Tea Garden cost anything. Second, I was disappointed by the Conservatory of Flowers and the Cartoon Museum (both charging around the same amount) and for some reason I had linked the three.

The Botanical Garden

So I went straight to the Botanical Gardens. This didn’t speed anything up, time-wise because I had assumed that I would walk through the Tea Garden, take a couple pictures and keep moving. I didn’t expect to spend more than five minutes there

At first, the Botanical Gardens were disappointing. The lake was okay but mostly it was a collection of plants, uninteresting plants at that. As I went through though, there were some nice flowers and more interesting looking plants. I was enjoying everything until I realized that I didn’t know how to get out. There were no signs that indicated where you were or how to get out.

I didn’t think it was a big deal (yet) because I still was taking pictures and just wandering around. I saw a blue jay and a couple squirrels that were very close and being surprisingly still. I liked the pictures I was getting of the plants but at some point, I did want to leave.

I was so turned around, I didn’t even know what direction I should start heading in. Every time I saw what appeared to be a way out, there was a fence keeping me in. I felt completely trapped. I asked an employee but she said that she didn’t know where the exit was and said she thought I might be able to go out that way (as she pointed off to the side). So I walked that way. Did I get out?

No.

I did find another employee…two of them. So I asked and the guy said that he didn’t know the official exits but that there were holes in some fences and if I went through the hole, I could get out. The woman didn’t say anything. And where were these holes? Of course, he pointed.

And I followed the direction he pointed. It was bizarre because here were three employees and none of them seemed to know how to get out. I wondered if maybe they weren’t employees at all. Maybe they were former visitors and they couldn’t get out so they just began working, planting stuff in the ground. Maybe this would happen to me. I don’t leave but I learn that I have quite the green thumb.

I didn’t find any holes in the fence but after nearly a half hour of walking around with the sole purpose being to find an exit, I finally got out. Looking back on it, there are just two exit points. The way I got in and the way I got out. That’s it and there are no signs. Looking back on it, I’m amazed I didn’t become an employee there. In total, I managed to cover 1.6 miles in the Botanical Garden with the help of another pain pill.

Stow Lake

I saw an entrance to get into Stow Lake, the next place on my list but it was straight up hill and it looked like on the map there was another way in, so I continued further before realizing that there wasn’t another way in on that side and so after walking all the way out of Golden Gate Park, I turned around, retracing my steps, went to Stow Lake.

The purpose of Stow Lake was to get some water shots and, most importantly, a picture of the waterfall. But see, I didn’t exactly know where the waterfall was. The entire route around Stow Lake is 1.1 miles. I didn’t realize that then and for some reason, in the plan, it seems that I assumed that I would be able to go straight to the waterfall and then leave without having to circle the entire place. But I couldn’t.

I got two pictures of the waterfall, some duck shots and photos of a few turtles. There was also an interesting gazebo that I kept trying to frame with some shots in the foreground that didn’t turn out quite as good as they appeared in my head when I took the pictures.

Streetcar Adventures

Because of the time I’d spent walking around Stow Lake and Botanical Gardens, I was no longer doing as good on time as I was earlier. Still good but just not as good. I’d walked 10.9 miles so far during the day, just under twice what I’d planned for.

I thought about stopping for lunch/dinner but I really wanted to make sure I got clear day light pictures of the Golden Gate Bridge. The sky was starting to get a little brighter and instead of the cloudy/rainy pictures I feared, I thought my Bridge shots might come out okay.

To get to the streetcar to take me to Queen Wilhelmina’s Windmill, I had to retrace the steps that I’d already walked twice after having left the Botanical Garden.

I saw the street car stop and I crossed the street to get to the stop, which was in the middle of the median. I didn’t know if the streetcar would be going east or west for this stop but I was betting west.

It was going east.

I decided to take it anyway figuring that this streetcar going east would get me closer to the one that was going west. Looking back, this logic makes no sense. Why didn’t I just get out at the next stop and wait for the one going my direction? I don’t know. If I said I was delirious because of the pain or maybe because of the pain pills, would that make sense? I don’t know.

I continued through several stops, watching the west bound car pass by at one point before getting out. And again I thought about getting something to eat but now I was doing just about even with my time expectations.

For some reason, I decided that instead of standing at a streetcar stop, I’d walk east to get closer to an oncoming westbound streetcar. Again, I realize this makes no sense. But then I couldn’t find another stop, so I turned around and started walking back to the last stop I knew I’d seen. As I did that, a streetcar arrived. People were getting on and there was no way I’d be able to get to the stop on time the way I was walking.

So I attempted to run, a hobbled run, and even then, I knew I couldn’t make it to the front of the car. The back exit was open, so I jumped into it just before it took off toward the next stop. While my knee was hurting, it was a dulled pain but my knee was extremely swollen. I was able to put both hands around my right knee but when I tried that on my left knee, my thumbs were about two inches from meeting.

The next two miles were spent on the bus and when it came to the last stop and everyone was ordered off, I didn’t feel like moving but I got off anyway because that’s what I do. I leave when I’m told to get off the bus.

In Search of Windmills

The next thing I was looking for was Murphy’s Windmill. I had printed out nothing on the place, partly because I thought a windmill would kind of stick out and if I walked on the road by the windmill, I’d see it.

Well, I didn’t.

I searched up and down the road, went down paths and trails and I couldn’t find the damn thing. I finally found windmill but it was Queen Wilhelmina’s Windmill, which meant I’d crossed the entire width of the park, in a circuitous fashion and completely missed Murphy’s Windmill and found the other one I was looking for. Rather than turn around and search for Murphy, I decided to forget about, take pictures of Queen Wilhelmina and move on.

The thing about the windmill is that I realized my first few shots weren’t really showing how gigantic this structure was. Finally, I found a shot that had some cars in the picture that really showed how gi-normous this thing is.

The Beach

Across from the windmill, was a beach and it was the first time I’d ever seen the Pacific Ocean. I walked along the beach taking pictures. It was very difficult to walk on the sand with my knee and I was glad to get back on the sidewalk again.

How to Get to the Bridge

The plan here was sketchy. I wasn’t sure if my side would be up to going any further from here when I was first making the plan, so everything at this point was optional. It was about 4:30pm and I was a bit ahead of schedule. The other thing I didn’t know when putting the plan together was how easy the bus situation would be.

As it turned out, my side was fine to go further but my knee wasn’t. So instead of going to Baker Beach and Seal Rocks and then on to the Bridge, I decided to go straight to the Bridge. The problem was that I didn’t have a scenario for that.

So I looked at the bus routes, found the closest one that would get me to a connecting bus that would go by the Bridge.

The Bridge

As much as I was hurting, I was excited to see the Golden Gate Bridge. It really had cleared out and while not perfect, it was good enough to get some decent pictures. The problem was that for some reason, the camera was set on medium. The plan was for all the pictures to be shot in large/super fine mode. Instead all the Bridge pictures from Friday were medium/fine. This means that while the pictures will look fine 4x6 and passable at 8x10, there’s no way they can be blown up past that.

Keep in mind that I’d eaten breakfast at 5:30am. I had one glass of orange juice because they wouldn’t refill it. I never at lunch and now it’s just before 5pm. I never ate or drank anything during this period of time and had now walked just under 15 miles during the day.

There was a little café near the Bridge and a gift shop. I figured that the gift shop would close at 5pm, so I decided to go there first before it closed and then I’d eat. I left the gift shop and got to the café right at 5pm and it had just closed. A café that closes at 5pm? How weird is that?

I thought about walking on the Bridge but my knee was hurting too bad and I decided to go back to the hotel, eating dinner around the corner at Mel’s Drive-In. I never did end up walking on the Bridge, which I would’ve loved to have done but I just wasn’t up for it. I felt like I was about to collapse at this point and just wanted to eat, drink and go to bed.

At Mel’s

In ‘American Graffiti,’ the big restaurant was Mel’s Drive-In. I wish this had been the one they filmed it at but apparently that one’s gone. Still, it was cool to have been at this one. They had a bunch of pictures of the movie everywhere.

The waitress came by and I made sure they had free refills and I probably should’ve just ordered water but you know when you haven’t had a Coke and you really, really want one? Well, that’s what I felt like. Another waiter brought me a small cup of water and I drank Coke after Coke after Coke. If a waiter passed by and saw I was getting low again, they’d get me another one, even though they weren’t my waiter.

The whole staff was extremely friendly and very quick and attentive. I ordered a cheeseburger and fries and I ate as quickly as possible.

But then I started feeling a little sick halfway through the hamburger. I almost felt like I was going to throw up. I asked for some more water and tried to focus on not vomiting. My head started hurting and I began feeling a little dizzy. I decided to stop eating and get back to the hotel.

With my receipt, they gave me a ‘Use it or lose it’ coupon for 15% off my next order for the next day. I was going to have breakfast there on Saturday morning, so I made sure to hang on to the coupon.

Back to the Hotel

I got back to my room at 7:30pm I had brought some prescription-strength ibuprofen with me on the trip but I didn’t carry it in my bag because I didn’t want to have three bottles on me. I took a couple pills and iced my knee. The top of my knee was ghostly white with a dark red ring around it and a little purple mixed in there too. It was very swollen.

I looked through the pictures I had taken and was disappointed there were no ‘money shots,’ pictures that I could say, ‘This is why I came here.’

I looked through my plan for the next day, which thankfully called for a lot less walking. I didn’t realize it then but looking back, I walked 15.1 miles on Friday, almost 10 miles more than I’d expected to walk. I’d planned to walk about 12 miles for the entire trip and in my first two days, I was already over 17 and a half miles.

The Next Day Plans

Saturday, I was planning to go to Lombard Street, ride the cable cars for the first time, tour Alcatraz, AT&T Park and the Cable Car Museum, as well as visit Coit Tower, Grace Cathedral, China Town and Pacific Heights. I expected about 3 miles of walking.

One Last SF Trip Note for the Day

I sent in five pictures to the AJC’s Weekend Away and they posted all five. Mine are pictures 27-31 and can be found here.

To be honest, most of the other people’s pictures suck. The South African ones are good but some of them could’ve been taken anywhere. A couple of them were pictures of people in what appears to be a restaurant. It makes me wonder if AJC just posts whatever you send them. I’ve never had a picture rejected that I’ve sent in. Am I that good or are standards that low?

In Current News

My lease is up with my apartment complex and I was notified that on April 21st, there’d be a pizza party renewal thing. I’d expected my lease to go up at least $20, maybe up to $40 more than what I was currently paying. But the notification advised that if I signed by Tuesday, it would be at the same rate, plus I’d have my choice of a $200 gift.

The three gifts were: a $200 coffee maker, a $200 carpet cleaning or $200 off the first month’s rent. The coffee maker wouldn’t be worth it unless it spit out two $100 bills on its first use. I’m okay with my carpet how it is. I could always go for $200 off rent. So that’s the one I went with.

After signing everything, I saw that my next door neighbor’s renewal is also up. And because I’m nosy/curious, I looked to see what their rate was and they were paying almost $100 less per month for the same size apartment and everything.

Final Thoughts

I’m going to Talladega on Sunday. I’m looking forward to what kinds of pictures I’ll get but I’m concerned what I’m going to do for the next two and half hours of cars racing around a circle. I’m thinking about pretending I’m deaf for an hour and going up to people saying, “What time is it?” in that crazy deaf person’s voice and when they answer, I’ll reply, “I can’t hear you. I’m deaf.”

I saw a Chevron sign that read: Now we open 24 hour. I thought about going inside the store to see if it was run by Asians.

I saw ‘Crank 2: High Voltage’ and while it’s not going to be confused with a great movie, I had a lot of fun during it. I was funny. It’s good when you can say funny stuff to someone and not be shushed. I also enjoyed the drive home and trying to think of any demographic groups the movie didn’t offend. It pretty much went out of its way to offend most groups.

I’ve decided I’m not going to become a song-writer, which means anyone’s free to use the following line: You don’t know what you say when you say what you say. It might well come from a real song but if it doesn’t, feel free to use it. If you could just mention the blog in the liner notes.

Is there a way to make these San Francisco recap posts less boring?

Covering SF: Thursday April 9th: Art, Planes & Baseball

2009-04-18T11:24:00.004-04:00

So…it’s been a while. Let’s catch up for a minute. How are you doing? Everything well? I know, this weather’s been crazy. Are the Braves scaring you as much as they’re scaring me?

I got back from San Francisco on April 13th and I kept meaning to write about what happened out there but it was going to take too long and I kept putting it off. I’ll break it into separate entries to make it easier to go through.

Have I mentioned that I’m writing this on a different computer? Does it look different? My right arm feels funny while writing on this computer. I wonder what that means.

When I first left for San Francisco, I was writing down notes in my cell phone to remember and then transcribing them into a journal that my girlfriend gave me before the trip. But then pretty soon, my notes and everything became less detailed and you’ll see why once I tell you what happened.

Converting Audio Files

When I left you little Droogies, I had learned that all those audio books I’d downloaded wouldn’t play on my mp3 player. I’d found a conversion program but it would only convert three minutes at a time unless I paid for the full version. Since it appeared to work and the initial tests showed that it would play on my player, I paid the extra $20 to get the ‘key code’ and start converting.

The conversion took forever. I had 13 files and I ended up going to bed with it still converting and when I woke up at 5am, it was still converting. I was able to get 12 of the 13 files completed and on my player for the flight out there.

Waking up Thursday

I struggled going to sleep Wednesday night. I was thinking about the plan, the conversion process and about different things that I needed to remember. I fell asleep around 12:30am and I kept waking up through out the night off and on. I probably slept about 3 hours all together.

At 5:50, we left for the airport and I was hungry but I thought initially I would just eat something at the airport. But then I couldn’t wait, so we stopped at Chick-fil-a. Turned out it wasn’t open yet. I swear that I’ve seen Chick-fil-a restaurants open at 6am but this one didn’t open until 6:30. So I thought we could stop at one on the way.

At Hartsfield

I expected traffic to be heavy but moving. Instead, it was really moving and we made really good time on the way up there and arrived at the airport around 6:30, so I never stopped and ate anything first.

There wasn’t a line for the initial security check, so I breezed through that and there were only a handful of people waiting to take their shoes off and go through the metal detector. That went pretty quick too. I was already at the gate by 6:45 and my flight wasn’t scheduled to leave until 8:30 (and didn’t leave until 8:45). I really didn’t plan on everything going so easily, leaving me two hours to just sit and wait.

All the vendors that served real food weren’t open yet, at least I didn’t see one that was open. There was a newsstand like place that sold candy but that wasn’t what I was looking for.

On Wednesday, Pardon the Interruption was on ESPN2, so while I saw the episode, I missed ‘the big finish’ that airs during SportsCenter. I was able to download that part of the show on video podcast and I watched it at the gate along with several video MLB podcasts.

The biggest annoyance at the airport were those beeping carts that carry certain people to their gates. Why do those people get a cart for and why is that beeping sound so high pitched. There’s something about that tone that drives me insane. I could’ve bit one of those cart people.

And those cart people. They looked so smug up there on their cart. Glancing around at the rest of us who were born without the privilege of a cart waiting to take us from gate to gate. The repetitious beeping probably didn’t even bother them. They grew up with it. I bet they miss the beeping when they’re not on the cart. Bastards.

On the Plane

Once I got on the plane, I looked around to see if there were any Arabs on board. Is that bad? Should I not admit that? And whenever there are Arabs on board, I always feel a little better when I see a couple soldiers dressed in army fatigues. It’s like I think that those soldiers are used to battling Arabs overseas, fighting them on a plane should be second nature (even if the soldiers are flying in from serving on an airbase in Germany, never seeing any combat in Iraq).

Well, there weren’t any Arabs on the plane and I felt relieved. You know, that sounds bad…I think…maybe.

I was so tired and I was on the plane and I wanted to go to sleep but I knew I wouldn’t be able to. I flew first class from Las Vegas to Atlanta on a red eye and I still couldn’t fall asleep. If you can’t sleep on a flight like that, you can’t sleep on any flight.

The two people next to me were boyfriend/girlfriend, or a really handsy brother/sister. The guy wouldn’t shut up. He just kept babbling about what the weather is usually like in California and how much better the West Coast is. Thankfully, once we were in the air, they both fell asleep.

When the flight took off, my side began to seize up. When we started to descend, it seized up as well. I was concerned since the next day would be my major walking day with at least five miles of walking.

Playing Trivia

Each seat had its own television screen and you could watch television, pay-per-view movies and make CD playlists. But the best thing they had were video games, most notably trivia.

I love trivia and I’ve been on flights where they have trivia. Those flights will show you a question, give you a few seconds to think of the answer and then it reveals the answer. This one, though, was interactive and you could play against other people on the plane. I won the first several games that I played, my main competition coming from a passenger named JAAACK. He was pretty good and one a few while I was playing.

Sometimes I would take a break from playing and watch television, or one of my podcasts but every time I’d go back to trivia, JAAACK was still at it. He was my rival. He was like Lex Luther to Superman or Martin Luther to Charles V.

While on the Plane

The other thing you could do on this screen was track where the plan was as it flew across the country. What struck me most about flying over America was how different each area was. You had the long stretches of plains, then mountains, then reddish mountains/canyons, followed by desert. It was pretty amazing.

They served food on the flight but the menu was weak. Because it was morning, there was the choice of a bagel, a croissant (a word I refuse to say), and a fruit plate. They also had Peanut M&Ms and Pringles for sale and the standard peanuts and cookies that were free.

Additionally, I had a bag of Reece’s Pieces that my girlfriend had given me for the flight (two bags actually, one for the flight out there and one for the flight back). I started with the cookies, followed by the Reece’s and I ended with two bags of peanuts. And that was my breakfast.

Arriving in San Francisco

I landed in San Francisco at 10am (Pacific Time) and the airport was right on the water, so it looked like we were going to land on the water and it was kinda freaking looking. The airport was smaller than Hartsfield but was very crowded and there wasn’t a lot of room to walk without running into someone. It felt like I had to walk around half the airport to get to the BART, the system that takes you into San Francisco.

It wasn’t raining, though it was clear that it had been raining and might start raining again very soon. It was windy and while I was glad I had my jacket on, the heat was jacked up very high in every building I went inside of.

At the Visitor's Center

From the airport, I went to the SF Visitor’s Center to pick up my City Pass. My first concern of the trip was that the pass would have some loopholes on it that would keep me from visiting the places I wanted to go to or would have some cap on how many times I could ride the buses or something.

I’d scheduled several minutes at the Visitor’s Center because I was going to ask several questions about the city and the City Pass but it was clear that the guy at the counter didn’t really want to answer any questions.

I asked how the MUNI pass (within City Pass) works and he said, “I’ll answer that when I explain how the pass works.”

All he said was how long it was good for and that I’d better not remove the coupons myself or they’ll be voided. I really didn’t know how I was supposed to get on the bus (and especially the subways) with the pass. I figured I could just ask the drivers or someone at the station when I needed to use the pass.

I was turned around and asked Visitor Center Guy where the Mosser (my hotel) was. I wish I could reprint his directions because they were the most convoluted set of instructions I’ve ever been given, especially when I realized where the hotel was. I knew I was only a block and a half away but he said ‘turn here’ at least four times. Instead, he could’ve just said go up the stairs and turn right at Old Navy. I looked at my map and got to the hotel without a problem.

At the Hotel

I was concerned I would be allowed to check in so early. I’d packed so that the bag I’d carry with me out in the city was inside the luggage bag and if they wouldn’t let me check in, I could either carry my luggage bag with me to the Modern Art Museum, Yerba Buena Park and the Cartoon Museum or they might let me check in my bag up front. If they did that, I’d unpack the luggage bag, and take only what I needed that day with me in the smaller bag I’d carry around with me.

As it turned out, they let me check in without any problems. I was on the eighth floor and while the hotel was old, it wasn’t dirty or anything. It was just very small feeling. The bed was about 6 feet long and 4 feet wide and reminded me of a coffin. There wasn’t much space between the bed and the sink.

The restroom was in the hallway and there was a men and women’s restroom, though both simply had a single toilet in them. There was just enough space for the door to open without hitting the toilet. At first, I couldn’t figure out how to turn the light on. There was no light switch to be found. So when I got there, I closed the door and peed in the dark. I mean, I’ve been using the toilet for a lot of years and if I just aim straight, there’s no reason I really need light.

It turned out that there was a button that you could press for the light and depending on how many times you pressed it, the light would stay on for a certain amount of time. For instance, if you pressed it once, it would stay on for five minutes, twice would be ten minutes.

The bathroom was also in the hallway and the light worked much the same way. It was a bathtub with a shower and like everything else in the hotel, it was small.

When I’d checked in, they gave me the option to upgrade to a bigger room, one presumably without shared facilities but the cost was $25 per night. I didn’t really think it was worth $100 to upgrade, especially when I wasn’t sure how much bigger the rooms would be.

The room did have a television, and it was mounted up high in the room near the door like it was a hospital. There was no air conditioner and initially the room was hot but there was a fan and it worked okay enough. While there was a closet, there wasn’t a chest of drawers. Each morning, I just kept repacking my suitcase, except for my shirts, which were hung up in the closet.

I never did figure out how to work the clock radio. The only time I could set the alarm for was 7:30am. I kept trying to change it to an earlier time but I couldn’t do it. The first night I used my cell phone alarm but it didn’t work either. The rest of the trip, I just woke up when I woke up and thankfully I never overslept.

To Yerba Buena Park/MOMA

After reconfiguring my luggage so that my smaller bag that I’d carry around with me would have everything I needed that afternoon, I walked to Yerba Buena Park. On the way there, I saw Mel’s Drive-In and Denny’s, both places I’d planned to eat at on my trip and they were both a half block or so away from the hotel. Also nearby was the Metreon, which housed a full movie theater that included an IMAX screen.

The Park wasn’t far from the hotel either but it was much smaller than I’d expected. I only took pictures of a waterfall and the front of the Modern Art Museum but there wasn’t anything else worth taking shots of. I spent a lot less time in the park than I’d expected.

Seeing Art

The Modern Art Museum (or MOMA as it’s called) was the first test for my City Pass. I took it to the admissions desk and they ripped out the coupon and gave me a ticket. I walked around the museum and…well, I saw stuff. Nothing really worth taking pictures of (though I’m not sure we were supposed to take pictures of it or not).

I feel funny about taking pictures of art. In many cases, someone saw something, took a picture of it and then drew a picture of what they took a picture of. So I’m taking a picture of a picture they drew of a picture they took.

Of course, many things in the museum weren’t drawings of anything. They were splashes of paint on a canvas. I don’t know how you determine if that piece of art is good or not. How do you judge that art?

I’d look at those sorts of pieces and move to the next one but I wasn’t going to spend a bunch of time trying to figure anything out. But there were those who were more than willing to spend time with each piece. Staring at it. Left hand against his chin. Pondering. Awaiting some sign that would give him a supernatural understanding of that piece. Just what were those seemingly random lines trying to convey. He just kept studying it. A certain look of self-importance. He was going to understand this piece. They weren’t just random lines. There was a meaning.

I found starting at him more interesting than the pieces themselves. He was wearing a brown suit jacket with dark blue jeans. And sandals…with socks on (did you have hafta ask if he had socks on? Of course he had socks on).

But he spent too much time with each piece and I had to keep moving. One canvas had four squares drawn within each other. It was called Homage to a Square. That is not art. It’s a faithful rendering of a well-known geometric shape…four of them inside each other. Not art.

I did see a Jackson Pollack painting. Can’t really say I was impressed but it did make me think of Ed Harris and in a couple of days I was going to see Alcatraz, which was in the movie ‘The Rock,’ which also starred Ed Harris. Ed Harris is good.

Seeing Cartoons

I got through MOMA pretty quickly, all four floors of it and I moved on to the Cartoon Museum. It was very small and I had some misgivings about even going inside of it. I mean, I’m not a cartoon guy. Part of what intrigued me though is that it said that they also had the history of political cartoons and I thought that sounded interesting.

When I was putting the plan together, the website for the museum listed a cost of $4. When I got there, it was $6. It’s not like it’s a huge difference but I checked the cost of everything a couple days before leaving. The website was update again on 4-14, the day after I got back to Atlanta and it lists a charge of $6.

The museum was small and they didn’t allow photography. I debated whether to pay the money or not but I decided to go ahead anyway.

Mainly it was a museum about ‘Watchmen’ with a couple other cartoon strips. And I mean that literally. There was a cartoon strip of Dennis the Menace and a couple from the Peanuts. There was no cohesive story or history being displayed. A couple of sketches from some well known artists but mostly it was just ‘Watchmen.’ Some of the displays appeared to come from the movie, you know, like props but others appeared to be replicas of props used in the movie. I wasn’t sure what was from the movie and what wasn’t.

There were some original sketching for the comic (excuse me, graphic novel) but there wasn’t much of an appeal in that. I’d planned on taking pictures of those things and sending them to my brother who would at least be interested in those sorts of things.

There was a constant video running of the making of ‘Watchmen.’ I watched the part about Dr. Manhattan. Somehow I was able to make it through the rest of the trip without visions of a blue penis dancing in my head, which is especially impressive considering that I was in San Francisco.

As for the ‘history of political cartoons,’ there were three or four cartoons. That was it.

Seeing Baseball

My next stop was AT&T Park to watch the Giants play the Brewers. This was my first chance to use my City Pass to ride the bus and I was a bit nervous about it. At the art museum, they ripped out my coupon. Was the bus driver supposed to rip out this coupon? Maybe giving me an actual MUNI pass instead?

I stood and waited for the bus and I got on, showed the driver the inside of the Pass, turned to the actual MUNI pass page but he said that he needed to see the date it was validated, which was April 9th. He seemed to say that it was only valid for that date. I was confused and he told me to just sit down, which I did.

I followed his path on my map so that I could get out at the right time. I got out on the corner of 3rd and Townsend and walked the rest of the way to the ballpark, past a McDonald’s and a handful of scalpers. (Those the park was at least a third empty at its peak, so I don’t know how much any scalper could make off a game like this)

I was concerned that the stadium officials would let me in with my bag, which is a bit larger than regulations allow. But when I went in, I had it opened, the guy peered in and let me through.

It was cold, though not unbearable…until I got inside the stadium, above right field where homeruns count as ‘splash hits.’ It’s right above the bay and the wind ripped through and it was VERY cold. I had my jacket on but I’d taken the inside lining out so it was basically nothing more than a windbreaker. And that was fine through most of the day but it was difficult during the game.

I noticed the flags were flying at half-mast and I wondered who had died. I took a picture of the flags to show how hard the wind was blowing. I took several pictures around the stadium, most of which would’ve turned out better had the weather been better.

The tarp was on the field when I got there and I wasn’t sure whether the game was going to be played or not. I’d gotten to the park a couple hours early, in hopes of seeing batting practice but the players were warming up inside instead.

Meeting Manson

I went to check out where my seat was and I was pretty sure I could find it without help but an usher asked if he could help. The usher was wearing a large dark green jacket with his hood up and he had ungroomed looking beard, and he reminded me of Charlie Manson. I told him I was looking for section 327. He said ‘It’s all around you. Be more specific.’ I said, “I’ll be sitting in row 5 seat 5.” And he pointed behind me and said, “It’s up there.” He turned away, mumbling, ‘Thank you for that.’

And that’s something I would notice a lot in San Francisco. If you asked for directions, most people would point. There was a lot of pointing going on. The funny thing is that at the Visitor’s Center, when pointing would’ve actually helped, that’s when I get the long drawn out instructions that were impossible to follow.

It’s not that the usher pointed though. I mean, row 5 seat 5 was right that and there’s no directions you can really give for that. It was the strange mumbling that I found odd.

I went and bought a hotdog and drink and went back to my seat to wait for nearly two hours for the game to start. The cup was like the one I got in St. Louis. It was really cheap and I don’t think it’ll last very long before it starts breaking down.

While I was sitting in my seat, a person mentioned that the flags were flying because of a player who’d died. I couldn’t hear everything, so I checked my cell phone (which now had no bars of battery power) to see what had happened. Angels’ pitcher Nick Adenhart died just a little bit after having pitched six shutout innings against the A’s in his season debut, with his father in the stands. He was hit by a drunk driver who’d run a red light. The driver was driving on a suspended license due to a conviction for drunk driving.

Over the next few days, I kept thinking back to Adenhart’s death. Especially because the game he’d pitched in was against the other Bay Area team and the news in the area was covering it every day.

Almost Winning Money

Around the fifth inning of the game, a woman was selected to play Concentration on the big board. Her job was to match each card in under 30 seconds and her row would win a $20 gift card. I was barely paying attention but she won and the woman behind me slapped me on the shoulder and said that I’d just won $20 because she was in my row. She offered to switch places with me and I just laughed.

Then the woman who’d won the game came back to her row and when they checked her ticket, it turned out that while she was sitting in row 5 and on the big board stated she was sitting in row 5, her ticket was for row 6, meaning I didn’t win anything and the woman behind me walked away with the $20 gift card.

Leaving the Game

I left the game in the sixth inning because it was really cold and I was nervous that I might get sick since it was also misting a little. I went out the wrong exit and wound up having to walk the entire distance around the stadium, which was made worse when a street was closed because of player parking. I had to walk through the marina area to get to a bus stop.

I got on the bus, and this time I just showed the front of my city pass and was waved on by the driver without a problem.

I got back to the hotel by about 6:30. The goal was to be in bed by 7pm in each night so that I could stay on East Coast Time. I was very tired and I knew I’d have no trouble going to sleep.

I watched a little bit of television before checking my plan and setting my cell phone alarm for 4:30am.

Next Entry

The next post will cover what I did Friday, when I visited Castro Street, Golden Gate Park and Haight-Ashbury. But the biggest thing that happened Friday is I twisted my knee that morning, which would impact the rest of my time out there.

Final Thoughts

At work, they’re planning a Biggest Loser, weight loss challenge. They’re also putting together a snack day for each week. Hmmm…

If you get a chance to watch ‘Thrilla in Manilla,’ an HBO Documentary about the third Ali-Frazier fight, watch it. Even if you aren’t a boxing fan, it’s worth watching.

If you get a chance to watch ‘Flash of Genius,’ starring Greg Kinnear…don’t watch it. While it does eventually end, it’ll feel like it’s been the 10 years the movie covers.

To the person getting married for the third time: You know what they say, ‘The third time’s the first time after the second time.’

And Today Arrives, McNabb News & Podcasts

2009-04-08T23:15:00.001-04:00

So this is it. The whole purpose of restarting the blog was to chronicle the time between when I bought the plane tickets for the trip to San Francisco to this moment (and the of course the trip itself).

I swear when I first bought the tickets, everything seemed so far away. I was thinking that maybe I should’ve gone in March just so I wouldn’t have to wait so long. April 9th seemed like WAY too long to wait.

Did the time go fast? It certainly didn’t feel like it when I was going through each day. In a way, it was like the days were going slow but the months went by fast.

I woke up early this morning and packed my suitcase. I was able to get all my stuff, plus an additional side-bag in one suitcase. That way, I only carry one bag on the plane going out there but I can carry two bags on the way back. Also, if I can’t check in early and have to carry the bag around with me to Yerba Buena Park, it’s much easier to carry one bag instead of two bags. And if I buy stuff while I’m out there, I won’t have to stuff it into one bag.

Podcast Frustration

I had paid for and downloaded several Ricky Gervais audio books and podcasts. I mean hours and hours of these things. Only, apparently they won’t play on my mp3 player. I searched the Internet to find a converter for these m4b files but I couldn’t find a free one that would convert files this long. I downloaded a free one to test it and ended up having to spend $20 to buy the full version.

I hated doing it but if I didn’t, all the money I spent on the podcasts would be wasted because it’s not like I’m going to really spend hours in front of my computer listening to Karl Pilkington ponder the mysteries of the world and Ricky Gervais howl with laughter.

So as I’m writing this, I’m converting one of the files and if it works out okay, I’ll convert the other files over night and move them to my player in the morning before I leave.

Hotel Thoughts

I’m interested to see what my hotel, The Mosser, is going to be like. It appears that I have a shared bathroom, which is hard to picture. In their list of amenities, they don’t mention having TVs in the room. This isn’t a big deal. My DVR will tape the double feature of ‘The Office’ on Thursday but it’ll be weird not having a TV.

Of course, with the hours and hours of video and audio podcasts and multiple movies and TV shows I have on my mp3 player, it’s not likely I’ll be bored. I’m also bringing a book, ‘Game of Shadows’ (about BALCO and steroid use in baseball), a magazine (Reader’s Digest) and a journal that my girlfriend gave me so I can keep track of stuff I do out there.

Scary Letter

I got a letter today in the mail and when I opened it, it showed that I owed almost $5,000. I was pretty sure that I didn’t owe anyone that much. I looked further and it turned out that was a collection agency on behalf of my apartment complex and the letter was actually for Mr. McNabb. Apparently there’s trouble in Purple Moon Tattoo Land.

I can’t imagine running up a bill that high. That’s around seven months of not paying rent. No wonder he got evicted.

Final Thoughts

‘Scrubs’ is really bad. Sending the gang down to the beach for a vacation/wedding? It doesn’t get much worse than that. Maybe the producers should watch the first season and try to remember back when it was good.

I’ve learned some things about ‘Lost.’ First, everyone looks really serious. Second, the music lets you know what’s going on and how you should feel about it. And I think people can die but aren’t really dead…or something.

SF Thoughts and KFC's Promise

2009-04-06T20:32:00.001-04:00

Today is Monday. Tomorrow is Tuesday. The day after is Wednesday. And the next day I’ll be leaving for San Francisco.

Am I scared? Yes.

The easy answer is the weather, which they’re now forecasting rain for the entire week, Monday to Friday. But that’s not it…I don’t think.

It might be the unplanned stuff or something not working out right or me losing something/forgetting to bring something.

The truth is, I don’t know what it is. It’s just a general fear. And maybe it’s the expectation factor. I didn’t go anywhere last year and the last place I went was on a road trip to St. Louis where all I really did was wander around a park, go up the arch and watch baseball. The last time I flew anywhere was to Boston (the trip where I got pulled out of line and had a slight altercation with a TSA official).

Maybe it’s the feeling that this had better be good because how long it’s been and how long it could be before I get to do something like this again.

Today, and the last couple days, I’ve been mainly preparing for coming back. Washing clothes so I don’t have a giant stockpile for when I get back. Tomorrow I’ll be pre-packing, so I can know what I’m bringing and how everything fits together.

As for the planning, there’s really nothing else I can (reasonably) do. I’ve done all the research, printed all the pages, and planned the best I could. There’s only so much planning you can do before you just let go.

I think one concern I have, and have had for a while, is that I don’t want this to be a trip where I hit point after point and the vacation is more of a checklist and I come back and either I’ve hit all the checkpoints or I didn’t. Those aren’t usually fun. This is about being away and I need to feel that. Running from point to point is just another kind of job. I’m concerned that I’m missing the spirit of a vacation.

I don’t want to come back and feel that I left something major out but I don’t want to come back so worn out that I almost regret going.

I just want this to be good.

101% Satisfaction Guarantee

I was in the drive-thru at KFC and I noticed a sign on the window that stated something like ‘Customers should be 101% satisfied with their visit.’ I don’t understand this. I mean, obviously, someone can only be 100% of anything within themselves. If they’re completely satisfied, then they’re 100% satisfied.

Yet, you hear about give 110% or 150% of yourself all the time. But KFC doesn’t go for the standard cliché. Instead, they settle on having the customer be 101% satisfied. And I felt slightly offended. If it had been 100%, I wouldn’t’ve thought anything. Had it been 110% or 150% or 200%, I would’ve probably rolled my eyes but there seems to be a certain amount of resignation in saying 101%.

They’re just shooting for 1% more than what you expected. For instance, I expect between two and three napkins. They gave me 15. That translates to about a percent. So I guess I’m 101% satisfied.

Final Thoughts

A man shot himself in a theater while watching ‘Watchmen.’ It just shows that seeing a naked blue man on screen affects people in different ways.

Bein’ Mean and Peein’ Green

2009-04-02T22:21:00.002-04:00

I now have less than a week before I leave for San Francisco. Time has moved so fast…sorta. I don’t feel completely prepared, though I don’t know much more I can realistically do.

The Weather Channel is calling for rain on Friday, sun on Thursday and Saturday out there. Obviously it’s too early to hang too much on such an early forecast but I’ll be watching the reports every day until I leave. Of course I don’t want it to rain at all while I’m out there but if it has to rain, Thursday would probably work the best and Friday would be the worst day for rain. If it rained Friday morning, I would cancel the trip to either Twin Peaks or Buena Vista Park. The point would be the view and that would be lost in the rain.

San Francisco appears to be a city where the weather changes frequently, so even if it does rain, it probably won’t last the whole day. So long as I get some good skyline shots and quality shots of the bridge, I’ll be okay.

Crazy Dreams

I had a couple really bizarre dreams last night. In my first dream that I remember, I was beating up my grandmother…only she wasn’t actually my grandmother. It was a person portraying my grandmother in my dream. So I was beating up my grandmother but it looked like someone else. Does that make it less wrong?

My second dream had me sabotaging a space shuttle and running from authorities throughout Gwinnett County. It was unclear whether the shuttle was taking off from Lilburn. Anyway, federal authorities caught me and they ran all sorts of tests on me and in one of them, I peed green urine. They said that proved that I was the one who caused the shuttle to explode.

So how’s that for a night’s worth of dreams? I’m beating up grandmothers and exploding space shuttles. I’m an absolute asshole…and I pee green.

A Perfect Game with Imperfect Announcing

I was watching a replay of Randy Johnson’s perfect game against the Braves from a few years ago. My brother and I were at that game and didn’t realize it was a perfect game until about the 6th inning, a couple innings after realizing that no Brave had gotten a hit yet.

This was the first time I’d seen the Arizona feed of the game and those announcers, Mark Grace and Tommy something, are horrible. Tommy what’s-his-name was talking about the most memorable moment at Atlanta Fulton County Stadium was ‘in 1990, no, it was 1991, when the Braves made the trade for Fred McGriff and the press box caught on fire and it sparked the team to their first division title since 1982. You (Mark Grace) were there because it was against the Cubs.’ Mark agreed that he was there too.

Okay, several things: First, it was 1993 and the trade sparked the team to winning their third division title in row. Second, it was against the Cardinals, not the Cubs. I don’t know where Mark Grace was with the Cubs but he wasn’t in Atlanta.

And were any corrections made? No. Instead, the announcers went on babbling about something else.

Final Thoughts

I saw a story about a super strong three year old. He reportedly can lift five pound weights. So what? I can do that too and no one’s writing an article about it.

Have you ever had a day like I had yesterday? I had one…yesterday.

San Francisco Plan Complete & Creed News

2009-03-29T21:12:00.003-04:00

It’s just 11 days before I leave on my trip. It’s funny because when I first started preparing, buying the plane tickets and everything, it seemed so far away.

I finally finished putting together the San Francisco plan and I printed it out late Friday night (more like Saturday morning). The total plan is over 300 pages, mostly contingency plans in case I get lost or something takes longer than expected. It’s a solid plan but there are a few concerns.

First, there’s no scheduled time for eating really. Breakfast is factored in and I can eat dinner but there’s no time specifically designated to eat lunch. I’m planning on having a backpack with me and I’ll probably have some snacks or something so that I’ll skip lunch. On the Colorado trip, I skipped dinner. I had a big breakfast and then a late lunch. If I can, I’d like to do that and there are a couple spots in the plan where that might be possible but nothing is scheduled definitively.

Next, I’m checking weather reports and while it’s far too early to change plans around, it’s supposed to rain the early part of the week I’m going out there. To get good pictures, I need the weather to cooperate. But if it absolutely must rain, Thursday’s the best day for it. Much of Friday afternoon would be okay too, other than I’d be out there walking in it.

Third, my side started seizing up yesterday and a couple times today. In fact, there were several points where it was really hurting today. That’s the biggest concern because over the last couple weeks, it seemed like it was improving but…

And that leads to my last major concern…The plan calls for over 12 miles of walking (basically a half marathon). I’ve looked at this several ways and I can’t figure out a realistic way to chop that down any without skipping going to certain places. The most likely place to skip is Buena Vista Park, which is on Friday. It’s not just that I’ll be walking but apparently San Francisco is a hilly place and that’ll make any walking more difficult than it would be anyway.

I’ll have plenty of painkillers on hand and will try to grit through it but obviously it’d be better to not need to use them.

Oh, and I don’t remember if I mentioned this or not but I was granted my other off-day request. There was a slight concern since I was only given one of the two days off that I’d requested. But everything’s fine on that end.

Crime Alert

While this is not so much a major concern, it is noteworthy. I was reading about the San Francisco crime rates and the most dangerous area is the Tenderloin Neighborhood, which is a few blocks from where I’ll be staying. Earlier this month, a guy was shot about five blocks from my hotel and a few weeks earlier, gunmen opened fire killing one and injuring five people in the area.

On the other hand, the Tenderloin is where ‘The Maltese Falcon’ was set, so that’s pretty cool.

Is This Crazy?

I’ve been looking into the frequency of earthquakes in the area because I’d really like to experience one while I’m out there. I don’t mean a giant one or anything. I’d just like to have a small one but big enough to feel it. Of course, if I had to choose between not feeling it and it being a major earthquake…

According to stats, earthquakes happen several times a day in the general region around San Francisco (though not necessarily in the city itself) but rarely do they measure above 2.0. Most are even under 1.0 in magnitude. In order to feel it, the quake has to be at least 3.0 but I’d like it to be at least 4.0. On any given day, there’s an average of around an 80% chance of an earthquake of 2.5-3.7 occurring in the area. Here’s hoping I’ll be out there when it happens.

Creed News
I was watching ‘The Office’ deleted scenes and one of them references Creed Bratton (who I knew was played by a guy with the same name) as being a member of the Grass Roots, a 60s band. I thought it was so out of left field that it might actually be true…and it was. Creed Bratton actually was a member of the Grass Roots. Check out the link because it has an old picture of Creed, which is funny to see.

Most of the famous stuff the band did came after Creed left in 1969. While he was there, they put out Midnight Confessions and Let's Live For Today. After, they had hits with I'd Wait A Million Years, Temptation Eyes, Sooner Or Later and Two Divided By Love.

Check out his website at http://creedbratton.com/ which has some pretty funny things, most notably a Creed for Governor sign with the slogan ‘Exploiting People Who Believe in Vampires.’ There are several pictures of Creed from back in the 60s that are worth a look too.

Final Thoughts

I’ve had this word that I’ve been trying to remember for several months. It had to do with urban renewal but I couldn’t remember the word. The other day, I was reading and saw the word gentrification and I think that was the word I was trying to remember.

I’m completely sick of the NCAA Tournament. And it’s not just because my bracket looks horrible now (Michigan State?) but it’s because the analysts for college basketball are weird. Dick Vitale keeps screaming and Digger Phelps matches his tie to his highlighter. If I see either one ever again, my brain will explode out of my ear.

I'm putting together my list of the Best and Worst Movies of 2008. I have a couple more movies I need to see and hopefully before I leave for San Francisco, I'll post the list.

Bus Tour, Bracket Update & Rocky Marathon

2009-03-22T20:45:00.003-04:00

From the beginning of the planning for the San Francisco trip, I’ve had certain concerns about the double decker bus tour and I’ve never been able to really pinpoint the problem. Last week, I had everything booked that needs reservations except for the bus tour. There were four choices to choose from, three of them had pictures of the same bus, making me think that at least two, maybe all three were third parties for another company.

Going through a third party, though apparently cheaper, made me nervous. So I settled on what I thought was the main one of the three and the fourth one, which went around downtown and also stopped at both the north and south vista points of the Golden Gate Bridge. I decided that since this would give me an extra view of the Bridge, I would go with it, even though it was more expensive and took up an extra block of time.

However, when I read the terms of agreement, I began to get a little wary. It was made worse when I was getting ready to enter in my credit card information and the site wasn’t encrypted. I looked up the company on the Better Business Bureau’s website and they had given the company an F. It turns out that the company not only wasn’t based in California but it was in Cobb County, Georgia. They had numerous complaints filed against them and in many cases, the company never bothered to respond to BBB.

So I checked the other company, and while it wasn’t as many complaints, they too had an F rating and had trouble responding to BBB. In addition, their site didn’t offer encryption for credit card information.

I decided that it was better to get rid of the bus tour. On the one hand I’m disappointed but it will save a lot of time and a little bit of money as well. And if I’d gone on the tour and been forced to sit on the bottom level, I would’ve really been upset. I hope not going on the tour turns out to be a good thing.

Giant News

I got the tickets to the San Francisco Giants’ ballpark tour this week. I don’t know why they wouldn’t let me print them out but at least I got them in the mail without any problem.

Randy Johnson’s having a really good Spring, which is good news for him but bad news for me. The depth chart’s now listing him as the second starter, meaning I’ll see Matt Cain against the Brewers’ Jeff Suppan. Baseball’s baseball regardless but it would’ve been cool to see Johnson again (or even Barry Zito, currently listed as the team’s fourth starter).

On Opening Day, the Giants are giving away a calendar. On game two, they’re giving away collectable pins. And on the third game? Nothing. So I don’t get anything and I’m forced to see Cain, whose brother Abel was quite the shepherd from what I hear.

Rocky Marathon

My girlfriend and I watched 11 hours worth of movies this weekend, including Rocky I, II, III, IV and Rocky Balboa. Instead of watching the fifth one, I just explained the major details of the plot, though you can pretty much pretend it didn’t happen and move from part four to part six. She’d never seen any of the Rocky movies.

A couple things I was struck by about the series is that the little details hold up fairly well from beginning to end. Well, it was kinda odd that Mickey was 76 in the first one and he died in the third one, which was set five years later, at the age of 76.

The first two are similar in style to each other but the third and (especially) the fourth one seemed sillier, going for laughs in many places. And what was the deal with that robot in the fourth one.

Rocky Balboa, the sixth movie, is a successful return to franchise’s roots. I’ve seen the movie a few times but I appreciated it more having watched all the others back to back. In my original review, I wrote that it was the best one since the original and that I wasn’t sure if it might not be better than the first one. I still don’t.

Angelina

The other movie we watched was ‘Changeling,’ starring Angelina Jolie in the role in which she was nominated for an Oscar. It was a well-made movie and I certainly was interested from beginning to end. The plot was so unbelievable that I went to the Internet to find out how close this kept to the true story and it was relatively close, considering how movies go. I object to the starting of the story featuring the phrase: ‘A True Story’ when any details are changed. Enough was changed for it to be labeled ‘Based on a true story.’

Did Jolie deserve an Oscar? Here’s my problem with Angelina…I’ve never seen her in a movie where I was able to get past who she is. Is that her fault or mine? Sometimes it doesn’t matter but in this one, I found her presence to be distracting and I think someone else playing the part might’ve been more effective.

My Brackets

Okay, so my brackets aren’t super great. I already know I don’t know anything about college basketball.

I’m not going into the few upsets that I nearly picked because that’s pointless. It also wastes time to list the games I got right. You can look at the last entry and the scores for that. The bottom line regarding the Sweet Sixteen: I had three of four right in the Midwest, three of four in the West, three of four in the East and all four right in the South. And all my Elite Eight teams are still alive right now.

Final Thoughts

So much for the possible resurgence of ‘Scrubs.’ After a decently positive start, ‘Scrubs’ has sucked so bad as of late. This past week’s episode ranks up there as one of the worst of the series’ history.

Speaking of television, another week has gone by and I didn’t tape ‘The Simpsons.’ Am I missing it? No.

Want to know the greatest opening line to an article? James Mason had known his wife since she was a little boy.

Blind Bracket Picks & Penishead Exits?

2009-03-18T11:31:00.004-04:00

It’s bracket time and I know absolutely nothing college basketball. I haven’t watched a single game from start to finish and I’ve probably watched no more than five straight minutes of any one game. So these picks are out of complete ignorance.

Every year, I tend to have all the number ones in the Final Four, and last year was the first time I ever got that right. This year, I have all the number ones except for Memphis, which is a number two. Oh, and virtually every year I pick UNC to win and this year's no different.

So, we’ll see how close these picks are…

In the Midwest:

First Round
(1) Louisville over (16) Morehead State
(9) Siena over (8) Ohio State
(5) Utah over (12) Arizona
(4) Wake Forest over (13) Cleveland State
(6) West Virginia over (11) Dayton
(3) Kansas over (14) North Dakota State
(10) USC over (7) Boston College
(2) Michigan State over (15) Robert Morris

Second Round
(1) Louisville over (9) Siena
(4) Wake Forest over (5) Utah
(3) Kansas over (6) West Virginia
(2) Michigan State over (10) USC

Sweet 16
(1) Louisville over (4) Wake Forest
(3) Kansas over (2) Michigan State

Regional Final
(1) Louisville over (3) Kansas

In the West:

First Round
(1) UConn over (16) Chattanooga
(8) BYU over (9) Texas A&M
(5) Purdue over (12) Northern Iowa
(4) Washington over (13) Mississippi State
(6) Marquette over (11) Utah State
(3) Missouri over (14) Cornell
(10) Maryland over (7) Cal
(2) Memphis over (15) Cal State Northridge

Second Round
(1) UConn over (8) BYU
(4) Washington over (5) Purdue
(3) Missouri over (6) Marquette
(2) Memphis over (10) Maryland

Sweet 16
(1) UConn over (4) Washington
(2) Memphis over (3) Missouri

Regional Final
(2) Memphis over (1) UConn

In the East

First Round
(1) Pitt over (16) E. Tennessee State
(9) Tennessee over (8) Oklahoma State
(12) Wisconsin over (5) Florida State
(4) Xavier over (13) Portland State
(11) VCU over (6) UCLA
(3) Villanova over (14) American
(7) Texas over (10) Minnesota
(2) Duke over (15) Binghamton

Second Round
(1) Pitt over (9) Tennessee
(4) Xavier over (12) Wisconsin
(3) Villanova over (11) VCU
(7) Texas over (2) Duke

Sweet 16
(1) Pitt over (4) Xavier
(3) Villanova over (7) Texas

Regional Final
(1) Pitt over (3) Villanova

In the South

First Round
(1) UNC over (16) Radford
(8) LSU over (9) Butler
(5) Illinois over (12) Western Kentucky
(4) Gonzaga over (13) Akron
(6) Arizona State over (11) Temple
(3) Syracuse over (14) Stephen F. Austin
(7) Clemson over (10) Michigan
(2) Oklahoma over (15) Morgan State

Second Round
(1) UNC over (8) LSU
(4) Gonzaga over (5) Illinois
(3) Syracuse over (6) Arizona State
(2) Oklahoma over (7) Clemson

Sweet 16
(1) UNC over (4) Gonzaga
(3) Syracuse over (2) Oklahoma

Regional Final
(1) UNC over (3) Syracuse

Final Four
Louisville over Memphis
UNC over Pitt

National Title
UNC over Louisville

World Baseball Classic Notes

I didn’t pay any attention to the World Baseball Classic in 2006 when it first started but I’ve watched a few of the games this time around. A couple thoughts: This means so much more to people in other countries than it does to Americans. When you look at the games that took place in San Juan, the stands were packed and it was wild.

Second, the two games between the Dominican Republic and Netherlands were absolutely incredible and fun to watch.

Finally, I realize that injuries can happen in Spring Training but when Chipper Jones is out with an oblique injury that I have a feeling will be nagging him all season long and USA manager Davey Johnson puts Braves’ catcher Brian McCann out in left field, I can’t be too enthusiastic about the WBC.

Side Notes

Last night, I hardly slept. My side was really hurting and I couldn’t get in a position that would allow me to go to sleep. I finally managed to fall asleep a little after 1am and then I woke up for a while after 3am. I then woke up at 5:30am and I didn’t get back to sleep until about 7am. I then woke up for good a little after 9am.

Besides being really tired today, the bigger concern is how this affects the San Francisco trip. Over the last couple weeks prior to this week, I was feeling better. I was cautiously optimistic that maybe I’d be near 100% by mid-April and that the planning wouldn’t be affected by my side. Unfortunately, it appears likely that it will be a factor while I’m out there.

I’ll try to plan around it the best I can but there’s a part of me that believes that this might be the only chance I have to go out there and if there are things that I don’t see, I’m going to really regret it. And it’ll probably cause me to push through when maybe I shouldn’t and it’ll cause me to do possible significant damage.

The biggest day that I’m concerned about is Friday, where I’m set to do the most amount of walking, possibly three miles or so. I’ll have pain killers on hand and might need to prioritize some things so that if I absolutely can’t keep walking, I won’t miss anything too important.

But it is a concern. I’ll try to be careful over the next few week so that I can be as healthy as possible by trip time. For instance, I have undated tickets to Six Flags and while I’d love to do that before the trip, that’s not going to be possible. My real goal would be to go before school gets out but that looks unlikely.

I could go on April 18th, the week after I get back but I imagine I’ll be pretty worn out. That next weekend, my girlfriend and I will be going to Talladega for my first auto race. So that makes it unlikely until May. Because the tickets are undated, it means I can wait to see what the weather is going to do and then go.

So Long, Penishead!

Okay, so apparently Penishead’s last day really was yesterday. He’s been saying that his last day was near since November. ‘My last day is next Monday’ or ‘My last day’s the Monday after next’ is all I’ve been hearing for the last five months. So it wasn’t a Monday at all…it was a Tuesday.

Is there a chance that he’s still there today or tomorrow? Will his desk be cleared out? I don’t know. I’m still not sold. I realize that he was given a cake and flowers and everyone was saying goodbye but I still have trouble believing he’s really gone this time. He’s fooled me so many times before that I just don’t want to be fooled again.

Final Thoughts

I was clearing out stuff in my jacket pocket yesterday and I had a receipt from Applebee’s from a couple weeks ago. The name of the waitress that night was Say-Ruh. That’s the way a person from Macon would pronounce Sarah.

Research shows that old age begins at 27 and I feel it. I tell you, sometimes I start sentences that I never

Baby Concerns, Doctor Bills & Dr. Manhattan...Again

2009-03-15T16:14:00.000-04:00

Okay, this post will be the last time I mention Dr. Manhattan…I think…maybe. I feel like I’ve lost the ability to be funny because I saw a naked blue man and this isn’t right. What’s wrong with me that seeing a giant blue naked man should have any effect on me at all? Am I that immature? Well, probably.

So, I’ll mention it one more time and I’ll try to make that the last time. And then maybe I can move on. Maybe.

What’s the Deal With Babies?

I just got back from a birthday party for this baby, and while I’d met this baby before, I’m quite sure it didn’t remember me at all. Which is strange because all it did the first time was stare at me like it was analyzing me for a weakness.

And that’s the thing about babies. They haven’t learned that it’s not polite to just keep staring at someone, especially someone you don’t know. It’s not like you can even just stare back at them and they’ll realize they’re being rude. I know this because I tried it. I stared back at the baby just as intently as it was staring at me. Did the baby look away? No. It had this expression of, ‘I’ll meet your challenge, Oblong Face.’

Was it intimidating? Not really. Here’s why: Because I’m quite confident that a baby can’t defeat me, especially one I only see every two months. And once they start actually understanding English, that’s when you can start playing head games with them. Then they have no chance of winning.

Quick SF Notes

I still haven’t made the double decker bus tour reservation. I’m having reservations about making the reservation, which is why I haven’t made the reservation yet. Why am I picturing an Indian dancing around a teepee right now?

At work, I’ve gotten one of the requested vacation days approved but Monday still hasn’t been approved yet. That could be a potential problem.

I had a dream the other day that I didn’t pack until the day I was leaving for San Francisco and I tried packing everything into a backpack. It was horrible and I woke up in a panic. I also had a dream that I was moving out of my apartment and even though my lease was a month from being up, they were charging me $15,000 to leave and the head of the complex was my old landlord from Virginia. His name was Frank Gough. He may or may not be dead now.

Inevitable Post-‘Watchmen’ Date Conversation

‘Sure Dr. Manhattan is well-endowed and has amazing biceps and triceps and lats,’ she says.
‘And don’t forget his pecs. You could stick your finger in his pecs,’ he notes.
‘Yeah and he has amazing pecs…’ her voice trailing off.
‘I’m waiting for the but.’
‘Yeah, his butt was pretty incredible too.’

Let this be a warning to you, little grasshoppers. Let this be a warning.

My Netflix Movie

I still haven’t received ‘Changeling’ from Netflix yet. It was supposed to be here on Tuesday and it hasn’t arrived. What’s the deal? Why am I even mentioning this?

My Doctor Bill

I still keep getting hospital bills from October and November of last year and every time I think everything is paid, they send me another bill. Well, this most recent bill matched an exact amount that I already paid a month ago. The notice advised me that I was going to be reported to a collection agency if I didn’t pay immediately.

I called the billing group and after acting like I was some deadbeat, I was told that it takes 30-45 days to show up in their system after a payment posts to a bank account. So, if I pay on the due date and a collection notice generate three weeks after that date, a collection notice will automatically generate because it takes 4-6 weeks for them to be able tell they received a payment.

And why does it take that long for a payment to show in their system since everything is computerized? I didn’t bother asking.

As a Follow Up to Last Post

Jim Cramer went on ‘The Daily Show’ this past week and I thought Jon Stewart really did an excellent job interviewing him and asking very difficult questions. This isn’t an interview that goes for laughs but is really serious media critiquing.

Below is the unedited, uncensored version and it’s definitely worth watching. After watching, read this article for reaction to what you just watched.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 1

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 2

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 3

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

More Planning and Chuck Norris for President

2009-03-11T21:31:00.009-04:00

Today was a big day in planning for the trip to San Francisco. It’s four weeks until I leave and I’ve got a tentative schedule in place that includes reservations that have been made for everything but one event where reservations are needed.

I called several places to make sure that booking on Easter weekend wouldn’t be a problem. And this probably shows my Southern skewed viewpoint because in Georgia, several places are closed on Easter, a few others are actually closed on Good Friday. But in the Devil’s City, Easter isn’t observed, so visiting most attractions on Easter isn’t a problem.

The best news I learned today was that the movie tour has extended breaks at two locations but actually stops at eight places, including at the Painted Ladies mural, which I’m very happy about. The person I spoke to was really friendly and it made me more confident that taking this tour is a good idea. And it better be since it’s the most expensive thing on the docket and it also takes up the most time, a three hour block of time.

Also today, I checked bus and subway schedules to make sure I have enough time to get from place to place and while it’s close, it fits. Several places can be switched around if it comes to that and there is a certain amount of flexibility, though not as much as I’d like.

The current schedule of events:

Thursday: San Francisco Visitors Center to pick up the City Pass and ask a couple questions about the way it works (namely, does it cover buses, because it seems to but I’m not sure). Try to check into the hotel early if they’ll let me. Visit Yerba Buena Garden, Modern Art Museum and if there’s time, the Cartoon Museum. Then I’ll watch the Giants play the Brewers, still crossing my fingers that Randy Johnson will be the team’s third starter.

Friday: Heading out at 6:15AM, stopping by Twin Peaks, Buena Vista Park, Castro Street and Castro Theater. Walking along Haight-Asbury area. Visiting the Conservatory of Flowers, Academy of Sciences, Shakespeare Garden, Botanical Gardens, the Japanese Tea Garden and Stow Lake, which has a cool looking waterfall. Then I’ll go to the de Young museum and the giant Dutch windmill in the Tulip Garden. There are several options on what to do next but the goal is to see the Seal Rocks and make my first stop at the Golden Gate Bridge before getting back to the hotel by 8pm.

Saturday: I’ve made reservations for the first ferry out to Alcatraz that boards at 8:30am. That should end at 11:30 and I need to book it across town for the AT&T ballpark tour at 12:30, for which I also have reservations. Then I go back to the wharf (maybe stopping at Coit Tower first), and I’ll take a open top double decker bus tour. If I didn’t do it in the morning, I’ll stop by Lombard Street, ‘the crookedest street’ before going to the Cable Car museum and Grace Cathedral. Depending on how I’m feeling and what I did on Friday, I might visit a couple Victorian style houses and Alta Plaza (which supposedly has good views of the Golden Gate Bridge). Most likely, I’ll be back to the hotel by 8pm.

Sunday: I’ll stop by Lombard Street if I didn’t get a good picture of it the day before and then continue to the Aquarium before going on the movie tour at 10:30. I should be back in time for the Blue and Gold Cruise (which goes under the Golden Gate Bridge) and then I’ll visit the battleship the Jeremiah O’Brien (on which I’ll keep saying, ‘You sunk my battleship’ over and over again) and the submarine the USS Pampanito. Then I’ll go on to Coit Tower if I haven’t already. If I have, then I can do the double decker tour again if my pictures from Saturday didn’t come out good. If the pictures were good and I don’t have anything else left to do, I can watch a movie at a nearby theater or rest in the hotel.

Monday: There are a couple things I can do before I need to leave if I didn’t already do them, but I need to head to the airport by 10:40. I’ll land back in Atlanta around 8:45 and should be home by 9:45.

Again, it’s a packed weekend but it seems doable and hopefully there’s enough flexibility to fit everything in and move stuff around depending on the weather. There’s enough redundancy that if I don’t get a shot on one day, I should be able to get a comparable shot at another point.

After I make the reservations for the bus tour, I’ll start putting a packet together. It will include information on each event, every possible travel point to that location, alternate times and alternate timelines for each day in every conceivable way that the events can be changed and flipped around. That way, if something doesn’t work out, there’ll be a contingency plan in place.

While the heart of that can start now, I can’t get that completely done until I have access to the Easter weekend bus and train schedule. The current plans are based on this month’s schedule and while the schedules aren’t likely that different, I just want to make sure everything has been planned for.

His last name is Norris and his first name is Chuck

Chuck Norris is interested in being president…of Texas. Before you think Chuck is confusing president with being governor of a state, it’s worth noting that he envisions Texas seceding from the Union. That didn’t work out too well the first time but then again, Robert E. Lee didn’t have Master Chuck on his side. So what if he had a couple great generals serving under him? Could any of them roundhouse kick?

Chuck fears that state of the union is turning into the enemy of the state. And while I could argue with him, he would just punch me with his beard.

Want to see a funny Chuck Norris clip? Check this out:

One day, I think it’d be funny to post a series of funny Chuck Norris clips the way I did the funny ‘Price is Right’ clips.

Brave New World Update

I’ve never heard of the ‘Iron Chef’ before but apparently Cat Cora and her lesbian partner Jennifer Cora are both pregnant and will give birth three months apart. They already have two children and all four kids will have been created from the same sperm donor so all of them will be biologically related. Cat is carrying an embryo created using Jennifer’s egg and in Jennifer’s previous pregnancy, she carried an embryo that was created using Cat’s egg.

In perhaps related news that could be entirely unrelated…Aldous Huxley died on November 22, 1963. Just a thought that occurred to me when reading that article.

Showtime/TMC: Out

I have my Charter bill deducted each month, so I don’t look too closely at my bill. I’d received a letter saying that the cost of certain items would be going up, so when my bill increased this year, I didn’t think anything of it. But it turns out that Showtime and The Movie Channel are now $14 a month. Because of this, I cancelled both of them and added HBO and Cinemax which cost the same thing.

Showtime and TMC have no series worth watching and rarely do they have any quality movies. I used to have HBO and was happy with it back then. I’ve never had Cinemax but it can’t be worse than either Showtime or TMC.

Simpsons: Out

Alright, earlier this season, I stopped an episode of ‘The Simpsons’ before it was over. The week before last, I didn’t see the episode due to the NASCAR race that ran long. This past Sunday, I stopped an episode before the first commercial. Have I given up on the show? In a word…Yes.

I should’ve stopped watching this drivel years ago but I kept hoping it would get better. But not only is it not funny, which it’s not, but it’s unclear whether it’s even trying to be funny. It’s just, uh, boring. And I know boring (see above listed travel itinerary). I removed ‘The Simpsons’ from my series record list on my DVR.

Now some of you (read: one of you) might think I’ll relapse. Believe me, I won’t.

Birthdays

I’m not sure I understand having a birthday party for a one year old. Not only will the baby not remember anything but one year olds seem easily confused. The baby doesn’t know what it’s being given and it’s more for the mother anyway. It’s marking a year since she gave birth and now people are giving the baby stuff that she doesn’t have to get for the baby.

A party for a two year old makes a little more sense. They are speaking by then, right? But I doubt they’re saying anything all that interesting. I’m betting they’re doing a lot of pointing still and I don’t like people who point a lot, even if they are babies.

I think maybe birthdays should be celebrated every few years. Maybe just the milestone ones. Five, ten, 16, 21, 25, 30, 40, 50, 60 and 70. If you live past 70, you should be happy any time you’re still around. You shouldn’t need to have a cake to say, ‘I can’t believe you made it through another year.’

If each person only had ten birthdays a year, there’d probably be fewer wars, more travelling calls in the NBA and better television.

Final Thoughts

I had barbequed meatballs today. They were okay.

Actually, I’m still stuck thinking about Dr. Manhattan.

Final Thoughts: Take Two

Okay, since I’m still messed up with that whole Dr. Manhattan thing, I’m going to end this with a series of clips regarding the feud between Jon Stewart and Jim Cramer. That’s at least funny.

March 4, 2009:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

March 9, 2009:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

In Cramer We Trust

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

March 10, 2009:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Basic Cable Personality Clash Skirmish '09

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

SF Trip, Dr. Manhattan & Extra Pizza

2009-03-08T16:02:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I’m slacking on the planning for the trip. What I need to do this week, is call several places that are tentatively scheduled for Sunday to make sure they’re open on Easter. I need to calculate the travel distances between the events and then by Wednesday (hopefully), start making reservations and locking everything in place.

Once everything is locked in place, I’ll print out some of the stuff I found off the Internet so I’ll have an Internet guide in addition to the travel guide I bought at Barnes & Noble.

The goal is to get everything done by next weekend, so I’ll have four weeks leading up to the trip and everything pretty much in place. Then I can focus on packing.

And Then There’s Dr. Manhattan

My girlfriend and I saw ‘Watchmen’ on Saturday at the new IMAX that just opened near Southlake Mall. The sound was incredible in the theater.

I could give me review of the movie, but I’ll be honest, what I really took away from the film more than anything is that I felt very emasculated. The same thing happened after I watched the other Zach Snyder directed film, ‘300.’ After my brother and I had watched ‘300,’ we went to Best Buy and I saw a woman struggling to pick up a box to get it into her car. So I helped her and that helped to counteract the way I felt after watching ‘300.’

But after ‘Watchmen,’ there were no women putting boxes into their cars that I could help them with. So instead, I kept thinking about Dr. Manhattan and his shoulders, pecs and yes, his giant blue penis that hung out there most of the movie.

After we got home, I put on another Billy Crudup movie, ‘Almost Famous’ just to show my girlfriend that Dr. Manhattan was a CGI creation. ‘Almost Famous’ is a really good movie but it didn’t keep me from thinking about Dr. Manhattan.

I Was Further Freaked Out When...

I went to Pizza Hut on Sunday. I’d ordered a pizza and cheesesticks online for carryout. When I went to pick it up, the cashier was staring off to the side, his tongue poking out of his mouth, displaying his bluish tongue stud. He look at me, and I realized he had these super-sea blue contacts in. You know, the ones that make your eyes look freaky. To top it off, he had very over dramatic hand movements and an effeminate way of talking.

He explained that he wasn’t paying attention and did the pizza wrong, so it had to be redone. Since they couldn’t use the other pizza, he gave me the ‘wrong’ pizza for free. So, I got two pizzas for the price of one. And that was good but he completely freaked the hell out of me.

Final Thoughts

I accidentally bought Brawny the other day. Didn’t their cover guy used to have a beard? What happened to the beard? Dude looks like he has a shrunken head too. It’s really freaky and I don’t think I like it.

Who am I kidding…I’m really still thinking about Dr. Manhattan.

Boring Planning Notes, Dylan News

2009-03-04T20:16:00.003-05:00

I did a lot of planning both today and last night for the trip that’s now just about a month away. The goal has been to get everything locked in place, tickets purchased and everything by March 9, exactly one month before I’m set to leave.

The problem I’ve been having is that I don’t see how everything fits together and there’s a good reason for that…it’s because it doesn’t fit together.

Last night, I stayed up until about 4am and I printed off a small slip of paper with the name of the attraction, the location, time of operation and expected duration of the event. I then printed out a page with the hours in a day so I could move the slips of paper around to see how everything fit, or didn’t fit.

On Thursday, it’s a relatively light schedule. I’ll land around 11am and visit the Modern Art Museum and Cartoon Museum before going to the Giants game at 4pm. The game is part of the Giants’ opening series and there’s a good chance that Randy Johnson will be pitching against Jeff Suppan. The Giants also have former Brave Edgar Renteria, Aaron Rowand and Randy Winn. The Brewers have Prince Fielder, JJ Hardy and Ryan Braun.

That Sunday’s Easter is a slight problem and some of the places are clearly closed, others might be closed even though the website doesn’t specifically state that. For the most part though, the biggest problem is that too many things have a 10:30 start time. In some cases, that’s the only start time they have, in other cases, the alternate times conflict with the other events as well.

As it stands now, and it’s not by any means locked in place, one day will be devoted to the Golden Gate Park area, which will include Twin Peaks and Haight-Asbury. The end of that day, depending on time (I should have two extra hours), could have me either visiting the Pacific Heights area or some places that would give me side shots of the Golden Gate Bridge.

The day to visit the Golden Gate Park will likely either be Friday or Sunday of the trip (again, Thursday and Monday are travel days). I’m leaning toward putting this day on Friday. It’ll be the most taxing physically and I think I’d rather get that out of the way first. It also has the potential to be the shortest of the days. Of course, there’s merit to making that the last day of the trip since it will be the hardest day.

My side has started hurting worse over the last couple weeks. There’s a concern that there’s only so much walking I’ll be able to do and unfortunately, that’s going to have to factor into the planning of this trip.

Since Thursday and Monday are set and one of the days will be devoted to Golden Gate Park, that leaves two days that will be primarily based out of the Wharf. Most of the amusements and tours originate from one of the piers at Fisherman’s Wharf. But trying to fit everything I want to do outside the Park into just two days seemed near impossible. The worst thing was that no matter how I moved stuff around, I couldn’t figure out how to tour the baseball stadium.

Now I love baseball and I enjoy touring baseball parks, especially one as beautiful as the one in San Francisco. In order to make it fit, I’d have to do something at the Wharf, then go all the way to the other side of the city, take the tour and go all the way back to the other side again. In order to do that, something would have to be eliminated.

The two most likely candidates were either the movie tour, which lasts three hours or the air tour, which would take up about two and half hours. Either one would open up the time needed to fit the ballpark tour in (plus the travel time there and back to the Wharf).

The first two questions: Is seeing a baseball stadium more valuable than going on a movie tour? Is seeing a baseball stadium more valuable than getting a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge from the air? The third question: Which is more valuable, going on a movie tour or getting a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge from the air?

I decided that I value seeing a baseball stadium more than I value both the movie tour AND the air picture, meaning that whatever I did, I needed to make the stadium tour fit into the schedule. I checked to make sure that I couldn’t fit the ballpark tour into Monday but because of when my plane is leaving, Monday will need to basically be a travel only day.

That left it between the movie tour and the air tour. Here’s the thing, I don’t know how good the movie tour is going to be. There’s going to be a certain amount of redundancy in the movie tour but that’s kinda the point. I want to have multiple chances to get the same shot in case weather is an issue. How good are the pictures really going to be on the movie tour.

The movie tour apparently stops at City Hall, Fort Point area (near the Golden Gate Bridge) and some reports say a surprise location that could be Lucas Films. On Trip Advisor, they have 16 reviews and all of them are five stars and highly recommend the tour.

On the other hand, we’re talking about a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge from the air in either a helicopter or seaplane. I’ve never been in a seaplane! But here’s the thing, I’ve never really gotten great pictures from the air. The shots are hit or miss, mainly miss. In St. Louis, because they don’t let you go up by yourself (like the seaplane and possibly the helicopter in San Francisco), I had to purchase two tickets. And then the pictures sucked major ass.

Two tickets in San Francisco would cost $300 and the odds of getting a good shot of the bridge are minimal. Even if I could do it for the price of one ticket, the odds aren’t great of getting a good shot of the bridge. So I would’ve just spent a bunch of money and lost two and a half hours for almost nothing.

I decided that the risk was higher with the air tour and decided to kick it out of the itinerary, leaving the movie and ballpark tours on the list.

As it stands right now, the Blue and Gold Cruise and Alcatraz trip are on separate days. Now, the last I checked, the Blue and Gold website isn’t working. Is that because it’s temporarily down or is it no longer running? What’s going on? That’s why next week, I’ll call each place to make sure it’s open on the day I’m planning to visit.

I also need to find out the exact time between location and MUNI routes and everything. That shouldn’t take too long to do. But the hardest part is done. No air tour. No zoo. Likely no Mt Davidson or Legion of Honor museum. No Wells Fargo Museum. And Marina Green and Fort Mason or looking doubtful.

Jimmy Fallon’s Debut

I saw Jimmy Fallon’s first episode. It wasn’t as horrendously awful as I’d expected. Maybe he’ll get better. I mean, I didn’t like Conan when he first came on.

Fallon’s monologue was dreadful and the skits were lousy and his interview skills were weak. He seemed comfortable with Justin Timberlake but it was more like two guys hanging out than one person really interviewing another.

Side note: Timberlake was funny and I really liked his imitations of Michael McDonald and John Mayer. Maybe JT should get his own show.

It was cool to see Van Morrison. He has one of the most intriguing voices in the world. It made me want to go pull him up on my mp3 player but I didn’t do it because I’m too lazy. I could listen to him sing almost anything…until he starts singing ‘Rigga digga digga’ over and over again like he did on Fallon’s show.

I watched Fallon’s second episode and it was a lot like his first. You could tell he was friends with Tina Fey but them telling stories about stuff they did together wasn’t all that interesting or funny.

I imagine NBC will have a long leash on this show, probably a couple years at least but I don’t have that kind of patience with a new show.

Will I Stop Watching?

Speaking of patience for shows. I didn’t watch any of the ‘Simpson’s’ last week. Okay, so it was because my DVR ended up taping the end of a NASCAR race but still. It’s not like I’m going to be make a concerted effort to watch it.

Also, the end is near for ‘Chuck.’ If it doesn’t start getting better soon, that’s it. It’s stuck in the same rut it was in last year. The show is far too predictable and liking the people only takes you so far. Each episode feels like a rough rewrite of the last one and it’s getting really old. At the beginning of this season, it’s like they realized that and some curves were being thrown in there but the last few weeks have really sucked. That long hiatus didn’t help either.

Dylan News

Big news from the music front. I was looking at a list of albums coming out this year and it looks like okay list of stuff. But then today, word came out that Bob Dylan is releasing a ‘surprise’ studio album next month. It’s supposed to contain “raw-country love songs, sly wordplay and the wounded state of the nation.” Whatever it is, I’m certainly looking forward to it. This wasn’t on any list of upcoming albums I read, hence the ‘surprise’ element in its release.

Quick Internet Hits

It’s been a while since I felt this affected by a Falcon leaving the team. In this article, Keith Brooking says goodbye to the Falcon organization, while at the same time inferring that he wants to be part of the organization after his playing career is done. Brooking is an absolutely classy guy and it’s really upsetting to see him go. It’ll be even harder when I see him playing for the Cowboys next season.

The Sunday Alcohol bill was withdrawn after it was clear it wouldn’t get out of committee. That puts Georgia in the weird position that you can drive to a restaurant or bar and drink alcohol and then drive home but you can’t buy it in a store on Sunday and drive it home to drink it there. Governor Sonny Perdue cites safety concerns as the reason he opposes the measure, even as he signed a bill to allow Sunday alcohol sales at the new minor league stadium in Gwinnett.

Headline: For one-armed woman, court victory is bittersweet
Harrison Ford, after successfully putting the one-armed man behind bars, wasn’t as successful in imprisoning the one-armed woman.

Final Thoughts

The other day, I actually jumpstarted someone else’s car for the first time. I was so excited that it actually worked. I’d watched an instructional internet video on it and then went out and got it done. For about 10 minutes, I actually felt like a man…and then I went back to feeling like an amoebic blob.

I still don’t really understand why so many people are upset about ‘The Bachelor.’ I watched a CNN segment on it and I still don’t get it.

Why is it when I see the lead singer of The Fray, I want to squish his little, oval head?

SF Planning, Movies and Snow

2009-03-02T09:47:00.003-05:00

Movie Tour or No?

I’m starting to really question whether I can do that movie tour. They run it once a day, starting at 10:30 and it runs for three hours. That’s a huge block of time. There are two extended stop offs on the tour, in front of City Hall, which was close to being kicked off my list and Fort Point, which would be very convenient for me since I’m not sure I can fit that in otherwise.

But is it worth giving up three hours for those two locations when a lot of the other locations are going to be redundant. I was looking at a list of movies shot in San Francisco and some of them are notable but I’m not sure I really NEED to see what scenes were shot where.

Some of the movies (and I don’t know how many of these will be on the tour) are ‘Milk,’ ‘The Maltese Falcon,’ ‘Vertigo,’ ‘Zodiac,’ ‘The Pursuit of Happyness,’ ‘Bullitt,’ ‘Basic Instinct,’ ‘Mrs. Doubtfire,’ and of course the Dirty Harry movies and several movies that are set in Alcatraz (though I doubt the bus tour drives on the water to the Rock).

I don’t think those movies really warrant a three hour tour necessarily. I don’t know. If I had more time maybe. But right now, that’s the next thing on the list that’s looking kinda doubtful.

‘Mythbusters’ is based out of San Francisco. Do you think I could participate in one of their shows? Hey, do you wanna see a really cool clip from the show?

Here:

Movie Thoughts

My girlfriend and I watched ‘Stalag 17’ and ‘Network’ on Sunday as part of a mini William Holden marathon. We’d watched ‘Sunset Boulevard’ last weekend. And I had a couple thoughts that I always have when I watch these movies.

First, William Holden is a really underrated actor. I mean, he did win an Oscar for Best Actor for his role in ‘Stalag 17’. I memorized his acceptance speech, which isn’t hard since he took the award, said, ‘Thank you,’ and walked away. He was nominated for Best Supporting Actor in ‘Network.’ But you know how little known he apparently is? You know Suzanne Vega’s song ‘Tom’s Diner?’ If you heard it, you’d remember it. Anyway, the line, “I open up the paper / there's a story of an actor / who died while he was drinking / he was no one I had heard of” is a reference to Holden.

Second, Billy Wilder has to be considered when talking about the best directors ever. Also, he wrote almost all the movies he directed. You can watch a movie he wrote/directed and it has his thumbprint on it.

And finally, ‘Network’ is one of the most forward thinking movies I’ve ever seen. It’s so far ahead of its time, it’s amazing that it made any sense in the 70s.

‘Network’ had five of its actors/actresses nominated for Academy Awards but it lost Best Picture to ‘Rocky.’ I love ‘Rocky’ and likely will watch that next weekend as part of a ‘Rocky’ movie marathon, but I’m not sure ‘Rocky’ should’ve won that one.

You know, if you look at the Best Picture winners by decade, you could make a good case that the 70s had the best Best Picture movies. Among the list: ‘Patton,’ ‘The Godfather,’ ‘The Godfather Part II,’ ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,’ ‘Rocky,’ ‘Annie Hall,’ ‘The Deer Hunter’ and ‘Kramer v Kramer.’

Certainly no decade since can even compete with that list but I don’t think there’s really a decade before that’s as strong as the 70s. Now, when it comes to best movies, I still think you hafta look at the 40s as the benchmark decade but so many of the best movies of that decade, weren’t nominated or didn’t win.

How exactly did the following movies of the 40s not win: ‘Citizen Kane,’ ‘The Maltese Falcon,’ ‘The Pride of the Yankees,’ ‘The Magnificent Ambersons,’ ‘It’s a Wonderful Life,’ ‘The Bishop’s Wife’ and ‘The Big Sleep.’

The Snow Falls

It did snow on Sunday but it was more like the dusting I thought it was going to be. It wasn’t the four inches that some places were predicting. I believe I had that one.

The Hunger Walk was cancelled due to snow. This is the worst thing that’s ever happened. Here’s why: People who were hungry are still gonna be hungry now. These little wusses couldn’t put up with a little snow and now people are hungry. I bet alotta these hungry people are also homeless. So guess what? Not only are they cold but they’re still hungry.

And McNabb Exits

Mr. McNabb officially left today, clearing out the last of his things like his plants and wind chimes. He knocked on my door to borrow some ‘pliers or better yet a [insert some fancy sounding wrench here].’ I gave him the pliers and a few minutes later, he returned them and he said, “I know you’re a Braves’ fan but look at the name on this hat.” He showed me a St. Louis Cardinals hat allegedly signed by Stan Musial.

But you know what really confused me? He was wearing a New England Patriots hat. How weird is that?

Iran Wants an Apology

Iran wants an apology for ‘The Wrestler’ and ‘300.’ Is this how it works now? We can start demanding apologies for movies that have been made? Hey, Adam Sandler, got a minute?

The real question is why they were asking the apology of Annette Bening. If she was going to be asked to apologize for something, how about ‘The Women’ or ‘What Planet are You From?’

(This might be the time to reiterate my policy on ‘The Women.’ If any person should get me a copy of this film, the thank you present will be ‘Peewee’s Big Adventure.’ That’s the way it works.)

Salman on Slumdog

I found someone else who doesn’t like ‘Slumdog Millionaire.’ Salman Rushdie. I’m not much of a fan of his. Of course, I’m sure he doesn’t care. Once you have a global death threat made against you, criticism like ‘I’m not much of a fan’ probably bounces right off you.

The Mr. McNabb Era Ends

2009-02-28T11:52:00.005-05:00

It’s official: Mr. McNabb is moving out next door this weekend.

Yesterday, I was hearing a lot of loud noises from across the hall and when I was leaving, Mr. McNabb’s door was wide open and a bunch of people were in there laughing and moving stuff. There was a U-Haul out front and it turns out that Mr. McNabb is leaving the complex.

So, Mr. McNabb, this is for you:

I remember when I first saw you
Your bald head and mustache
How you couldn’t pay your rent
Because you didn’t have the cash
And oh, each court summons
That was taped upon your door
I read them every time
It was just too much to ignore
You were the umpire behind home plate
For a youth league in Mosley Field
It was all fun and games
Until a ball hit your windshield
There was that time I startled you
When I missed a step and fell
Those times you stood at the window
And kept staring at Michelle
You harassed the delivery guy
Who was dropping of my new TV
Kept me from going to work
With stories about AT&T
You walked around half naked
With your purple moon tattoo
Wind blowing those chimes
That annoyed everyone but you
I’m sad to see you go
Because of how much you meant
But at least maybe the complex
Will get someone who’ll pay the rent

Oh, the places you will go, Mr. McNabb…The places you will go.

A Quixotic Quest

I’m still going through the plans with San Francisco and I still don’t see how I can fit everything in. The places that are looking questionable right now: The Legion of Honor art museum, Alta Plaza, Fort Mason, Marina Green, the Haas-Lillenthal House, St. Mary’s Cathedral and City Hall. Of course, the zoo’s already been kicked out.

I can’t figure out how to fit in the tour of AT&T Park and Queen Wilhelmina Tulip Garden, the latter has a big Dutch Windmill. I’ve never seen a windmill like that before. But it’s not close to anything and it’s really out of the way. But I hafta to see it, right? I mean, you can’t just ignore a giant windmill. I feel a little like Don Quixote in that I just have to get to that damn windmill!

I would love to tour the city in a sea plane but that’s going to take 2-3 hours out of a day. I hafta go to a meeting place, where I’m driven up over the Golden Gate Bridge to an airport. We’d fly around for a while and I’d hafta be driven back to the meeting place. And what I’m really scared of is that the plane’s windows will be dirty and I won’t be able to get clear pictures. If they came out, I’m sure they’d be great but I don’t have a good track record on shooting from the sky like that.

The movie tour (which takes you around the city looking at where famous movies were shot) is also looking unlikely. I was under the crazy impression originally that I could fit the Wharf, Golden Gate Park, downtown into two days, leaving Sunday wide open to finish up what wasn’t done and to tour AT&T Park. That’s just not possible.

I’m going to spend some time today working on it and a lot of time on Wednesday. The goal still is to get all the plans in place by March 9th, which is next Monday, giving me just about a week to get this completed. That week, I’ll make all the necessary reservations and start putting together a guidebook to take with me, plan what to take and everything.

The Weather Outside is Weather

Supposedly it's going to snow Sunday and WSBTV is reporting that it could be up to 4 inches in the Metro Atlanta area. For those who are worried, please let me assure you...THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN.

I concede that there might be snow flurries but it will not accumulate. Period. It's 61 degrees right now. Tomorrow is expected to be in high 30s. The ground is going to be too warm for it to add up to 4 inches in the Metro Area. Maybe up in North Georgia but not down here.

Again, I promise you, it will not accumulate. If we get four inches where I live, I will chop off my right arm.

Brooking Signs with the Cowboys

Former Atlanta Falcon linebacker Keith Brooking signed with the Dallas Cowboys today, which reunites him with Wade Phillips. Phillips was a former defensive coordinator for the Falcons and briefly served as coach after Dan Reeves was fired.

Brooking released a statement to the AJC that said he was sad to be leaving. "The Atlanta area is my home. It will always be my home. Although, I will play for the Cowboys for the next few years, I will always be a Falcon at heart.”

San Fran Plans Continue & Brooking Gone

2009-02-27T11:53:00.002-05:00

I’m still plowing ahead with the plans for San Francisco. I’m looking at the pieces and it doesn’t seem to fit together. I’ve already decided I can’t go to the zoo there. It’s too far from the heart of the city and there’s nothing else notable around it. Plus, it doesn’t look like there’s anything super special about this zoo.

I’ve completed the list of stuff that I’d like to see. Right now, it’s about putting them in order, finding out how much ground I can cover per day and then organizing each day. At least two or three things might need to be scratched from the plans. The one thing I don’t want to do is spend that time running from place to place.

Under the current plan, I can’t figure out when to see the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s out of the way and I don’t know how to fit it in right now. Obviously stuff has to be moved around to get that into the plans.

I wish I had an extra day there. Because Monday is a total travel day and Thursday is pretty close to a travel day, I have just three days to fit everything in. The Golden Gate Park area (not where the bridge is, mind you) takes up an entire day. The Wharf area is going to take up a full day and the downtown area takes up a day. I’m not sure what to move to make this work out.

A Look Back at Oscar

My Oscar picks were almost dead on from the last blog entry. ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ cleaned up and Mickey Rourke didn’t win Best Actor for his part in ‘The Wrestler.’

I predicted each award correctly except for Cinematography and Sound Mixing (I thought ‘Dark Knight’ for both but ‘Slumdog won each) and Best Foreign Film (I picked ‘Waltz with Bashir’ and ‘Departure’ won). But that’s not bad. To go 21 for 24 is pretty darn good.

Slight question though: How can ‘Dark Knight’ win Sound Editing but lose Sound Mixing? How’s that work exactly?

In the end, it was a disappointing event because the two best movies weren’t even nominated for Best Picture (‘The Dark Knight’ and ‘The Wrestler’) and a movie that is entirely overrated, swept everything (‘Slumdog’). Oh well…

Speaking of Predictions

I’m a little freaked out this morning because I just finished watching ‘Doomsday: 2012’ on the History Channel and it was all about how a bunch of predictions show 2012 to be the last year ever. The target date is 12-21-2012. My first thought…Aw…Billy won’t get to have his birthday that year. Second thought…that’s not that far away.

Then I went on to one of those web sites and it listed a group of celebrity ‘believers’ in this stuff. It listed Lil Wayne, Janeane Garofalo, Mel Gibson, Joe Rogan and former Phillies catcher Darren Daulton.

When I saw who believed in this, I calmed down a little. I mean, Darren Daulton? Dude’s nuts. Check out an old interview he gave to Sports Illustrated or his own website. He thinks he’s traveled in time.

Here’s why I know the world doesn’t end in 2012…Marty and Doc went to 2015 and if the world didn’t exist, how did Old Biff take the Sports Almanac back to Young Biff in 1955. Answer me that, Darren Daulton.

The Brooking Era Ends?

Earlier this week, we learned that Safety Lawyer Milloy would not be coming back to the Falcons next year and today, Keith Brooking has become a free agent. While it’s possible that he could resign with Atlanta, that seems to be very unlikely.

He was the last member of the 1998 Super Bowl team for the Falcons. It’s tremendously sad to see him go. In an email to the AJC, Brooking wrote, “There will always be a huge place in my heart for the Falcons and the city of Atlanta regardless of what my future holds.”

Final Thoughts

Headline: 'Slumdog Actor Beaten.' Finally, someone else who didn't like that movie.

I don’t feel comfortable around kids and I never have. Even when I was one, I still didn’t feel comfortable around them.

Planning Continues, Oscar Picks & I Dream of Culkin

2009-02-20T09:49:00.005-05:00

I got a lot of planning done on the San Francisco trip yesterday. I’ve gone through all the web sites that I marked as favorites and moved a lot of the information over to a Word Document. I pretty much have the list of stuff I’d like to do nailed down. It’s about getting everything to fit together in a three day span.

My first day is just going to be a travel day pretty much. I bought tickets to the Giants/Brewers game. But that will be it. My fifth day is a travel day back to Atlanta. So everything else needs to fit in those three days and it looks like that’s going to be a touch fit.

I went to Barnes & Noble and bought a map and a book (after looking at every book on the subject) and I’m at least starting to see how the city fits together and how this trip needs to be planned. I’m starting to get more excited about it now. I went to bed last night and I couldn’t sleep because I kept picturing maps of the city.

Macaulay of My Dreams

I had the most bizarre dream I’ve had in a while. I was in San Francisco and I was going to a movie. They had several different Butterfinger products at the concession area and I asked if they had Butterfinger BBs, which I haven’t seen in a while. So the guy who’s behind the counter says that they only have what’s out in view. But the crazy thing is that the guy who says this is Mike Schwartz, a writer for Scrubs who has a recurring role on the show as a death metal listening, air-drumming delivery guy named Lloyd.

I ordered a Butterfinger Star (which to my knowledge isn’t real but probably should be) and the guy that completes the order is Macaulay Culkin. He takes the Butterfinger Star out of the wrapper and places it in a napkin and as he’s handing it to me, he drops it. He picks it back up and tries to make me take it. I told him I didn’t want it if it fell on the ground but he insisted that it had been less than 5 seconds and that he knew the floors were clean since he’d just cleaned them a couple hours earlier.

I asked for the manager and she ordered Macaulay to get me another one, which he did but in full view of the manager, he spit on it several times. The manager looked at me and said, “Well, you had to kind of expect that to happen, didn’t you?” She walked away and then the lights went out. I took off running toward the theater where my movie was playing and Macaulay jumped over the counter and started running after me, eventually tackling me before I could get to the theater.

And that’s when I woke up.

Slumdog Review

After sitting in Barnes & Noble for 40 minutes trying to decide on what San Francisco book to go with, I went to the movies and saw ‘Slumdog Millionaire,’ which I had nearly seen a few times…and I think I might’ve enjoyed it more if I’d seen it earlier.

When it was a small movie that was just playing in one theater in the area, I don’t think I would’ve been as nitpicky as I was. Instead, it got nominated for Best Picture and I watched it more critically. It wasn’t bad but it was a little over-hyped. Maybe more than just a little.

I found the most compelling scenes to be the game show sequences and I tend to find game shows compelling…that’s why I watched ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’ back when it first came out. The movie mainly just made me want to watch the Game Show Network.

I didn’t find any of the performances to be all that interesting (especially the adult actors in the back story who were largely caricatures) and while the story-telling device was not ordinary, it wasn’t entirely unique either. Quite honestly, the device wore thin after a while. I also think the gimmick robbed the film of the suspense that could've developed without it. That's kind of the problem with flashbacks, expecially a movie that relies on them as heavily as this one does.

There’s little complexity to the story in that you know how everyone’s going to react to everything within the first act. That means there are virtually no surprises in this film and the ending is predictable.

Oh, and what was with the song and dance ending? I was walking out of the theater after I thought it was over and there was this crazy little dancing sequence. No movie nominated for Best Picture should have a dance sequence ending like that. It was crazy.
I’d heard this movie described as exhilarating and uplifting and I left the theater neither exhilarated nor uplifted. It was okay. Certainly not the best movie of the year.

2.5 out of 4

Oscar Alert

So the Academy Awards are on Sunday and while I haven’t seen all the films, I still feel more than qualified to offer my opinion on who should win and who will win.

For Best Actor:

I saw Frank Langella in ‘Frost/Nixon,’ Sean Penn in ‘Milk,’ Brad Pitt in ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ and Mickey Rourke in ‘The Wrestler.’ I didn’t see Richard Jenkins in ‘The Vistor’

I don’t think there was a more emotionally packed performance than Mickey Rourke. It was subtle and complex and deeply affecting. No question that he should win.

However, I tend to think that Sean Penn will win for his portrayal of Harvey Milk. I wouldn’t be horribly upset if that happened. It was a very good performance and within 10 minutes, I got past that it was Sean Penn playing someone else. Largely for political reasons (with Prop 8 in California), I think Penn will win Best Actor.

For Best Supporting Actor:

I saw Josh Brolin in ‘Milk,’ Robert Downey Jr. in ‘Tropic Thunder’ Philip Seymour Hoffman in ‘Doubt’ and Heath Ledger in ‘The Dark Knight.’ I didn’t see Michael Shannon in ‘Revolutionary Road.’

I love that Robert Downey Jr. got nominated for a comedy. He was what made that movie work to the degree that it did. I’m not sure how Philip Seymour Hoffman was nominated for Supporting Actor when he seemed to be the male lead in ‘Doubt.’ It’s strange that he was in almost every scene and Viola Davis was in one scene and both were nominated as Supporting Actor/Actress. And I heard that Michael Shannon was only in one or two scenes in ‘Revolutionary Road.’

Heath Ledger embodied a new portrayal of the Joker, a character that has been played so many times, and yet Ledger made it his. I completely got past who was playing the Joker and just focused on the character as independent from the actor. I think he deserves to win and I think he will win.

For Best Actress:

I saw Anne Hathaway in ‘Rachel Getting Married’ and Meryl Streep in ‘Doubt.’ I didn’t see Angelina Jolie in ‘Changeling,’ Melissa Leo in ‘Frozen River’ and Kate Winslet in ‘The Reader.’

I don’t have much of an opinion in this category. Streep was better than Hathaway but I don’t think either will win and I’m not sure either deserves to win.

I expect to see Kate Winslet win her first Oscar in six nominations…largely because she hasn’t won one yet.

For Best Supporting Actress:

I saw Amy Adams and Viola Davis in ‘Doubt,’ Taraji P. Henson in ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ and Marissa Tomei in ‘The Wrestler.’ I didn’t see Penelope Cruz in ‘Vicky Cristina Barcelona.’

You hafta think that Amy Adams and Viola Davis cancel each other out for appearing in the same movie. I still have a problem with an actress appearing in one scene and being nominated. Jay Leno told Viola Davis when she was on his show that even though she was on screen for nine minutes, it felt like she was on screen for the whole movie. He was stunned that it was just nine minutes. No, for me, it felt like it was nine minutes...maybe eight.

The second time I saw ‘The Wrestler,’ I focused less on Mickey Rourke’s character and more on Marissa Tomei. There was so much going on with her and the movie didn’t focus too much on it. Tomei was able to convey something deeper and that’s a credit to her. Without question she should win this (though I would’ve put her in Best Actress). I don’t expect that she will win though since she won an Oscar for ‘My Cousin Vinny’ in a turn that I don’t think deserved even a nomination. There’s even a widely circulated, though apparently false, rumor that says the award was supposed to go to someone else but that Jack Palance incorrectly announced Tomei as the winner instead.

I have a weird feeling that Viola Davis might win this but I’m going to pick Penelope Cruz instead.

For Best Director:

I saw ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,’ ‘Frost/Nixon,’ ‘Milk’ and ‘Slumdog Millionaire.’ I didn’t see ‘The Reader.’

Throwing out there that ‘The Dark Knight’ and ‘The Wrestler’ should’ve been considered in this category as well as in Best Picture, I think that David Fincher should win for ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.’ It’s a technical achievement and he handles the movie greatly, never letting the special effects overwhelm the story.

I think ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will win Best Director for Danny Boyle. The first part of the movie was directed well but it just went on too much with a gimmicky device that wears thin. He had the same problem in ‘Trainspotting’ and ‘A Life Less Ordinary.’

For Best Picture:

I saw ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,’ ‘Frost/Nixon,’ ‘Milk’ and ‘Slumdog Millionaire.’ I didn’t see ‘The Reader.’

I don’t think any of these movies deserve to win. My first pick would be ‘The Wrestler.’ Second pick would be ‘The Dark Knight.’ Since those weren’t nominated, I’ll go with ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,’ a movie that I liked more when I got out of the theater and less the more I think about it.

I think ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will win because apparently a lot of other people were exhilarated and uplifted by this movie.

Quickly, the other categories:

Best Animated Film: ‘Wall-E’ should and will win.
Art Direction: ‘The Dark Knight’ should win but ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ will win
Cinematography: ‘The Dark Knight’ should win and I think it might actually win
Costume Design: ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ should win, ‘The Duchess’ will win
Documentary Feature: ‘Man on Wire’ should and will win
Documentary Short: ‘Smile Pinki’ will win
Film Editing: ‘The Dark Knight’ should win but ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will win
Foreign Language Film: ‘Waltz with Bahir’ will win
Makeup: ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ should and will win
Music (Score): ‘Wall-E’ should win and I think it actually might, though ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will probably win this one too
Music (Song): ‘Jai Ho’ in ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will win but there are only three nominees here. Why the hell isn’t ‘The Wrestler’ by Bruce Springsteen not nominated. Of all the snubs, that’s the worst one. That’s without question the best movie song of the year.
Short Film (Animated): ‘La Maison en Petits Cubes’ will win
Short Film (Live Action): ‘Spielzeugland’ will win
Sound Editing: ‘The Dark Knight’ should and will win
Sound Mixing: ‘The Dark Knight’ should and will win
Visual Effects: ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ should and will win
Writing (Adapted Screenplay): ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ should win but I think ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ will win
Writing (Original Screenplay): ‘Wall-E’ should win but ‘Milk’ will win

It'll be interesting to see who wins, though not interesting enough to actually watch it on Sunday.

The Off-Season of Discontent Continues

So Ken Griffey Jr. didn’t sign with the Braves despite several media reports saying the deal was going to happen. In fact, the headline on AJC.com was, ‘Griffey signs with the Braves.’ AJC’s Dave O’Brien, in his blog, invited readers to shoot him if he wasn’t a Brave by the end of Wednesday. No word on whether a reader took him up on his offer or not.

You know, it wasn’t even like I originally wanted Griffey to sign. It isn’t the point really. It’s like this: Mike Hampton was with the Braves for six years (that’s right Brave’s fans, it was six years) and played in just 85 games. In two seasons, he didn’t through a single pitch. I didn’t want him to come back. But then we offered him a contract and he rejected it to sign with the Astros. All the sudden, I was mad. ‘How dare he reject us! We should be rejecting him!’

Jake Peavy was thought to be coming to Atlanta and I was excited and then it didn’t happen. Later he told friends that even if he’d been traded, he wasn’t sure he’d waive his no trade clause to play for the Braves.

Then AJ Burnett was expected to sign with the Braves and I really didn’t want him to sign and he went with the Yankees instead. Again, the Braves were rejected again.

And the craziest one was former Brave Rafael Furcal, who apparently had a ‘gentleman’s agreement’ that he was going to sign with the Braves before he bolted back to the Dodgers. It’s not that I really wanted him to sign but once it looked like he was coming back here, I was disappointed when he bailed.

Obviously there’s the John Smoltz situation. I expected him to be back with the team if he could pitch and he signed with Boston. I understand why he did it but I’m just frustrated about it.

Finally, there’s Ken Griffey Jr. I didn’t initially want the team to sign him but I started thinking positively about it once it appeared that it was going to happen. After all, he contacted Atlanta about wanting to be a Brave, not the other way around. Chipper Jones seemed positive it was going to happen, though he noted that he wouldn’t believe it unless is ass was in the clubhouse. Alas, his ass never arrived.

This offseason has really sucked.

Final Thoughts

I don’t know why people think babies are so cute. They’ve been sent to Earth to replace us and I think they know that on some level. That’s why I think babies are creepy.

I saw a truck for a company called Accurate Forklift. What a weird name? Is inaccuracy a major issue in the forklift industry. ‘Hey, Manny, you picked up the wrong box again with your forklift! Try to be more accurate!’

Hey, I saw an Aaron’s truck on Thursday. Just wanted to share that.

On the drive in on Wednesday, I saw an old red VW Beetle. Now’s probably the best time to apologize to Paulette for punching her in the arm and yelling, ‘Punch buggy red!’

A guy was caught going 137 miles in a ’93 Civic. That’s impressive. I couldn’t get my Accord to go faster than 110.

I saw a sign that read, ‘Keep the sugar and cream closed unless you like little critters in your coffee.’ Well, as a matter of fact, I do love critters in my coffee. It makes it crunchier.

NBA All-Star Weekend and Other Stuff

2009-02-16T11:54:00.001-05:00

I’m really tired this morning and I’d like to go back to bed. I got up at 9am, which is better than 10:30 but then I just sat around and didn’t do anything. I don’t have a whole lot to say today but here are a few thoughts.

NBA All-Star Weekend

I don’t like basketball but I do like the events surrounding the All-Star game and I always try to make sure to watch it (except for the game itself, which is too much like real basketball).

I was really looking forward to the NBA’s HORSE game this past weekend and I was very disappointed. I thought they’d be hitting all sorts of trick shots and they really weren’t. The announcers were TERRIBLE. They kept repeating the same thing over and over again. If you say something five times in a row, it doesn’t become true, or clever for that matter.

I wonder if Skills Competition and 3 Point Contest would be better if the announcers didn’t talk during the minute the player was performing. The announcers would pronounce a competitor done after two racks in the 3 Point Contest, he’d do well on the next two and the announcers would declare him the winner. And they kept doing that all night in each event. It was really annoying.

It didn’t help that the 3 Point Contest was especially lame this year. No one broke 20 points and for a little bit, it looked like 14 points was going to be enough to win in the final round.

The dunk competition, which has experienced a mini-renaissance in the last couple years, was okay. A couple suggestions: there was a time when players had two attempts and that was it. Allowing players two minutes to miss dunk and after dunk (and then providing them two attempts if they ran out of time because they missed so many), weakens the game. I understand the goal is to get players to try riskier dunks but when they finally make the dunk on ninth try, it’s kinda anti-climactic.

Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day went really well. My girlfriend was okay with getting a medium card and liked the gift and everything. And of course in her card, she wrote something really sweet and thoughtful.

We went to an Italian restaurant not too far from where I used to live in Cobb County. I was able to finish my meal but she wasn’t, which meant I totally won at dinner.

My Lying Shampoo

I just noticed that ‘YOU’RE THE BEST’ is written on the top of a bottle of Pert Plus. How weird’s that? I suppose it’s printed on every bottle, so everybody who buys it is ‘the best.’ Not everyone can be the best. I know I’m not the worst, but I don’t appreciate my shampoo lying to me and saying I’m the best. ‘You’re decent’ or ‘You’re okay’ will be fine.

On the back of the bottle, it gets worse. ‘Wow. That’s some great looking hair you have.’ My shampoo is such a liar. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust it again.

Also, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen the word ‘wow’ as a standalone sentence that didn’t end in an exclamation mark. I think it’s because the bottle knows it’s lying and can’t even get enthusiastic about the lie it’s telling.

Final Thoughts

Hey, media, is it maybe possible to not print the stories about people who missed a flight that ended up crashing? I mean, the stories don’t add anything to the actual event and it’s like kicking sand at the families who lost someone in the crash. I always feel uncomfortable when I see those stories. Maybe they can print them (if they feel they must print the stories at all) a few days after the crash, not the next day. Maybe?

I’m getting ‘How to Lose Friends and Alienate People’ sent to me tomorrow by Netflix, which thinks I’m going to hate it. Netflix predicts a one-star rating for the movie. I have a joke about the title but instead…moving on…

I had that Hungry Man country fried steak that intrigued Chunk Squirrel so much and I got sick. I think I’m going back to Wal-mart and tell him they’re great.

I was thinking about the reason I speed when I drive and I think maybe it’s because when cars pass me, it feels like I’m losing.

Is John Smoltz really going to keep insulting the Braves all season long or will it be just through Spring Training?

I really wanted Ken Griffey Jr. to play for the Braves…about 10 years ago.

Charter Going Bankrupt and Other Stuff

2009-02-13T10:16:00.005-05:00

Charter is declaring bankruptcy on April 1st. Wouldn’t it be kinda funny if they were in court on April 1st to declare bankruptcy and then all the sudden they said, “April Fools! We have buncha cash! Boo-yah, baby! Boo-yah, indeed!” and then they strutted out of the court room.

I like that toward the end of the article, it says, “It also had a poor customer service reputation that it has had to work hard to overcome.” I just think that’s funny. Every company, no matter how good it is, has some people who’ve had horror stories about something that happened with that company. But with Charter, it’s so bad that it IS the company’s reputation.

The Better Business Bureau actually posted this on their site about Charter:

“The Better Business Bureau has received numerous complaints regarding this cable, digital TV, and high speed internet access provider. Complainants primarily allege that the firm had improper billing practices, referred customer bills to collection agencies in error, provided poor customer service, used misleading advertising, provided defective internet or cable performance, used improper sales tactics or misrepresented the actual costs of installation and service, failed to properly install or maintain service, damaged customers' property, and failed to honor service appointments.”

I can attest to the failure to honor service appointments. They were supposed to come out and install a router (because they wouldn’t let me pick it up from their store and install it myself). I sat at home all day waiting for them to show up. I called at 3pm to see what was going on and was told they were still on their way and that they were running late. I called at 4 and was told they’d been by at 1pm and I didn’t answer my door. I was there at 1pm and my couch is right next to the door. No one knocked on my door and why exactly was I not told at 3 that they’d already been there? The rep didn’t know and said that my door had been ‘tagged.’ What, does Charter play It with doors? Is my door supposed to tag something else? ‘Tagged’ means that a note was left behind. There was no note anywhere. The rep asked me to check the doors of other apartments to see if they’d been ‘tagged.’ I checked around and there was no note anywhere.

The crazy thing was, I was told that a) they wouldn’t be out there until the next day and b) that I’d be charged $30 for ‘not being home’ when they came by. How’s that for a racket? They can not show up and then charge you $30. Comcast didn’t show up a couple of times when I had them but they didn’t charge me $30 each time. I spoke with a supervisor at Charter who waived the $30 charge and I cancelled the appointment and just bought a router, which is infinitely cheaper anyway.

I’ve had several other issues with them as well. And currently, my HD channels aren’t working right. Half of them are either not coming in at all or have no sound. I’ve stopped complaining about this anymore. Charter has never been able to fix it before and I simply waste my time calling. They never give discounts on that kinda thing and it happens once every couple of weeks. I almost get used to it.

Once when I did complain about it, the rep explained that there was nothing wrong and that it would come back on its own. Then she tried to sell me an upgraded package. I asked ‘Would these new channels be ones I could actually watch or would they be out too?’ She said she didn’t know.

She’s better than the one that started screaming at me or the one who asked me to upgrade and cancel it later so that he could at least get credit for the sale.

And are their prices high? Well, I mean, that’s relative. They’re in line with what I would expect from a cable company. No matter what you go with, you’re going to have channels you don’t watch and wouldn’t want to pay for. You’re going to have fees that don’t make a lot of sense. Most likely you’re going to have subpar service.

The most you can ask for is a company that provides consistent cable, you know, one that doesn’t keep having channels go out and one that when there is a problem, they can fix it. Charter can’t do that. And going into bankruptcy won’t change that.

Valentine’s Day Update

My girlfriend is excited about Saturday. I’m a little nervous because I’m not sure that she understands that the card I got her is medium. I mean, she knows that but I don’t think she understands my definition of medium. Hopefully she’ll still be excited after opening the card and seeing what I got her.

So I went by the florist to buy her flowers and I went to the same place I went last time. Last time, they weren’t convinced I was getting the right type of flowers, at one point asking me, ‘The flowers are for a woman, right?’ I thought the flowers I picked out last time were nice.

This time, I explained what I wanted and she suggested a lily instead. I reiterated what I was looking for and she again pointed at a flower and said, ‘Lily.’ I agreed that she was pointing at a lily but that I wanted something else and described it again. She said they didn’t have what I was describing but that women really like lilies. Uh, yes, lilies are lovely flowers but no. It wasn’t like I was requesting robot flowers, though if that was real, robot flowers would totally kick ass.

They didn’t have much to choose from, just like last time and I went with the closest thing to what I was trying to describe. At the checkout, she kept trying to get me to buy chocolate or a stuffed animal and I said that I already had everything else. She said that women like chocolates and that if I spent $35, I’d get a free balloon. I didn’t really want a balloon though. I was okay with the flowers I was getting. She said that I could pick out one of those small cards you put with flowers for free. I picked out one and she said that I needed to write something on the card because women don’t like be given a blank card. Which I guess makes sense. I’ve been giving everyone blank cards my whole life and now I understand that’s where I was going wrong.

I didn’t want to fill out the card there though but the cashier kept insisting that I needed to do it before I got to the car. It was weird. She told me that I had to make sure to put it in the envelope because that's what makes it special. Hmm, write messages on cards and place cards in envelopes...This explains so much now.

As I was leaving, she called me back and said that she was going to give me a free balloon anyway because I had a sad face and that she thought the balloon would make me happy. I thought it’d be one of those shiny balloons, which may have made me happy but it was one of those regular balloons, and those don’t make me all that happy.

Single Ladies Update

Yesterday, I had Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ stuck in my head. This song is insanely re-tupid. It’s like someone had the line, ‘If you liked it, you shoulda put a ring on it’ and nothing else. So that’s all the song is, repeating that line over and over again followed by a set of call outs and a few Oh-Ohs that remind me of the Hm-hms that the Dave Clark 5 sang 40 years ago. Does anyone remember the DC5?

‘Single Ladies’ is an incredibly catchy song, though it’s mainly repetition and a wall of noise. I finally got it out of my head, only to hear it on the radio again on the way to the florist. Now it’s back in there again.

San Francisco Update

I’ve run into a bit of a roadblock with the San Francisco trip. It’s minor and it’s still a ways out so I can get past it. I don’t feel any sense of urgency with this trip. I don’t see how the pieces fit together and I’m not altogether motivated to try to figure it out either. I collected a bunch of resources to go through and when I get the chance, I’ll go through them and narrow down the list of things I want to do. I just would like to feel a little bit more urgency about it.

Before I Forget

Next to the florist, there was a gym that said it catered to ‘unique physiques.’ What the hell does that mean? I’m picturing Greg Valentino. He’s pretty unique. Does he train there? A two-headed man is unique, can he train there? It said that you could only enter by appointment but that consultations are free. How can I get my free consultation if I can only enter by appointment? I’d hafta call them and I don’t think I’d want to do that. It sounds too much like a country club and that’s why I’ve never joined one…that and the whole money thing.

I Hung Up on a Guy With HIV

I just got a call from Magic Johnson. He wanted me to know about Jackson-Hewitt. Apparently he likes them…or he gets paid by them to say he likes them. And if I got paid by Jackson-Hewitt, I’d like them too. But Jackson-Hewitt doesn’t pay me and I feel largely indifferent toward them.

As for HIV, did you hear that story about Roberto Alomar supposedly having AIDS? Isn't that crazy? I know!

Speaking of Taxes

I did my taxes the other day and the refund from federal taxes is MUCH smaller than last year and smaller than what I expected (and I expected it to be a little less than last year). What’s worse, I actually owe state taxes. I’d expected for the tax refund to cover the trip and not only will it not cover the whole thing, it’ll cover less than a third of the trip. I’m not sure I would’ve picked San Francisco had I known what the tax results would’ve been. Or maybe I would have. I don’t know.

Last Thing

I got out of bed before 8:30 today. How sad is it that I’m actually happy I got out of bed so early. The other day, I didn’t get out of bed until 10:30, so it’s an improvement.

Today’s Friday the 13th. Did you know that next month the 13th will also fall on a Friday. November also has a Friday the 13th. I think that might mean this year is cursed. I don’t know though. I’ll have to check with my Witch Doctor and find out.

I’m going to go now and get something to eat.

New Post and an Upcoming Vacation

2009-02-11T15:16:00.004-05:00

So I’ve decided that I’m going to try to keep up this blog for the next two months. I don’t know if I can keep it up much longer than that. But here’s the thing: I’m planning a trip to San Francisco and I’d like to chronicle the planning of it. I did this for my Denver trip a couple years ago and it was kinda interesting to read it later. I’m especially thankful to have the description of the trip so that in case I forget things, you know, it’s around somewhere that I can read it later.

Now should I be writing this right now? Probably not. I still have planning to do, taxes to prepare and Netflix movies to watch. I mean, I have important stuff to do. But I choose to waste time instead.

As for the trip, I’m going to San Francisco. I just told you that though. Well, this isn’t starting off well at all. I’m gonna go to the bathroom and maybe I’ll do better when I come back.

Don’t go anywhere.

Okay I’m back.

Why did I pick San Francisco? Well, because I’ve never been to California. I love bridges. And I can only go to places that have baseball stadiums to tour. So, San Francisco just makes sense, right?

When am I going? I’m going in April. You see, I was already scheduled to have Good Friday off and I figured I could use one or two vacation days padded around the Easter weekend to go on a trip.

I was thinking about going to Pittsburgh or someplace in New England but I’ve always wanted to go to San Francisco and I didn’t go anywhere last year, so instead of doing something smaller, I thought I should go to a place I’ve wanted to go for a long time. San Francisco.

On Sunday, I was messing around on the Internet, and I decided to see what kinda deals were available to San Francisco. They had a deal that if you picked a certain hotel and added an extra day, you could get round trip tickets and 5 days/4 nights in a hotel (taxes/fees included) for $418. So I figured…forget it. I’d have to use two vacation days and with the way money is, should I really be going anywhere?

Then I woke up Monday and thought, “Why haven’t I already done this?” I’ve never been there before. I love travelling and taking pictures and it would be a great thing to look forward to. So I booked the trip. I had exactly two months to the day to plan everything and planning is the best part of any trip.

So far, very little has been nailed down. I bought a pass that includes tickets to the Academy of the Sciences, Blue & Gold Fleet Bay Cruise, the Aquarium of the Bay and the Museum of Modern Art.

The Mint is right behind the hotel, which is across the street from Metreon. The other things that I’d like to do: visit Alcatraz, a double-decker bus tour, see the Giants’ stadium and maybe see the Giants play the Brewers. The first day will mainly be a travel day and the last day will only be a travel day, so I have three days to really play with. I’m cautiously excited right now. I’m certainly looking forward to it.

What I’m most nervous about right now is that I won’t be renting a car, instead I’ll be relying on public transportation and it seems kinda complicated. But I can’t wait to start taking pictures and I really hope to get a few great shots of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Mainly what this space will be dedicated to is the planning for the trip, as well as other little stories from the time period leading up to April 9th.

My Wal-Mart Story

I went to Wal-Mart today. Does this mean that I’ve sold my soul? In a word…probably. Although, can you really sell your soul more than once?

I went to Wal-Mart because I was going to go to Target, which is two exits down 75 South and I got cut off before I could get in that lane and rather than doing a U-turn, I just went to the Wal-Mart just past the 75 ramp. Have I mentioned that I’m lazy?

Freezer Bag Lady

I hadn’t made a list or anything. I just was going to pick up toilet paper, Bounty and a Valentine’s Day card…and maybe some cheese slices…maybe. While I was in the toilet paper aisle, this tiny, old woman was struggling to get Ziploc bags from a high shelf and, feeling kinda bad for her, I helped get the box for her. Good deed done, right? Then she asked me my opinion about whether the regular quart storage bags were as good as the freezer bags.

Now, I just was trying to help someone get a hard to reach box, this doesn’t qualify me as a Ziploc expert (though thinking back on it, I wish I’d got a box of sandwich bags…anyway). Motivated mainly by the desire to not seem like an asshole, I studied both boxes and said that the freezer bags appeared to be made a little heavier and I asked if she was planning on using these bags in the freezer. She said she wasn’t but pointed out that the freezer bags were cheaper. And in fact they were…there were also fewer bags in the box, so the regular bags were cheaper per bag. She replied that she buys them by the box and decided to go with the freezer bags.

So I took back her regular Ziploc bag, placing it back on the top shelf and gave her the ‘cheaper’ freezer bags. And then I spent the rest of the time at Wal-Mart trying to avoid freezer bag lady. I saw her two more times in aisles I needed to go down and both times, I went to another aisle instead.

Valentine's Day Cards

I got the items I needed, plus a couple I didn’t really need and went to pick out a card for my girlfriend because apparently on Valentine’s Day, you have to buy cards for people…and pets. You see, I understand getting cards for your girlfriend or boyfriend but the card selection was weird. Am I supposed to actually be getting a Valentine’s Day card for my grandmother? My uncle? I thought Valentine’s Day was a one card day and judging by the selection, I’m supposed to be getting cards for everyone. Either that or I’d stepped into a West Virginia Wal-Mart, where your grandmother just might be your sister and your wife.

The craziest thing was that they had cards for your dogs and cats. Seriously?! Do people really give their pets Valentine’s Day cards? And if so, why weren’t there any cards for fish? Are fish not evolved enough to understand why they’re being given a card? Then there were cards from your cat or your dog. Since Wal-Mart doesn’t allow pets in their store, how are the animals supposed to buy the card? I mean, seeing eye dogs are allowed in, so they could pick out a card but then the blind owner wouldn’t be able to read it, so that doesn’t seem right.

No, instead, you’d have to buy your pet a card and then a card to you from your pet and that’s just kinda sad. I’m picturing one of those cat ladies, alone in her home, having just gotten back from Wal-Mart with two cards, one for Foo-foo and one for herself supposedly from Foo-foo.

There were a lot of cards to choose from but not a lot of them were funny. I understand that some people like serious cards and that’s okay. I like funny cards. But it seemed that a disproportionate number of funny cards were based on fart jokes. Cupid farting. The guy farting. The girl farting. Not my idea of funny but that’s just me. I mean, maybe for some people love is spelled g-a-s. I don’t know.

I started thinking though that maybe instead of picking a card that I’d like, maybe I should try to pick a card that she’d like instead. But see, it seems a lot of serious cards have doilies and I have just one rule about card buying…No doilies. So I went with a card that wasn’t exactly funny but wasn’t totally serious. It was medium.

And I’m sure she’s picked out something really sweet that says something really nice and thoughtful. But me…I went with medium.

In the end, it’s about what you write in the card, right? I mean, if I write something sweet, that’s gotta count for something. And the little gift that I got along with it is cute. We’re going to a restaurant she likes. But the card itself, it’s medium.

So now I’m regretting the card I got. But here’s the thing…I bet the guy that bought the fart card for his girlfriend feels good about himself. He feels that he got a good card. “Look, honey! It’s funny because cupid farted! Remember that time when we were at that place and I farted? Me and cupid are just alike.” And in some weird way, it worked out for him. Or maybe it didn’t, I don’t know. Who cares?

The Speed of Wal-Mart

You know the strangest thing about Wal-Mart though? I nearly got hit twice in the parking lot. The cars there are driving so fast up and down the lanes that it’s like a mini-race track. Then inside, everyone moves in slow motion. It’s like a John Woo movie in there without the guns and doves. Why do they move so fast outside and so slow inside? It’s odd.

The Check-out: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Chunky Squirrel

I was checking out and I got in the lane with just one person ahead of me and she didn’t have that much stuff, so I’m almost out of the store, right? No. Because you see, my cashier acted like he was a commentator on what the customer was buying. He opened each Valentine’s Day card the woman in front of me had purchased, and she bought six cards. I can only assume she has lots of pets or is a polygamist. (Actually you don’t hear of a woman with six husbands, it’s a guy with six wives. Do the wives in those families have to get each other Valentine’s Day cards? Nevermind.)

And the cashier gave the cards rave reviews. He loved them all. Apparently, they weren’t medium. What was weird is that the woman appeared to find the cashier charming. She was laughing and everything. Maybe when you get above the age of 60, things like that are funny. Or maybe it was that he was interested and that the interest was appealing. It wasn’t because he was good looking because he looked like a chunky squirrel.

When it was my turn to be judged, he opened the card, read it and simply placed it in the bag. Chunky Squirrel guy didn’t like my medium card and I understood that. I’m not sure I like it anymore either. But I didn’t need Chunky Squirrel’s judgment, I think I needed his assistance. He probably could’ve picked out the greatest card in the world. Or maybe he would’ve just pointed me toward the fart cards.

He did however like the Hungry Man selection I picked. Those met with his approval. He was quite enthusiastic about the meatball sandwich. ‘I’ve never seen these before. These must be new.’ He asked me if I’d had them before, which I hadn’t. He encouraged me to let him know how they were.

First thought says that I wouldn’t do that but you know what? Maybe I should. Maybe we’d become great friends. Turns out he likes bar trivia. I like bar trivia. It’d be great. This time next year, he’ll be on the list of people I hafta get a Valentine’s Day card for. I think I’m gonna get him a fart card.

Where's the Hyphen?

One last thing about Wal-Mart. Everywhere in the store, I noticed the name of the place is actually Walmart. It did used to be Wal-Mart, right? Did I imagine the hyphen? Why’d they get rid of the hyphen? When did this happen? It seems that it was a hyphen and then there was a star in the middle of Wal and Mart, which I just took to be a fancy hyphen. What’s going on with this world? Coca-Cola is losing Classic and I’m still not sure what G is and where Gatorade went. It’s really frustrating.

Okay, I’m going to go now. Maybe I'll do the taxes or maybe I'll plan. Actually, I think I'll eat something now.

My Last Entry

2008-05-30T01:44:00.001-04:00

And so it’s here…my last entry before it all ends. I’m kind of in a hurry because I’ve been really busy getting a bunch of stuff ready and everything so I almost hesitate to write this now but if not now…

Again, this will be a politics free zone for the last entry.

Actual MSNBC Headline: Clay Aiken reportedly expecting a baby

The article’s almost as freaky as the headline. You see, doctors…you know, I’m not going to rephrase this story. It increases a creepy guy’s creepiness factor by at least eight points.

My AT&T Story

As previously promised, I’m finally going to tell the AT&T story from a couple weeks ago. I was transferring my utility accounts and insurance and everything and one of the things I had to do was cancel my home phone.

See, in an effort to save money, I had decided to either rely solely on my cell phone or bundle phone service with Charter (which is what I ended up doing). Either way, I wasn’t going through AT&T anymore. So the goal was VERY simple…I was going to call and cancel my home service effective 5-19.

Oh…and when I was looking through my bill, I noticed that Gwinnett was getting a 911 service tax. Well, that’s a problem because I haven’t lived in that county in over three years. I’d been in Cobb for that time and I was in the process to moving again so I wanted to make sure my 911 service was going through the right county.

So that meant I had two goals: 1) Cancel my home phone effective 5-19 and 2) make sure that if I were ever to call 911, the call would be routed to the right place. I was expecting the call to last about five minutes, maybe ten at the most.

I called and spoke first to Terri Chambers and she told me that in order to process my two requests, I’d have to go to three departments, none of which were associated with her job description. First, because I had combined billing, I’d have to go to that department so they could uncombine my bill, then I’d be transferred to a department that could cancel my home phone service and finally I could be sent to the wireless department to check on my 911 service question.

The idea that I had to go to three departments to ask a simple question about 911 service and cancel my home phone service was ridiculous…and also something that I thought might make a good story, so I made sure I took very complete notes of the call.

I spoke to Ms. Brown in order to stop the combined billing. I was told that in order to set up draft payments again, I’d have to contact a different department or go online.

The next person I spoke with was Rachel Smith and she explained that the 911 service tax is based on where the cell phone was first registered and that the call is routed based on your current location. I had to be put on hold for a short while for her to confirm this and then she transferred me to the department that would cancel my home phone service.

I instead was transferred to an automated person where I went through a series of prompts until I reached Akeelah. I said that I was trying to cancel my home phone and she told me that there’s no record of my phone number in the AT&T system. I explained that I had just ended combined billing and maybe that was the reason she wasn’t able to pull it up. After trying a couple different search methods, she finally asked me what state I was calling from. I answered that I was calling from Georgia and it turned out that Akeelah was in Arkansas, outside my region.

I was now getting frustrated. I’d been on the phone with this company for 20 minutes up to this point. She said that she’d transfer me the Georgia region and she waited on hold with me to make sure I got a hold of the right person.

Ramon was the next rep I spoke with. Akeelah briefly explained what I was looking to do and dropped off the line. Ramon asked for my phone number and asked me to confirm the last four of my social security number. When I did, he told me that I was incorrect. He asked for my address and again, my answer was incorrect. He asked me for my pin number and I had no idea what my pin number was (or that I even had a pin number). Turned out that Ramon entered in the wrong phone number. He tried again and we went through the verification questions and everything.

He then went into a whole spiel about why I shouldn’t cancel the service. “Bad guys have cell phone scanners and will steal your information,” he warned as he retold a couple horror stories that allegedly happened to people he allegedly knew…allegedly. He offered to give me a lower price for service, transfer service without a fee and give my number “a vacation” so that I wouldn’t be paying for it but when I started up service again, I could keep my same number.

But here’s the thing…my old phone number hadn’t done anything to deserve a vacation. I’m not likely going anywhere this year and I’m sure as hell not giving my phone number a chance to travel somewhere exciting. Second, as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve had a problem with collection agencies calling that number looking for someone who isn’t me. They were calling between four and six times a day, so I was looking forward to getting rid of the number. (Though my new number also is associate with some deadbeat cocksucker, so I’m still getting calls that have nothing to do with me…I’d like to make a really nasty statement here about a topic better left alone, instead, I’ll just keep my mouth shut)

Ramon finally relented and allowed me to end my home phone service but not before ten minutes or so worth of a call. He gave me a confirmation number and transferred me to the department where I could restart my draft payments. I’d been on the phone for 34 minutes at this point.

I went to an automated message again and after going through the prompts, I reached Ms. Lee (no relation to Bruce…I don’t think). She told me that she couldn’t help me restart the draft payments because she only handled commercial accounts but that she could transfer me to the person who could help me…and she transferred me right back into the automated system that had led me to her.

I then reached Ms. Burgess and I explained that I wanted to restart my draft payments but she said that she only handles residential accounts and that I needed to talk to the department that handles wireless issues, the department that answered my 911 question from earlier in the call. She stayed on the line with me to make sure I got a hold of the right person.

We reached Sierra Shelton and Ms. Burgess said I was looking to establish my draft payment system and then dropped off the line. Ms. Shelton asked me to go through all the verifying information again. Then she explained that actually draft payment is something that the residential department handles and that I really should go back to them to set up the payment system. I said that I’d already been to that department and that I just wanted to get this done because I wanted to have my account automatically pay the bill without having to write a check or wait for the bill to be mailed to me. “I love [draft pay] because it’s convenient. You guys love it because you get your money on time. We all love it and I don’t want to lose it. Is there some way we can get this done without me being transferred through the entire AT&T system?” I asked.

She reluctantly said that she could set it up for me but said that my previous account’s information couldn’t be carried over, so I had to re-provide the credit card information and everything, even though I’d already had it on file with them previously.

She asked me to verify the mailing address that I was moving to and it turned out that while I had told a previous rep what the new address was, it wasn’t entered into the system correctly. They had my service address at my new place and my mailing address at my old one. Ms. Shelton corrected that and said that everything was set up to start the draft payment system but that it may or may not take up to a month…and I may or may not get a bill at me new apartment and regardless of either situation, I’m still responsible for paying the bill and will be charged late fees for missing the bill due date, even if a bill isn’t sent to me. I asked what the due date would be and she said that she couldn’t tell and that I’d have to call back closer to the due date for that information.

And that was it. I wanted to find out about my 911 call coverage and cancel my home phone service and it took 56 minutes to do this, the vast majority of which wasn’t spent on hold. It was due to the strange bureaucratic processes in place and the delegation of services that make one stop service virtually impossible. The two requests had to be split in several ways and then I was mis-transferred a few times and wound up in the wrong spot through the automated system a couple more times and it just was awful. The people, for the most part, were nice but the system in place is awful.

Surprise Story!!

If you’re like me, you like reading gross stories about freak things and then reciting them to other people to gross them out. Well, here’s the perfect story for you. This nine year old girl in Greece was complaining of stomach pains. So her parents took her to the doctor, where a growth was discovered inside of her…and it was a fetus with a head, hair and eyes. Was she pregnant? No…she had absorbed her own twin while in her mother’s womb, something that happens once every 500,000 live births.

What’s on TV Right Now

I’ve been studying non-stop for the past six hours or so and I have it on one of those digital music channels where they just play music but no actual videos. Right now, Hall and Oates’ “You Make My Dreams Come True” and I’ve never liked that song but it reminds me of a line in a story I wrote called ‘Toys: The Drew Walker Story.’

One character is talking about how great the 80s were and how that era is just as relevant today as they were then. He starts with Huey Lewis and then brings up Hall and Oates and says, “It’s like the greatest songwriting pair in history—Hall & Oates. Their songs are just as relevant today as they were when they came out. Sara is still smiling, that other girl is still a maneater and neither Hall nor Oates can go for that. No can do.”

My Hero

I don’t have a hero exactly but if I did, it would be Albert Einstein because he told us what E equaled. Before him, everyone would say, “E does not equal MC Squared” but Einstein changed everything. He made it happen. Late in life, Einstein hung out at bars and guys would ask him, “Hey, Al! What’s E equal?” And he’d tell them. It was great. So, he’d be my hero.

Mr. McNabb Update

I was studying earlier tonight (or last night, depending on your view) and I heard the sound of something like a dustbuster outside my door. I looked out my peephole and it was Mr. McNabb (who may or may not have a first name) and he was shirtless. Have you ever seen a senior citizen with a hairy, stretched out tattoo? I have and I think I’ll be seeing it every time I shut my eyes. If I’d understood that’s what happens to tattoos when you get older, I never would’ve…for fuck’s sake, I’m gonna hafta wash out my eyes again. Will this nightmare image never go away?

And Finally…

You know, I don’t really know how to end this. So, I’ll show you a funny clip and maybe you’ll laugh and if you’d laugh, well, that’d be good. This site was never as funny as I wanted it to be. Maybe if this last clip makes you laugh, you’ll think the site was funnier than it really was. And if that’s what you’re left with and that's how you remember me, well, that’d be good.

This clip was a Super Bowl commercial from several years ago and I searched for it every now and then but the only line I could remember was: “Blowed Up…Oh my!” Turns out ‘blowed’ is actually spelled ‘blow’d’ When I figured that out, I found the clip and here it is.

Gay Marriage, Child Porn & George W. Bush

2008-05-29T02:05:00.001-04:00

Okay, this is my second to last entry. Tomorrow we’ll have my AT&T story and a funny video clip and that will be it. I don’t think I’ll have anything on politics or news, unless something really big happens.

Arnold on the Termination of the Ban on Gay Marriage

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) says he supports the recent California Supreme Court ruling that supports gay marriage. And it’s fine and whatever for Schwarzenegger to have this position but I’m just a little confused on his stance on this issue. He says now that he personally opposes gay marriage but doesn’t want to force his views on everyone else.

That’s fine but it does seem like it’s kinda hard to be a governor and not be forcing your views on other people. I mean, isn’t that what signing legislation is all about…forcing your views on other people?

And I know, this issue can be viewed as a moral discussion leading to the ‘well my personal opinion is but…’ sorta answer. But Schwarzenegger had vetoed same sex legislation before. So he was legislating his own personal views then.

He now says that he did that because he didn’t think the legislature should override the will of the people and the people had defined marriage between a man and a woman in Proposition 22. He thinks it’s okay for a court to override the will of the people because they’re experts and voters are not. But isn’t it kinda strange that the legislators, who are elected BY the people don’t have the right to nullify the will of the voters but justices who aren’t elected have that right?

Don’t get me wrong, I personally support each state making their own decision on gay marriage and don’t support a federal ban. Marriage is essentially a state issued contract and any religious connotation is derived on an individual view basis and should not bind the state one way or the other. A state has every right to set the parameters of the contracts they issue and each state should be able to decide whether they honor the contracts set up by another state within reason and with understanding given to the full faith and credit clause. Personally, I would support the state granting marriage licenses to gay couples. My complaint with Schwarzenegger has nothing to do with the stance itself…just the idiocy and contradiction of his argument.

Running Mates in the Running

CNN had a really great feature about possible running mates for both tickets that go over the potential pros and cons of each candidate. It’s very helpful and a must read. My picks for each ticket: For the Republicans, Governor Tim Pawlenty (R-MN) and Governor Ted Strickland (D-OH) for the Democrats. Both choices shore up the ticket, though neither is especially impressive outside of the context of this race and the unique issues of the primary season.

Child Porn Ruling

The Supreme Court decided by a count of 7-2 that child porn is not protected by the First Amendment as free speech. Is it somewhat concerning that two justices (Souter and Ginsburg) sided the other way on that one? I’m all for free speech and I believe that it even covers expression that isn’t fully speech (burning the flag as an example) but how someone could even put forward the argument that child porn is protected speech is truly absurd.

Another Bush Book

Former White House Spokesman Scott McClellan became the latest former aide to President George W. Bush to publish a book critical of the administration. And the White House responded in their usual manner…to attack the character of the individual. They did that to Richard Clarke, Paul O’Neill and George Tenet and now they’re doing it to McClellan, labeling him as “disgruntled” and Karl Rove said he sounded "like a left wing blogger.”

First, without “disgruntled” individuals, history couldn’t be written. If only the ‘gruntled’ wrote, half the story would remain untold. So, dismissing him as disgruntled, isn’t getting at the point.

Here’s the thing about McClellan. It’s not easy to be given a script of stuff to say that’s total shit. You know it’s shit but you hafta say it because that’s your job. And I know, ‘Why didn’t he leave?’ but that’s much easier to say from this side of the screen than it is to do when you’re actually in the job. Because if you leave, you have to start over somewhere else, in a new place and maybe things aren’t so bad or maybe they’ll get better.

In the end, McClellan likely left because there’s only so much shit you can recite before you lose your soul. There’s only so many lies you can repeat before you just feel like you’re a liar and there’s a cost to that. There’s a cost to how you view the people you work for, the way you view the people you work with and ultimately, the way you view yourself.

If McClellan finally got tired of shoveling the President’s shit to the public, I understand. And if he wrote this book because he wanted to clear his own conscience, maybe to find a sense of redemption on some level, I understand that too. And if he’s able to find that lost respect he once had for himself…well, I’d be somewhat surprised.

Sydney Pollack Passes Away

Sydney Pollack, director of ‘Tootsie’ and ‘Out of Africa’ died of cancer at the age of 73. Pollack was an understated director that never got the credit that bigger name directors got but he just kept making great, solid movies. He didn’t have a ‘style’ to speak of other than his movies were smart and always worth watching.

He also appeared as an actor in many movies, and he was a quiet yet forceful presence on screen. It never felt like was just a cameo or something. He always added to the film he was appearing in.

I find myself feeling very sad about this and over the last couple days I’ll think about him. And maybe that makes me sound stupid. I don’t know.

Top 1000 Movies

Okay, I’m not a huge fan of this list but it’s the top 1000 movies according to They Shoot Pictures, Don’t They…and I’m a huge fan of meaningless lists of meaningless data. It’s slanted too much toward foreign movies and while I certainly like some foreign films, I don’t give them bonus points for having subtitles the way some snooty critics do.

Cable Corner

Remember how I mentioned earlier that my old apartment complex is getting rid of Comcast and switching to Shentel? Well, I finally looked them up on the Internet and it’s a funny little site. It’s very plain and all their services are called ‘solutions.’ So instead of saying they offer cable television service, they say they offer ‘video solutions’ and instead of telephone service, they offer ‘voice solutions.’ I’m wary of anything that offers solutions before there’s a problem. It’s like a warning.

Nowhere on their website do they offer pricing plans or what channels they carry. They do assure readers that they do have stuff…they just don’t worry about being specific. Which is great because I think that saying you carry ESPN is just giving too much away. You should play it coy when you’re a business. Don’t let the consumer know what they’re getting. If we think we know what we’re getting, then we might be disappointed when we don’t get it. But if we don’t know what’s coming, we can’t ever be let down.

Now, I haven’t exactly enjoyed my Charter service so far. My Internet only works during certain hours and the HD signals are constantly being interrupted, making HD programs virtually unwatchable. I’m having a problem with a payment I gave them in person that they’re now showing they haven’t received. During a call yesterday, the customer representative claimed I didn’t really go into the office like I claimed and began screaming at me (as in screaming so loud her words were more like sirens, unable to be fully distinguished).

However, the phone service has actually worked okay.

I Won the Lottery

I got a great email the other day. I won the National Lottery. It was the National Lottery in England. Now, I never actually bought a ticket and I’m not sure how I got in the running for this but I’m quite thrilled. I looked up the National Lottery page and it says, “As a general rule, if you have not purchased a ticket for the UK National Lottery, you won’t have won a prize, and you should treat the email with absolute caution.” I respect their opinion but when you’ve just won millions of dollars, caution is the last thing you should be thinking about. Did Ken Jennings exercise caution when he was winning all those games of ‘Jeopardy?’ Did Two Scoops Berry exercise caution when he was on American Gladiators back in the 90s? No, they were all about kicking ass and winning stuff. And me too. I was so dominant in my lottery outing, that I won without buying a ticket. Yeah, I did good.

Poor Sean…Sean Has No Job

NC Sean lives in northern Virginia but he’s still called NC Sean anyway. You see NC Sean lived in North Carolina for a year and that was enough to become NC Sean. NC Sean doesn’t like being called NC Sean (I do it anyway). But his nickname issue isn’t his biggest problem.

You see, NC Sean recently lost his job. NC Sean has a wife and a child (the child was born before his wife was his wife but that’s neither here nor there). NC Sean is on the search for a new job but he’s finding the job market to be somewhat difficult. Now some people say this is a bad situation but it isn’t all bad. He’s gotten the chance to watch a lot of television and is now an expert on soap operas.

He also had a great exchange with a telemarketer who called him to ask for a charitable donation and NC Sean told them that he had lost his job and had no money to give them and that he had a wife and a child (the child was born before his wife was his wife but that’s neither here nor there). The telemarketer reportedly replied, “I’m sorry” and NC Sean added that the caller could give HIM money but the telemarketer repeated that he was sorry and told NC Sean to have a good day. But NC Sean has no job.

NC Sean does have several prospects though. He learned about the Dalai Lama threatening to resign because of the violence in China and stuff and Joe thinks he might like to run for that position. He’s reading Wikipedia and Sports Illustrated’s Olympic coverage to determine what he needs to do.

I told NC Sean that he’d be better off not becoming the next Dalai Lama because he’d have to deal with Richard Gere and no one needs that in their life. When Mr. Gere heard that Mr. Lama talked about resigning, he reportedly said, “Don't take your Dalai and go home!”

NC Sean had a promising interview with McDonald’s though. He was told that in six weeks, with good performance, he could become a manager and get a different shirt. He’d be NC Sean and the Amazing McDonald’s Shirt of Many Colors. NC Sean isn’t as enthusiastic about this prospect as I am for him.

NC Sean tried growing a beard, which he thought looked okay but his wife told him he looked like a homeless person. Which I suppose explains why NC Sean told me that he was able to walk through DC without being bothered by panhandlers last week.

A lot of people have told NC Sean that ‘When life throws you lemons, you should make lemonade,’ but I say that if you want lemonade, you should just go to the grocery store and buy yourself some lemonade. NC Sean has asked me to stop bringing up lemonade.

I say NC Sean should stop sitting on towels but that’s just my opinion.

Final Thoughts

Scientists say that smiling can hurt your health. See? This is what I’ve been trying to tell you!

I wish I could jump high. Maybe like 20 feet just straight up in the air. I’d be talking to someone and then just jump high and they’d be surprised. It'd be great.

I’m glad my name’s not Kevin.

The Price is Right Clips

2008-05-28T03:41:00.000-04:00

I saw a clip the other day of a bizarre Price is Right strategy. You know how the last contestant to bid will often go one dollar higher than another contestant, making it virtually impossible for that other contestant to win? Yeah, I hate that strategy but this one woman went a different track. She guessed one dollar lower than another contestant’s bid. The other contestant was right…and moron who guessed one dollar lower thought she’d won, and she started celebrating. It’s worth seeing. The best part is that later in the show, he told this woman she won and she started jumping around again, but he was wrong…someone else had won.

So, that got me to thinking about other Price is Right moments that I thought were funny. I decided to just do an entry dedicated to Price is Right clips. Is it lazy? Yes but the alternative is just telling the AT&T story, finding a nice place and calling it quits. Instead, you get clips. See how this works?

This is the famous clip of the guy who kept bidding 420 over and over again.

This is a funny girl that doesn’t know how to play the game and it’s a long clip but the last two minutes make it worth watching. Bob Barker is clearly getting frustrated and wants to strangle her and his reaction at the end is great.

This is a crazy woman who actually makes Bob Barker run and hide like he was Thumbkin.

This is the famous Tidy Cats blooper.

Emma goes nuts…or maybe she just came that way.

Bob Barker calls the wrong person up on stage.

This one isn’t funny, it just makes me mad. Contestant doesn’t know how to play the game, makes a mistake and gets the prize anyway. He may have won this time but he’s still a loser.

And for our last one, we’ll end with my favorite game. I love Plinko but not as much as this woman does. She also has to pee and that’s funny too. In the book I wrote (that I hope to one day read), Plinko is used to explain free will and coincidence or something like that. It mentioned Plinko and likened Bob Barker to God. Now that I think about it, my book sounds kinda stupid and I don’t think I want to read it anymore. But this clip’s still funny.

Up Next

In the last two posts before everything ends, we’ll cover me winning the lottery, gay marriage, cable companies and of course my AT&T story. I promise not to have a post of just a bunch of clips from daytime game shows again.

My Last Week, RFK Comments & Indiana Jones

2008-05-26T12:34:00.003-04:00

This is my last week and I will try to get a new post per day until Friday. I’ve gone back and forth on this a bit but the bottom line is that I don’t feel like going on so…It’ll probably be about four more entries until the end.

Tossing Endorsements Overboard

Senator John McCain (R-AZ) has rejected the endorsements of two preachers (John Hagee and Rod Parsley) he sought to shore up conservative support during the primaries. Both pastors are those apocalyptical preachers that view everything through the prism of a single book of the Bible (Revelation) and end up saying outlandish things like how God caused the Holocaust to happen so the Jews would end up in Israel again…because it’s part of Biblical prophecy and the apocalypse can’t take place without the Jews in Israel.

Honestly, McCain probably never believed anything that Hagee or Parsley preach about and simply sought out their endorsements as part of political maneuvering, which while creepy on one level, sure beats the idea that he wanted their support because they share his views. It’s not the same as spending 20 years in a church with a pastor who served as your personal spiritual advisor…unless Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) wants to come out and say that he used Jeremiah Wright to gain street cred in Chicago while he was an up and coming local politician.

Other Primary Notes

While the long primary season might’ve hurt Obama in some ways, this article points out that it also gave him a shot at running in almost all 50 states and developing an especially sharp ground game.

This is an article about what McCain should be looking for in a running mate. Slow dancing skills were not one of the things mentioned.

The RFK Remark

You can’t mention the presidential primary without looking at the Robert Kennedy comments Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) recently made. In an interview discussing her chance at clinching the nomination and how primaries often aren’t decided until June, she said, “My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California.”

I saw the interview and the context the statement was made in and the interviewer skipped right by the assassination reference and stayed with the ‘primaries-don’t-end-before-June’ line of questioning. Her campaign defended the remark, which she had previously made in March, saying that she was merely talking about the history of primaries. Which I agree with…sorta.

You know how you can say something that means one thing on one level and has another meaning on another? That’s clearly what this is. It’s like when Obama during a debate talked about admiring Clinton for withstanding media attacks of the mid-90s and then started restating those attacks she withstood. It sounded like he was complimenting her but what he was actually doing was bringing up those old attacks. If Clinton attacked him for doing that, he could’ve responded by saying, ‘I agree those were unfair attacks and I was praising you for withstanding them.’ She would’ve looked silly and so she kept her mouth shut and he got free shots at her.

The difference with this is that there are people who remember where they were when Robert Kennedy was killed and his death brings back memories and because it had an effect on their lives, they’re going to have a strong, negative reaction to Clinton’s comments…regardless of their ‘intent.’

But for the Clinton campaign to act like people who took those comments in a negative way are somehow irrational, ignorant or irresponsible…I don’t know, it kind of explains why Clinton’s in the mess that she’s in after being a clear frontrunner for so long.

Oh, and one last thing about the comments. She keeps bringing up about her husband winning the nomination in June. The Iowa caucus happened six weeks later then than it did in 2008, so mid June in that cycle is the equivalent to late April in this one. Also, he clinched the nomination because he went over the pledged delegate count, he was virtually mathematically assured of winning the contest win he nearly swept Super Tuesday and his main competition, Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA) didn’t win a state after March 24th (which would’ve been the equivalent to the second week of February in this year’s cycle).

Her husband won 52% of the popular vote in what started out as a crowded field. He lost just nine states. So while he didn’t become the presumptive nominee until June, it wasn’t like this was a competitive race until June. And even if it was, the primary season started six weeks later than it did this year. Her comparison is just inaccurate.

As for the 1968 primary, it’s a totally different discussion. There was an incumbent president within the party who announced he wouldn’t run late into the game (the last day of March 1968). This through the nomination into a tailspin that guaranteed it couldn’t be resolved quickly. Second, the primary system is vastly different now than it was then. It was much less dependent on individual primaries back then. In fact, only a few states even held primaries. Third, the party was undergoing a realignment and therefore was deeply fractured. This caused votes to be split and final tallies to be very narrow. It wasn’t like the presidential nominee was going to be chosen by June. It was going to go to convention just like it always had in the past. Clinton’s statement ignores these realities.

If these two examples are her arguments for staying in…her argument isn’t very strong since neither bear even the slightest resemblance to the situation she finds herself in.

Clinton Has the Most Votes…Sorta

Clinton is also going around claiming to have the lead in the popular vote. But looking at this collection of information, she’s trailing in the popular vote any way you look at it unless you include Michigan, a state where Obama’s name didn’t appear on the ballot. By the most favorable count for Clinton (including Florida and Michigan), she leads by 164,654. It’s worth noting that Uncommitted finished second in Michigan with 238,168.

Random Lieberman Update

Senator Joe Lieberman (I-CT) continued his person War on Terror by demanding YouTube take down various Islamist videos that are deemed to encourage terrorism. YouTube took down some of the videos that contained violence or hate speech, which they said violated their community standards but did not take down all the videos in question.

New Bin Laden Tape

Osama bin Laden released a tape that called on Muslims to liberate Palestine. It was a short message, lasting just under 10 minutes and he didn’t give his review of the new Indiana Jones movie.

The Ruskies Are Seeing Red

Russia’s Communist party was upset with the new Indiana Jones movie. It’s unclear whether it was the overreliance on CGI effects or how every time Indy was doing a stunt, it was dark and shadowy and you couldn’t see Harrison Ford’s face.

I saw this movie over the weekend and it was a dreadful piece of shit. It should’ve been called ‘Indiana Jones and the Quest for a Heart’ because this movie was in desperate need of heart. It was a collection of stunts that didn’t have to make sense and a plot that seemed to borrow liberally from 'Alien v. Predator,' 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' and a bad 'X-Files' episode. Aside from being predictable and hokey, it was also boring. The action scenes were dull, the acting was soulless and the ending wouldn’t actually end…something that Steven Spielberg has struggled with for the last 10 years or so.

Oh…and Shia LeFluff as an motorcycle riding greaser? I buy it just less than I bought C. Thomas Howell in ‘The Outsiders.’

However, I had a blast making sarcastic comments throughout the film. So, I at least had a fun time, even if the movie sucked alien ass.

Karen Allen Hides Her Role

Karen Allen reprises her role that she played in the first movie. She claims that Spielberg originally wanted to keep her role in this picture a secret. She said, “Even after the film was announced, people would call me. 'Oh, it's too bad you're not going to be in the film.' I had to go along with it and say, 'Yeah, it's a shame.' When it was finally announced I was in it, it was a huge relief. I was having to make up stories for why I wasn't in it, and I was finding it excruciating to have to do that.”

Why was she having to make up stories for why she wouldn’t be in this Indiana Jones movie? I mean, she wasn’t in the second or third one? You think Short Round (the little Goonies kid from the Temple of Doom) is explaining to friends and family why he isn’t in this one? No, he’s still explaining why he hasn’t done a real movie since 'Encino Man' and telling stories about what Howard Hessman’s REALLY like.

At the Dwarf House

I ate at the Chick-fil-a Dwarf House with my mom and brother over the weekend. She had salad with a side of salad. That’s not a joke. This wasn’t her choice though. She ordered a salad and the waitress brought out a side salad and then a little bit later, she came by and gave my mom the main salad. It was weird.

I had a steak, which I knew was a mistake. I mean, Chick-fil-a uses cows as their spokesmen and here the company is serving chopped up cows for lunch. I should’ve ordered something else and when I got sick, I knew I had it coming.

I did get to walk through the tiny dwarf door though, so it was at least kinda worth it.

Hey, do dwarves get offended by the Dwarf House? Do any dwarves go there or do they avoid it? Would they use the dwarf door or the door for real sized people? It’d be hard to laugh if I saw a dwarf or a midget at a Dwarf House.

The Great DJ

There's this band called the Ting Tings and when I first heard this song, I didn't know the name of it and I thought it was annoying. Then I heard it again. Still annoying. Then I heard the name of it, 'The Great DJ' and I felt like I was supposed to like it, so I listened again. And I don't know if it's the dancing, the strings (ee ee ee ee ee ee ee) or if it's the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums...but damn it, I started liking this song. I'm sure it's probably not going to translate for anyone else but just in case, take a listen.

Old Stuff I Meant to Post Earlier

2008-05-23T04:13:00.000-04:00

This is the start of my last few posts on this site due to lack of interest. I wanted to put something up here before going into the long weekend and since I had a few things that I had written with the intention to post but held back for one reason or another, I figure, this is the best time to go ahead and post them in no particular order.

You Can’t Spell Infomercial Without S-C-A-M

The other day, I saw two infomercials about two separate belts that promised six pack abs without requiring you to do a single sit-up. Both the Slendertone and Contour claim that their belts work the upper, lower and side abdominal muscles while you watch television, presumably an infomercial. Both say that the FDA has cleared this product, which is very different than saying it approves of the product but I thought the FTC went after the companies that sold the AbTronic, Fast Abs and AB Energizer, identical belts that made the same promises about no work fitness.

The original belts came out when I was in college and I had a friend who actually bought one and would wear it around the dorm. He tried explaining to me why it would work and while some gimmicks at least make sense, this one doesn’t even try to be logical.

According to the Contour’s website: “The Contour works a lot like the brain. The brain sends a signal to your muscles and they flex and relax depending on what you are doing. The Contour bypasses the brain and sends a signal directly to your muscles, telling them to flex and relax too. But the Contour can perform the perfect repetition each time. No getting lazy. No wondering if you are getting a great workout. No worries about hurting yourself by lifting too much weight. In fact, the technology used in Contour can do what the human brain can’t do …. It can activate up to 100% of your muscle fibers. More activation means more results.”

Convinced?

Maybe Slendertone’s website has a better explanation. “SLENDERTONE stimulates the nerves that work the body's muscles. The result is strong, deep, yet comfortable, contractions that, over time, train your muscles to be firmer and stronger.”

Still not convinced? What is it you need…proof or something? Both infomercials visit real people who attest to being able to feel something when they put on the belt. I don’t dispute that you wouldn’t feel something, I dispute that it’ll lead to something. The before and after pictures have in fine print that the results are part of an eating plan, which makes me wonder if the lost inches are more a consequence of the diet than the actual product.

According to the product description of Slendertone on Amazon.com: “Slendertone uses clinically proven, patent-pending C.S.I. (Concentrated Slendertone Innervation) technology to firm, tone and strengthen your entire midsection with patented medical-grade muscle stimulation technology. The unique construction of the Slendertone Flex features three pre-positioned, medical-grade GelPads, covering the central abdominal muscles and external obliques. Signals from the belt reach out to nerves where they are most concentrated. These nerves branch out to reach all the abdominal muscles (not just those under the pads) causing them to relax and contract naturally, exercising all the muscles at the same time. Used regularly (as little as 30 minutes a day) in conjunction with a healthy diet and some moderate exercise, you will notice results within 8 weeks. You can wear the Slendertone Flex when you just don't have time in your hectic schedule to hit the gym or go for a run, or wear it during your workout for added emphasis.”

Again, “a healthy diet and some moderate exercise” might lead to results in eight weeks without the belt. I don’t know. Anyway, I watched both infomercials but even at 2:30am, the ads were too unbelievable but were amusing, which is all that matters.

Speaking of Infomercials

I didn’t realize that Wesley Snipes was endorsing the Total Gym along with Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley. Do you think Snipes paid taxes on whatever the Total Gym paid for?

Vice Presidential Quirk

I was reading that the way the Electoral College is configured, the two candidates on a given ticket don’t have to be from different states but that if they aren’t, that state’s electors can only give their votes to one or the other, likely the presidential candidate. In 2000, Dick Cheney changed his voting registration back to Wyoming after 10 years of living in Texas. Had he not done that, the electors from Texas would’ve given their votes to George W. Bush and none of the states electors would’ve voted for Cheney. Considering how close the election was, the result would’ve been a President Bush with Joseph Lieberman as his Vice President. That’s a funny thought. Well, it’s a little funny. Isn’t it? No? Okay.

Finally

I realize I still haven’t told the AT&T story and it really is a funny story. I’ll copy over the handwritten notes I took sometime soon and maybe that will serve as my last post. It’s a good story and something worth ending with.